Is my confidnce good enough for Seduction?

[brandoan95]

What's up everyone,

I started to consistently approach since august( with periods of not approaching for a week or so mixed in).since i've started to actually approach women i feel myself becoming more confident. I've gone on some dates, got #'s from girls i wouldnt dare ask a few months ago. I even got pussy for the 2nd time in my life ( I lost my virginity solely from using the pill to get it up with a girl i found hideous so i call this my first "real" time
Im urrently in a situation with girls where i know im getting better but I've realized my self-esteem isn't where it needs to be. I'll give a prime example"

The girl i fucked from pickup didnt follow the girlschase model of seduction. I could have fucked her on the 2nd date but i couldnt get it up and eventually i took the boyfriend route and after 2 months i had sex. I was scared to eject from her because i felt so close to getting it why waste all that hard work I put im. Now this girl was a virgin when i met her and was scared to have sex so she didnt get into auto reject after my failed escalation.

The funny part is i think I roped myself into a relationship with her but b4 i sis i told her I couldnt have anything serious with her and that I talk to other girls. Things with her are ok but I realize she doesnt have alot of traits I would want in a girlfriend. Even though shes a nice person and has a good personality I dont see myself with her in the future. .I Want to become great at seduction and I know becoming comitted to her wouldn't do anything to elevate my progress. Im simply in the relationship to gain experience and work on my sexual game.
Also, during the relationship i made a few rookie mistakes. I supplicated once when trying to have sex, and although im becoming a more powerful man at the beggining i didny set a super strong oresedence that I was a dominant man

Recently however, I realized I have a fake sense of confidence. Having taken psychology at my college, they say that dreams in theory are your subconscious thoughts rising to the surface. Well i dream't myself at a family gathering and she was there. However the whole time I was there i saw her ignoring me. Then when another guy showed up she sat next to him and didnt say anything to me even though she's my girlfriend. I know this most likely wouldnt happen in real life as she's extremely loyal. Even when i say she can talk to other guys she chooses not to b/c she likes me that much. However this dream seemed to show me I dont have supreme confience in my abilities to keep a girl.
Also, another thing i noticed that i struggle with in seduction is that often times im afraid to approach very gorgeous girls or approach with alot of people around. I correlate this as me not having enough confidence to not care and approach anyways.

This has lead me to ask the boards, when you first started pickup did you also feel this way? Did you create an aura of confidnece that underneath wasnt strong at all or did you start of weak and steadily built your confidence up as you got more lays,goals etc.

I say underneath because i've been working to become more arrogant but i know arrogance looks strong on the outside but it's true nature isn't stronf in actuality.

Also, do you guys think im in this relationship our of neediness and I should break things off with her or can I use this to learn a few things that will benefit me with future girls?
I really want to improve, i know for the most part it isnt my fundamentals, i get approach invitations all the time.
To my fellow seducers how do I get the proper mindset in order to see true success with women?

 

[Hue]

Wassup brandoan,

I'm no expert, but In a word, from what you wrote, your confidence may not seem good enough to you, but will be if you work at it.

Im simply in the relationship to gain experience and work on my sexual game.
Also, during the relationship i made a few rookie mistakes. I supplicated once when trying to have sex, and although im becoming a more powerful man at the beggining i didny set a super strong oresedence that I was a dominant man

I sorta went through something similar. Some early mistakes made what could have been 1st date sex into 4 months of on and off dating before finally laying.
If you're comfortable with treating the relationship as that, temporary but with possible highs and lows of investment, then I'd say do it. Just know you might hurt the girl especially since (if I read this right) you snagged her V card.

Having taken psychology at my college, they say that dreams in theory are your subconscious thoughts rising to the surface.

If that were my dream I'd have interpreted it differently, but dreams should be taken with a grain of salt. The subconscious can be a swirling and strange place.

This has lead me to ask the boards, when you first started pickup did you also feel this way? Did you create an aura of confidnece that underneath wasnt strong at all or did you start of weak and steadily built your confidence up as you got more lays,goals etc.

Yes.
Just like when I started my job as a server last summer, I had to fake my confidence with every table, if I wanted the tip. Now I've done it enough times and I'm confident making the right moves will get me that solid tip.

I say underneath because i've been working to become more arrogant but i know arrogance looks strong on the outside but it's true nature isn't stronf in actuality.

Ya you'll probably polarize a bit with arrogant to insecure and back till it stabilizes to a true grounded confidence. This happens faster if you're honest with yourself and everyone around you- combine that with hard work and things fall into place.

Also, do you guys think im in this relationship our of neediness and I should break things off with her or can I use this to learn a few things that will benefit me with future girls?

I'd do it. So long as there's area for growth (even like getting better in bed), it doesn't hurt.. so long as you're not hurting the girl. Your choice though.

I really want to improve, i know for the most part it isnt my fundamentals, i get approach invitations all the time.
To my fellow seducers how do I get the proper mindset in order to see true success with women?

Richard and Tool made a dope guide to seeing success when you're struggling here.
Then there's that whole section of articles on the main site about mindsets, check some out that you identify with.

My advice would be keep ya head up, stay strong, and ask WHY the advice on here works, or is supposed to work , you'll internalize (and get that real confidence behind it) a whole lot faster.

Hueman

 

[Average]

Son. Do you know why I always win? Its because when I fight, I tell myself that my opponent is GOING to kill me. And as a result, I give it my ALL because its my last battle.

The greatest kind of bravery is action despite of fear

anyway, I don't remember the exact wording of those quotes nor who exactly said them. But I do remember that they were credible people who I respected. And the message was clear:

Fear doesn't have to hold you back.

I have no doubt in my mind that every single seducer started off by speaking to girls with limitless fear clouding their minds....and indeed, their judgement. But the only way to get past this stage is to keep on pushing. Because that is the only way for confidence to actually show up. By making mistakes which you will inevitably make and then learning from them.

So to answer your question...yes, your confidence is fine. If you're looking for perfect confidence then you will get more by approaching in fear. It is only by accepting fear that you may conquer it.

And as for your girlfriend, I'd say that if she doesn't make you feel negative then to keep her if you like. But don't do imply that you and her are gonna be getting married or whatever as you will end up hurting her (but don't explicitly tell her you don't wanna be her boyfriend unless you have no choice).

Confidence is a guarantee if you don't give up mate.

Oh and.....you mind pmming me the psychology thing about the dreams? It sounds interesting.

 

[brandoan95]

@Hueman

I'm no expert, but In a word, from what you wrote, your confidence may not seem good enough to you, but will be if you work at it.

Yeah consistency is the key. Some days I feel like the shit and go up to tons of girls without fear, yet other days I'm all in my head.

I sorta went through something similar. Some early mistakes made what could have been 1st date sex into 4 months of on and off dating before finally laying.
If you're comfortable with treating the relationship as that, temporary but with possible highs and lows of investment, then I'd say do it. Just know you might hurt the girl especially since (if I read this right) you snagged her V card.

Yeah snagged that shit up quick.I figured out I would probably hurt her since she loves me. My natural friends told me the same thing and that I should leave her alone but I see no harm in it. I just see it as a trade off, I gain experiences with her and build confidence while she gains romantic experience and gets to feel sexual pleasure.

I say underneath because I've been working to become more arrogant but i know arrogance looks strong on the outside but it's true nature isn't strong in actuality.

Ya you'll probably polarize a bit with arrogant to insecure and back till it stabilizes to a true grounded confidence. This happens faster if you're honest with yourself and everyone around you- combine that with hard work and things fall into place

The polarizing feeling feels so refreshing sometimes, especially coming from such a place of weakness before I learned about seduction. The cocky comments seem like compliments to me at times

My advice would be keep ya head up, stay strong, and ask WHY the advice on here works, or is supposed to work , you'll internalize (and get that real confidence behind it) a whole lot faster.

I will bro thanks for the wise words and keep slaying bro. I've been reading your Fr/LR and your doing great for yourself.

@Ash

goku wrote:
Son. Do you know why I always win? Its because when I fight, I tell myself that my opponent is GOING to kill me. And as a result, I give it my ALL because its my last battle.


captainamerica wrote:
The greatest kind of bravery is action despite of fear


anyway, I don't remember the exact wording of those quotes nor who exactly said them. But I do remember that they were credible people who I respected. And the message was clear:

Fear doesn't have to hold you back.

DBZ has always been my shit lol and Marvel Is great as well. Sometimes fear can be tricky. I feel like the hardest part with fear is using it's uncertainty to make you try new things instead of staying in your comfort zone. For example, being fearful of going on a extreme roller coaster or skydiving. You take that fear and you enjoy the thrill, the butterflies that get in your stomach vs you being to afraid to try it. It's super similar to seduction.

I ask you this, what do you do to to control your fears in approaching/pick-up etc.

And as for your girlfriend, I'd say that if she doesn't make you feel negative then to keep her if you like. But don't do imply that you and her are gonna be getting married or whatever as you will end up hurting her (but don't explicitly tell her you don't wanna be her boyfriend unless you have no choice).

Yeah I tell her all the time I don't know if it will be long-term and I try to frame it as us staying in the now and not worrying about the future. She understands that she might get hurt but she still longs to be with me.

Confidence is a guarantee if you don't give up mate.

Thanks man, gotta keep pushing.

Oh and.....you mind pmming me the psychology thing about the dreams? It sounds interesting

Yeah man it's crazy how our minds can work. What I studied was a theory derived from sigmund freud saying that as humans, when we sleep our dreams pull up subconscious thoughts that we're completely unaware of when were awake.He believed our minds are like an Iceberg with our conscious mind being a small fraction of what we think. Underneath our conscious, our unconscious and subconscious minds hold a much larger portion of our thoughts that we aren't aware of. So basically things that we aren't conscious of or suppress can tend to seep up through our dreams. One example i had was when I was younger i would dream about being chased by family, friends, etc. I actually saw a professional therapist and when we discussed this topic she told me that Its underlying meaning was that I try to avoid my problems. In me running I didn't fully address the situation and I get away from it for a bit but it will eventually reap its ugly head in the future.

However, like Hueman said our subconscious is very random and strange. So what may be a dream about a certain problem can just be random. If this dream keeps arising at different times, but in similar context it might be something that your subconscious mind is trying to tell you. Some dreams should be taken with a grain of salt, but i think they can give you alot of insight to your inner self. This theory is dated having been theorized at the beginning of the 20th century. I suggest you read about it as it's a very interesting topic in psychology.

 

[Hue]

What I studied was a theory derived from sigmund freud saying that as humans, when we sleep our dreams pull up subconscious thoughts that we're completely unaware of when were awake.He believed our minds are like an Iceberg with our conscious mind being a small fraction of what we think. Underneath our conscious, our unconscious and subconscious minds hold a much larger portion of our thoughts that we aren't aware of. So basically things that we aren't conscious of or suppress can tend to seep up through our dreams. One example i had was when I was younger i would dream about being chased by family, friends, etc. I actually saw a professional therapist and when we discussed this topic she told me that Its underlying meaning was that I try to avoid my problems. In me running I didn't fully address the situation and I get away from it for a bit but it will eventually reap its ugly head in the future.

However, like Hueman said our subconscious is very random and strange. So what may be a dream about a certain problem can just be random. If this dream keeps arising at different times, but in similar context it might be something that your subconscious mind is trying to tell you. Some dreams should be taken with a grain of salt, but i think they can give you alot of insight to your inner self. This theory is dated having been theorized at the beginning of the 20th century. I suggest you read about it as it's a very interesting topic in psychology.

My b on getting off topic, but I agree dreams are an interesting phenomenon.

While Freud was absolutely essential in the development of Psychology, I think tons of what he concluded lacked evidence/rationale (e.g. cocaine is a wonder drug, everybody wants to fuck their mom, a snake in your dream represents a penis and similar shit) and that ultimately dream interpretation is up to the dreamer to find meaning in since they created it.

Activation Synthesis theory suggests that dreams are just the brain's attempt to make sense of (synthesize) random neural impulses, and takes a more neurological view.

When I said dreams are a swirling and strange place, what I mean by swirling is that many parts of mental gears are overlapping, making it difficult to find inherent meaning of a specific event in the dream.

How someone makes sense out of the randomness speaks a lot to how they think subconsciously. Your brain is projecting how one understands life, and then you're living that projection as an experience (not different than real life, other than the external "dream world" being solely dictated by your own mind).

I see it less as your subconscious "trying" to tell you something, and more like you stumbling down a corridor of your own mind (your schemas, biases, and roots of beliefs and actions).

 

[Average]

I ask you this, what do you do to to control your fears in approaching/pick-up etc.

I don't really believe that the fear of approaching or the fear of pickup is the PRECISE term to use but it certainly comes close. What I think is that we are afraid of the possible negative outcomes that could arise from the approach, and not the approach itself. Because afterall....why would you be afraid of the possibility of sexing up a pretty girl?

These negative outcomes include stuff like rejections, insults, social shaming, status dropping, judgement, etc. And they result in you NOT approaching (hence the birth of the term "fear of approaching")

There is only one way (that I am aware of) to get rid of these fears:

Welcome them.

You need to go out there and get rejected and insulted and slapped and shamed and, you name it. Because that is truly the only way for you to learn not only how to avoid them, but how to take them with a smile whenever they happen to you. Because while you do this, not only will you be getting rid of your fears, but you will also be simultaneously improving your pickup skills as you go.

I have a friend who was awesome with girls. More than I....however, because I was more welcoming of the negative POSSIBILITIES of pickup, I ended up improving faster than him, getting laid and he is still a virgin with skills only slightly better than when I met him. And after breaking my virginity, I've noticed a gap between me and him that sort of implies that I may be ahead of him in the pickup world now because of lessons I started learning only after having sex. Lessons that he will never learn because he is too afraid to go all the way with girls.

Fear holds you back.

Notice that I'm not saying you should go out there and do stuff that will kill you, because there are many seasoned and advanced men in here who have laid many many many girls, who have ALL taken the beatings you are afraid of taking. Who are STILL taking the beatings you are afraid of taking (some negative results are unavoidable and are life-lasting). And they will all tell you the same thing:

That it was worth it.

And in a few years, in a measly few hard years, once you come out on top (of her?) You will look back at these fears with so much knowledge on how to beat them that you will almost chuckle at the thought that you were once afraid.

And you will have skills that will last you a lifetime.

So then, to now answer your question: how to control you're fears

Forget getting results and numbers and fucking and whatnots (unless pushing for them don't scare you) focus on beating fears that HINDER you by Exposing yourself to what you're afraid of.

Don't expose yourself to what you're terrified of.

Difference there is: do what you can and are only a little bit afraid of. Take it slow. If you're afraid of speaking to girls, spend some time only doing the most basic of stuff.

"Hello" for instance.

And then after getting comfortable (or irritated?) With that, you can move onto doing bigger things slowly but surely.

That is how I got rid of some of my fears and how I plan on getting rid of my other fears.

PS: lol, sorry if this post sounds kinda lecture-y. I'm still working on that.

 

[Average]

Update: lol, I just re-read your topic post. You're actually doing quite well man. Especially with the consistent approaching. Just keep it up and you're confidence will self boost like I originally said. Feel free to Ignore the new post

 

[RockstarBalance]

brandoan95

If you're questioning your Confidence... then yeah, you need some more Self Belief...

Just keep in mind that you really are a Champion, you read articles on Self Improvement and TAKE ACTION... You're trying to make yourself a better person, and that should be good enough for you

You Are Good Enough
I am Good Enough

Once you feel like you UNDERSTAND Women, and the Actions that you are taking with them, then you will have results that skyrocket...
Once you have Ridiculous Results, from your Conscious Effort of deliberately deciding to Bed Women...
Trust Me, your Confidence will Rise

Keep Going !

"Knowledge breeds Confidence"

~RockstarBalance