Calls & Texts Is the word "friend" ever a shit test?

[Brentwoodbam]

I was texting a girl I've known for a while, since I was an AFC and was once friend-zoned by. Ever since i've been changing myself into a better man, I've been getting a lot of IOI's from her, including her really wanting to hang out and what-not. I was trying to arrange a meet that would work around our schedules and she dropped the "i'm a terrible friend, i know" on me and I don't know what to think other than to get out of this.

Text Script for context:
Me: I want to see you outside of work. Let's make it happen.
Her:Lunch thursday?
Me: I work that day, we'll check our schedules for the upcoming week and go from there.
Her: My next day off is Saturday?
Her: Oh and for the record I do not string guys along!
Her: And I'm still mad at you for making me do bathrooms ;p(we work together and I wouldn't do the job for her)
Me: You were adorable with your hair up so I thought it worked out. Yea, i'll check saturday and let you know what it has in store.
Her: Haha Okay! We can do whatever you want, you do the planning!
Me: Hey, I can't say no to that. But I must warn you, my mind is pretty wild from time to time.
Her: Lol oh goodness....
Me: Are you guys enjoying the house to yourselves? (Her and a friend are house-sitting for the summer)
Her: Yeeeesss! I love it! It's kind of an old people house but there's a lot of room and i have more freedom so idc.
Me: Freedom is always nice, even at the cost of smelling like moth balls. Come July, it's goin down (i'm moving out with a cpl friends in July)
Her: Haha you can come over if you get bored!
Me: I'll take you up on that soon. I would come hang out tonight but I gotta take take care my school biz in the morning. I'll text you tomorrow and see if Saturday will work for us.
Her: Sweet! Ttyl

Next Day

Me: Hey trouble
Her: Heeey! What's up?
Me: Taking it easy, meant to tell you i get off at 8 on saturday if you wanna meet up.
Her: It's my step-dad's birthday today and he wanted to do something Saturday, could we possibly reschedule for 5:30 on friday?
Her: Crap I just looked and I work till 10. I'm off next tuesday? Terrible friend I know

 

[Clout]

I think she shit testing you here, you could go with "Well don't you move fast, already planning our future. I'l decide after that lunch" replace lunch with whatever you actually do. Maybe you can come up with something a little better.

Just do don't let her set the friend frame entirely. By using something like above you are basically telling her you haven't decided what to do with her yet. She doesn't have the control, builds intrigue/excitement and shows your dominance. If she tries to suck you into the "what do you want", don't answer it just deflect it again, for example "I want that lunch "

 

[NarrowJ]

Yep, ignore it like she never said it. Deflect all shit tests- don't address them at all whatsoever.


1. I think this (below) is an indication that she at least wants to continue to receive SOME KIND of attention from you. It does sound a bit defensive, though:

Oh and for the record I do not string guys along!

2. Here (below) she's telling you to lead. Also a strong indication that she sees you as much more than a friend:

Her: Haha Okay! We can do whatever you want, you do the planning!

She is being pretty flaky, but I'd take her up on the offer for Tuesday (if you can).

 

[EverybodyGO]

I don't think it was a shit-test.

I think she's ruling out the prospect of being "just friends."

Now, imagine if she had said "I make for a very good friend." Probably wouldn't have been a test.

 

[Brentwoodbam]

Thanks for the responses guys, I'm seeing it in a new light now. Very much obliged.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Brentwoodbam,

She still see you pretty much as the guy she friendzoned. You changing yourself and perhaps not being fully changed yet, has her in a distorted view.

One, she feels like she is going out with a friend. Another she feels that this guy is like "i find him interesting".

The indication is not that strong. I suggest making the date template simple, and up your sexiness level, flirt heavily from the start. Make her feel as if she's been hit by a tornado!

Zac

 

[trashKENNUT]

Her: Crap I just looked and I work till 10. I'm off next tuesday? Terrible friend I know

I didn't notice this. Sounds like she's busy pretty much. Do gauge and ask her out within a certain time limit. You cannot afford to fall back to your "old self". The guy she friendzoned and put as a backburner.

Zac

 

[Clout]

I don't think it was a shit-test.

If a girl brings up friends that in my opinion is something that needs to be deflected not ignored. For example I would ignore & act aloof with negative comments about gender "all men are x", when you can re-frame something a little personal I feel it's stronger.

If you ignore a friend comment, she has reason to believe you aren't going to act and are happy enough with friendship. If you deflect/challenge it, now she realizes you are confident/dominant enough to act. Now that adds a little excitement.

If a girl thinks you are friends when you go out, trying to escalate when she never saw it as an option throws her. Acting like you haven't accepted it then escalating, now you aren't contradicting her previous beliefs.

 

[NarrowJ]

If a girl brings up friends that in my opinion is something that needs to be deflected not ignored. For example I would ignore & act aloof with negative comments about gender "all men are x", when you can re-frame something a little personal I feel it's stronger.

If you ignore a friend comment, she has reason to believe you aren't going to act and are happy enough with friendship. If you deflect/challenge it, now she realizes you are confident/dominant enough to act. Now that adds a little excitement.

If a girl thinks you are friends when you go out, trying to escalate when she never saw it as an option throws her. Acting like you haven't accepted it then escalating, now you aren't contradicting her previous beliefs.

Excellent, excellent post, Clout! I made no distinction between ignoring and deflecting.

As you pointed out, they're clearly two different things!