- Joined
- Aug 10, 2017
- Messages
- 9
Met girl for first date in coffee shop two days ago and had great two hour chat. I shook her hand at start. Touched her in high moments. Asked about her bracelet to get another touch in. Did bit of sexual framing. Otherwise just enjoyed a really interesting intellectual conversation. Time flew by then I had to go for a work appointment. We obviously got on.
Yesterday sent a message thanking her for the good time and told her I was going to test a new recipe for dinner and asked if she wanted to come. Asked her to bring dessert. She helped cook. Loved the food. Thanked me a million times. Sat on couch. Get to kissing and some touching. Then it falls apart...
She stops me and says "What are you looking for?" I explain that I am not necessarily NOT looking for a relationship, but I am not actively seeking one either. Use the "been hurt in past" line and say I move one step at a time, just have to let things develop organically. Kissing continues a while. Then she gets to her turn and says she has had casual relationships. She isn't looking for anything serious or long-term necessarily, but having been hurt by her ex (cheating, lying cunt she broke up with a year ago) and had 2 short flings within past 6 months (1-2 months each, both guys were very honest and respectful with her but while she thought she was having a casual relationship with the first, it slowly dawned on her he ONLY cared about sex with her; with the second they had a bit more but he was only here short term and left so it ended). So no bad blood with latter two, but she says she just realizes she doesn't want to just have sex with someone and then be hurt again afterwards as she was even with these last two. She wants to at least feel it is a relationship, however short, like they are together. THEREFORE she does not want to have sex.
Kissing continues, petting gets heavier and she asks if she can stay the night. We move to bed. Everything ensues. Every time it gets hot she stops me though and says "We're not going to have sex though..." I basically say there's no reason not to. We may as well just enjoy ourselves. Say we cannot predict what will or won't happen in the future, and even if we don't have sex if we like each other those feelings will develop. I promise her I will communicate openly and honestly and do everything I can to not hurt her. We talk a lot about sex, relationships generally (not me trying to convince her). She mentions she really does want to have sex with me but just realized she needs to focus on herself and not get hurt again by being with guys "just for sex" like the last times. Occasionally go back into me trying to tell her why it's not a big deal if we have sex, get back to talking, repeat the cycle, she gives me a handjob, we fall asleep. Wake up in morning, repeat same cycle. I walk her out, she gives me a short blowjob. FIN.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHE LEAVES: I realize "holy fucking shit. is she gaming me?" The fact that she did not give in has me WANTING HER so much. It has me thinking "fuck it, I like her enough. Let's just be a couple for a few weeks and see where it goes" but where the hell is this thinking coming from. I mean she is really cool. We have a good connection and chat away like crazy. Time FLIES when we are talking. We really get on. And she is smoking hot and sexy and I really want to bone her obviously... But thinking of a relationship is just wayyy too much too soon.
I also may only be here a couple weeks (potentially longer) and she identified this as a problem, saying she's looking for something more. In texting she says "We can still hang out as long as you respect me and my choice and don't try to convince me to have sex. But I want to see you if you are still interested." I joke and say she's going to be the one asking me for sex eventually, and say of course I respect her and that we've been having a great time together so definitely want to hang out. She says "I have to cook for you to say thanks. When do we both have time?" And I've proposed a date (showing her I'm not too available, which is the truth).
Is there somewhere I went wrong or something I should/shouldn't have said or done? How do I proceed from here? I legitimately like her and want to prevent myself from falling for her too much (being gamed and then falling into chasing her). I of course do want to bang her and she said herself she REALLY wants to have sex with me so I sort of feel like if I just hang out with her we will inevitably head in that direction. But I also want to be respectful that she is going through something and it seems important to her not to do it for reasons that I find illogical but it is important to her so perhaps better for me just to leave it as I of course at this stage am not sure I can meet her criteria for who she wants to have sex with...
Would appreciate any advice.
Yesterday sent a message thanking her for the good time and told her I was going to test a new recipe for dinner and asked if she wanted to come. Asked her to bring dessert. She helped cook. Loved the food. Thanked me a million times. Sat on couch. Get to kissing and some touching. Then it falls apart...
She stops me and says "What are you looking for?" I explain that I am not necessarily NOT looking for a relationship, but I am not actively seeking one either. Use the "been hurt in past" line and say I move one step at a time, just have to let things develop organically. Kissing continues a while. Then she gets to her turn and says she has had casual relationships. She isn't looking for anything serious or long-term necessarily, but having been hurt by her ex (cheating, lying cunt she broke up with a year ago) and had 2 short flings within past 6 months (1-2 months each, both guys were very honest and respectful with her but while she thought she was having a casual relationship with the first, it slowly dawned on her he ONLY cared about sex with her; with the second they had a bit more but he was only here short term and left so it ended). So no bad blood with latter two, but she says she just realizes she doesn't want to just have sex with someone and then be hurt again afterwards as she was even with these last two. She wants to at least feel it is a relationship, however short, like they are together. THEREFORE she does not want to have sex.
Kissing continues, petting gets heavier and she asks if she can stay the night. We move to bed. Everything ensues. Every time it gets hot she stops me though and says "We're not going to have sex though..." I basically say there's no reason not to. We may as well just enjoy ourselves. Say we cannot predict what will or won't happen in the future, and even if we don't have sex if we like each other those feelings will develop. I promise her I will communicate openly and honestly and do everything I can to not hurt her. We talk a lot about sex, relationships generally (not me trying to convince her). She mentions she really does want to have sex with me but just realized she needs to focus on herself and not get hurt again by being with guys "just for sex" like the last times. Occasionally go back into me trying to tell her why it's not a big deal if we have sex, get back to talking, repeat the cycle, she gives me a handjob, we fall asleep. Wake up in morning, repeat same cycle. I walk her out, she gives me a short blowjob. FIN.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHE LEAVES: I realize "holy fucking shit. is she gaming me?" The fact that she did not give in has me WANTING HER so much. It has me thinking "fuck it, I like her enough. Let's just be a couple for a few weeks and see where it goes" but where the hell is this thinking coming from. I mean she is really cool. We have a good connection and chat away like crazy. Time FLIES when we are talking. We really get on. And she is smoking hot and sexy and I really want to bone her obviously... But thinking of a relationship is just wayyy too much too soon.
I also may only be here a couple weeks (potentially longer) and she identified this as a problem, saying she's looking for something more. In texting she says "We can still hang out as long as you respect me and my choice and don't try to convince me to have sex. But I want to see you if you are still interested." I joke and say she's going to be the one asking me for sex eventually, and say of course I respect her and that we've been having a great time together so definitely want to hang out. She says "I have to cook for you to say thanks. When do we both have time?" And I've proposed a date (showing her I'm not too available, which is the truth).
Is there somewhere I went wrong or something I should/shouldn't have said or done? How do I proceed from here? I legitimately like her and want to prevent myself from falling for her too much (being gamed and then falling into chasing her). I of course do want to bang her and she said herself she REALLY wants to have sex with me so I sort of feel like if I just hang out with her we will inevitably head in that direction. But I also want to be respectful that she is going through something and it seems important to her not to do it for reasons that I find illogical but it is important to her so perhaps better for me just to leave it as I of course at this stage am not sure I can meet her criteria for who she wants to have sex with...
Would appreciate any advice.
