Isn't being constantly calm unhealthy?

[Average]

The girls I usually crush on have their fundamentals handled down to the core. One thing I notice that they do is that they act like they've seen it all before and like nothing can faze them. This turned me on to the max. I also read that guys acting like this turn girls wet as well.

However,

Doesn't it get boring? Doesn't being in a permanent state of boredom and control have any negative psychological effects? Like you're storing up the excitement inside and one day when something small happens, you might explode? Or like your denying your body a vital element that is happiness?

Think of a surprise birthday party. Think of the day when you finally win the lottery after playing for months. Think about winning something at the casino. What would happen? Are you just gonna stand and move on with life? Or are you going to get excited and live out the moment?

Does never being fazed = never getting excited/happy?

Doesn't it all feel like your underreacting? Or like the body needs rushing emotion and adrenaline to survive?

Is total control emotionally possibly unhealthy?

 

[Hue]

I had a similar conversation with a friend several years ago.

What we boiled it down to was:

- Having emotional regulation is very important, and helps people make good decisions and focus priorities both in the moment and long term.
- Emotions still have their place and functions. We are supposed to feel happy. We are supposed to feel sad. We are human.

It is a balance between the two, hence the word regulation. That doesn't mean emotional abandonment, just being wise with one's emotional appropriateness.


Being in a stone cold state all the time is unhealthy. Schizoid Personality Disorder is considered a mental disorder, after all.


These girls you're talking about though, they probably just need to have their bubbles / walls penetrated to show you the emotions they're capable of. Some people don't want to show any sort of the vulnerability that comes from showing emotion.


Hueman

 

[foggy]

yes, repressing your emotions is unhealthy.

HOWEVER, lets compare it to anger. lets say someone really pisses you off one day. if you're good at emotional control, youre gonna feel the anger but you're not gonna flip out and go on a rampage and possibly screw up that relationship. you're just gonna release your anger in different ways. Like you'll fuck that one bitch so fucking hard that she will go into a coma. Or you'll take out your anger on the weights at the gym.

Emotions are energy and you can divert this energy into anything you want. Be cool in the moment, and focus your energy into other things besides freaking out over whatever happened in that moment.

 

[Inbocca]

People tend to think of emotions as pressure that builds up until it pops. It can be like that in a short time frame, but over time it's more like a drug tolerance. Emotions are chemicals, after all. If you try over a period of time to control your emotions, what happens is you desensitize yourself to them. When you get used to not reacting extremely when something makes you happy or sad, the standard dose of that emotion has little effect on you. When you up the dose, though (like winning the lottery or getting arrested or anything else you're not emotionally used to), usually people instinctively react. It can be kind of funny for onlookers to see someone usually so calm going through a strong emotional reaction.

As for whether or not it's unhealthy, that all depends on how you control your emotions. Most people don't do it healthily. Rather than letting things go, they keep brooding on them and actually get angrier until they do something.

 

[Richard]

Not being fazed doesn't mean not experiencing emotion - it's using that emotion for the greater good. Not being fazed comes from the mentality of "Regardless of what happens, I'll make sure things work out."

If you remember overcoming approach anxiety you'll have realized that the "anxiety" never really goes away, you just learn to use it differently or more productively.

Last analogy I like to use is the yin-yang; the yin is soft and flexible energy, the yang is hard and immovable: when you're too soft you bend to everything, when you're too hard you become brittle and crumble under enough pressure, you need a good mixture of both.

-Richard