It's all about the fundamentals...

[Rusty]

I've been doing a lot of nighttime hangouts. I've been to many bars, many different types of nighttime venues and seen hundreds if not thousands of people over these past couple of years.

Unless you're in a very fashion-oriented city (eg. New York, London, Rome, Paris, etc.), most men don't put enough effort into their fundamentals. Honestly.
I've gone out for the sole purpose of reconnaissance of good bars and nighttime spots in my city, and it never ceases to amaze me how poorly dressed the majority of men are.

I feel that many men are afraid of appearing feminine or "metro-sexual" if they care too much about their appearance, but your style and fashion are such an integral part of making a first impression with people, not just women in general.

For every well-put, stylish man I see, there's about 20-30 slobs rocking the same odd-print button up that's two sizes too large and New Balance sneakers. It's an epidemic.

Now I'm not saying you have to go out and spend boatloads of money to dress better. And I'm not even advocating dressing better for the sake of women.

I believe dressing stylishly and standing out from the sea of lackluster men is important to one's self image and self esteem. Every detail can contribute to making a powerful statement to others around you. It is another extension of your character. Why not take advantage of every outlet in your disposal in projecting a strong, masculine image? It's only to your benefit.

If you just pay attention, and develop a style of your own, utilizing basic principles of fit and color, you can easily stand head and shoulders above most men. And the best part is, you don't have to break the bank. You're not wearing clothes to show off money or brand names. You're wearing clothes to reveal your personality and your image.

I concentrate a lot of energy into my own personal style. I do it for me. I do it because it makes me feel good to look good. And while I'm not looking for validation, it never hurts to hear compliments about your style and your look.

Women notice these things. It's not about impressing them. The way your construct your look says a lot about your character, before you even open your mouth. Dressing stylishly and in a way that conveys your personality is something that will command respect and admiration from men and women alike. Even better when you have haters coming your way.

Women want a man with character. Men with character know that their personal appearance factors in a large way.

 

[Estate]

Very good post Rusty, spending much more time on fundamentals instead of worrying exactly what to say means a whole lot!

It's "how you say it" not "what you say" that makes a bigger difference.

There's some cool threads here about fashion if you look back, and it's totally true, it doesn't cost a lot to just buy a few pieces to give you some classic style.
As for fundamentals, there's more than just fashion or style sense but you're totally on point, I wish more guys would spot this right off the bat. I know I spent years trying to find "what to say" in certain settings and it hardly matters.

This is not exactly the same thing but I love this Key & Peele sketch about texting.... 2 people saying the same words the their tone, mood and body language gives a TOTALLY different meaning to the same words... SORT OF what we're talking about here... 2 guys can say the same words but working on their fundamentals can help deliver it to convey themselves in totally different ways.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naleynXS7yo

 

[ray_zorse]

At the same time fashion is not that easy to do, I remember spending $1000 or so the first time I went shopping (had started Chase's ebook a few days before), and I may be retarded or something but all I got was a few basic outfits, like a $200 blazer (which I wore today incidentally, though it's a bit faded from dry cleaning now), some pants, shirts, a pullover, underwear... it all adds up. Then a week or three later I spent another $1000 on clothes, as I learned a bit about sizing and colour matching by wearing the first clothes... also another $1000 on shoes, jewellery and cologne. I do not think this was extravagant, a guy needs rings, a necklace etc... Franco and Chase are now recommending against cologne and I have started to be very sparing with it but have received some compliments. Anyway so a month later spent $750 on two pairs of boots... another month and another $1000 for several new blazers (now got beige, black and navy which go with different outfits) plus designer jeans and some other pants (still learning & replacing things with similar items in better style and fit), more recently t-shirts, recycled leather jacket etc... duffle coat... after all this I still feel my wardrobe is a bit same-same, I rotate between about 3~5 general "looks" with 2~3 slight variations on each. Also had my watch fixed and band replaced several times, now need a new watch on which I plan to spend about $1000, I want a name-brand watch with a similar appearance to the old one but hopefully more reliable. And I have about $500 in the bank to last the entire month, luckily I will start a new part time job to tide me over until I next receive study allowance. Point of this post is I do not really agree that fashion is inexpensive. Maybe if you trade off a LOT of time... I do not go to many boutiques, never expensive ones (occasionally I will research and go to a trendy recycle or jeans store), mainly just midrange department stores and the Internet. Yet if you look at the itemized spending and allow for about 1/3 of what you buy being fashion mistakes or lesser-loved, occasionally-worn items, IT IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE TO LOOK A CUT ABOVE OTHERS. Of course, we all should do it. Diet and gym also.
Ray

 

[Aquila]

While we're on the topic, can anyone explain why I actually get a lot less girls checking me out after improving my fashion?

While I don't have the model look, before I upgraded my fashion and still wearing casual outfit, I could still get some very cute/hot girls checking me out while on the street or on the train (like I literally flirt with the girls only using eye contact and turning them on that way), even when I thought I look like crap on a bad hair day.

But since upgrading my looks (wearing a leather/more stylish jacket with much better boots), I get almost zero looks on the street. I don't know if the girls still secretly check me out but I almost never get any of them to reciprocate my eye contact (except for a few really horny ones). Can anyone explain what happened?

On another note, I also think that fundamentals is a lot more than just fashion, it's the way you carry yourself and the vibe you give off. In fact, having great fashion is not even necessary if you have a confident vibe and can establish sexual tone just with the way you carry yourself. As mentioned above, there were many times when I was feeling confident, I could get a girl to be into me just through the way I look at her, even though my appearance was crap.

Having nice fashion helps boost confidence, which in turn allows men to display more attractive behaviour, but I don't even think fashion is necessary when you can already give off great vibe. Of course I could be totally wrong about this though, thoughts?

 

[Rusty]

@Ray

I think it's very easy to get caught up in spending to dress better, and certainly, some spending is necessary. For example, if you're buying oxfords or wingtips, you're better off investing a few hundred dollars instead of buying that 60-90 dollar pair from a run-of-the-mill store at the mall. But most shirts, pants and jackets can be purchased at modest prices and the drop off in quality isn't as dramatic. For me, living in the States, I'm a big fan of Uniqlo, as well as Topman, H&M. Perhaps it's because of my taste and style, but I can build an entire wardrobe that fits my persona for ~1000 dollars.

I mostly focus on essentials. A specific type of dress shirt. A casual button up shirt. Slacks. Chinos. Jeans. A few pairs of shoes.

A minimalist approach is a good foundation for most men who are looking to build their own style. Making sure they get clothes that fit right and the colors that match well together, as well as their own skin tone. I draw lots of inspiration from fashion magazines as well as infamous style blogs and anything notably sartorial.

@Estate

Thanks for the kind words. I don't mean to pinpoint style and fashion as the most important part of a man's fundamentals, but I do believe it's crucial. It's something that can be handled very quickly and can remedy a lot about the image he projects to people in general. It was the quickest fix in my overall self-development in the social and dating realm, and I feel that most men still don't pay enough attention to this very crucial, yet easily remedied part of their self-image.

I would argue that unless a man works on his core fundamentals like his body language, his voice and his overall lifestyle, no amount of style or fashion could make him attractive to the world.

@Aquila

I know what you mean.

Part of building your fashion sense/style is looking the part.

What I mean by that is, you have to be comfortable in the clothes that you wear. There is a certain level of "congruency", if you will, that accompanies wearing certain styles.

For example, I admire men who can rock the rocker, bad boy styles of rugged jeans, leather jackets and white Ts. While I might be able to pull off a motorcycle, bad boy look, it wouldn't feel 100% congruent with my sense of self and my lack of conviction in rocking that style would project subconsciously. Women can read that. They can sense something is off.

You need to be comfortable and represent the clothing you're wearing. If you attempt to project a different image through your clothing, but it deviates significantly from the person you are, there will be massive dissonance. People can sense when you're not comfortable in that "skin".

That's why you need to make gradual changes, small, subtle tweaks, and your persona needs to catch up, if that's what you're trying to do. If you're trying to change your image, you can't do a 180. You have to be congruent, in a sense, to the style you're trying to convey. You can start by adding small changes to your wardrobe and working towards becoming the kind of man that represents that style.

Just like with "game", you need to be congruent with your style. You have to be able to represent it without apology and a rock-solid frame. Otherwise, people will see you as "try-hard" or incongruent.

There's a reason why some men rock suits and ties so well, while other men can get away with wearing a T-shirt and jeans. It's all about congruency, self-image and your conviction in your self-image.

 

[ray_zorse]

@Aquila it is normal to get more IOIs wearing a grungy motorcycle jacket and faded jeans than a smart casual look, reason is attainability. They literally think you must be some important business dude, or perhaps a model or fashion blogger, and auto-reject to save their ego... well, luckily you do not need IOI, you can approach anyway, but I like to have a range of outfits, some more grungy (but lifted up with accessories and a dress shirt for example, so I don't look like a slob, but I still look attainable due to the overall style).
Ray

 

[Estate]

Also, on the IOI stuff.

Girls are sneaky when they look.
We don't even notice it but enough just HAVE to look when the see a hit girl.

Women are a lot better at not being so obvious. I notice it a lot. A woman walks right by me as I go through a door and see her checking me out in the reflection in the door.

If I wear dark glasses in the summer. I get a lot more stares if my heads not pointed at the girl walking by but I can see her. Without the glasses she can tell I'm looking back.

This morning on the subway I caught a girl leering at me from the other end of the train but girls right next to me would keep their nose in their phones.

Others are the sneaky head turn. Shell walk by, maybe look like she's checking out a window then turn her head just as she walks by you getting a glimpse.

Lots of little tricks, but they are looking.

Dressing down makes you more approachable as girls rarely want to approach and are more intimidated approaching a hot buy than even guys are of hot girls.

If you keep your wits about and peripherals open. You're being checked out a lot more daily than you think. Girls just don't stare or leer. They make sneaky looks.

 

[Lotus]

Awesome post, and I completely agree. Style and fundamentals > what you say.

My largest/quickest improvements came from fundamentals and style about a year ago. I went from almost no IOI's to a lot of them. My personal style still isn't fully developed yet anyway and consists of mostly fitted V-necks, jeans/chinos and boat shoes.

Women want a man with character. Men with character know that their personal appearance factors in a large way.

Yep, communicates comfort in their own skin.

Thanks for the reminder

 

[Big Daddy]

Yep, I've been wondering about this for a while.

Before I even found GC I was looking forward to "fix" my skinny and weak body and pack monstrous amount of muscle (don't worry; I'd still look good. I was mad skinny), so that's what I focused first.

And I thought it would be the fastest and cheapest route to head-turning abilities. I didn't focus on clothes because I thought "heck, I'll grow them in a few months! I'll focus on building muscle!" but in the end I think I'd have benefited from grabbing something on a store every 2-3 months. Building muscle is a way slower process than I anticipated and buying food + gym gear and membership isn't exactly that cheap.

So if you are wondering what you could work first to get the better results, working on your style would be recommendation.