I've Lost Motivation

[Bboy100]

So when I first started out (and a good while after that), going on dates and just being around hot girls in general was intrinsically valueable to me. I enjoyed it for its own sake. When I went out on dates, I was curious about the girls I met, and I truly did enjoy their company.

Now, I feel like some sort of switch has gone off in my head. I no longer feel the need for validation from women, but I also no longer feel all that different when I'm socializing with them. It all just feels kinda "meh". Almost feels like I'd rather be at home watching Netflix. For example, I'll go out to a party or a club...and usually, I'll find at least a few women who are interested in me. I'll have conversations with them, but it's not really fun. It always feels like "she's just another one". I feel like none of them tell me anything all that special or different. It's like they're all just girls. Every once in a while, I'll meet someone who sparks my interest or says something cool or unusual. But this is the exception and not the norm. This is not to say anything against womenkind. I feel like if I went out to talk to men, it would feel the same way about them too.

Even on Tinder, I seem to have gotten lazy and unmotivated. Case in point- girls will sometimes give me one word responses, or they'll kill the conversation (usually unintentionally), and I would always try to figure out a way to light it back up again without coming off as needy/chasy. Now, I just more or less ignore girls who can't hold a half-decent conversation with me (which is a lot of them!). In fact, I even flaked on a few dates just because I didn't feel like going on them because I knew the girl wasn't that hot, or wasn't too interesting.

On the one hand, I feel like I've increased my outcome independence and I feel less needy/invested in girls and my interactions with them. But on the other hand, I also feel like I screen out way too many girls...for no reason other than the fact that I'm bored and I don't feel like doing the work.

Has this happened to any of you guys?

 

[Franco]

Bboy,

Are you still happy with your results?

If you are, then it sounds like you are just becoming more outcome independent while also exerting less effort. This is a good thing, and it means you're cultivating a mindset of abundance with women.

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

Are you still happy with your results?

I'm happy with my progress, but never with my results. I feel like I'm getting laid more often than ever before. And oftentimes, its with almost no effort at all. But never by girls who are as hot or as interesting as I would like. I have gone out on dates with a few girls who are up to my standard. But I always ran into resistance to sex, followed by never seeing them again. I feel like i have a better grasp on how to deal with this now. But it's just been a while since I've gone on a date with a girl like this. Possibly because of said lack of motivation (i.e. very attractive girls don't just throw themselves at me...I do have to put in a little bit of effort to get them out with me). Also, because I still run into such girls relatively rarely.

But interestingly enough, on an emotional level, the feeling I get is "so what?". I no longer stay up at night worrying about how I'm going to find high quality girls. I feel like I may have lost that drive which I used to feed off of. I just feel kind of "content". Like I could go with or without them. On the other hand, I feel like logically, I should still be looking to find and sleep with more of these girls.

What I'm struggling with is to figure out where this feeling of "contentness" comes from. I feel like it could be because I feel more secure with myself and with being alone, but it also might be because I'm just being lazy and don't want to put in the work.

Overall though, I kinda have this feeling of confidence. Like I know that sooner or later, I'll get what I want (even despite this lack of action!). I fear I might be getting a bit arrogant?

 

[Franco]

Bboy,

But interestingly enough, on an emotional level, the feeling I get is "so what?". I no longer stay up at night worrying about how I'm going to find high quality girls. I feel like I may have lost that drive which I used to feed off of. I just feel kind of "content". Like I could go with or without them. On the other hand, I feel like logically, I should still be looking to find and sleep with more of these girls.

Well, I think you have to ask yourself as logically as you possibly can, "will I be able to get high quality girls with the current amount of effort I'm putting in? Do my current results/progress indicate that this is bound to happen if I continue down this same path?"

If the answer is "yes," then you're probably fine. If the answer is "no," you then need to ask yourself, "am I satisfied with the quality of the women I am sleeping with now? Do I not need higher quality than this?" If the answer is "yes," then you're probably fine. But if the answer is "no," then you need to consider whether or not something needs to change in the way you're doing things to progress.

There's also the case that you feel "burned out," which happens occasionally if you feel like you've been working really hard at meeting women. Sometimes taking a break from women in general and focusing on other passions can help re-invigorate you. I usually suggest 2-4 weeks to guys, but you'd have to base it on how you feel.

EDIT: If you feel like you can't answer any of the above questions with clear-cut certainty, then I would say to continue on your current path for another 3 months and then re-visit the question and see if you feel differently. Generally, if there's a problem that needs to be addressed, it only becomes more apparent with time, even if it was ambiguous only a short time before that.

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

I definitely was burnt out for a while. I had a period where I was going on 4 or 5 dates a week during this last summer. And then at the start of the school year, I would go on 2 or 3 dates plus 2 other outings on the weekends. But I think I've taken quite a long break since then...I didn't completely stop meeting women, but I put definitely stopped trying as hard.

EDIT: If you feel like you can't answer any of the above questions with clear-cut certainty, then I would say to continue on your current path for another 3 months and then re-visit the question and see if you feel differently. Generally, if there's a problem that needs to be addressed, it only becomes more apparent with time, even if it was ambiguous only a short time before that.

This is good to know. Because yeah...I'm not really sure what the answer to those questions are. So I think this is the path I'll end up taking.


Thanks Franco!

 

[Big Daddy]

Hey Bboy,

I think the only thing you needed to hear is what Franco said.

(Srsly Franco, thank you so much for being part of my life and bringing life to this forum. You may not realize, but your words of wisdom helps me understand life in a level far deeper than I imagined I would be capable of and gives me motivation to keep going forward.)

However, I'd like to prove some context from someone who's also in the grind.

Yeah, it does happen to me. But the first thing that crossed my mind when I read your first post is something that I remind myself at least weekly: everybody can do it when they're fresh.

It sucks, you feel like you don't want to do it, you feel like "fuck it, I'm finally capable of getting laid with some frequency for the first time in my life" and you stop feeling like a loser and you just feel like a normal guy. You reached a level where you can afford to get comfortable because it isn't embarrassing.

Now, this next part is highly dependent on what you're after as Franco pointed out. And I will say that there's a chance you downplay your interest in reaching the higher levels during such unmotivated period...

But if you're like me and you logically decided you won't stop until you're up to a point where you can find the highest caliber, girlfriend material whenever you want, you need keep pushing whether you feel like it or not. If you want to log in here sometime in the future and see that glorious Rank 4 under your username, you gotta swallow it, man.

Like I said, everybody can do it when they're fresh. It sucks but that's what sets champions and "what ifs" apart.

EDIT: I'm not saying that you should never take a break if you're tired. I'm reaching a level where I can afford to fuck girls here and there and I have move pressing priorities short term, so I find myself alternating between periods of all-out and rest with seduction, but I made a decision that I'll never quit until I reach that level. So I meant it in a longer-term mindset.