FR I've never met anyone like her

[Smith]

Hey guys,

Here goes another date with similar ending. Got her back to my place, and got barely any compliance after that. Tried to kiss her but no go, the whole thing ended rather awkwardly. Hate to say this, but this is so frustrating. I feel like there's a barrier when she's back at my place, even though I deep dived and tried to test her compliance.

So I met this girl on the street. I deep dived and qualified her for being a vegan and being independent. She was investing in the conversation mostly, then we exchanged numbers to meet up again. This girl is 19 and she doesn't seem to smile a lot, so I was surprised when she wanted to meet up again.

Me:"Hey Lisa, glad to meet a cute vegan =) wish I was as good as you - Smith"
Her:"Thanks =) where do u live?"
A few more texts exchange to set up a date, and she told me she would like to pay for her own drink because she thinks "gender roles are pretty cringey". lol No problem I wasn't planning to pay for her anyway. I replied "10 points for you already "

We met up at the mall. She was already waiting for me. I saw her and smiled. She barely smiled but I'm starting to think that's just her resting bitch face. "let's go downstairs" I said.
She told me she would like to sit outside because of the weather. I ignored that because it was freaking cold and windy outside lol.
We both ordered our smoothie and we sat down at a table nearby.
I deep dived her and qualified her. We connected with each other and had some fun. But then as I got to know her more....she seemed kinda special. I've never met any girl like her lol.
She told me she would not mind cutting contact with her family, and that's why she has moved here all by herself. She only told her mum she's leaving a couple of days before she left lol it was kinda crazy. She only has 2 friends who she still keeps in touch, and she told me she would like to cut contact with one of them but she knows she'll get upset. When she told me she doesn't mind cutting contact with people, I teased her for being so cold hearted. She laughed but explained herself more. She's also very into the idea of minimalism. I asked her if she had any bf, she said no. When I asked her why, she said she doesn't know. She was also a bit resistance to the "us" frame. Overall, I started to see a pattern in her answer. She mostly don't like to do things because she's bored. When she told me she likes to do bungy jumping, I teased her "whatever, you'll just get bored on your way down", and she laughed.

After talking for a while, I got her to show me her nail polish, and suggested that we go for a walk.

We first went to a bookstore, but I felt like it was dragging things out, so I just started walking towards my place. When she asked me where we were going, I told her I live over there, you should come. She said yes.

Back at my place, she commented on how nice it was, and sat down on my bed. Good sign. I sat down next to her, and told her to show me her tattoo on her foot. Feeling turned on, I tried to manhandled kiss her but she turned her head away, and said "sorry".
No big deal. we kept talking about tattoos. I tried to move her around my room by getting her to follow me to the bathroom to show her my old hair straightener which I don't use any more and also showed her some other stuff in my room.
Then we sat down on my bed again. She showed me her music on her phone. She was a bit resistant before and probably thought I would judge her taste in music.
Here's the thing I noticed about the vibe or the atmosphere: It was still a little awkward. we both knew what this is about because I tried to kiss her. and I could tell her guard's still up. Any ideas on what I could do to handle this better?

I decided to test her compliance again by offering my hand out. She looked at me, smiled and said "what?" "Take my hand" I smiled. She didn't comply. Didn't let it bother me, but it wasn't a good sign. We talked a bit more about her dream house, which is just a tiny house. Deep dived more and also tried to make it fun for myself at the same time. I was really surprised to hear her dream of living like a hippie haha. "I have never met anyone like you" I said. She smiled, but I couldn't tell if she was happy to hear that because her facial expression is like a mask lol. We kept talking a bit more, then time's up, she has to go to work.
Me:"so what do u think about me so far?"
Her: "You're ok"
Me:"haha I guess that's goooood" I was being a little sarcastic.
Her:"hahaha"
She got up. I decided to push for one more time burning it to the ground.
Me:"Hey come here"
She turned around, and resistant to come.
We made eye contact. I moved closer and tried to kiss her again, but she turned away and left.
Feeling frustrated, I wanted to get some feedback.
As she's walking away from my room,
Me:"Hey question!"
Her:" yea"
She's still walking, but not interested in hearing what I have to say.
Her:"I'm off! see ya"
Me:"see ya"

And damn it!! hahaha can't believe this happened again. Now I don't know what to text her. Maybe something like "Hey Lisa, cool hanging out with you =) if I was a little too pushy, feel free to hit me with your kiwifruit"
Any advice is appreciated. Now I have another date this weekend too.
I deep dived, qualified her, and test her compliance, but something's still a little "off" when she's back at my place. Of course, it could be due to her inexperience, but I had similar situations like this before.

 

[ray_zorse]

Uhh, well firstly, the raw material may not have been too good to start with, you said she was hard to read, you know, maybe she just didn't have good interpersonal skills? The way I look at it is, if her personality really clicks with mine, the vibe will just naturally become very intimate, whereas, if it doesn't, it won't... OTOH Chase has the philosophy of being as much of a generalist as possible and I feel certain he would have some proven strategy for dealing with this kind of girl... so it really depends what your goal is, don't be upset if you strike out, because some girls are just out of reach, not because they're high value or unattainable, just because we don't yet have the tech to break the ice and get her investing.

You said you found her special, but I'm guessing this was more at an intellectual (admiration-based) rather than an emotional (connection-based) level, correct me if I'm wrong.

What I'm getting here is perhaps too much deep diving and not enough playfulness, the times you mentioned you teased her were great but I'd like to see more of that, also a bit more sexual teasing and expressing sexual intent, not so much that it scares her away or pumps up her emotions too high (and thus puts a time limit on you to seal the deal before she goes cold), but just enough to signal intent, I'm also thinking your eye contact might not be strong enough, if you stare right in her eyes while deep diving and add some pregnant pauses with gentle touch and strong EC this might be enough to get her in a more sexual frame of mind and build abit of anticipation. Maybe you're already doing this, but I can say that I had similar issues until I had the advice to really focus on more sexual body language, it does help enormously. Add a bit more playfulness, e.g. at the point you asked "what should I have done here", the answer to me was obvious: tickle her. Okay, if she's not ticklish it may fall flat, but you see my point, try to disengage that logical brain and set up a more playful, teasing, intimate vibe.

Ray

 

[Smith]

Ray,

Thanks for the reply =) yea...I kinda got the sense that she didn't have good interpersonal skills, and yes I thought she was "special" because of her unique way of thinking, and honestly, I have talked to a lot of girls lol this was the first time I've met someone like her. She almost seems a little weird and really hard to read. She told me she's the type of person who would easily cut people out of her life and is emotionally detach to things, hence she's a minimalist...lol not exactly my type of girl. I like girls who are in touch with their feelings, but hey I didn't know this until during the date. She was investing a hell lot more in the conversation than me, but in terms of compliance...it went down when we got back to my place.

I think you're right about being playful during escalation, but damn...this girl is not the playful type lol I consider myself pretty good at being self-amused. I'm actually trying to tone down my "fun fun fun" vibe these days and focused more on building connection and qualifying and it has landed me more solid interactions in the beginning. But I think I need to amp up the fun vibe again back at my place. Still trying figure out that good balance between deep diving and being playful lol Tickling is actually a great idea! haha!But I know what you mean...now is the time to be playful and silly

One thing I didn't do at all in this seduction is sex talk....because I have been focusing a lot on building connection and forgot about sex talk lately lol Also I felt like she wouldn't respond to it (talk about that ice cold expression or "hot girl blase"). Now I think about it, there were some good opportunities to jump into sex talk. (IN FACT, MANY lol) My mind wasn't sharp enough at that time. I have been studying a lot lately haha I will definitely do more sex talk on my next date in a couple of days.

There were some sexual eye contact and touch that I forgot to mention. We did feel each other's thigh when we were drinking smoothie, but I found that when I looked at her with strong sexual eye contact during deep diving...she would smile and avoid it. It seemed to be coming on too strong for her.
Also what do u consider a sexual touch that we can do when we're alone with a girl? I felt like there are other sort of touches that could build up to kissing. This is probably something I definitely need to work on. The build up to kissing. I have always just go in for the kiss, and sometimes that work well, but I wonder if there's a good process to build it up than relying on "luck" lol. Some intimate touches I can think of is brushing her hair behind her ear and holding her hand. Any other ideas?

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah it seems like I gave you some food for thought anyway. About her avoiding strong EC I think that kinda falls in the category that I mentioned where a generalist like Chase would therefore categorize her and then game her a certain way, but personally I do not have the tech to handle this, it just looks to me like "not investing; not keen" unless she's obviously a painfully shy type, which this one wasn't. OTOH I have noticed that avoiding EC often goes with fidgeting and incessant smoking and generally vibe-killing behaviour, this to me indicates a pain-body and that she isn't at peace with herself, negative self-talk and shame-spirals ruining the peaceful "not thinking, just being together" vibe you're creating prior to escalation. Some of the things she was saying, like about cutting ppl off, make me a bit suspicious.

About the sexual touch, well I was rather thinking of "gentle touch", nothing overtly sexual, just a hand on her shoulder or arm while you look deeply into her eyes... why I say this is I'm quite a convert to RadEng's process, check out this post, he is right in that the boring style works better, that's why I do not do too much overtly sexual touching, I keep it deniable. Strong EC with gentle touch is just as powerful at conveying intent, adds attainability, and is deniable so if she's reading your text considering a date, or if she's in the coffeeshop considering being pulled, she'll have an overall good feeling about you, but won't have anything for doubts to "hang their hat on" about you being too forward etc, see what I mean?

Having said that, I suggest to read the second-last paragraph of this journal post, Seppuku has a very solid process here, which has been honed over many dates (I suggest to read his earlier reports too as he describes his physical escalations in detail), and I find myself doing similar things when I have isolated or am feeling a close intimate vibe. It is more instinctive in my case and not a process per se, just something a little voice tells me to do. Obviously it's a calibration issue... I think Seppuku really has it locked down.

Ray

 

[Smith]

Got her reply today after I texted her on Friday : "Yea I don't want you to think I was leading you on or anything. I'm not looking for anything more than friends with anyone now sorry"

guess she wasn't that receptive enough and the escalation was a bit off at my place lol