I used to be on here under another name, but I’m starting fresh. I’m 32, recently went no contact with a girl I’d been with who crossed too many lines. It was a wake-up call that I made someone main who never should’ve been.
Right now I’m resetting:
Dialing in my pickup skills
Using art + modeling as part of my lifestyle (I’m a painter)
Staying sober and keeping my head clear
Making sure I never settle out of scarcity again
My goals are simple:
Have fun and date hotter girls
Get sharper socially (small talk, conversation flow)
Balance pickup with my art career instead of mixing them up in a messy way
This journal is to keep me accountable, focused, and to document wins/losses so I don’t spin my wheels.
I’ll put this in my journal instead of a field report, not much to say. I was really tired and just doing errands. Not much time to reflect or text girls. I did dm some instagram girls but they fizzled out. I need to dm some girls from my cousins party where I wasn’t single at the time so I asked my cousins party where for their instagram this weekend. I think I’m gonna say, “hey remember me from [cousins] Darty a while back? I’m his cousin.” Something like that? And I’m gonna have my instagram private.and I guess not follow them see if they follow me first, just dm?
So today I just had the goal of at least trying to ask one girl if I could paint her. I asked one girl at Home Depot, but she ignored me. I also saw a few smoking hot women by my car, but I didn’t have the courage to roll down the window and try.
I went to the mall. I didn’t approach any girls went straight to the food court. As I was finishing my food I saw two hot girls get in the food line. I went to the bathroom. When I got out I walked past them and I think they noticed me. So I came back and approached from behind as they were leaving. Hey can I ask you a random question? Hey can I ask you a question? Tried to get the ear of the one closer to me the less attractive one, and they stopped, but the hotter one was sort of out of earshot. The girl said oh sure I said could I make a painting of you? She said yeah! And then the other girl was like what’s going on. She had huge tits and a fat ass. And I was like are you guys sister and they the skinny one said we’re best friends and I was like lemme get your number I guess that’s enough since your best friends I just need you and we can do a double painting. I might get a studio here in the mall. She was like how long have you been painting. I said 10 years. Then I was like are you guys from around here. Then she was like what’s about you, well obviously you are and then I was like I’ll let you guys go and she was like ok text me when your studio is ready or something. Wow it’s hard to remember. And then I basically approached one more girl and the line didn’t work but I probably should’ve have been more flexible and said something when the beeper randomly went off and she looked at me. When I got home I texted the girl and she responded right away and asked for pics of the paintings and I sent them and she complimented and I said thanks and then I didn’t reply right away which i felt was bad and killed the momentum but I waited and sent it a bit later, a double text saying I don’t have the studio yet but maybe we could do an outdoor sketch next week. She didn’t respond.
Than on the way home I passed by this apartment building I’ve been waiting for the day I finally see a hot girl from there. Finally I did. I saw a hot girl with a big ass coming out walking her dog. I drove by and she wasn’t that pretty but I wanted her. I was gonna rollDown the window or pull over and get out but I didn’t. It’s right down the street from my parents house so an easy place to have a hookup would be nice. Oh well
im pretty proud of myself for trying keeping up 1/day but I remember chase wrote you’re not really trying if you’re not doing at least 4/day. Well I’m trying to rebound from my breakup so what am I even doing? Need to push harder especially before the weather gets cold because I am not gonna be pulling from bars when I live with my parents. I mean I guess. Problem is I’m taking care of my grandparents so I don’t wanna move out any time soon.
But I figure it will Push me to get good at getting picked up by college girls at their dorms. Shoe cleaning kid at the mall told me he thought I was 20, so I won’t even look weird going in the dorms. Of course he was flatten to sell me the shoe cleaning kit.
I wanna get that business girl the prettiest girl ever.
I can feel myself getting into a new phase where I’m not trying to get a bunch of girls with huge tits and ass and not care about face. I feel like I’m getting into a prettiest girl phase. Maybe I’ll stop trying to paint a bunch of girls. I think it’s self sabotaging possibly. It’s crazy how I lost all that momentum dating this girl and all. So my instagram looks trash
so I wanna maybe make some special girl threads but basically I could dm the
business girl on LinkedIn, but I also think I have her number.
the gym desk girl, well, I think I have to text her first before it go back. Sorry this ain’t explaining.
At some point I may make the time to make some fleshed out journal posts and detailed posts about special girls.
Ya know I do the whole painter thing because I’m afraid of relationships but I have to get over that eventually. But I just got out of one so lemme give the man whore phase a shot.
I’ve been realizing I can’t let myself off the hook. If I don’t post here, I let the bad days slide too easily. I’m not getting younger, and while people say you can still get girls when you’re older, I know I need to push myself to get results now.
Yesterday I walked around and made one approach. She just said, “Sorry, I have to go home.” Nothing major, but at least it kept the streak alive.
Today I had planned to hit a campus area after a job nearby, but I let excuses pile up: too far, daytime, worried girls would just say they’re late to class. Ended up heading home instead. I did force myself to make one half-hearted approach later just to keep the habit.
During my last sober streak, I noticed my libido and motivation actually dropped. That built up into a kind of low-grade depression, and eventually I had to let off steam.
Another sticking point is texting. I keep reaching out to old leads, and I actually get some good responses—but then I lose interest. You could say I’m a classic bad texter. If I sit down for half an hour, I can do okay, but usually I put off responding and let the momentum die.
On top of that, I just got a therapist, but honestly it feels emasculating. I’m also considering Adderall for career reasons, but I’m worried about how much it kills my sex drive. I can’t afford a dry spell right now.
One example: I had a girl who was being a straight-up ho and seemed down to hook up. But the day of, I didn’t keep her warmed up enough and she texted me that she wasn’t “in that phase of her life anymore.” It might be true, since it was an older lead, but tbf I had also rejected her before. Either way, I was excited at the thought of a rebound with an actually pretty hot girl.
That got me thinking: how far am I willing to lower my standards just to avoid a dry spell? Honestly, not below my ex. She was maybe a 7.5—cute enough to keep around, but not enough to truly excite me. That’s the danger zone: hot enough to tolerate, not hot enough to be passionate about.
Positives:
Kept my streak alive with at least one approach each day.
Body fat is finally down again.
Have areas scouted for next time.
Challenges:
Libido/motivation dip when sober too long.
Excuses keep me from pulling the trigger.
Stress about logistics/judgment from parents.
Bad follow-up game over text.
Therapy feels emasculating.
Risk of settling for “danger zone” girls just to avoid dry spells.
Notes to Self:
Work on being consistent with approaches and texts.
Keep focusing on better openers, not only the painting line.
Decide where the real standard line is for who I’ll pursue.
Consider health/mindset fixes before turning to meds like Adderall.
About posting – I get worried what if someone finds me through my art. I also feel addicted to the forum: I’ve got a lot of free time, but I don’t always use it productively, and instead I post a ton here. Then I worry I’m posting too much and overwhelming the forum.
About exposure – I’m applying for the mall studio. What if somehow they find this forum and connect it back to me? That would be a nightmare.
About therapy – I started with a new therapist, but it feels emasculating. In the past I just went along with it, but now I’m questioning it. On top of that, he came off as autistic and gay, which bothers me, and I’m not sure if it’s even helping.
About medication – I’ve been thinking about getting on Adderall for career reasons, but I’m worried about how it kills sex drive. I can’t afford to get into a long dry spell.
Not gonna post the text game from tonight- I think she has a bf. A Snapchat popped up and it was a male avatar. Something boss 2008. I also saw a guy awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bench. That’s the problem with my line, it goes under the radar and you get cheaters. That’s why the are you single line is great. Anyway, I could post it. Well. I needed to have tried to fuck the Asian chick that is sketched. She was dtf. I could’ve made her walk to the grass. Compliance. Anyway. She wasn’t even not that hot. And she was not into me because she’s into athletes.
Which reminds me I need to play sports. But still she wasn’t that hot.
Eventually I will go out on a Friday night. I was trying to fuck this girl tho. I did drink - 6 pack of coor’s banquet
Field Report – Getting Back into Night Game Mindset
I’m slowly working myself back into the mood for going out night game on weekends. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever gone consistently every week before. I’ve approached enough girls to say I’m trying, but the truth is I’ve still been getting high before going out. Tomorrow, I’ll do it sober.
Tonight: white wine + Coors Banquet. Of course the question is: how bad do I want it? The answer right now is… not bad enough yet.
Saw a hot blonde college girl earlier — wanted to flip my blinker, chase her down, but I was stoned and let the moment slip. Lesson: don’t get high. Just keep trying.
Dialogue from Yesterday
Me: “Hey, could we ask you a question?”
Her: ignored me
Me: “Could I ask you a random question?”
Her: “Yeah.”
Me: “Could I make a painting of you?”
Me: “I’m an artist.”
Her: “Yeah!”
Me: “Ok, so right now?”
Her: “Yeah!”
Me: “Ok, wanna go sit on that bench over there?”
Her: “Yeah, whatever is easiest for you.”
Me: (thinking: well, I just walked over)
Me: “Ok, yeah, let’s do the bench.”
I ended up being too self-deprecating and “blah blah” in my vibe.
She started thinking I wasn’t cool. I was like talking about my paintings but feeling weird for being an artist. I can’t recount the whole Convo rn. I showed her a quick 5-min sketch.
Her: “Nice 5-min sketch, well I’m on a jog!”
Me: “Wanna do something some other time?”
Her: “Maybe!”
Oh yeah. I just fucked up a tinder. Triple texeted and she unmatched me. She was young and hot. Stop drinking alone, that’s alcoholic. When ur getting trashed that’s not when Ur gonna get girls so stop trying to.
Focus on getting a job. So you can move out. Not right away, I'm chill. Save up for a bit.
Tinder doesn’t work as well when you live at home. It was chill when I had a gf. Nah I’m still chilling.
Saturday did 2 approaches:
I stopped a chick on the sidewalk with pretty big tits and looked at her tits while delivering the painting line she looked in my sunglasses and said no right now, i said maybe another time, she said, no thanks. I realized this line is something I came up with when I'm high. You can really do better than this.
Went up to an older woman turned out to be 35 y/o, sketched her on the grass talked for 5 more minutes or so and then she gave me a ride back to the city center. Never texted me, she took my number, she was very skeptical. Confused by my painting line. I thought she was agreeing with me that it’s a good way to pick up girls. But she was actually saying, to not be in a relationship is good if you wanna pick up girls. was saying it’s confusing, You need to state your intentions. I got her to agree to text me and then I fucked it up by saying 'so should we shake hands? Should we kiss?' And then when I left I said text me right now, and then she never texted me. That was some botched version of trying to get the text in person. Too forced. I almost set up a date to play tennis the next day, but i'm not used to making the soft close or whatever it's called. Set the date right in person. she also asked me to take off my sunglasses at the end. so be mindful of that, they can't see your eyes with shades on
instead of writing a journal you could be texting. Anyway text without thinking so much/leaving it.
maybe i should get an mba or mfa? being in the same school i guess, doesn't matter, i just need to crack this cold approach on campus thing.
and I knew I was shooting myself in the foot with the painting but I kept it going almost as like a conceptual art project.
well, i have one girl from cold approach, i used the painting line on her, and she's down, says she doesn't go out much, foreign latina, texted a lot but never met up, what do i say??? i could say coffee? or invite her to the studio? i only say this now bc i said woah. nice. on her IG story of her doing some gymnastics thing, and she liked my messages. so I'm back in her DM's i guess. idk how what to say, my theory is to text back right away/asap but i feel like just saying, are you still down to pose? or something. is bad. it's been so long. I feel like there's a smoother way to do this. we did talk about stuff for a bit in the past about moving or something... maybe i'll look thru the texts too. i could reference, oh did u ever find that apartment blah blah. she not my favorite type but she does have a fat ass, whats cool is that this is my first cold approach that I feel like I got pretty close to making it work, (not counting the transfer student girl i rode the bus with from school, and girls from class-i guess that's cold approach. so that's 3 cold approach lays i can think of that i did pre-painting line, but i think this is the first one from painting line that got pretty close. Man-just typing that is a wake up call, i've really been fucking myself over for a while. if i follow thru on some of my cold approach girls that are still in play, man, I could score a lot of points. LOL. Also you get non-tinder pussy. Does social circle count for the tourney? yeah i guess. Fuck i need to text the Darty girl. Fuck, I don't wanna mess it up! I'll wait till I sober up. Just a little tiny bit, bc I thought it would be the last time i ever smoke before getting that job. well i got rejected.
it is hard to do this at home, there's the stress of telling my parents i am going out or explaining myself when i get back. I can do it, ive done it in the past, but i have to be pretty down bad, and, of course, go to the girls place (now i could do it in the studio but there's cameras in there) and i uh, only once considered fucking a girl in my house, bc it was my sister's friend. i could do it in the basement late at night. but ohhh man im just remember how i fucked up my sisters friend, i had her in my bedroom (I think multiple times?) wow it's kinda hot thinking of it. Damn, now i do wanna get a girl in my bedroom, fuck! my sister doesn't have friends over anymore! some things are in the past, you really did miss your chance. man... well, when i get married, but that's different.
