Journal Update – Accountability & Field Notes
I’ve been realizing I can’t let myself off the hook. If I don’t post here, I let the bad days slide too easily. I’m not getting younger, and while people say you can still get girls when you’re older, I know I need to push myself to get results now.
Yesterday I walked around and made one approach. She just said, “Sorry, I have to go home.” Nothing major, but at least it kept the streak alive.
Today I had planned to hit a campus area after a job nearby, but I let excuses pile up: too far, daytime, worried girls would just say they’re late to class. Ended up heading home instead. I did force myself to make one half-hearted approach later just to keep the habit.
During my last sober streak, I noticed my libido and motivation actually dropped. That built up into a kind of low-grade depression, and eventually I had to let off steam.
Another sticking point is texting. I keep reaching out to old leads, and I actually get some good responses—but then I lose interest. You could say I’m a classic bad texter. If I sit down for half an hour, I can do okay, but usually I put off responding and let the momentum die.
On top of that, I just got a therapist, but honestly it feels emasculating. I’m also considering Adderall for career reasons, but I’m worried about how much it kills my sex drive. I can’t afford a dry spell right now.
One example: I had a girl who was being a straight-up ho and seemed down to hook up. But the day of, I didn’t keep her warmed up enough and she texted me that she wasn’t “in that phase of her life anymore.” It might be true, since it was an older lead, but tbf I had also rejected her before. Either way, I was excited at the thought of a rebound with an actually pretty hot girl.
That got me thinking: how far am I willing to lower my standards just to avoid a dry spell? Honestly, not below my ex. She was maybe a 7.5—cute enough to keep around, but not enough to truly excite me. That’s the danger zone: hot enough to tolerate, not hot enough to be passionate about.
Positives:
- Kept my streak alive with at least one approach each day.
- Body fat is finally down again.
- Have areas scouted for next time.
Challenges:
- Libido/motivation dip when sober too long.
- Excuses keep me from pulling the trigger.
- Stress about logistics/judgment from parents.
- Bad follow-up game over text.
- Therapy feels emasculating.
- Risk of settling for “danger zone” girls just to avoid dry spells.
Notes to Self:
- Work on being consistent with approaches and texts.
- Keep focusing on better openers, not only the painting line.
- Decide where the real standard line is for who I’ll pursue.
- Consider health/mindset fixes before turning to meds like Adderall.
