A
Anonymous
Guest
I discovered the community and the burgeoning men's self-help/dating industry when I was about 16. I never took this stuff that seriously, mostly implementing bits and pieces of basic advice about fundamentals and holistic lifestyle change. But the philosophy and the notion that one could change, that being good with women and being at ease around them was not an inborn trait, was a gamechanger for me (no pun intended).
I embarked on a personal journey to improve myself; I've always been a very driven and relentless worker, so this became another area of my life that I became borderline obsessed over. But I went through periods of massive growth and numerous plateaus, and too little introspection (opposite problem most men have. They reflect too much, take little action). And I missed the forest for the trees.
The dating advice industry casts a wide net, hoping to snare as many people into it as possible. One night stands? Here's advice on that. Finding a girlfriend or a wife? They've got you covered. I had a clearly defined goal when I started, but I lost sight of my original goals when I got caught up in the mindless pursuit of growth and improvement.
It's important to understand where to draw the line. Know what you're in this for. Sometimes the stories and the glamour of social and sexual freedom can trick you into thinking you want something, when really, what most guys really want is just a cool girlfriend. We all want choice. The ability to choose who we date, and not rely on sheer, random chance. But in that chase for freedom, we may get consumed by our thirst for growth. Know what you want, and get out.
It is unhealthy for a man to devote the majority of his time and energy on just one pursuit, and that is the pursuit of women. Our core, as masculine men, is to build and create and achieve. Women, and their companionship, should not be our singular, main priority. They should be a byproduct of our labor, our mission, our goals.
If you're still struggling and working on this part of your life, by all means, do what you need to do. But don't let it consume you, or make it your purpose.
I embarked on a personal journey to improve myself; I've always been a very driven and relentless worker, so this became another area of my life that I became borderline obsessed over. But I went through periods of massive growth and numerous plateaus, and too little introspection (opposite problem most men have. They reflect too much, take little action). And I missed the forest for the trees.
The dating advice industry casts a wide net, hoping to snare as many people into it as possible. One night stands? Here's advice on that. Finding a girlfriend or a wife? They've got you covered. I had a clearly defined goal when I started, but I lost sight of my original goals when I got caught up in the mindless pursuit of growth and improvement.
It's important to understand where to draw the line. Know what you're in this for. Sometimes the stories and the glamour of social and sexual freedom can trick you into thinking you want something, when really, what most guys really want is just a cool girlfriend. We all want choice. The ability to choose who we date, and not rely on sheer, random chance. But in that chase for freedom, we may get consumed by our thirst for growth. Know what you want, and get out.
It is unhealthy for a man to devote the majority of his time and energy on just one pursuit, and that is the pursuit of women. Our core, as masculine men, is to build and create and achieve. Women, and their companionship, should not be our singular, main priority. They should be a byproduct of our labor, our mission, our goals.
If you're still struggling and working on this part of your life, by all means, do what you need to do. But don't let it consume you, or make it your purpose.
