So I still didnt understand women after going through RSD, MM, Speed Seduction till I hit David Deida and Articles on this site. I can pickup signals much better and know what they are asking. Problem is executing. I usually end up going to my old ways. At work, gym, you can force yourself to do things and get results. Problem im having is if I force myself onto girls it will come out needy,desperate, not masculine. I know soo much that my head is about to explode with the information. I cant sit anymore but when I go approaching I feel like Im lacking something. Like masculinity. One thing I find is the more a woman likes u, the more she will test u. which is crazy.
Knowing too much and not executing. Saftety comfort zone
- Thread starter ajx032
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Okay, well firstly there's a lot you can do to improve your seduction skills and fundamentals without actually approaching. It's important to strike up conversations with eceryone you meet, and try to get them sharing (register chicks, etc... anyone who has to interact with you for whatever reason... also friends of friends, colleagues, family friends, etc). Also, to join a gym, buy new tighter clothes, buy cologne and jewellery and boots if you possibly can, also to practice your posture and walk, not leaning in to conversations, and not doing stuff like supplicating or qualifying yourself in your everyday conversations, leading...
Now about approaching, AA is all in your head, I am sure you have, in the past, struck up an idle conversation with a bystander or say, someone who was queueing up with you for something, etc. Likely you used a situational opener. The sky didn't fall in, etc. "Approaching" is basically just the same thing, except on steroids. But in the past you probably (1) didn't do that if she was cute, cos you were nervous, (2) didn't use a direct or "genuine interest" opener. Your goal is to get comfortable with these aspects through repetition.
Some other points -- what we experience as AA is actually the rush of adrenaline which nature provides to help us to be our best when we spot a mating opportunity, same as if we're trapped by fire we get a rush of adrenaline and discover superhuman strength to smash our way out of a burning building, etc. So in that sense there's really no such thing as AA, it's a matter of routing that adrenaline where it's meant to go -- into a flirtatious conversation with a cute girl.
Lastly there is the matter of goal setting, grit, determination and forcing yourself to push boundaries by doing things that are currently outside your comfort zone. Set yourself small, achievable goals: I will smile at 5 women in the shopping centre today. Or: I will say hello to at least one girl I find attractive. (Implicit in these goals is you are not allowed to go home until you have met the goal).
The newbie assignment is the perfect way to do this: It's designed to give you small achievable goals and to get you comfortable with each step (such as just smiling or making eye contact with a stranger) before proceeding. To keep yourself accountable it's good to start a journal to track your progress through the 10 days or so of the assignment (they do not have to be taken consecutively, 1-2 days per week is fine, and the activities can be slotted into your usual routine).
A note on rejection: you must overcome your fear of rejection to have any hope of ever becoming a seducer. If you get your validation and sense of self-worth from outside aproval you'll crumple when you get your first harsh blowout. Remember, you are the man, you may be far from perfect but you are on a trajectory of self improvement, you are approaching to meet a personal goal and to gain reference points, not to get your target's approval, that's nice when it happens but is only the icing on the cake. Think of yourself as a scientist who every day prepares 20 test tubes and puts them in an incubator, only once in a while does anything interesting happen that's worthy of further investigation, but he doesn't get all butthurt over every dud batch. They're all just part of his journey to results.
Some personal experience: First girl I cold approached with a compliment -- outside my uni -- my heart was pounding with adrenaline -- she took one look at me and ran away. Haha. But, I was exhilarated as I had overcome a personal fear. Next approach went much better. I think probably the same week I met Leticia on a tram who ended up being my gf for 6mth (we are still friends, she called me last night to catch up and make a coffee date for later in the week). If you go out approaching this week you could get surprising results!
What I used to do when starting out was get my good clothes on, cologne and jewellery etc, and hit the shopping centre on a Saturday morning with the goal of doing 10 approaches before I could go home, and man, I still remember the crippling approach anxiety, walking around the centre for 45 min+ at a time, seeing cute girl after cute girl and being stuck in my head and pussying out every time. Franco also reports same thing IIRC. So what you do in that case is try for some warmup -- award yourself a break for coffee and strike up a conversation with someone (anyone) in the shop. Or, do some shopping you need to do, and chat with shop assistants (these don't count towards your goal).
And, above all, just steel yourself against rejection, take a deep breath and do it. Even experienced seducers get AA!!
Hope it helps man.
Ray
Now about approaching, AA is all in your head, I am sure you have, in the past, struck up an idle conversation with a bystander or say, someone who was queueing up with you for something, etc. Likely you used a situational opener. The sky didn't fall in, etc. "Approaching" is basically just the same thing, except on steroids. But in the past you probably (1) didn't do that if she was cute, cos you were nervous, (2) didn't use a direct or "genuine interest" opener. Your goal is to get comfortable with these aspects through repetition.
Some other points -- what we experience as AA is actually the rush of adrenaline which nature provides to help us to be our best when we spot a mating opportunity, same as if we're trapped by fire we get a rush of adrenaline and discover superhuman strength to smash our way out of a burning building, etc. So in that sense there's really no such thing as AA, it's a matter of routing that adrenaline where it's meant to go -- into a flirtatious conversation with a cute girl.
Lastly there is the matter of goal setting, grit, determination and forcing yourself to push boundaries by doing things that are currently outside your comfort zone. Set yourself small, achievable goals: I will smile at 5 women in the shopping centre today. Or: I will say hello to at least one girl I find attractive. (Implicit in these goals is you are not allowed to go home until you have met the goal).
The newbie assignment is the perfect way to do this: It's designed to give you small achievable goals and to get you comfortable with each step (such as just smiling or making eye contact with a stranger) before proceeding. To keep yourself accountable it's good to start a journal to track your progress through the 10 days or so of the assignment (they do not have to be taken consecutively, 1-2 days per week is fine, and the activities can be slotted into your usual routine).
A note on rejection: you must overcome your fear of rejection to have any hope of ever becoming a seducer. If you get your validation and sense of self-worth from outside aproval you'll crumple when you get your first harsh blowout. Remember, you are the man, you may be far from perfect but you are on a trajectory of self improvement, you are approaching to meet a personal goal and to gain reference points, not to get your target's approval, that's nice when it happens but is only the icing on the cake. Think of yourself as a scientist who every day prepares 20 test tubes and puts them in an incubator, only once in a while does anything interesting happen that's worthy of further investigation, but he doesn't get all butthurt over every dud batch. They're all just part of his journey to results.
Some personal experience: First girl I cold approached with a compliment -- outside my uni -- my heart was pounding with adrenaline -- she took one look at me and ran away. Haha. But, I was exhilarated as I had overcome a personal fear. Next approach went much better. I think probably the same week I met Leticia on a tram who ended up being my gf for 6mth (we are still friends, she called me last night to catch up and make a coffee date for later in the week). If you go out approaching this week you could get surprising results!
What I used to do when starting out was get my good clothes on, cologne and jewellery etc, and hit the shopping centre on a Saturday morning with the goal of doing 10 approaches before I could go home, and man, I still remember the crippling approach anxiety, walking around the centre for 45 min+ at a time, seeing cute girl after cute girl and being stuck in my head and pussying out every time. Franco also reports same thing IIRC. So what you do in that case is try for some warmup -- award yourself a break for coffee and strike up a conversation with someone (anyone) in the shop. Or, do some shopping you need to do, and chat with shop assistants (these don't count towards your goal).
And, above all, just steel yourself against rejection, take a deep breath and do it. Even experienced seducers get AA!!
Hope it helps man.
Ray
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
If you've been through that much material, you probably already know everything there is to know on AA. So there probably isn't too much we can tell you here. Instead, I would opt to have someone you respect and don't want to let down hold you accountable for your outing. Alternatively, if such a person doesn't exist, we can do it on this very thread:
Tell us or him exactly what day, what time and where you plan on going out, and what your goals are for that day. Also, after you're done, tell him what happened or post the results here. Good luck!
Tell us or him exactly what day, what time and where you plan on going out, and what your goals are for that day. Also, after you're done, tell him what happened or post the results here. Good luck!
A woman will not have sex with me if i cant pass her test. women test without knowing. i dont get confidence from money, work, looks, style. i get compliments for my looks and style all the time but that doesnt get me p#ssy. There is something a man in africa or a man in venezula has that i dont. they dont have money, looks, fame, house, food but they are masculine. how? how are they confident when death is all around them? how are they moving forward when everything around them is dead? how are black men getting all the p#ssy when hate is all around them. you see and feel what im saying now? there is something they have which i dont. reading books, going out, traveling, hitting the gym, stylin profilin still hasnt gotten me p3ssy. so something is missing. where is there confidence coming from?
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Women's "tests" are kind of fun. Just don't take them seriously. They're like little kids that like to test your boundaries. Confidence comes from within. It's about trusting your ability to handle whatever comes your way, whether it's women's objection, shit tests or other obstacles in life. And how do you get this ability to trust yourself....Practice A LOT and get a lot of reference experience. Chase has a really good article on this! There are some book you can read to help you with this - No more Mr nice guy, Feel the fear and do it any way, The way of the superior man.
@radang, that might be the tough love ajx needs, and saved me the job of doing it myself
@ajx, i was listening to the christian mcqueen podcast interwith the nick krauser (which, if you don't know krauserpua, go read it all from the earliest onward, that will give you a good taste of what is possible with good game, and also provide some of the tools) and i while i listened i thought of you. two points in particular
* krauser talks about "anti-game" which it sounds like you really have a problem with. sometimes all you have to do is stop doing some things, just some behaviours, nip it in the bud and bingo, chicks will fuck you
* krauser makes a point about tests, or shit-tests - if she didn't like you she wouldn't be testing you. go listen to the black phillip show, listen to patrice o'neal on youtube, and then listen to beige phillip. dante nero often discusses being tested - if you can't protect yourself against her then how you gonna protect her against some other dude coming for her? he puts it better than i can remember right now.
and then, ultimately, as radang said, you gotta go take action. as you've been told, everything you need is on this site and you've read all the material and have all the academic knowledge, the board members are giving you actionable advice, there's not much more to be discussed until you go and put your best foot forward
@ajx, i was listening to the christian mcqueen podcast interwith the nick krauser (which, if you don't know krauserpua, go read it all from the earliest onward, that will give you a good taste of what is possible with good game, and also provide some of the tools) and i while i listened i thought of you. two points in particular
* krauser talks about "anti-game" which it sounds like you really have a problem with. sometimes all you have to do is stop doing some things, just some behaviours, nip it in the bud and bingo, chicks will fuck you
* krauser makes a point about tests, or shit-tests - if she didn't like you she wouldn't be testing you. go listen to the black phillip show, listen to patrice o'neal on youtube, and then listen to beige phillip. dante nero often discusses being tested - if you can't protect yourself against her then how you gonna protect her against some other dude coming for her? he puts it better than i can remember right now.
and then, ultimately, as radang said, you gotta go take action. as you've been told, everything you need is on this site and you've read all the material and have all the academic knowledge, the board members are giving you actionable advice, there's not much more to be discussed until you go and put your best foot forward
