It’s exactly a week before today. Thursday afternoon. I sit in my office desk and pretend to type something on the laptop. I’m bored.
I think of girls. I take my phone from my pocket and look behind to see If my boss is watching me. He seems preoccupied. I check my Whatsapp. There is nothing stimulating from the chats section. I move to the contacts section and randomly start looking at people’s statuses to see who changed his to something more pretentious and interesting. Nothing. No one. As I’m scrolling downwards I notice a chics picture. I had taken her number in a matatu (public transportation). I click on it. I send her a ‘Hey!’ and leave it at that. I don’t want to invest in an interaction. I’m not even sure I want to be her friend. So a hey is my feeler before I make a decision. She makes it easy by not replying.
Then I see the picture of a chic I had been with in the past, a regular, and text her to see if she was up for a quick meet up at home or she just sleeps over, whichever was convenient for her. She ignores me. This one has been acting aloof lately. Boyfriend problems I think. I think of another friend of mine. She’s never failed me (let’s call her X). But I don’t want to see her this late in the week. She will start demanding for dates and some type of respect I’ve never really quite understood. Every time she asks for it I never really understand what she wants. I choose to wait till I leave for work to call her. In my head I respect her because I’m always honest with her. I do lead her on occasionally but it’s because she sometimes wants to be fed a lie. Cognitive dissonance I guess.
The problem with getting laid is that once u start thinking of getting some, u can’t really focus on anything else. Then I remember another girl I had talked to few days ago outside her apartment. She was hot. I was unsure on how to proceed. I text her. I tell her I want to hang out. (In retrospect, this was not very clever). I should have called her and told her what I wanted us to do together. Anyway, she doesn’t reply back. I text some other chic I had taken a number from a while back in a matatu (public transport) and asked if she wanted to meet up. She asks who I am. I tell her, but I don’t tell her my name. She agrees to meet up at 8.00. I leave work at 5.30.
I call X.
Her phone goes through but it rings the way phones ring when u r in foreign country. She picks up. I ask her where she is. She says Uganda but she’ll be travelling back that same day. Today must be a really bad day. No one’s available. A week before this I had picked up another chic and wrote a lay report on this forum. I call this chic to see if she was game. She says she’d love to meet up but she has guests. I tell her that’s fine but I really want to see her. She says it’s her monthly guests. She can’t really do anything about it. I get it. She seems remorseful like she is supposed to avail herself anytime I ask. A lot of women have no sense of their worth. I wonder why she’d think that, we’ve only met twice now. I decide to go home and resign myself to the fact that I’ll sleep alone. Once you accept an idea, it becomes more palatable. In the same vein, I decide against meeting the girl I had agreed to meet up with at 8.00. She didn’t really seem like a strong lead. I sleep
Friday. Normal day. Till 5.00. I leave work. The hot girl I had texted yesterday texts me back now. She apologises for not replying earlier. Something about exams. She says she’d love to hang out. I ignore her text. I refuse to be treated that way. I call up a friend. He had offered to buy me drinks the weekend before and apparently a girl from where he works liked me. We used to live together in campus. I asked how? Apparently he had been talking to her about me and had even shown her some of my flattering pictures. He had sent me her number last weekend but I had done nothing with it.
Reason is, I know him very well. He has a habit of sleeping with his friends’ girlfriends and he would come talk about it with me. He really enjoys it. I think it’s wrong. Someday, people will find out and he’ll get into a lot of trouble. I ve never warned him. He’s well adjusted enough to know when he’s crossing those kind of lines. This is the third time me he’s offered a girl and I’ve always passed on them. I like him. But I don’t trust him. I’ve very big on trust.
We meet in town and go to a lounge in Moi Avenue. A popular sports newscaster is around but the women he’s with are not what u’d expect people of his stature to keep around. Maybe that’s his type. Or maybe he doesn’t understand privilege. I don’t know. I don’t really let my mind dwell on him too long.
Me and my friend start talking about the girl. He really wants me to go at it. I decide to call her and tell her to join us. Maybe she’d be interesting company. We talk a bit. She says she is at her uncle’s. Mourning. He had just passed on. And she says she couldn’t come. She says she’d prefer meeting over coffee and not alcohol. I understand. We finish talking and my friend excitedly asks what we’d been talking about. He’s too invested in this. I wonder what his angle is. I forgot to mention each of us had people with us before we met in town. So it’s a table of 5 guys and It doesn’t look good. Ree texts on the Whatsapp group we have together with some other guys and Annie.
Hi Annie! Annie’s helped me stumble into something I used a lot this weekend.
Ree wants to go for a campus event. I’m interested bt the other guys aren’t so enthusiastic. They’d rather drink. They say something about not wanting to go to campus events. They say they’re past that stage amongst other things: some reasonable ,others not so much. I appreciate where there are coming from. But cuchi is cuchi. If you can walk her down the street, and have decent conversation, Nothing else matters.
Ree calls. He’s in town. We agree to meet up somewhere along Moi Avenue. I wait for him outside Edge, a club along Moi Avenue. He’s taking long. I call him again. He says he’s close. I start searching the faces around me to see if I can recognize anyone familiar. Then I see her. I won’t say her name bt lets calls her J. J is a presenter on a teen music show on Kenya. She presents with another chic and a Dj. I used to watch J a lot sometime last year. She was what I thought at that particular time I wanted in a woman. It didn’t hurt that she was hot, chill and seemed really down to earth.
I shout ‘WEWE!’ Which means ‘You’. I’m not the most socially well adjusted person but for what I lack I make up by being extremely good at sizing situations and facial expressions quickly. She screws her face with a ‘Do I know You?’ expression. She is standing with two guys. I look at the guy to her side. It’s the DJ she presents with. This excites me. Im abit intoxicated. Wen im like this im super honest. I become sensible, fearless. I speak my mind. And the contents of my mind are rarely dull. That’s my charm. I tell her how I used to obsess over her on T.V. I tell her the other chic she presents with who clearly intimidates her (u can see it if u watch the show) shouldn’t because she does it to keep her from shining. I make her the star. I tell her I used to download videos of her dancing in heels on the show and how I used to send them to my friends. She’s visibly curious. Half smiling, half curious. She wants to hear more. There is this look you get from women when you know you’ve broken through the glass. Its a subtle but very submissive excitement. Like a child’s happy smile when she is looking at her father. Once it appears things flow rather easily from my experience. It’s when she’s accepted your value and has made the decision to follow provided you lead things forward.
I tell both of them, her and the DJ that they need to increase their social media presence because I had been looking for her all over the networks and I couldn’t find her. She is quietly enjoying the sun I’m shining on her. I tell them nice things about their show. Nice things that I mean. The dj then notices I’m pushing buttons. He informs me the other guy they are with is her Boyfriend. I suddenly realize I was rude all that time. I hadn’t even gotten to know his name. Now I look at him and him only. I apologise for being so insensitive. Everyone can tell I’m not being genuine. This is purely for cosmetic effect. Its what a normal person should do in such a situation. If we were all at party and not on the street, I’d try and steal her from him. Everyone there knew it, even him, and it made everything all the more exciting. I tell the boyfriend If he doesn’t “treat her right” someone else will take her. I study her face. She seems happy someone is saying these things. The DJ asks for my social media handle, he’d like to reconnect some other time. I tell him I’m not big on Instagram bt If he wants we could always have a beer or coffee. We are standing outside a coffee house. That statement is blatantly meant for J. She looks away (I’m not subtle at all). I’m purposefully making it very awkward for her. Me and the Dj exchange numbers. He texts me his name which I save. The boyfriend says he wants to leave. Ree now calls. I tell him where I was and that he should hurry because I want to introduce him to some cool people. They choose to wait and meet my friend. Ree shows up. He has a very stylish hair cut and a nice trench coat. Everyone meets everyone. We make small talk. Something about their lack of presence on social media. Then I let them go. We walk towards where the other guys were.
Ree meets the boys. We hang abit. I suggest we leave for the campus event. The boys say no. Ree’s a cool guy bt we just met and there’s two dudes on that table I’ve known for over 10 years. Since high school. We decide to meet up later in the night. Ree leaves. Me and the guys leave for another club. We hang there for a bit then the boys say they want cheap liquor. Beer wasn’t doing much for them. They tell me of this place near Odeon where you can get super high real cheap. And apparently there’s girls there. We leave. It’s a back alley full of teenagers and 20 somethings. Young people will always find a way to do things their way. We ask for a bottle and pour it into plastic cups and debate on Law and how much of a bad ass Putin is. I really like Putin. One dude’s a lawyer. I’ve always liked lawyers so we gel real easy. Some guys try and cause trouble, someone quells it down. Not the best place to be If you like peace. We get lost in conversation. One of my friends who people have this bad habit of not listening to keeps telling us to get up and leave. The guys ignore. He insists. I listen more keenly. I look to my right. Some guy has one of the kids in a vice grip. I recognize him, a week before he’d made me pay him a bribe for catching me smoking cigarettes in the street. He’s a non uniformed officer. I shove the bottle in my inner trench coat pocket and scram off like a mad man. Every man for himself. Once I stop running, I find myself near the FireStation alone. I look to see if anyone is following me. No one. I relax. I call the guys no one’s answering.
I decide to call Ree, maybe now I could go for that campus event. He doesn’t answer. I look at the bottle and think of drinking all of it alone. The thought is tempting. One of the guys call. We meet outside Imenti House. He tells me we should always listen to him when he talks. He swears he’s never hanging out with those other guys again. We reconnect with the others. One of the guys tells us he was in cuffs but called his dad and was instantly released. I make a mental note to watch who I get into trouble with. You could get life and a nigga could walk. We all decide to call it a night.
Now its just me and one other guy. I have this thing where I’ll just walk into a club, dance with a random chic and leave. I enter Zodiac. I don’t really like this place but in life u move from the bottom up. There’s nothing in Zodiac. We leave. We go to L.P.D in Moi Avenue. I like this place. There’s usually chics and beers 200. I scout around. I see someone I know. Our mom’s are friends. She’s like 5 years older. Last time we had a sit down, she was finishing campus and I was joining campus. She was super smart and our moms thought it was a good idea if she advised me on career selection. I used to game her younger sisters. Back then I didn’t know what I was doing. If something happened it was because I had gotten lucky. Literally. Luck. Nothing else.
She looks good. I tell her that. She smiles. She asks why I took her number and never called her (we had bumped a week before and id took her number out of courtesy, I’d not thought she’d ever think of me sexually). I tell her its coz I thought I’d never get some. And I say I’ve very big on getting some. She is smiling as I tell her that. She pulls me closer and we dance with our crotches touching. She did that. She is communicating intent. I laugh. I tell her its fine now. I move her to a table and we sit. I compliment her on her thighs. She likes it. Then I tell her I got Good Dick.
Thank you, Annie.
I tell her how hard it is to find Good Dick in Nairobi. Again, thank you Annie.
I tell her I can’t promise her much else in life but I can guarantee good dick. The look on her face turns sexual. Mine’s shameless. She asks how old I am. I laugh. It’s a trick question. I tell her enough to know I got Good Dick. My friend is watching us through the corner of his eye. He wants me to win. Then I notice a guy hovering around us. She introduces him. She says it’s her boyfriend. Then he leaves and sits by himself at the counter. He is openly sulking. I decide to show some respect. I tell her I have to leave, she asks that I stay a bit longer. I tell her she’s being insensitive. She knows her boyfriend is watching. She must not care at this point. I insist on leaving on the pretext that I have to find someone to take home and if she wasn’t going to be that someone I had to leave. She lets me go. As we leave, one of her younger sisters shows up. How things change. I don’t even bother asking her name. She used to be “not nice” to me when we we younger. Now her older sister is game. Again, how things change.
Me and my friend decide to call it a night. We walk towards Edge. As we walk I notice a tiny chic with lots of hair on her tiny head walking by the street. She wants to go into Edge then decides against it. She then stands by one of those street vendors that sell cigarettes and sweets and asks for a pain killer. She is super high. I approach. She asks for water. I buy them for her and tell her she doesn’t look so good. She agrees. She says she wants to puke.
I ask her where she is going. She says home. She is running away from her friends. She has had enough and her friends won’t let her go. So she snuck out the club. I lead her to some back alley where she could puke. She pukes. I give her water. I tell her everything is going to be alright. We make small talk. She appreciates the attention I’m giving her. She seems like a young lost soul in the city. I decide I’m going to take her home. I give her more water to wash her mouth with. I kiss her.
I know. She just puked. But if I don’t escalate right now I might as well try and look for her tomorrow and start from zero. She tells me we shouldn’t kiss after she just puked. I kiss her again. I hold her hand and walk her towards the stage. She says If I want us to go home together, I need to call an uber. She didn’t feel like going by public transport at that hour. It’s a small price to pay for a lay that had became possible just 20 minutes ago. I call the Uber. My friend insists on going to his place. I insist on us leaving in the same car, he refuses. Adamantly. He’s a good friend.
We get home. I don’t even get LMR. We exchange names as we get to bed. I give her my all. We wake up in the morning and get to know each other. We leave for town and part after having lunch. She is a nice girl and promises to come with her friend the next weekend for a threesome. She says I can handle it. Thing with tiny chics is when they let you hit, hit hard coz the last dude who was there probably did the same thing. And you have to hit harder than the last guy.
After we part I decide to go to Nairobi West. I want to go see if an ex girlfriend still lives where she lived. When I get there the watchman tells me the light Kalenjin chic with the huge ass moved. She was something. She had taught me a lot of things about people. I’m very disappointed. I go to the nearest watering hole. I drink till it’s late. I buy Keg beer so it’s not much of a pinch. I used to study around these areas so I know where to drink on a lean budget. I make some friends from Kibera; ones a gardener. The other hawks pencils in town. They give me their life story. I really enjoy these kind of things. I get to meet diverse people. One of the guys tells me some dudes were eyeing me. They wanted to rob me cause I was new. I think dingy places are interesting. There human nature glares at you and a trifling amount can earn you loyalty. My new friends ask me to leave with them for security. I don’t completely trust them but they seem a safer bet than the other dudes in that watering hole. I follow them, then change course without warning. The thing about this place is that it’s a labyrinth of hallways and I know them well. I used to come here a lot in my first year. I make out okay. And go to town.
When I go to town, I go to Club Rumourz. Its on Moi Avenue. I want to grind on hot chics and go home. I’m shabbily dressed bt I noticed chics don’t care about that kind of stuff at night. Unless it’s really bright inside. I scout the place. I see a girl dancing next to her friend. I ask her if she ‘d like to dance, she says no and points to her friend.
Her she wants to act unattainable.
Her friend’s game. We literally fuck on the floor. She doesn’t even turn once to look at my face while we dance. She just wants to let loose and dance like a sexual animal with a man who will let her be one. Any man really. We dance for a while. She then turns and says she wants to go to the rest room. I’m left there standing alone. The friend who was with her is next to her dancing. I join her. Now she accepts. We dance again. Heavy body contact. I’m surprised. Why did she say no the first time. I don’t get it. Maybe people only want things when other people have them. It’s the paradox of desire. Her friend returns and sits. We dance abit. She says something about wanting to sit or being tired. Can’t remember. But she broke it off. Maybe she realized she was acting too familiar too quick and decides to check herself. I leave them.
I walk towards the exit. As I near the exit where there is a staircase that leads you down I see a girl lost in her world. Dancing. Happy. Full head of hair. She looked like the type that would fuss over her Instagram account. Lol. An updated one with selfies and lots of pictures of food. And a boyfriend. And an expensive phone. Her friends are all seated. It’s a mixed set. Young men and two or three chics. No one really talking to each other. I approach her. No ones really looking so its very low risk. I ask for permission to dance with her, of course in a way that wasn’t supplicating but still respectful. She agrees. It starts normal and slowly escalates. People start looking. She is comfortable with it. Two chics then get up and start dancing. One I later came to learn was her older sister, the other a friend. One dude joins in and dances with the sister. They escalate real quick. They move from light touching to really hot and heavy dancing. They are lost. Its like they don’t see anyone else. The girl I’m with turns, ass to my crotch and starts dancing like her sister. I think girls usually need permission from their circle before they decide to become sexual with a guy. She is wearing tights. I feel her ass while we dance. As we dance I tell her I find her very attractive. She must have heard that before. I tell her that when most guys meet her they usually want her to treat her like a flower and want to control her, she agrees. I tell her I won’t. I tell her I don’t want to wife her. And I actually just want to fuck her.
We are talking in Swahili now. I tell her ’me nadai tu kukudishi’ . Loosely translated to I just want to eat you. She is listening, clearly wondering what ill say next. I give her the Good Dick talk.
Thank you Annie again!
I tell her I can’t guarantee anything else except assurance of a good dick. This Good Dick routine is clearly working. I don’t think ever chics hear it. Men aren’t just that direct. Especially with strangers. I tell her I have chics in rotation and I don’t want to make her my girlfriend. All I want is to give her a day. I make it clear that its me giving her and her taking. Maybe one day in a week when she can come for good dick. She isn’t offended. I decide to push the limit. Since she is facing me I grab her ass tight with both my hands. I’ve cupped it and she can feel it. I ask her how many guys hold her ass like that without permission. She says its rare. She doesn’t ask me to move my hands. So, I make sure she can feel my hands on her butt and im not polite about it. Now I have her where I want. I ask her when she’ll come for Good Dick. She doesn’t answer, she asks what is it I got that makes me think I got good dick. “Kwani uko na nini?” It’s a trap. She wants me to say I have a big dick so that she can finally find something to dismiss. I know If I do I’ll sound lame and cliché. So, I don’t.
I simply ask her If she has ever told someone thank you after sex. She says Yes. I ask her If she’s ever been fucked till she cried. Now that’s new. She doesn’t respond. I tell her that from the way she was dancing, she’s never been fucked proper. She asks how I know that. I tell her experience. I tell her she has no respect for men. A high energy song comes that she likes, she turns. I understand. I’ve stated sexual intent so she knows exactly what I want. There is this dance where it gets to a point where you pull a chic by the waist and hit her ass hard with your crotch. Once or twice severally and then continue grinding. It’s just doggystyle with clothes. I do it, when the tempo is highest. At one point It’s so shameless, she just turns to look at me and accuse me of being naughty while pointing a finger and laughing. She clearly enjoys this but I have to take all the blame and be the bad naughty immoral one in the relationship. I take the blame. Then I repeat it. One of her friends is dancing alone. Clearly horny. She looks like she is asking for it. I see guys seated on the table doing nothing. They are letting opportunity slip. I ask the chic I’m with what’s up with her friend, she says she’s horny. We laugh. I tell her if I got her friend today she’d behave like a proper woman the next day. Someone hasn’t taught her manners in a long time. We laugh again.
My girl’s sister had gone to the washroom and as she comes back to the table to have a seat she playfully separates us. She says we are too much. In retrospect, it was all very shameless.
The girl I’m with now says she’s tired and wants to sit. I take her seat and motion her to my lap. Her tights are soft and slippery and I’m in office pants so she keeps on sliding off and I return her back on to her position by her waist. Im clearly handling her as I feel and she already let me to do whatever I want when I made it very clear she didn’t intimidate me. I tell her we should leave. She doesn’t object .She simply asks where to. I tell her Kasarani. She says she wants to but she has to take her sister home. It was their night out. Her sister is clearly not that drunk and she can let her go with the others. Its an excuse. But I let it pass. I ask her then which day of the week I should I set aside for her so that she can come for some of that Good Dick I was talking about. She says we’ll talk about it another time. Since I don’t have my phone with me she takes my number and promises to get in touch. I tell her I have to leave. As I get up I go for a kiss. I want to know If she’ll call or not. She kisses me back. I make sure the kiss feels nasty. Then I go in for another one. This time its longer than the last one. It feels good. I leave for home.
I take sometime off before replacing my phone. It gives me time to clear my head. Think. I decide I’m going to build a big house and buy a range rover before I’m 35. I also decide to quit smoking. I haven’t touched a cigarette since Saturday night. Today’s Friday. Anyone who smokes, know how hard that is. Or easy. Depends on what you want. I’ve also been reading the Bible. A lot. I pray a lot too. Now I avoid idle talk. I’m more controlled. Part of my charm is my carelessness but maybe I need to work out another way of being charming. Cant throw caution to the wind forever. I even feel more respect for myself. Since Saturday I haven’t actively been trying to get laid. I’m not sure how long I can keep this up but I’m in a good head space now.
When I finally replaced my phone yesterday one of the texts that I get is from the chic I danced with. It’s a simple ‘Hey!’ I tell her I like her picture. She doesn’t respond to the compliment. I ask when she’s coming for that good good. She says soon. I ask her if she fucks like she dances. She lols and asks me what I think. I text her I don’t know so she’d have to surprise me. I’m trying to set things up in such a way that she will try to qualify herself to me sexually. She bites bait. She responds by telling me that as a matter of fact she’ll come to my place and prove it to me. I don’t know what exactly she’s going to prove.
To be honest I have no intention of following through with this but I’m curious to see if she can dance to whatever tune I’ll play. I’m one of those people who thinks the world would be a better place if I could control everything. I like holding strings. It’s a weakness. I tell her to come over to which she responds she can’t because of work the next day. Her name’s Njeri. She says she’ll come over for the weekend and prove herself. The weekend starts today. I hope my demons don’t catch up with me. I’ve been living exceptionally contentedly this past week. I doubt chics will help maintain that balance. I tried to get better with women because I wanted to become a better man. Not to validate my sense of self through a body count. Your thoughts are welcome. Bye!
I think of girls. I take my phone from my pocket and look behind to see If my boss is watching me. He seems preoccupied. I check my Whatsapp. There is nothing stimulating from the chats section. I move to the contacts section and randomly start looking at people’s statuses to see who changed his to something more pretentious and interesting. Nothing. No one. As I’m scrolling downwards I notice a chics picture. I had taken her number in a matatu (public transportation). I click on it. I send her a ‘Hey!’ and leave it at that. I don’t want to invest in an interaction. I’m not even sure I want to be her friend. So a hey is my feeler before I make a decision. She makes it easy by not replying.
Then I see the picture of a chic I had been with in the past, a regular, and text her to see if she was up for a quick meet up at home or she just sleeps over, whichever was convenient for her. She ignores me. This one has been acting aloof lately. Boyfriend problems I think. I think of another friend of mine. She’s never failed me (let’s call her X). But I don’t want to see her this late in the week. She will start demanding for dates and some type of respect I’ve never really quite understood. Every time she asks for it I never really understand what she wants. I choose to wait till I leave for work to call her. In my head I respect her because I’m always honest with her. I do lead her on occasionally but it’s because she sometimes wants to be fed a lie. Cognitive dissonance I guess.
The problem with getting laid is that once u start thinking of getting some, u can’t really focus on anything else. Then I remember another girl I had talked to few days ago outside her apartment. She was hot. I was unsure on how to proceed. I text her. I tell her I want to hang out. (In retrospect, this was not very clever). I should have called her and told her what I wanted us to do together. Anyway, she doesn’t reply back. I text some other chic I had taken a number from a while back in a matatu (public transport) and asked if she wanted to meet up. She asks who I am. I tell her, but I don’t tell her my name. She agrees to meet up at 8.00. I leave work at 5.30.
I call X.
Her phone goes through but it rings the way phones ring when u r in foreign country. She picks up. I ask her where she is. She says Uganda but she’ll be travelling back that same day. Today must be a really bad day. No one’s available. A week before this I had picked up another chic and wrote a lay report on this forum. I call this chic to see if she was game. She says she’d love to meet up but she has guests. I tell her that’s fine but I really want to see her. She says it’s her monthly guests. She can’t really do anything about it. I get it. She seems remorseful like she is supposed to avail herself anytime I ask. A lot of women have no sense of their worth. I wonder why she’d think that, we’ve only met twice now. I decide to go home and resign myself to the fact that I’ll sleep alone. Once you accept an idea, it becomes more palatable. In the same vein, I decide against meeting the girl I had agreed to meet up with at 8.00. She didn’t really seem like a strong lead. I sleep
Friday. Normal day. Till 5.00. I leave work. The hot girl I had texted yesterday texts me back now. She apologises for not replying earlier. Something about exams. She says she’d love to hang out. I ignore her text. I refuse to be treated that way. I call up a friend. He had offered to buy me drinks the weekend before and apparently a girl from where he works liked me. We used to live together in campus. I asked how? Apparently he had been talking to her about me and had even shown her some of my flattering pictures. He had sent me her number last weekend but I had done nothing with it.
Reason is, I know him very well. He has a habit of sleeping with his friends’ girlfriends and he would come talk about it with me. He really enjoys it. I think it’s wrong. Someday, people will find out and he’ll get into a lot of trouble. I ve never warned him. He’s well adjusted enough to know when he’s crossing those kind of lines. This is the third time me he’s offered a girl and I’ve always passed on them. I like him. But I don’t trust him. I’ve very big on trust.
We meet in town and go to a lounge in Moi Avenue. A popular sports newscaster is around but the women he’s with are not what u’d expect people of his stature to keep around. Maybe that’s his type. Or maybe he doesn’t understand privilege. I don’t know. I don’t really let my mind dwell on him too long.
Me and my friend start talking about the girl. He really wants me to go at it. I decide to call her and tell her to join us. Maybe she’d be interesting company. We talk a bit. She says she is at her uncle’s. Mourning. He had just passed on. And she says she couldn’t come. She says she’d prefer meeting over coffee and not alcohol. I understand. We finish talking and my friend excitedly asks what we’d been talking about. He’s too invested in this. I wonder what his angle is. I forgot to mention each of us had people with us before we met in town. So it’s a table of 5 guys and It doesn’t look good. Ree texts on the Whatsapp group we have together with some other guys and Annie.
Hi Annie! Annie’s helped me stumble into something I used a lot this weekend.
Ree wants to go for a campus event. I’m interested bt the other guys aren’t so enthusiastic. They’d rather drink. They say something about not wanting to go to campus events. They say they’re past that stage amongst other things: some reasonable ,others not so much. I appreciate where there are coming from. But cuchi is cuchi. If you can walk her down the street, and have decent conversation, Nothing else matters.
Ree calls. He’s in town. We agree to meet up somewhere along Moi Avenue. I wait for him outside Edge, a club along Moi Avenue. He’s taking long. I call him again. He says he’s close. I start searching the faces around me to see if I can recognize anyone familiar. Then I see her. I won’t say her name bt lets calls her J. J is a presenter on a teen music show on Kenya. She presents with another chic and a Dj. I used to watch J a lot sometime last year. She was what I thought at that particular time I wanted in a woman. It didn’t hurt that she was hot, chill and seemed really down to earth.
I shout ‘WEWE!’ Which means ‘You’. I’m not the most socially well adjusted person but for what I lack I make up by being extremely good at sizing situations and facial expressions quickly. She screws her face with a ‘Do I know You?’ expression. She is standing with two guys. I look at the guy to her side. It’s the DJ she presents with. This excites me. Im abit intoxicated. Wen im like this im super honest. I become sensible, fearless. I speak my mind. And the contents of my mind are rarely dull. That’s my charm. I tell her how I used to obsess over her on T.V. I tell her the other chic she presents with who clearly intimidates her (u can see it if u watch the show) shouldn’t because she does it to keep her from shining. I make her the star. I tell her I used to download videos of her dancing in heels on the show and how I used to send them to my friends. She’s visibly curious. Half smiling, half curious. She wants to hear more. There is this look you get from women when you know you’ve broken through the glass. Its a subtle but very submissive excitement. Like a child’s happy smile when she is looking at her father. Once it appears things flow rather easily from my experience. It’s when she’s accepted your value and has made the decision to follow provided you lead things forward.
I tell both of them, her and the DJ that they need to increase their social media presence because I had been looking for her all over the networks and I couldn’t find her. She is quietly enjoying the sun I’m shining on her. I tell them nice things about their show. Nice things that I mean. The dj then notices I’m pushing buttons. He informs me the other guy they are with is her Boyfriend. I suddenly realize I was rude all that time. I hadn’t even gotten to know his name. Now I look at him and him only. I apologise for being so insensitive. Everyone can tell I’m not being genuine. This is purely for cosmetic effect. Its what a normal person should do in such a situation. If we were all at party and not on the street, I’d try and steal her from him. Everyone there knew it, even him, and it made everything all the more exciting. I tell the boyfriend If he doesn’t “treat her right” someone else will take her. I study her face. She seems happy someone is saying these things. The DJ asks for my social media handle, he’d like to reconnect some other time. I tell him I’m not big on Instagram bt If he wants we could always have a beer or coffee. We are standing outside a coffee house. That statement is blatantly meant for J. She looks away (I’m not subtle at all). I’m purposefully making it very awkward for her. Me and the Dj exchange numbers. He texts me his name which I save. The boyfriend says he wants to leave. Ree now calls. I tell him where I was and that he should hurry because I want to introduce him to some cool people. They choose to wait and meet my friend. Ree shows up. He has a very stylish hair cut and a nice trench coat. Everyone meets everyone. We make small talk. Something about their lack of presence on social media. Then I let them go. We walk towards where the other guys were.
Ree meets the boys. We hang abit. I suggest we leave for the campus event. The boys say no. Ree’s a cool guy bt we just met and there’s two dudes on that table I’ve known for over 10 years. Since high school. We decide to meet up later in the night. Ree leaves. Me and the guys leave for another club. We hang there for a bit then the boys say they want cheap liquor. Beer wasn’t doing much for them. They tell me of this place near Odeon where you can get super high real cheap. And apparently there’s girls there. We leave. It’s a back alley full of teenagers and 20 somethings. Young people will always find a way to do things their way. We ask for a bottle and pour it into plastic cups and debate on Law and how much of a bad ass Putin is. I really like Putin. One dude’s a lawyer. I’ve always liked lawyers so we gel real easy. Some guys try and cause trouble, someone quells it down. Not the best place to be If you like peace. We get lost in conversation. One of my friends who people have this bad habit of not listening to keeps telling us to get up and leave. The guys ignore. He insists. I listen more keenly. I look to my right. Some guy has one of the kids in a vice grip. I recognize him, a week before he’d made me pay him a bribe for catching me smoking cigarettes in the street. He’s a non uniformed officer. I shove the bottle in my inner trench coat pocket and scram off like a mad man. Every man for himself. Once I stop running, I find myself near the FireStation alone. I look to see if anyone is following me. No one. I relax. I call the guys no one’s answering.
I decide to call Ree, maybe now I could go for that campus event. He doesn’t answer. I look at the bottle and think of drinking all of it alone. The thought is tempting. One of the guys call. We meet outside Imenti House. He tells me we should always listen to him when he talks. He swears he’s never hanging out with those other guys again. We reconnect with the others. One of the guys tells us he was in cuffs but called his dad and was instantly released. I make a mental note to watch who I get into trouble with. You could get life and a nigga could walk. We all decide to call it a night.
Now its just me and one other guy. I have this thing where I’ll just walk into a club, dance with a random chic and leave. I enter Zodiac. I don’t really like this place but in life u move from the bottom up. There’s nothing in Zodiac. We leave. We go to L.P.D in Moi Avenue. I like this place. There’s usually chics and beers 200. I scout around. I see someone I know. Our mom’s are friends. She’s like 5 years older. Last time we had a sit down, she was finishing campus and I was joining campus. She was super smart and our moms thought it was a good idea if she advised me on career selection. I used to game her younger sisters. Back then I didn’t know what I was doing. If something happened it was because I had gotten lucky. Literally. Luck. Nothing else.
She looks good. I tell her that. She smiles. She asks why I took her number and never called her (we had bumped a week before and id took her number out of courtesy, I’d not thought she’d ever think of me sexually). I tell her its coz I thought I’d never get some. And I say I’ve very big on getting some. She is smiling as I tell her that. She pulls me closer and we dance with our crotches touching. She did that. She is communicating intent. I laugh. I tell her its fine now. I move her to a table and we sit. I compliment her on her thighs. She likes it. Then I tell her I got Good Dick.
Thank you, Annie.
I tell her how hard it is to find Good Dick in Nairobi. Again, thank you Annie.
I tell her I can’t promise her much else in life but I can guarantee good dick. The look on her face turns sexual. Mine’s shameless. She asks how old I am. I laugh. It’s a trick question. I tell her enough to know I got Good Dick. My friend is watching us through the corner of his eye. He wants me to win. Then I notice a guy hovering around us. She introduces him. She says it’s her boyfriend. Then he leaves and sits by himself at the counter. He is openly sulking. I decide to show some respect. I tell her I have to leave, she asks that I stay a bit longer. I tell her she’s being insensitive. She knows her boyfriend is watching. She must not care at this point. I insist on leaving on the pretext that I have to find someone to take home and if she wasn’t going to be that someone I had to leave. She lets me go. As we leave, one of her younger sisters shows up. How things change. I don’t even bother asking her name. She used to be “not nice” to me when we we younger. Now her older sister is game. Again, how things change.
Me and my friend decide to call it a night. We walk towards Edge. As we walk I notice a tiny chic with lots of hair on her tiny head walking by the street. She wants to go into Edge then decides against it. She then stands by one of those street vendors that sell cigarettes and sweets and asks for a pain killer. She is super high. I approach. She asks for water. I buy them for her and tell her she doesn’t look so good. She agrees. She says she wants to puke.
I ask her where she is going. She says home. She is running away from her friends. She has had enough and her friends won’t let her go. So she snuck out the club. I lead her to some back alley where she could puke. She pukes. I give her water. I tell her everything is going to be alright. We make small talk. She appreciates the attention I’m giving her. She seems like a young lost soul in the city. I decide I’m going to take her home. I give her more water to wash her mouth with. I kiss her.
I know. She just puked. But if I don’t escalate right now I might as well try and look for her tomorrow and start from zero. She tells me we shouldn’t kiss after she just puked. I kiss her again. I hold her hand and walk her towards the stage. She says If I want us to go home together, I need to call an uber. She didn’t feel like going by public transport at that hour. It’s a small price to pay for a lay that had became possible just 20 minutes ago. I call the Uber. My friend insists on going to his place. I insist on us leaving in the same car, he refuses. Adamantly. He’s a good friend.
We get home. I don’t even get LMR. We exchange names as we get to bed. I give her my all. We wake up in the morning and get to know each other. We leave for town and part after having lunch. She is a nice girl and promises to come with her friend the next weekend for a threesome. She says I can handle it. Thing with tiny chics is when they let you hit, hit hard coz the last dude who was there probably did the same thing. And you have to hit harder than the last guy.
After we part I decide to go to Nairobi West. I want to go see if an ex girlfriend still lives where she lived. When I get there the watchman tells me the light Kalenjin chic with the huge ass moved. She was something. She had taught me a lot of things about people. I’m very disappointed. I go to the nearest watering hole. I drink till it’s late. I buy Keg beer so it’s not much of a pinch. I used to study around these areas so I know where to drink on a lean budget. I make some friends from Kibera; ones a gardener. The other hawks pencils in town. They give me their life story. I really enjoy these kind of things. I get to meet diverse people. One of the guys tells me some dudes were eyeing me. They wanted to rob me cause I was new. I think dingy places are interesting. There human nature glares at you and a trifling amount can earn you loyalty. My new friends ask me to leave with them for security. I don’t completely trust them but they seem a safer bet than the other dudes in that watering hole. I follow them, then change course without warning. The thing about this place is that it’s a labyrinth of hallways and I know them well. I used to come here a lot in my first year. I make out okay. And go to town.
When I go to town, I go to Club Rumourz. Its on Moi Avenue. I want to grind on hot chics and go home. I’m shabbily dressed bt I noticed chics don’t care about that kind of stuff at night. Unless it’s really bright inside. I scout the place. I see a girl dancing next to her friend. I ask her if she ‘d like to dance, she says no and points to her friend.
Her she wants to act unattainable.
Her friend’s game. We literally fuck on the floor. She doesn’t even turn once to look at my face while we dance. She just wants to let loose and dance like a sexual animal with a man who will let her be one. Any man really. We dance for a while. She then turns and says she wants to go to the rest room. I’m left there standing alone. The friend who was with her is next to her dancing. I join her. Now she accepts. We dance again. Heavy body contact. I’m surprised. Why did she say no the first time. I don’t get it. Maybe people only want things when other people have them. It’s the paradox of desire. Her friend returns and sits. We dance abit. She says something about wanting to sit or being tired. Can’t remember. But she broke it off. Maybe she realized she was acting too familiar too quick and decides to check herself. I leave them.
I walk towards the exit. As I near the exit where there is a staircase that leads you down I see a girl lost in her world. Dancing. Happy. Full head of hair. She looked like the type that would fuss over her Instagram account. Lol. An updated one with selfies and lots of pictures of food. And a boyfriend. And an expensive phone. Her friends are all seated. It’s a mixed set. Young men and two or three chics. No one really talking to each other. I approach her. No ones really looking so its very low risk. I ask for permission to dance with her, of course in a way that wasn’t supplicating but still respectful. She agrees. It starts normal and slowly escalates. People start looking. She is comfortable with it. Two chics then get up and start dancing. One I later came to learn was her older sister, the other a friend. One dude joins in and dances with the sister. They escalate real quick. They move from light touching to really hot and heavy dancing. They are lost. Its like they don’t see anyone else. The girl I’m with turns, ass to my crotch and starts dancing like her sister. I think girls usually need permission from their circle before they decide to become sexual with a guy. She is wearing tights. I feel her ass while we dance. As we dance I tell her I find her very attractive. She must have heard that before. I tell her that when most guys meet her they usually want her to treat her like a flower and want to control her, she agrees. I tell her I won’t. I tell her I don’t want to wife her. And I actually just want to fuck her.
We are talking in Swahili now. I tell her ’me nadai tu kukudishi’ . Loosely translated to I just want to eat you. She is listening, clearly wondering what ill say next. I give her the Good Dick talk.
Thank you Annie again!
I tell her I can’t guarantee anything else except assurance of a good dick. This Good Dick routine is clearly working. I don’t think ever chics hear it. Men aren’t just that direct. Especially with strangers. I tell her I have chics in rotation and I don’t want to make her my girlfriend. All I want is to give her a day. I make it clear that its me giving her and her taking. Maybe one day in a week when she can come for good dick. She isn’t offended. I decide to push the limit. Since she is facing me I grab her ass tight with both my hands. I’ve cupped it and she can feel it. I ask her how many guys hold her ass like that without permission. She says its rare. She doesn’t ask me to move my hands. So, I make sure she can feel my hands on her butt and im not polite about it. Now I have her where I want. I ask her when she’ll come for Good Dick. She doesn’t answer, she asks what is it I got that makes me think I got good dick. “Kwani uko na nini?” It’s a trap. She wants me to say I have a big dick so that she can finally find something to dismiss. I know If I do I’ll sound lame and cliché. So, I don’t.
I simply ask her If she has ever told someone thank you after sex. She says Yes. I ask her If she’s ever been fucked till she cried. Now that’s new. She doesn’t respond. I tell her that from the way she was dancing, she’s never been fucked proper. She asks how I know that. I tell her experience. I tell her she has no respect for men. A high energy song comes that she likes, she turns. I understand. I’ve stated sexual intent so she knows exactly what I want. There is this dance where it gets to a point where you pull a chic by the waist and hit her ass hard with your crotch. Once or twice severally and then continue grinding. It’s just doggystyle with clothes. I do it, when the tempo is highest. At one point It’s so shameless, she just turns to look at me and accuse me of being naughty while pointing a finger and laughing. She clearly enjoys this but I have to take all the blame and be the bad naughty immoral one in the relationship. I take the blame. Then I repeat it. One of her friends is dancing alone. Clearly horny. She looks like she is asking for it. I see guys seated on the table doing nothing. They are letting opportunity slip. I ask the chic I’m with what’s up with her friend, she says she’s horny. We laugh. I tell her if I got her friend today she’d behave like a proper woman the next day. Someone hasn’t taught her manners in a long time. We laugh again.
My girl’s sister had gone to the washroom and as she comes back to the table to have a seat she playfully separates us. She says we are too much. In retrospect, it was all very shameless.
The girl I’m with now says she’s tired and wants to sit. I take her seat and motion her to my lap. Her tights are soft and slippery and I’m in office pants so she keeps on sliding off and I return her back on to her position by her waist. Im clearly handling her as I feel and she already let me to do whatever I want when I made it very clear she didn’t intimidate me. I tell her we should leave. She doesn’t object .She simply asks where to. I tell her Kasarani. She says she wants to but she has to take her sister home. It was their night out. Her sister is clearly not that drunk and she can let her go with the others. Its an excuse. But I let it pass. I ask her then which day of the week I should I set aside for her so that she can come for some of that Good Dick I was talking about. She says we’ll talk about it another time. Since I don’t have my phone with me she takes my number and promises to get in touch. I tell her I have to leave. As I get up I go for a kiss. I want to know If she’ll call or not. She kisses me back. I make sure the kiss feels nasty. Then I go in for another one. This time its longer than the last one. It feels good. I leave for home.
I take sometime off before replacing my phone. It gives me time to clear my head. Think. I decide I’m going to build a big house and buy a range rover before I’m 35. I also decide to quit smoking. I haven’t touched a cigarette since Saturday night. Today’s Friday. Anyone who smokes, know how hard that is. Or easy. Depends on what you want. I’ve also been reading the Bible. A lot. I pray a lot too. Now I avoid idle talk. I’m more controlled. Part of my charm is my carelessness but maybe I need to work out another way of being charming. Cant throw caution to the wind forever. I even feel more respect for myself. Since Saturday I haven’t actively been trying to get laid. I’m not sure how long I can keep this up but I’m in a good head space now.
When I finally replaced my phone yesterday one of the texts that I get is from the chic I danced with. It’s a simple ‘Hey!’ I tell her I like her picture. She doesn’t respond to the compliment. I ask when she’s coming for that good good. She says soon. I ask her if she fucks like she dances. She lols and asks me what I think. I text her I don’t know so she’d have to surprise me. I’m trying to set things up in such a way that she will try to qualify herself to me sexually. She bites bait. She responds by telling me that as a matter of fact she’ll come to my place and prove it to me. I don’t know what exactly she’s going to prove.
To be honest I have no intention of following through with this but I’m curious to see if she can dance to whatever tune I’ll play. I’m one of those people who thinks the world would be a better place if I could control everything. I like holding strings. It’s a weakness. I tell her to come over to which she responds she can’t because of work the next day. Her name’s Njeri. She says she’ll come over for the weekend and prove herself. The weekend starts today. I hope my demons don’t catch up with me. I’ve been living exceptionally contentedly this past week. I doubt chics will help maintain that balance. I tried to get better with women because I wanted to become a better man. Not to validate my sense of self through a body count. Your thoughts are welcome. Bye!
