- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
I see a lot of guys in the pickup community, including some people on these boards boast about, set goals for or otherwise associate their skill with how many women they've slept with. I personally think the number of women we've slept with gives only a very rough sketch of how good we are with women. That is...we know that a guy who's slept with 100 women is probably at least somewhat competant. And a guy who's slept with 0 is probably not. But unless you're at one extreme or another, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Why? Because goals & standards greatly affect lay count. I'll use myself as an example here. I've never been a guy who wants to have sex with fat chicks. Even when I was a virgin, I wanted to be with women who are attractive to me. So I've always had standards. Conversely, I have a friend who goes by the phrase "pussy is pussy". He'll have sex with literally any girl who gives him the opportunity. So, since I have inherently higher standards then him, it becomes much more difficult for me to get laid (assuming we're both the same "skill" level).
Right now, I'm a few girls shy of sleeping with 20 women. But if I was dtf with fat girls, I'm convinced that I could easily be over 100. Why? Because I used to match every girl on Tinder (was easier to swipe right on all then pick who I want to talk to then it was to look through all photos). So I would inevitably match with a lot of girls who were well..unattractive. Here's the thing: They would message ME asking to hook up. ALL THE TIME. Like, literally once or twice a week. I would get blatantly sexual messages like "dtf?", "can I sit on you?", "how big is your cock" or my all time favorite: "burn a church with me daddy" XDXD (and no, these are not bots. I can tell the difference).
I can only imagine how many more would have wanted to hook up with me if I actually pursued them.
So...if all we're looking at is notch count, had I chosen to sleep with these women, they would be included. But would that make me "better" with women than I am now? Obviously not. That's ridiculous.
Second is goals. For this one, I'll use my other friend as an example. He has no interest in hook ups. He likes relationships. For the past two years, he's been with one girl. Whereas I've never technically committed to a girl. Ever. So naturally, I'm going to have an advantage over him (unless he chooses to cheat on her. But he doesn't). So I'd be surprised if he's been with more than three girls in his entire life.
So does this make me "better" with women than him? Not really. In fact, he might be better than me. Because his girlfriend is higher quality than any girl I've ever been with (she literally looks like a model, is intelligent, kind, chill, very socially intelligent, was a virgin before she met him...and so on.). So ironically, despite his low lay count, he actually has what I've been searching for this entire time.
I think lay count serves a different function. It doesn't directly tell us how good someone is with women. Rather, it tells us how experienced he is. Its impossible to have slept with 20 women without having some modicum of experience with them. Just as its almost impossible to remain a virgin for too long if you're consistently interacting with women. And even though experience does correlate with "skill". They're not necessarily a one to one thing. As there are many other factors which determine a man's attractiveness other than the amount of interactions he's had with women.
TLDR; Stop worrying about your lay count (or anything else which quantifies your skill with women), and start worrying about becoming a better man
Why? Because goals & standards greatly affect lay count. I'll use myself as an example here. I've never been a guy who wants to have sex with fat chicks. Even when I was a virgin, I wanted to be with women who are attractive to me. So I've always had standards. Conversely, I have a friend who goes by the phrase "pussy is pussy". He'll have sex with literally any girl who gives him the opportunity. So, since I have inherently higher standards then him, it becomes much more difficult for me to get laid (assuming we're both the same "skill" level).
Right now, I'm a few girls shy of sleeping with 20 women. But if I was dtf with fat girls, I'm convinced that I could easily be over 100. Why? Because I used to match every girl on Tinder (was easier to swipe right on all then pick who I want to talk to then it was to look through all photos). So I would inevitably match with a lot of girls who were well..unattractive. Here's the thing: They would message ME asking to hook up. ALL THE TIME. Like, literally once or twice a week. I would get blatantly sexual messages like "dtf?", "can I sit on you?", "how big is your cock" or my all time favorite: "burn a church with me daddy" XDXD (and no, these are not bots. I can tell the difference).
I can only imagine how many more would have wanted to hook up with me if I actually pursued them.
So...if all we're looking at is notch count, had I chosen to sleep with these women, they would be included. But would that make me "better" with women than I am now? Obviously not. That's ridiculous.
Second is goals. For this one, I'll use my other friend as an example. He has no interest in hook ups. He likes relationships. For the past two years, he's been with one girl. Whereas I've never technically committed to a girl. Ever. So naturally, I'm going to have an advantage over him (unless he chooses to cheat on her. But he doesn't). So I'd be surprised if he's been with more than three girls in his entire life.
So does this make me "better" with women than him? Not really. In fact, he might be better than me. Because his girlfriend is higher quality than any girl I've ever been with (she literally looks like a model, is intelligent, kind, chill, very socially intelligent, was a virgin before she met him...and so on.). So ironically, despite his low lay count, he actually has what I've been searching for this entire time.
I think lay count serves a different function. It doesn't directly tell us how good someone is with women. Rather, it tells us how experienced he is. Its impossible to have slept with 20 women without having some modicum of experience with them. Just as its almost impossible to remain a virgin for too long if you're consistently interacting with women. And even though experience does correlate with "skill". They're not necessarily a one to one thing. As there are many other factors which determine a man's attractiveness other than the amount of interactions he's had with women.
TLDR; Stop worrying about your lay count (or anything else which quantifies your skill with women), and start worrying about becoming a better man
