FR  Learning social momentum: An evening out in Asia (Daygame)

Merchant's-Kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
233
Skills that I am deliberately training in this outing

Advice on social momentum from HTMGC:
The simple concept of building social momentum and then maintaining social momentum.

Today, when I am building/maintaining social momentum, I am not going to specifically talk to women unless circumstances are easy to do so.
Before I do my first approach, I will talk to 5 different people.
If I for some reason get particularly negative, I will stop approaching, and go and talk to 2 new people. That's it. Not that hard to fk it up.
After rebuilding social momentum and positivity, I will start approaching again.

Chase does not specifically state but it seems quite evident that in building social momentum he recommends that u build social momentum with new women. I will get to this stage soon enough. For today, it's just going to be talk to sufficient numbers of whoever (guys or girls).


Advice on the fundamental of using the law of least effort in conversation from HTMGC:
In general, putting in as little effort as possible.
Ignoring insults and never getting defensive
Expressing ideas concisely and to the point not only with words
Deflecting requests for compliance, using ambiguity and statements like "maybe later"
Learning to make the other person try to get your attention

In general, appearing independent and secure.
At the core, not needing the other person's approval, acceptance, or interest.


The sequence of events of the outing

Pre-outing state of mind

I drove to the location and parked in a building near a sequence of a huge traffic junction, 2 malls, 1 taxi stand, and 2 bus stops.
When I got to the location, I had not done any approaches since 2 days ago, and in fact had very little interaction with people.
I did TRE the day before this outing.
I had gone on another outing 2 days before this outing and I got blown off 13-14 times that day. Today went much better even though I approached less and more or less got blown off every single time once again.
At the beginning of the outing, I was feeling some lingering effects of the bad outing on Tuesday

Social momentum interaction (will just abbreviate to SMI) 1:
I went to speak to a 50+ yr old guy sitting down sorting through some newspapers on a bench. I tried speaking to him in a language other than English. He just kept murmuring "ah", got up, and walked away after 1 minute of me trying to strike conversation. Didn't get too worried about this. I just focussed on consciously monitoring myself for the social fundamentals I'm training today

SMI 2:
Went to the taxi stand, and saw someone wearing an interesting mask. Made some jokes with him and asked him concisely and confidently to have a conversation with me (still training my fundamentals). He said he was busy with something on his phone. Looked legit.

SMI 3:
There was this guy standing in the sun, taking a video of an advertisement video billboard on a building for his jo. Bantered with him about heaven and hell for 5-8 minutes. I count this as my first warm-up interaction.

SMI 4:
I went to the bus stop adjacent to the taxi stand and chatted with this fat lady who I could not even tell whether she was a guy or girl until I asked her. Did some bantering and she probably thought I was hitting on her but I kept making jokes and told her I'm having a conversation. We spoke for about 5 minutes. I counted this as my 2nd warm up interaction.

SMI 5:
I went into the mall which had the taxi stand and went into the dollar store at the basement. I got some kind of an AI/IOI from a not-very-single-looking woman and I thought I would just try to chat with her. When I first said hello, she just pretended she didn't hear me. Then I persisted a bit but never got her to chat.

SMI 6:
I walked to the corner of a chain clothes shop and saw a girl sitting at the corner of the shop. I tried talking to her to just strike a conversation and she just pointed to her Dad who was the old man standing a few feet away. I immediately turn to her Dad, and have the massive urge to qualify myself to her Dad, I simply say something about making conversation, the Dad chuckles condescendingly, I realise wtf and turn back to talk to the girl, but give up since doing random chatting would be awkward with her Dad there.

A transition:
I walk to the opposite and of my daygame area, near the 2nd mall

SMI 7:
I try to chat with a very pretty probably married girl, and ask her for some recommendations on where to buy things and we end up having some kind of a 2 minute conversation, and I can tell she does like talking to be, she sort of realises she doesn't want to have a fun platonic conversation with me so she just started walking away from me. I counted this as my 3rd warm-up interaction

SMI 8:
I walk up to this beutiful girl who is standing still and genuinely compliment her on her top, just as I would in a normal approach. She looks highly unlikely to be single. She speaks to me very briefly but is clearly uncomfortable with talking to me. I even told her I'm just striking conversation but she still felt uncomfortable so I left it

SMI 9:
The food street I was at is not a Vietnamese food street but rather a food street of a different culture and I notice this pair of Vietnamese dudes running a shop that sells fruit. I chat them up because it's interesting that a Vietnamese person opened shop here and they seem interested enough to talk to me. I counted this as my 4th warm-up interaction

SMI 10:
I start chatting to the girls running the noodles shop 2 doors away. And we have a conversation. We use a language other than English. Some fake some funny accent and I playfully almost flirt with them. No sexual undertones. But playful banter. I counted this as my 5th warm up interaction

Time check: It was at least 1 hour from the time I made my first attempt to chat to someone. I gotta do it faster next time. But good that I met my goal of talking to 5 different people before starting to approach.

Approach 1:
She initially didn't get my opener when I used English so I just said in a second language, a simple "today what ur wearing looks nice" and she seemed quite amused and happy about the compliment.
I didn't screen for the fact that this girl looked married. And she was waiting stationary on the pavement of a major road. And she said she was waiting for her husband to pick her up. So I gave up trying to get compliance from her. but I bantered with her for 2-3 minutes.

Approach 2:
There was this girl who was dressed in very elegant, but artsy and groovy attire and I successfully side stopped her, and I mentioned her attire with genuine interest. She smiled because she knew I was hitting on her. Then she told me she's in a rush to go meet her parents. It seemed legit and this was less than 30 seconds into the interaction so I let her go.

Transitioning thoughts:
I felt some of the anxiety coming back after the previous approach and lost some more momentum because I had to go to the bathroom in a mall. So I decided to talk to more new people to rebuild my momentum.

Approach 3:
On my way to look for more new suitable people to start chatting to, I saw this cute girl heading from the first floor of the mall down to the basement floors so I follow her to the basement on the escalators and I side stop her after she gets off the escalator. The opener is a genuine one about how she looks cute in her working attire even though it's very plain. She doesn't understand the compliment because she doesn't speak English well, and there becomes a delay when I try to come up with something to say in the 2nd language (my command of this language is weaker). The delay makes her realise that the premise for the interaction is not very important and she walks away

SMI 11:
Exit the mall to the bus stop and I see this guy smoking next to the bin and open him. I learnt from this interaction that the interaction probably only lasts the remaining lifetime of the smoker's cigarette stick. Apparently his normal job is working as a bouncer in a nightclub and he had to change jobs because of Corona. We chat briefly and somewhat have a good time.

SMI 12:
I opened this girl at the bus stop with no intention to hit on her, I but she was definitely someone I would have hit on if I wasn't at this moment planning to just chill out and rebuild social momentum. She seemed very happy that I was talking to her cos she knew I was hitting on her or at least the way I opened was once again a kind of genuine interest. The opener was "I haven't seen anyone wear a headband like that in a LOONNGG time". I wasn't approaching with intent, but she could tell I was interested in her and she reacted in quite a sweet girly way. But then her bus came within half a minute and I let her go.

SMI 13:
I walk to this traffic light junction and see this dude in shorts walking around. Apparently he's Canadian. And he suddenly starts pelting me with questions. And when talking to him I realise that I forgot my social fundamentals that I'm supposed to be training during this outing for a while so I snap back into self-consciousness.

I tell him I daygame and he tries to maintain some mystery about himself saying that he's a natural who goes about talking to people. ANd then the dude starts interviewing me. And I train my deflection of questions. I get slightly and visibly annoyed but try my best not to be defensive (successfully enough) and then he says that I'm being defensive and that I should be being open with him because "you're not being open with me".

Even though he's clearly just trying to get information out of me. I told him that I have anxiety with women and that's why I do this and he didn't believe me and just kept trying to redirect the conversation and ask about my life. I thought no point in me arguing with him I'm just going to keep the conversation positive. And I just look him in the eyes and watch as he tries to shoot me with his frames to get more info out of me. He eventually cracks in his frame with me not saying much and me just lightly and positively saying "ok" "yeah!". And he acts like a kid and walks away after I refuse to answer his interview questions and he genuinely looked liked he resented me for not giving him the information easily.
Not as though he gave nearly as much information about himself as I told him about me.

Transition: Felt quite awkward from the conversation with the Canadian but then realised time was running so I wanted to get back to approaching.

By then, the crowd really thinned out. ANd I thought, no worries, call it a day even though I only did 3 approaches and come back to write the field report.

Approach 4:
On the way back to the building where I parked my car, I passed by the taxi stand. There was this sexy looking lady with a lot of shopping bags waiting for her transportation. I do Alek's open that he talked about in the podcast. Where he first walks past the girl, and turns around and walks back to the girl and opens her. The opener is something along the lines of "I find what ur wearing today really attractive". Another very genuine opener. Then she drops me the husband line saying that she's waiting for her husband.

I was actually quite loud and I did well in maintaining my stance and she was leaning in massively to hear what I said rather than me leaning in and I'm very happy with that.
But I fked up the conversation by reacting too quickly to what she said and me always trying to say things and not giving her the time to tell me about the things she was about to say. It became an awkward interaction of me interrupting her at least 2-3 times.
That said, I don't think I could get very far with her given she was married and her relationship didn't seem/sound shaky

Transition:
I drive to a different location for dinner that I am actually more familiar with. To eat dinner.

Approach 5:
I park my car at a parking area and walk to the mall where I'm going to eat and I see a cute girl wearing an interesting top and I run towards her to meet her and before I manage to tap her arm from the side, she somehow just turns around because she saw my shadow coming or something and I just calibrate and say hi. And I compliment her top genuinely, saying "I haven't seen someone wearing a top like that in a while, it looks cool", but she slowly starts walking away from me, even though she knows what's going on, didn't get too worried about this

Thoughts:
After I did approach 5, I suddenly felt like I was high on drugs
(never actually tried drugs before) but that's when I really felt the high of the social momentum. When I did approach 5, there was completely no fear. Nothing. I just walked up to her and delivered super genuinely and fearlessly.

I spent 20-30 minutes eating dinner... Doing zero approaches, though I bantered with the girls who ran the stall who I bought my dinner from, and the banter was HILARIOUS. And after this 20-30 minutes, I was STILL feeling high from the momentum, like wtf, I have not felt so much momentum in a long time. I thought it would have gone away by the time I finished dinner.

Approach 6:
So I'm waiting to cross this traffic crossing to head back to my car to finally drive home and then I see this cute girl in sweating in a baggy T-shirt and baggy pants also waiting for the light and I thought I was already gonna go back but for some reason I was still high on social momentum so I thought let's just do it. I wait for the light to turn green and then everyone crosses and I know this footpath well so I follow her until she ends up at the bus stop across the street.

Somehow she knew I was coming by the time I got to her at the bus stop and I just walked slowly to her, she was standing between 2 rows of seats and there were about 5 other people at the bus stop. She was looking at me from a 45 degree angle so I just waved and said hi. Then she pretended she didn't see me and started moving to a different part of the bus stop. I walk after her firmly and quickly and tap her firmly on her left arm before she is able to move too far away. She stops and I deliver my compliment decently but then she tells me that she didn't hear me.

I look at her keep my cool and apparently she's got earphones in so I ask her whether she can hear me and she nods without taking out her earphones. And I deliver a slightly different line and I sort of run out of words towards the end of the line. That's fine. I realise as I deliver this 2nd line my body language is leaning into her way to much and I jerk myself in the opposite direction awkwardly. (lol) I offer my hand and introduce myself and she just says her name so softly I can't hear it.

At this point, I consciously managed to keep my torso still and use my facial expression and raised my right hand to the side of my head to indicate that I didn't hear her (what I'm out to learn today) rather than leaning into needily. She said her name again and but was looking out for her bus and then her bus came and I didn't try to get her to wait for the next bus and just laughed at the situation as I motioned for her to catch her bus. The interesting part was that I didn't even think too much during this approach, it cam without too much effort (I believe because I was warmed up).


Lessons learnt

1. This is the first time since a long time ago (weeks/months) that I tried to build and maintain social momentum + positivity throughout the whole outing. I completely forgot about this. It's actually the first time I've felt positive after/from an outing in a long time. This social momentum actually really upped my performance in the last 3 approaches even though I got blown off. Over the past few weeks, by the time I got to my last few approaches my mind would be full of negativity and I would be down in the drain with social momentum from geting blown off over and over again. Key thing that happened was that when things weren't going so well, I took the time to just chill out and go and make some no-pressure fun conversations to rebuild social momentum and positivity.

2. During my next outing, I will strive to do the same things that I did here with social momentum. I will also see if there is a better location for me to constantly be able to talk to people at quick notice. A good goal would be to warm up in less time. So that I can do more than just 6 approaches. I think I should aim to do 10-12 the next time.

Won't think further than this for now.
 
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Mr STIF

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
150
Nice one, brother. Just gain social momentum and use it to hone your vibe and skills. It's just a routine or drill, you alone would be changing on the inside. And the little secret would be- no one would know what's happening in your soul, even your family.

I guess that's why it's a secret society ;). I live with my parents, after practicing day game, properly and gaining momentum they still think I'm the old me.

Others think I'm a nice guy because I dress sexy but when they indulge me in a conversation, they find out that I'm just raw and my vibe is an open-minded one.

I speak to them like an old friend, very genuine and I take them to another level of trance with my conversational skills and analytic observations.

All these started when I seriously started practicing the right techniques in the right manner(calibration). From reading this FR, you are on the right path. Little wonder, you chose to close the last one to start this one, I guess you realized you've been doing something wrong, all these times.

I love this!
 

Merchant's-Kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
233
Yo @Mr STIF

Haha yeah that's the real kicker... Parents not knowing what's going on. I think my mother can tell something's going on, because my vibe and composure are changing slightly but doesn't really want to ask me about it.

Been doing a lot of things wrong and still doing a lot of things wrong. Will keep moving forward. Maybe I'll post another outing FR next weekend.

Cheers bro
 

Mr STIF

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 8, 2019
Messages
150
I just love how you chat up every goddamn human being and using that momentum to approach hot women.

Social momentum is everywhere, just keep an open mind, chat up a stranger and you'll be warmed. Then use it on the hot women.

Keep it Man.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,484
@Merchant's-Kin,

Good work getting out, talking to lots of people, and doing approaches.

When you're really new and raw socially, you need to talk to as many different people as possible (men too, and old women, and unattractive women, not just young & cute ones), as you're doing, to figure out the basic rules of socialization.

I don't want to give you too much detailed feedback here because it's clear the most important thing is getting out and getting the touch points in talking to different people. But I will comment on a few things in particular that stood out:

  1. The conversation with the Canadian guy seemed almost adversarial. It was like you didn't want to answer him and he didn't want to answer you. Was it that he was just pelting you with one question after another while ignoring yours to him (which would make him the cause of that advesarial-ness) or was it something you contributed to?

  2. It seems like a lot of these women know you're going to approach before you do, which means you are signaling too much. It can feel very awkward (very high pressure) to a woman to have a guy looking at her or otherwise obviously planning to come talk to her from far away, then have to wait for this guy to approach, and open. Can sometimes be GREAT if she's way into you or your game's super solid... but otherwise, you want it to seem as casual as possible, kind of "Oh wow, I just noticed you." Women seeming to know you're going to approach like this probably means you're staring too much, and need to get better at using your peripheral vision.

So, great stuff here. Keep going out, keep socializing, and keep working on it. You'll get the rules of conversation figured out better and better as you do (and your approaches will start working better with time as your social skills improve).

Chase
 

Merchant's-Kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
233
Hi Chase!

The conversation with the Canadian guy seemed almost adversarial. It was like you didn't want to answer him and he didn't want to answer you. Was it that he was just pelting you with one question after another while ignoring yours to him (which would make him the cause of that advesarial-ness) or was it something you contributed to?
It started with him asking me questions and me actually answering. Then he just kept asking offering no information about himself and trying to giving advice to me in response to which I slowed down and started making my answers vague and he got unhappy because he thought I was not being open with him. I just tried to keep it positive while keeping vague and he started resenting me for it and walked off unhappily in the end. Oh well.

Women seeming to know you're going to approach like this probably means you're staring too much, and need to get better at using your peripheral vision.
I don't believe it's too much of a problem but I could well be wrong... I haven't thought too much about this. But sometimes the way I stand already attracts attention.
Sometimes, the girl is married/has a boyfriend and the instant I pre-open/open without me even saying anything, they tell me "nonono, sorry sorry" or "sry sry I can't I can't"

I think the explanation is that they are attracted to me but afraid to give compliance or etc.

To @anyone, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Thanks for reading the field report!
Y
 
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