Let’s talk charisma

[DoWhatWorks]

Have some time to kill waiting for a delayed flight so writing a post I’ve had in mind for a while…

How to be Charismatic

I’ll start of by addressing objections upfront:

DWW this is skilled seducer not skilled socialite wtf should I care??

Because Charisma will make your seductions much easier.

Secondly for a lot of “hard cases” their issues are social not dating related.

If they learnt how to form meaningful relationships (even if plantonic) they’d improve

What makes you qualified to write this??

I’m a random guy of the internet so take it or leave it. For what it’s worth these are *regular* situations I find myself in:

*Girl strangers will try & set me up with their friends on nights out

*Restaurants/bars will give me a great service and provide complimentary bites or drinks

*I get away with working less hours than other people in my job & still get promotions

*Mentors who I literally have nothing to offer, invest time in helping me improve often for free

Still interested?

Good will keep this short & sweet with the technique in bold and how to bullets beneath.

Focus on the emotion you convey

When interacting with people they’ll remember more of how you made them feel vs what you say… Cliche but true.

Make a conscious effort to transfer a positive emotion.

This can be done through:

-varying your voice to emphasise a point e.g. whispering like you’re sharing a secret then speaking louder when talking about a funny outrageous thing that you experienced

-Thinking of a happy memory or exciting topic while taking as that emotion will come across

-Remembering what people have shared with you then bringing it up again IE how’s Greece?



Be interested

It’s hard to dislike someone who takes an interest in you.

-Ask open questions and listen more than you speak

-Don’t judge as it gives permission for people to be themselves (which is refreshing)

-Learn facts from different people and bring it up when relevant. So much of my conversation is “I learn X about someone who’s similar to you… Is it true?” E.g. I heard Southern Italians are a lot more fiery than northern how true is it?

You’ll often spike good conversation, laughs or looks of disbelief with the detailed info you know

Be interesting (and useful)

The most charming people are interesting themselves but still take a big interest in others. It’s part of the appeal

-Try new things, be curious enjoy life and hobbies besides just girls,work and sportsball

-Always try add value in any way you can. “Oh you’re going to Venice? I’ll share a list of places I liked when I went”

It’s important you give without expecting in return… It finds a way to come back round. This has been a big way of how I’ve got mentors.

I was close to an investor by intermittently sharing cool apps so he felt like he had an ear to the ground


-Genuine compliments based on traits that are not superficial. E.g. Impressive how you built xyz, like how you put that outfit together, noticed how you’re super knowledgable in 123

Understand People

“Seek first to understand than to be understood”

Understand human psychology and what makes people tick as then you’ll understand the best ways to interact with different people.

-Look at Myers Briggs (16 personalties)

- Big 5 (personality traits & probably the most scientific)

- Star signs (I wish I was joking lol)


Be a good person

Personally I attribute this as the main reason how more times than not, I get what I want out of life and people.

People (especially women) can sense pure intentions. I use the techniques above to enhance my life and influence things but never to manipulate anyone negatively.

Some personal codes of mine:

-What people tell me in confidence goes nowhere

-Avoid lies. Take me or leave me as I am. Better of building a life where I have to downplay my reality

-Don’t intentionally leave people in a worse place than I found them due to my actions

-Be as gracefully honest with people around me so they improve with tough love (have to remember to only do it to those who ask)

I have a clear conscious that allows me to sleep at night and when I talk to people they can tell I’m content with myself with nothing to prove.

People who use these techniques for pure manipulation ego reasons give off Car Salesman vibes while I give off “long lost friend ones”

Huge difference.

Hope that’s helpful

Onwards & Upwards x

 

[MarioTheDom]

Well, like many "personality" traits, Charisma cannot be measured. You perceive it.

Would you say a person that without these traits you presented is not charismatic?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Charisma cannot be measured. You perceive it.

True. Some people have the ability to be perceived in that way more than others though

"personality" traits

Quick point like how you added it in quotes (not sarcasm) as “personality” can be cultivated

Would you say a person that without these traits you presented is not charismatic

Nope, it’s not a full list by any means.

 

[MarioTheDom]

Quick point like how you added it in quotes (not sarcasm) as “personality” can be cultivated

Well because technically Charisma isn't a real personality trait but more a bucket where various components that defines charisma are thrown into (confidence, persuasion, clear communication,etc)
So you realistically don't cultivate charisma, you are increasing your effectiveness in the areas that compose it.

To the laymen, charisma is the mix of two terms that influence the decision: likeability (how someone is likeable) + power (ability to do something)

 

[Will_V]

Have some time to kill waiting for a delayed flight so writing a post I’ve had in mind for a while…

How to be Charismatic

I’ll start of by addressing objections upfront:

DWW this is skilled seducer not skilled socialite wtf should I care??

Because Charisma will make your seductions much easier.

Secondly for a lot of “hard cases” their issues are social not dating related.

If they learnt how to form meaningful relationships (even if plantonic) they’d improve

What makes you qualified to write this??

I’m a random guy of the internet so take it or leave it. For what it’s worth these are *regular* situations I find myself in:

*Girl strangers will try & set me up with their friends on nights out

*Restaurants/bars will give me a great service and provide complimentary bites or drinks

*I get away with working less hours than other people in my job & still get promotions

*Mentors who I literally have nothing to offer, invest time in helping me improve often for free

Still interested?

Good will keep this short & sweet with the technique in bold and how to bullets beneath.

Focus on the emotion you convey

When interacting with people they’ll remember more of how you made them feel vs what you say… Cliche but true.

Make a conscious effort to transfer a positive emotion.

This can be done through:

-varying your voice to emphasise a point e.g. whispering like you’re sharing a secret then speaking louder when talking about a funny outrageous thing that you experienced

-Thinking of a happy memory or exciting topic while taking as that emotion will come across

-Remembering what people have shared with you then bringing it up again IE how’s Greece?



Be interested

It’s hard to dislike someone who takes an interest in you.

-Ask open questions and listen more than you speak

-Don’t judge as it gives permission for people to be themselves (which is refreshing)

-Learn facts from different people and bring it up when relevant. So much of my conversation is “I learn X about someone who’s similar to you… Is it true?” E.g. I heard Southern Italians are a lot more fiery than northern how true is it?

You’ll often spike good conversation, laughs or looks of disbelief with the detailed info you know

Be interesting (and useful)

The most charming people are interesting themselves but still take a big interest in others. It’s part of the appeal

-Try new things, be curious enjoy life and hobbies besides just girls,work and sportsball

-Always try add value in any way you can. “Oh you’re going to Venice? I’ll share a list of places I liked when I went”

It’s important you give without expecting in return… It finds a way to come back round. This has been a big way of how I’ve got mentors.

I was close to an investor by intermittently sharing cool apps so he felt like he had an ear to the ground


-Genuine compliments based on traits that are not superficial. E.g. Impressive how you built xyz, like how you put that outfit together, noticed how you’re super knowledgable in 123

Understand People

“Seek first to understand than to be understood”

Understand human psychology and what makes people tick as then you’ll understand the best ways to interact with different people.

-Look at Myers Briggs (16 personalties)

- Big 5 (personality traits & probably the most scientific)

- Star signs (I wish I was joking lol)


Be a good person

Personally I attribute this as the main reason how more times than not, I get what I want out of life and people.

People (especially women) can sense pure intentions. I use the techniques above to enhance my life and influence things but never to manipulate anyone negatively.

Some personal codes of mine:

-What people tell me in confidence goes nowhere

-Avoid lies. Take me or leave me as I am. Better of building a life where I have to downplay my reality

-Don’t intentionally leave people in a worse place than I found them due to my actions

-Be as gracefully honest with people around me so they improve with tough love (have to remember to only do it to those who ask)

I have a clear conscious that allows me to sleep at night and when I talk to people they can tell I’m content with myself with nothing to prove.

People who use these techniques for pure manipulation ego reasons give off Car Salesman vibes while I give off “long lost friend ones”

Huge difference.

Hope that’s helpful

Onwards & Upwards x

Good points there, especially about focusing on the emotion you want the other person to feel.

Charisma is hard to define. I think of it as a very abstract thing, in that it isn't so much about what a person is or is not, but rather how they conduct emotions through themselves to others.

One aspect of non-charismatic people that I've noticed is the way they react to their own emotions and impulses - whether struggling against it or trying to stoke it up or modify it with their own intentions - whereas charismatic people will appear to fully embody the emotion or impulse easily and without resistance, such that it passes to other people without the noise and interference of their own subjective response to it, and with a relatively constant 'strength of signal'.

I believe many people struggle with charisma because of how emotions play into the internal battle that their ego is waging to maintain their identity, such that every emotion, rather than being freely expressed, is twisted and wrangled into something designed to satisfy the ego for a fleeting moment, and then discarded for something else. On the other hand, a charismatic person will explore an emotion fully through their own embodiment of it, postponing their reaction to it indefinitely so that it comes loaded with the tension of its own innocence, as it were, which gives it a powerful compulsion.

Whether that's all charisma is I don't know, but it's the only thing I've been able to pinpoint about it.

 

[Rakehell]

Have to disagree, because while the traits you listed could make someone charismatic, they aren’t a prerequisite.

See: Donald Trump

^Vulgar, hella glib

If I had to pigeonhole prerequisites to someone who comes across charismatic. First they have to have a audience with whom they resonate as a baseline.

This is because charismatic people are fundamentally polarizing people, if they heavily attract some people, its safe to assume they will also heavily put some people off.

If we’re agreeing on charisma being a group of personality traits that causes infatuation/devotion from others that is. They need an audience in which they appeal to.

Once they have that it is the flair/unpredictableness/swag/edge/weirdness/flow/originality , whatever you wanna call it that breeds infatuation. Bottomline is they stand out.

Being different from the ordinary. Defying expectations. Fresh not Frozen.

Not playing too closely to any one stereotype, to avoid being pigeonholed as any particular kind of person.

Add that with some kind of extraordinary personal appeal, whether it be interpersonal strength, financial, virtuous traits of character, something that they’re highly skilled at that inspires others.

There are other things that create makeshift charisma such as elected positions of authority mixed in with charm/good communication skills, but it only lasts so long as they’re seen as an authority.