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mb1,
It depends on where you are with her at connection level, and her level of experience and how she and you relate.
I have had girls who noted to me that guys use some sort of this. I view it like people use this as crutch, like some sort of magic bullet and the girl went confused.
Zac
mb1 said:
It depends on where you are with her at connection level, and her level of experience and how she and you relate.
I have had girls who noted to me that guys use some sort of this. I view it like people use this as crutch, like some sort of magic bullet and the girl went confused.
Zac
So if asking if the reason her parents don't let her stay out super late is cause they're worried guys make take advantage of her gets the response "if only they knew who's taking advantage of who", you'd go ahead being this explicit?
Seems like a simple and subtle implication. How so a crutch?
Seems like a simple and subtle implication. How so a crutch?
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2012
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mb1,
I think the crutch here is more like where it applies and where she it, Given your example, "Let me know if you want to come".
If I am oozing with sexual vibe, she will probably give laughter and be nervous in a positive way. But if you just meeting her and whether she is not interested in you, your vibe was friendly or not matches with her. You can say whatever you want but the initial rapport/building blocks isn't there yet or strong enough.
Some guys tend to just keep pressing the issue, but the thing is, you didn't build her up enough yet. So she doesn't get it and if she does, it feels forceful. (and occasionally she just want to sit down and not come with you.)
As for being explicit, I suggest not to because most of the time it is hard to continue from there. For some people, hit the explicit part wrongly and you like a creepy guy and others might caught on this and it be cringeworthy. But hit it right and you have to probably close things out soon enough because being too sexual is already knocking on the door. And this has not include the environment you in, whether it's daygame or club.
I think there is one article where it explains perfectly. I can't remember what it is. But the key here is the initial interaction and where she is.
Zac
mb1 said:
I think the crutch here is more like where it applies and where she it, Given your example, "Let me know if you want to come".
If I am oozing with sexual vibe, she will probably give laughter and be nervous in a positive way. But if you just meeting her and whether she is not interested in you, your vibe was friendly or not matches with her. You can say whatever you want but the initial rapport/building blocks isn't there yet or strong enough.
Some guys tend to just keep pressing the issue, but the thing is, you didn't build her up enough yet. So she doesn't get it and if she does, it feels forceful. (and occasionally she just want to sit down and not come with you.)
As for being explicit, I suggest not to because most of the time it is hard to continue from there. For some people, hit the explicit part wrongly and you like a creepy guy and others might caught on this and it be cringeworthy. But hit it right and you have to probably close things out soon enough because being too sexual is already knocking on the door. And this has not include the environment you in, whether it's daygame or club.
I think there is one article where it explains perfectly. I can't remember what it is. But the key here is the initial interaction and where she is.
Zac
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- Aug 12, 2014
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- 1,982
I've heard Drexel say it's a good way to ask girls out, I think this was in the tactics and techniques board... but I don't really agree, or at least it doesn't work for me (everyone has different styles, it may depend on your level of abundance too)... I think it's protecting your ego, it's asking her out in a half-hearted way like you're kinda expecting she'll say no... I think it's better to be direct about it "let's meet for a coffee next week"... you can approach it as justified compliance if you want "hey, we are on the same campus, that's awesome... we definitely have to meet up for a coffee, are you free early next week"... but don't be weak, especially if you don't know if she's coming or not, then she's holding leverage since you feel you have to turn up and see.
Ray
Ray
Sometimes it's not the words itself, rather tone of your voice and overall dominance.
A nice guy with weak voice and low dominant frame: "let's go out"
>>>> even though the words suggest dominance she may not go because there is incongruance between what he says (dominant words) and his frame (weak and submissive frame)
A nice guy with weak voice and weak frame: "Let me know if you want to come"
>>>> most likely she will not go because he is not leading at all, and at the same time he is sort of asking her for permission
A dominant guy with strong frame and dominant commanding voice: "Let's go out"
>>>> she may or may not go because he is too dominant, he is pushing too much, she has no space for expressing herself, he went overboard with dominance. She may go if she is quite passive and submissive though
A dominant guy with strong frame and commanding voice: "Let me know if you want to come" or "would you like to come"
>>>> she is more likely to go because his frame is dominant and leading, yet he gave her some space to decide for herself.
Not to make it so simple, it also depends on a personality of the girl. There is a difference between self sufficient, independent and mature versus passive and inexperienced girl
If she likes you and you are congruent with your words and actions, she will go no matter how you ask her or what words you use. If she doesn't like you enough, the smartest words will not help you anyway...
So it all depends, in stead of on focusing on words see if you can focus on congruency. In general, you want to be more leading and more dominant than the girl, but you don't want to come too strong because she may fall into autorejection fast. You want to give her some choice so she can decide for herself. A good "trick" is something like: "Let me know if you want to come on Monday or Tuesday"? This way she has a space to decide for herself, however you setup a dominant frame by giving her two choices....
A nice guy with weak voice and low dominant frame: "let's go out"
>>>> even though the words suggest dominance she may not go because there is incongruance between what he says (dominant words) and his frame (weak and submissive frame)
A nice guy with weak voice and weak frame: "Let me know if you want to come"
>>>> most likely she will not go because he is not leading at all, and at the same time he is sort of asking her for permission
A dominant guy with strong frame and dominant commanding voice: "Let's go out"
>>>> she may or may not go because he is too dominant, he is pushing too much, she has no space for expressing herself, he went overboard with dominance. She may go if she is quite passive and submissive though
A dominant guy with strong frame and commanding voice: "Let me know if you want to come" or "would you like to come"
>>>> she is more likely to go because his frame is dominant and leading, yet he gave her some space to decide for herself.
Not to make it so simple, it also depends on a personality of the girl. There is a difference between self sufficient, independent and mature versus passive and inexperienced girl
If she likes you and you are congruent with your words and actions, she will go no matter how you ask her or what words you use. If she doesn't like you enough, the smartest words will not help you anyway...
So it all depends, in stead of on focusing on words see if you can focus on congruency. In general, you want to be more leading and more dominant than the girl, but you don't want to come too strong because she may fall into autorejection fast. You want to give her some choice so she can decide for herself. A good "trick" is something like: "Let me know if you want to come on Monday or Tuesday"? This way she has a space to decide for herself, however you setup a dominant frame by giving her two choices....
Hey Drck,
Nice points all around especially with the leading directly to the day choice. I do find that leaving things too open is just asking her to lead (fail EDIT: different from asking for investment putting the ball in her court). One example of late was a text for a specific event though that I was attending around the corner from her. This girl went silent after our first lunch walk though, possibly due to ASD from my mistake of not showing her my nonjudgmental sexual attitude before clearly pursuing it.
Coming in as a clear as day player seems to be positively polarizing as long as she feels safe in a secret bubble. Latest date with another girl after she suggested splitting: "guys always pay for me but you didn't seem the type". Lol as a female though, "always" means usually or she wouldn't have had the reference experiences to read it haha. She'll get an LR and actually talks soooo freely of experiences, which will be the focus of what went right in that report if you guys are interested in watching for it.
Thank you collective player WWW consciousness
Nice points all around especially with the leading directly to the day choice. I do find that leaving things too open is just asking her to lead (fail EDIT: different from asking for investment putting the ball in her court). One example of late was a text for a specific event though that I was attending around the corner from her. This girl went silent after our first lunch walk though, possibly due to ASD from my mistake of not showing her my nonjudgmental sexual attitude before clearly pursuing it.
Coming in as a clear as day player seems to be positively polarizing as long as she feels safe in a secret bubble. Latest date with another girl after she suggested splitting: "guys always pay for me but you didn't seem the type". Lol as a female though, "always" means usually or she wouldn't have had the reference experiences to read it haha. She'll get an LR and actually talks soooo freely of experiences, which will be the focus of what went right in that report if you guys are interested in watching for it.
Thank you collective player WWW consciousness