Let Us Talk About Honesty

[DMan77]

I think that it's sometimes something that's talked about quietly, but every now and then when it comes to meeting women, relationships and trying to reach a goal we set for ourselves, it becomes increasingly easier to lie instead of staying honest.

I don't want this to get into a discussion of heaven and hell or religion or any of that... This is strictly a topic and question as it relates to how we feel when we lie as it comes to reaching whatever goal we have when it comes to women.

There are multiple occasions in my past where I've buried myself and killed an opportunity by telling the truth instead of lying or dancing around a question. Once I did little more than kiss a girl and it never went further. Then months later I found myself on the verge of hooking up with a friend of hers, only to have her ask me if anything happened between the first girl and I... I chose not to lie or play any of the "it's history, it doesn't matter, I don't kiss and tell, etc" lines. I told her that she and I had some initial chemistry and kissed and that was it... Thus ended any chance I had with the friend. I have more than one of these stories.

Outside of the not getting any part of this, I don't think I'd ever change my approach. I would feel sleazy. It will probably cost me a few girls in my lifetime, but I just wouldn't feel right not being open and honest. Although it might mean a night alone, I think I feel better being open, and I think if it doesn't blow up in my face, provides a deeper connection.

What does everyone think? I'm curious to hear peoples stories or how they approach these situations.

 

[Marty]

I take the opposite view... Indiscretion of this sort is a betrayal of the previous woman's confidence; allaying the man's conscience by laying all bare in this manner is a luxury that the new woman in no way benefits from, and by indulging in it, he is cheating her and himself of intimacy that might have been very precious. In short, I have no patience with this kind of extravagant "openness".

 

[DMan77]

I can see that point of view too. It's a major concern that I cost myself or cause others problems by 'over-sharing'.

I'm not sure that I could consider any intimacy that happened very special if it happened because I had to juggle and decide what to say and what not to say. Especially in situations where there's an excellent chance of it coming around again anyway. But it is what it is. I don't know if there's a right answer.

Also outside of the example I gave, which involved a third party, I'm also relating this to any old white lie we may tell to better relate with a girl.. Exaggerate a story, attach more meaning to something than you really feel because it's important to her, change some details to better suit the situation... I think these things are easy to do but afterwards leave me feeling off.

 

[lao che]

sorry posted it twice. any mod wanna delete this one, please？

 

[lao che]

i'm all for radical honesty when it comes to stating my intentions. i'm not lying to a girl, pretending i'm something i'm not to get what i want. but when it comes to reputation management, i don't even think of it as lying.
even my ex, very long term, girlfriend, i never talked about other girls with her. she asks, i say she's the only one. i was a virgin until we met.
from her point of view i'm sure she feels relieved. i'm not talking about other girls to her, therefore i'm not talking about her to other girls, nor to dudes.
also, i just wrote a post about girls at work. same deal applies. i sometimes play an 'honesty' game with girls. ask any question and answer, promise to answer honestly. but if the question comes up of which girls at work i've been with, the answer is a big, fat zero. even if she KNOWS for sure about another girl, she can feel safe knowing i'm not blabbing about her to someone else.