- Joined
- Dec 25, 2012
- Messages
- 1,124
We know there are different types of value you can provide a girl, and that she will treat you differently based on her assessment.
Like, if she see's you would be a fun fuckbuddy — but an even BETTER boyfriend — she'll probably start you treat you more like a boyfriend (and trade no-strings-attached sex for investment and commitment).
So here's my problem. I know when to deep dive vs keeping things lighthearted. I'm just not good at keeping things fun and flirty without diving deep. I think this is why I have not slept with a lot of women, but instead have kept a few quality women around for a while.
It's takes longer to find someone who's compatible to make a great connection with, and when it happens it's powerful and fruitful since this is my strong point.
But the real issue is when I meet a girl who I'm only interested in as a fuck buddy. Usually I don't even go the deep connection route because I know that's not what I want to do. But sometimes I do, and this usually ends up with a very different vibe. Even if I hook up with the girl I feel like I led her on, because we established this great connection she thinks my intentions are to continue building an emotional connection.
I hate doing this, because now the relationship is on a totally different trajectory and I care about doing things right for both of our sakes. I don't want the drama and hurt from having to shut down a relationship off course and I do want a light hearted flirty fun fuckbuddy relationship.
I think my weakness in this area shows up in parties as well. I can hardly ever keep the attention of a group of revelers, but get me one and one and we're deep in conversation.
Luckily I have a friend who's fantastic at this. We go out consistently every week and I see him light up any girl he talks with into a ball of smiles, giggles, and omgs. I'll eventually soak up what he's doing, but I'd like some good ol' GC input to make ship set sail sooner.
To be clear, I don't really have a problem with escalating. I think my issue is more on the verbal side on the game. It's probably accurate to say what I'm trying to do is flirting.
Shit just took a few minutes to wrap that around my head. Yup. All I see my friend do is flirt with these girls. I remember talking with one of the girls I met last time we went out. We talked for an hour about some cool shit. Great convo. Yet I cannot remember flirting at all. Not good.
So I notice my friend:
always keeps the topic on him and the girl
conversation is laced with either blatant or mild sexuality
always amusing himself
Seems like I need to work on my flirting skills. I've come to this conclusion before, but not with the context of improving my ability to manage FB relationships. Cool.
Like, if she see's you would be a fun fuckbuddy — but an even BETTER boyfriend — she'll probably start you treat you more like a boyfriend (and trade no-strings-attached sex for investment and commitment).
So here's my problem. I know when to deep dive vs keeping things lighthearted. I'm just not good at keeping things fun and flirty without diving deep. I think this is why I have not slept with a lot of women, but instead have kept a few quality women around for a while.
It's takes longer to find someone who's compatible to make a great connection with, and when it happens it's powerful and fruitful since this is my strong point.
But the real issue is when I meet a girl who I'm only interested in as a fuck buddy. Usually I don't even go the deep connection route because I know that's not what I want to do. But sometimes I do, and this usually ends up with a very different vibe. Even if I hook up with the girl I feel like I led her on, because we established this great connection she thinks my intentions are to continue building an emotional connection.
I hate doing this, because now the relationship is on a totally different trajectory and I care about doing things right for both of our sakes. I don't want the drama and hurt from having to shut down a relationship off course and I do want a light hearted flirty fun fuckbuddy relationship.
I think my weakness in this area shows up in parties as well. I can hardly ever keep the attention of a group of revelers, but get me one and one and we're deep in conversation.
Luckily I have a friend who's fantastic at this. We go out consistently every week and I see him light up any girl he talks with into a ball of smiles, giggles, and omgs. I'll eventually soak up what he's doing, but I'd like some good ol' GC input to make ship set sail sooner.
To be clear, I don't really have a problem with escalating. I think my issue is more on the verbal side on the game. It's probably accurate to say what I'm trying to do is flirting.
Shit just took a few minutes to wrap that around my head. Yup. All I see my friend do is flirt with these girls. I remember talking with one of the girls I met last time we went out. We talked for an hour about some cool shit. Great convo. Yet I cannot remember flirting at all. Not good.
So I notice my friend:
always keeps the topic on him and the girl
conversation is laced with either blatant or mild sexuality
always amusing himself
Seems like I need to work on my flirting skills. I've come to this conclusion before, but not with the context of improving my ability to manage FB relationships. Cool.
