Little mistakes, big impact
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2021
- Messages
- 2,105
There are several things that have made interactions fizzle out for me:
- Not qualifying her
- Not making her feel excited
- Not closing the deal when it was time to close
But these are not momentary mistakes, they are strategic mistakes.
...
I don't think there's really anything that a man can do momentarily that will in itself cause a woman (who is actually interested in him and not wasting his time) to bail - except if he does something that makes her question her entire perception of him. And to make this kind of mistake, it probably means he actually isn't what she thought he was, and is probably even lying to himself.
If a guy is expressing himself honestly and without deceit, whether it's what he says (being very nice and chivalrous, or teasing hard, talking about sex, and being rough around the edges), how he touches her (gently touching her shoulder, or tapping her on the bum) or any other momentary expression or gesture, she will accept it on two conditions:
- He OWNS it (he won't try to hide it or cover it up or act weird afterward or immediately apologize)
- It reinforces her feeling that he has genuine desire for her specifically
In short, she wants to know that a) he really wants her and b) he's strong enough to hold a bubble in which she can experience his desire for her safely and without responsibility.
...
For example, I always give a woman a little smack on the bum when she walks into my place. I do it because I want her to know that I want her, and this isn't a place for boring social conventions, and I want to get rid of any polite and awkward atmosphere immediately, and I want to give her something to focus on rather than all the questions and mixed emotions racing around in her mind as she walks into a strangers place. If she got angry about it, what are the chances she would get undressed for me?
I have never gotten any negative reaction, though she will typically turn around acting surprised and examine my face to see what I am about. I just meet her eyes calmly with an "I want you, but on my terms, if you don't like my terms you'd better let me know now" kind of look, smile warmly and start talking to her about something else. No problemo.
Now for some other guy, this might turn out to be a 'mistake'. But really it would only be because he did it gingerly, or avoided her glance, or froze, or asked her if it was OK, or glitched in some way that made her think "this guy isn't honest. Let's put him in the pressure cooker and see what comes out" or even just bail immediately.
So if you OWN any 'mistake' a girl will accept it not as a mistake, but as your truth, a truth that she will willingly adapt to if she likes you and finds you steady and unrepentant in the aftermath.
- Not qualifying her
- Not making her feel excited
- Not closing the deal when it was time to close
But these are not momentary mistakes, they are strategic mistakes.
...
I don't think there's really anything that a man can do momentarily that will in itself cause a woman (who is actually interested in him and not wasting his time) to bail - except if he does something that makes her question her entire perception of him. And to make this kind of mistake, it probably means he actually isn't what she thought he was, and is probably even lying to himself.
If a guy is expressing himself honestly and without deceit, whether it's what he says (being very nice and chivalrous, or teasing hard, talking about sex, and being rough around the edges), how he touches her (gently touching her shoulder, or tapping her on the bum) or any other momentary expression or gesture, she will accept it on two conditions:
- He OWNS it (he won't try to hide it or cover it up or act weird afterward or immediately apologize)
- It reinforces her feeling that he has genuine desire for her specifically
In short, she wants to know that a) he really wants her and b) he's strong enough to hold a bubble in which she can experience his desire for her safely and without responsibility.
...
For example, I always give a woman a little smack on the bum when she walks into my place. I do it because I want her to know that I want her, and this isn't a place for boring social conventions, and I want to get rid of any polite and awkward atmosphere immediately, and I want to give her something to focus on rather than all the questions and mixed emotions racing around in her mind as she walks into a strangers place. If she got angry about it, what are the chances she would get undressed for me?
I have never gotten any negative reaction, though she will typically turn around acting surprised and examine my face to see what I am about. I just meet her eyes calmly with an "I want you, but on my terms, if you don't like my terms you'd better let me know now" kind of look, smile warmly and start talking to her about something else. No problemo.
Now for some other guy, this might turn out to be a 'mistake'. But really it would only be because he did it gingerly, or avoided her glance, or froze, or asked her if it was OK, or glitched in some way that made her think "this guy isn't honest. Let's put him in the pressure cooker and see what comes out" or even just bail immediately.
So if you OWN any 'mistake' a girl will accept it not as a mistake, but as your truth, a truth that she will willingly adapt to if she likes you and finds you steady and unrepentant in the aftermath.
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2012
- Messages
- 6,235
It's recoverable, but generally the best way to recover is by making it out that she misunderstood / misinterpreted you.
So, you have to be able to catch your mistake when you make it, then realize why she's reacting the way she is, then be able to tell her she misunderstood you.
Usually it's better not to make that mistake in the first place.
One insidious little mistake is allowing a woman to be parted from your side during a transition point.
e.g., you walk into a group dinner with a girl you barely know but are flirting with, and she looks to you for direction, then takes an empty seat between two people and the next available seat is far away and you take that one. Just a little small mistake there... but potentially ruinous, because later in the night you may be in conversation with people and not even notice when she leaves. Or else you'll be watching her like a hawk all night trying to figure out how to resume things, while she is busy interacting with everyone else. It's a ton of work just to get back to where you were at the start.
Or, you and your wingman meet a couple of girls at a bar, and decide to go home for drinks together. You drove, and one of the girls drove. She says, "We'll take our car and follow you!" and you tell her, "Okay!" Then on the way back she gets lost, or she and the other girl start feeling tired and they call you to say they decided they're just going to go home.
It takes a few painful experiences to stop viewing "girl parting from my side during a transition point" as "Oh that's not a big deal" and start viewing it as "Whoa, red alert, why's she parting during a transition point? I have to figure out how to keep her at my side here! Red alert!"
Chase
