little pleasure from sex

[shaneawi]

I'm 25 and the type of guy who likes to get girls to become interested and chase after me but once I know I can get it, I get bored and move on. I just don't have a very high desire to have sex. It's probably a mix of having a low libido and I always looked at sex as being entertainment. Sex is like going to the movies or a theme park. You're entertained and then all you have left is the memories and the satisfaction of being entertained. I love interacting with women and getting them to chase but I just don't have a burning desire to have sex with them all the time.

Any advice on how to deal with this.

 

[Drck]

Hi Shaneawi,

IMO there could some obvious obstacles:

1. You are too introverted, too much to self only, enclosed in your own world. You are most likely too shy to open up when girl(s) is/are around. So you haven't really experienced true EMOTIONAL connection with some particular girl. The thing is, once you get emotionally closer to a girl, once you have good vibes with her, the sex is quite easy because you feel comfortable and relaxed. Otherwise the sex is only a physical part

The emotional connection is like a double sword. If you can't get 'connected' to her you don't feel much excitement by being around, you don't "click" at all. On the other hand, if you get connected too much you'll fall in love easily; you'll lose your mind, you'll start doing silly things, you'll be chasing/needy/clingy and so on. So there needs to be some balance. Meditation and relaxation are helpful, they can help keeping balance and develop feelings/vibes. Also, you can make just bunch of girls your friends at first, without any sexual intentions. This way you'll get "closer" to them, you'll see how they think, what they do, how they react and behave...


2. Porn. Too much of it. It doesn't seem so, but porn is a killer of your desire for women. The longer period of time you watch the lesser desire you have. A guy simply watches too many pussies online that he has no interest for human interaction. He might still be vibing (good emotional connection with girls) but his sexual desire is diminished, he no longer desires sex. Why face rejections and all the troubles with dating, if he can simply watch porn for hours? Good question.


3. You could also have some medical issue, the most obvious ones are e.g. low testosterone and/or obesity. Both could be related and both decrease libido. So yes, you shall be lifting weights, 3-4 times per week. You shall quit all sweets, sodas and other unhealthy habits. No excuses. You'll lose weight (if needed), you'll built some muscles and attraction, and your testosterone will naturally increase.


Hope it helps

 

[shaneawi]

I don't watch porn but I will admit that I am introverted. I still talk with women and sleep with them but I've never in 25 years had an emotional connection or a relationship.

There's just something about getting a girl to be interested in me, chase after me and also getting her to invest money in me that I find really satisfactory. Ive seen so many women sleep with guys they dont even like that I don't look at sex as special in any sense. I knew one girl who made really good money. We had sex maybe once a week at the most but I got her to pay for my tuition and other things. I liked her a lot and she liked me as well but we were not in love and it wasn't a relationship. I got more pleasure out of just talking to her, spending time with her and getting her to invest financially in me than I did actually having sex with her.

 

[Mr.Chow]

I'll throw in a few points as it's a problem I contend with.

You make women chase and invest - that's all good, and I'm guessing this attitude makes it easy for women to enjoy having sex with you. Being selfish at times - focusing on the parts of sex which you physically enjoy - may help. Go full caveman mode. Everyone, guys and the girls they're fucking, loves caveman mode.

You said you've never built an emotional connection? Try more deep diving - there's plenty of material on that around here. There's also been a study done by Arthur Aron involving 36 questions that lead to love. I've explored similar topics before and while I didn't fall in love with anyone I talked to, it did allow me to connect on a very intimate, emotional level with friends, my family and a few girls. Did nothing for sex, but it might work for you. Worth a look into.

Or perhaps you just haven't slept with a girl yet that you're completely sexually, intellectually and philosophically compatible with yet. Happened this past weekend for me; girl on Friday night, sex was good, but as with every previous experience, I was left underwhelmed and wanting more. Saturday night, different girl. I was riding some crazy afterglow the entire of next day. Beat any drug high I've had. Never had that before. So yeah, two sexy girls, two identical lays, two very different outcomes. Perhaps you could do with switching up the type of girls you target.

The main reasons you'll find Drck already covered - they're your best bet to cover first. My two cents should supplement them.

Hope you can take something positive from this brother.