logistical prob with a (not-local) girl who's "not gonna sleep with me"

[lao che]

met on tinder. young girl. young. 20 and young. pretty and skinny. mmm. she lives far from me.

good sense of humour, laughs at my jokes and makes good jokes too. i suggest a meet.

she apologizes due to living with parents etc. i keep it light and make jokes about planning her escape. she suggests this weekend "my friend and i will visit xyz place near city centre"

over the next few days we have good convo, including sending voice and pic messages. i send body pics and she sends pics of her in her undies.

a few attempts at frame grabs which i swat away easily.

then come some questions. why aren't you married? etc

me:"they are fair questions. we can discuss more this weekend. shall we meet saturday or sunday?"

she: where we meet? you have to think about it. sure you want to meet? i'd be happy to chat with you. but i'm not going to do it with you. be clear about that

me: i want to meet. maybe you can sneak away from your friend

she: uncle (she keeps calling me uncle, the fourth girl recently to do that) i'm not going to sleep with you. you europeans are open. see what i mean?

me: you're a big girl. you can make your own decisions.

she: i've already decided. we don't sleep together. you are my friend

so yeah, simples. girl DTF. no problem!?

i'm gonna have a very small window here to get the job done. how do i deal with the friend? i can't see me managing to separate them and then bring my girl home. outdoor fun is not a problem for me. but again, the friend .. or i could go the way of seppuku, invite them both to my place. but then i can't see us doing the nasty with her friend in the next room.
and that would necessitate a second date, which ... i can't see it happening due to the girl's lving arrangements. seems she's under lockdown. bed before 10pm etc

option b is to meet, then at a later date i travel to where she lives. obv this is not without it's problems.


thanks

 

[kalyan]

How is the girl DTF? I don't think I get that part...
If she insists on bringing her friend, a good option for you would be to bring one of your own friends for her. This isn't eithout its problems as well, as you need him to be competant enough not to fuck things up for you

 

[lao che]

you're both missing the point. she's not bringing a friend to a date with me. she only has this window, this permission, to travel into the city with her friend, to visit a university campus, during this window she will meet with me

and if you think a girl sending pics of herself in her panties and then saying "okay we meet but i'm not gonna have sex with you" is not a wide open come-on then you really need to review your basics

 

[lao che]

Alright.

I hope to see an LR then?

Slay

well me too bro but nevertheless the problem of logistics remains

 

[lao che]

long story short -

i ended up meeting her in a metro station for about ten minutes. with her cousin and his girlfriend. surprisingly not as bad as it sounds.
it was the right move. charmed the others, charmed her, showed her i'm the real deal and planted seeds for an eventual solo meeting

 

[foggy]

I noticed some things in the conversation you posted with her that I want to point out. Forgive me, I know it doesn't pertain to the original question.

She says she's not going to sleep with you, then you say, "you're a big girl. you can make your own decisions." this is basically giving all the power to her. what you're saying is that it is going to be her decision whether she allows you two to sleep together.. But, it should really be your decision considering you are (you should be, at least) the one in control.

I would have said something like, "I can't guarantee we aren't going to fuck. " or "Whoaaa who said anything about fucking? Now I know what's on your mind when you're talking to me. "

 

[lao che]

she'd already decided she wants to fuck me. she's not sending underwear pics to a guy she sees as a platonic uncle. and she's not saing "i'm not going to sleep with you" because she hasn't thought about sleeping with me.

i have a week of text convo with this girl, i only provided that snippet as a demonstration of where the girl's head is at.
seems to have muddied the waters instead.


@backstory, your two examples ... the first one is too direct, i wouldn't recommend it in any situation.
the second is a little better, but still too direct and somewhat amateurish, and not suitable for this girl in this situation.
i might say something like that - but more subtle - if flirting face to face with a girl, where voice tone and facial expressions are as powerful as the words. but, in fact, if a girl says that to you, ignoring the comment is the stronger way to go

this isn't a FR or lay report. i'll say again, this is a logistical problem, nothing more.

now, having met once and being congruent with my online self, and having charmed her friends, i believe she'll meet me alone, but, if not, is a visit to her town a really terrible idea? bearing in mind she put up with a lot of shit to finally come and meet me. (stuff not necessary to write in this post)

 

[Chase]

To the newer guys: a girl saying, "I'm not going to sleep with you," is essentially a girl saying, "I'm going to sleep with you." Especially over text. But generally just about anytime / anywhere.

If she doesn't want to have sex with you, the thought of sex does not cross her mind, because you are not a sexual man to her.

If she knows you're sexual and doesn't want to have sex with you, she will not meet up with you, because she knows you will go for sex and she isn't interested in that.

If she knows you are sexual and meets up with you, it's because she knows sex is a possibility and she finds that possibility exciting.

Young/paranoid girls will bring friends along sometimes as a safety measure. I've had girls do that to me in the past and slept with them. Usually better if you can meet her without the friend, but it's not an insurmountable obstacle. Much of the time, if the friend thinks you're cool, at some point she'll just leave. Other times she may hang out and let you and your girl chat, and then at some point you drop her off or she goes to bed, leaving the two of you alone.

@ Lao Che-

Not sure how far she is from you, but I can see you swinging a "Hey, I'm in town on business, come swing by my hotel." I'd go with a backup plan (like 'check out Bar X in Town Z') in case she doesn't show or things don't pan out, just so you don't completely waste a trip in the worst-case scenario.

But if you like this girl and you're excited by her, and it won't terribly inconvenience you otherwise, I don't see the harm in taking the shot - you either get laid or you learn something, right?

Chase

 

[lao che]

long story short this is now dead. manipulated her into coming to my place but failed escalation and she left.

pretty big ask expecting a young virgin to travel two hours by bus and subway and then ditch her younger sister in a restaurant so she can come up to my place for her first time ever sex.

i fell at the final hurdle.


dunno if it's time to get back on the horse or just hang up my spurs

 

[lao che]

except i don't like that negativity, back on the horse it is, because i'm high now. so super lao che is here with his can-do attitude,
in fact, i regularly get high before i meet a girl, didn't have time this morning. things might have been different. i should just get stoned in the mornings. i mean, still don't think she'd have fucked me but i would have had, and therefore she also would have had a much better time if i'da been a bit more laid back.

i dunno if smoking for breakfast is the way to go though. sounds like a slipperey slope

 

[lao che]

amen, brother

 

[lao che]

we have to remember though, that we're seeing snapshots of each-other's lives when we read questions, answers and reports on the forum. snapshots which tend to be at the extremes, like someone's facebook pics only showing them doing cool stuff, still 90% of their life isn't that.

personally I have a lot of guilt when I do drugs and I'm always thinking "wtf am I doing with my life"

this isn't actually a bad thing, might not feel nice, but it's ok to have a different perspective asking you those questions. in fact i consider it using rather than doing drugs. MJ has helped me considerably. but it took a long time for me to realize the power of it, rather than just getting cooked in the face. sounds like you got much higher quality stuff than me, too

Regularly doing drugs just means there's a hole to fill in your life. Which for you seems to be new poon.

this is also true. but only coz i'm not getting any lately
i've done alright for myself but it's getting harder, i've hit a rough patch and had so many good leads end up nowhere. frustration setting in. but of course, that hole will eventually require a different filling.

the girl in question .. still very wordy by text so i guess she isn't put off just yet by my wandering hands. we'll see.
the escalation was hurried and beset with obstacles but, anyway, at least i left her in no doubt as to my intentions