FU Looked like she wanted to cry, I felt like a creep

[MWall]

Met a chick in Starbucks

we started talking across a table and I asked her if I could sit next to her

so I moved to the other side next to her

we started talking and I got the other guy to leave because he was just looking and I went straight in and started talking so that is good

Got some good hook points and watcher her emotional state change when I got into her motivations about her career choice

then when she told me about her video games

then I invited her to my gym

she says she only meets people through friends

I say you could try something new

she almost said yes then said maybe then said no

I was like wtf in my mind

then she said she has been through something

i was like that’s unfair I haven’t done anything wrong to you??

she tripped out like she was going to cry

So I talked to the girl on the other side of me and I was like do you know this girl?

she was like you didn’t do anything wrong and don’t be but hurt....

but that one hurt BAD for 20 minutes

I felt like a huge creep but my other female friend said I didn’t do anything wrong sooo I’m ok

 

[Levo]

i was like that’s unfair I haven’t done anything wrong to you??

This is where you messed up.

From the info you provided, she had some kind of assault and was pensive about meeting strange men.

Her logical mind was telling her it should be fine but her trauma was holding her back.

She knew what was going on in her head and felt bad about it, knowing her trauma is negatively effecting her life right at this moment. It feels bad.

She attempted to share that with you in hopes that you would be compassionate and help ease her fears. Maybe sticking around and chatting more and making her feel at ease with you.

Instead you called her out on it and made her feel even worse. Thats why she ran off crying.

 

[Hue]

i was like that’s unfair I haven’t done anything wrong to you??

This is not a good way to respond to a girl declining your invite to communicate beyond your then-present moment.

It shows you're outcome dependent, and it actually attacks her in the way she'll process it.

In dating, and especially with women, there is not always a lot of "fairness". If they're emotions do not resonate with the message you're sending, then she's not going to move forward with whatever you're communicating. They are emotional, not logical, remember?


A better response would have been to be like "ah that's cool. anyways, [change the subject]". Then, you could ask again later, and ask her to a different activity, when you've really cemented her emotions and your persona into her life. From how she responded it says she wary of taking risks to meet with brand new people in her life - there is always a risk with strangers. That means you have to get vibing with her enough so that you're not a stranger, and stick around the conversation and rapport building enough to have her want to definitely see you again.


Anyway, good on you for posting a FU. A lot of people don't spend time looking at their mistakes and exposing their room for improvement. I'm glad you have a genuine desire to learn from your experiences and grow. Keep up the good work.


Hue

 

[trashKENNUT]

she says she only meets people through friends

I say you could try something new

You can be direct and find out about the waters. Which you did.

 

[BigPapa]

From my point of view , she was not that attracted to you and this is why she reacted like that . I think she was on the edge attraction wise .

I agree with the rest , since she was on the edge you could have played it a little bit more socially savvy , rather than being direct . Being direct works wonders when she is super attracted to you.