Looking for some bro advice

[HellAtlantic]

Here's the facts:

1. I'm 39, married for 15 yrs and have kids
2. I'm very attractive and muscular (I look like a cross between Vin Diesel and The Rock)
3. I have learned much about non-verbals and how to present myself from GC. Thank you again, GC.
4. Because of my looks and GC-learned non-verbals I get opened by girls *a lot* at my work bldg. Always great IOIs as well. I look girls in the eye but I don't ever approach any of them (not out of fear, they're more nervous of me than I am of them)
5. I don't wear my wedding ring, this is probably why I get so much IOIs.
6. I have no problem making out with random strangers I'll never meet again but I sortve have a rule not to hook up with chicks from my work bldg (since it's likelier to come back and bite me in the ass at some point).
7. Some real hot chick has opened me on the elevator, just my type too. I would say she's a high 8

My issue is it's getting harder not to pursue these chicks from my work bldg. They probably think I'm weird for not moving things along. I can't just magically start wearing my ring again. I don't know what to do. I'm just a guy, and I acknowledge many dudes would love to be in my shoes with girls opening *them*. Just don't know what the play is here - just keep flirting but don't ever move things along (continue hooking up with ransoms), take advantage of this amazing situation (again I'm 39, I can't imagine this can last for much longer, some of these girls are mid-20s. Mid-20s!!!). Don't know. Not looking for "you shouldn't cheat" answers. Looking more for "I can relate, this is what I'd do". Thanks for any help.

 

[Franco]

H.A.,

Probably won't find an easy answer to this one because... there really isn't an easy answer.

The "safest" play is to only hookup with girls you meet out of town. Any women you meet within your own city (and even worse, your own work building) is going to pose some potential threat to your monogamous relationship because of what it entails. The fact that people are connected so well these days through cell phones and social media makes it much harder to work in the shadows without getting caught. Naturally, removing yourself from social media and communicating infrequently by cell phone is a good place to start.

I think you have to ask yourself if you're currently happy with your monogamous relationship -- and by happy I mean, are you okay with not having sex with other women for an indefinite amount of time? If the answer is "yes," then you can probably get by just continuing to makeout with girls you meet occasionally since most women consider that as harmless and won't jeopardize your relationship over it. On the other hand, if the answer is "no," then you might need to think about whether or not your monogamous relationship is something you want to continue.

At 39, I imagine you're heavily invested in this relationship (EDIT: I realized you mentioned you have kids, so this is true), and getting out wouldn't be an easy chore. But if you're feeling "trapped" in this relationship and not happy with your personal life, then some major changes might be in order anyway. You might want some time to think this one over.

(NOTE: If you want to stay in the relationship but indulge in very occasional sexual desires, then "solo vacations" are the best way to do this. They pose the least threat to your monogamous relationship -- of course, the drawback is that they are expensive and likely infrequent unless you have a lot of money or you run your own business where you have lots of freedom to travel. Most single women you meet at tourist destinations are looking to hook up and keep it a secret, which I imagine would fit well with your agenda)

- Franco

 

[HellAtlantic]

Thank you Franco for your perspective. I realize I asked a very difficult question to answer. It's hard to verbalize - I'm not miserable in my marriage and enjoy family life. It's just one of those things you may experience when you get older - your years of being a desirable man is limited and eventually you'll get bored with the routine of marriage. That doesn't mean things are dreadful and a reason to get out. It's just a way to make life interesting. My problem is more "what do I do about the girls from my work bldg?". I love female attention and love that feeling you get when you walk by a girl and read all the signs that she finds you attractive. It's like crack. I just wouldn't know how to go about interacting with these girls. I'm sure after a while they'll start to wonder why I'm not asking for a number or inviting out to drink. If I were to hook up how do I communicate it can't ever be serious? Eventually someone is gonna ask personal questions and I can evade only so long. I put myself in this situation by not wearing my ring. Anyway, here is a lyric from a Depeche Mode song called Strangelove that explains my perspective, better than I could myself:

There'll be times
When my crimes
Will seem almost unforgivable
I give in
To sin
Cuz you have to make this life livable.

 

[Chase]

HellAtlantic-

I'd suggest you start to casually mention your wife / kids around these girls. Just very casual.

They'll sort themselves into three boxes:

• Girls who lose all interest in you, because they want a boyfriend/husband
• Girls who temporarily auto-reject you, but come back around when they realize you still are cool
• Girls who become more interested in you because they dig married men / men with children

^ there are more of the third type of girl than you may realize. Single women on average are much more attracted to men in committed relationships than they are single men. And men with children receive another attractiveness boost, on average. Female attraction is based on preselection; i.e., "Is this man reproductively successful?" Knowing that you have secured a wife and, further, have reproduced with that wife, are major preselection boosts.

Odds are most women at the office likely suspect you're married or in a relationship already if you're an attractive older guy. They know such men don't stay bachelors long. You won't be telling them anything they don't know or suspect.

That said, you may want to do a little day game instead... unless you don't mind the drama. The 'shit where you eat' problem is real, and it can be a big headache when it blows up.

Chase