Hello! I have to big issues that I would like to share and get some insights, to understand more what could be at work here. Thanks so much to anybody who would like to give his perspective.
Losing the foreign effect:
I started travelin abroad pretty young, about 10 years ago - now late 20s - and I remember that foreign field was basically easymode for me.
I came from Southern Italy and everything looked like playing with cheatcodes - I had incredible experiences such as a limo of 4 pretty chicks approaching me in London to celebrate their birthday with them...
I thought that hooking up with a different girl everyday - or multiple a night - abroad was the norm. I just thought, being very unexperienced, that it was the norm and nothing special - while at home I pretty much struggled.
During and after covid I had my first serious, intense long term rel. at home and stopped traveling till this year.
Then, I started traveling again - even more than before - and my experience was the complete opposite. Rejection after rejection - just few hookups with not-so-attractive girls and that was it. A lot of heartbreak.
On the opposite side - my countrywomen seem to be much more receptive to my approaches than before, getting attentions and dating a level of women that I didn't consider possible before.
I wonder... how could be at working in this? I always thought that it could be more natural to be the opposite.
My fundamentals have, I think, improved in the years - and I also learned some game - but somehow the abroad game got more difficult than the home one.
(Could it be that traveling a lot gave me more of a "global / international vibe" - so I look more exotic in my country, and less exotic for internationals??)
---
On preselection not working:
I am generally treated very very well by waitresses, female strangers and people in general - find very easy to connect and get favours pretty naturally.
However, when I was with my very attractive gf (she's so far one of the hottest girls I know - and honestly I was pretty lucky initially, I don't feel I was at her league at all) it looks like the preselection of being with her didn't exist - actually acted the opposite.
She's very attractive phisically, we went out very often and every time it looked like the female waitresses and clerks were annoyed at me - ignoring me, or treating me actually badly, much more than I ever experienced going out alone. It also looked like girls in general weren't giving me out signals or IOIs - that they give sometimes when I'm out alone or with a male friend.
A similar experience happened when I was dating other very attractive girls. People seemed to give weird looks, were less talkative and sometimes rude.
Sometimes I guess they are thinking I may not be of their league - although my fundamentals are pretty ok I'd say, not so different of other men who date highly attractive girls - and this happened in the same way at different stages of my life - when I had very different looks - both when I was quite shabby and when I improved my looks dramatically. So... I don't know what to think
What could be the reason? I have always read about the power of preselection, the "harem effect", and that having being chosen by an attractive girl should rise the interest in other women - but I seem to perceive almost the opposite.
Also, with my ex-gf, her closest best female friends, when we hang out with them (few times) were EXTREMELY rude toward me - like almost at an harassment level (one of her even send me a full apology the day after realizing how bad she had treated me). I read somewhere that it is a sort of common pattern when dating a really attractive girl, but I can't understand the causes.
How could that be?
a. They were indeed just highly shitty people and ended up, by chance, meeting them
b. I had a huge preselection in their eyes and they were actually shit-testing the hell out of me
c. They were convinced that her friend deserved better and was shitting on me for that reason
I think all of them may have a grain of truth, but is there one (or another reason) that may sound more likely?
Losing the foreign effect:
I started travelin abroad pretty young, about 10 years ago - now late 20s - and I remember that foreign field was basically easymode for me.
I came from Southern Italy and everything looked like playing with cheatcodes - I had incredible experiences such as a limo of 4 pretty chicks approaching me in London to celebrate their birthday with them...
I thought that hooking up with a different girl everyday - or multiple a night - abroad was the norm. I just thought, being very unexperienced, that it was the norm and nothing special - while at home I pretty much struggled.
During and after covid I had my first serious, intense long term rel. at home and stopped traveling till this year.
Then, I started traveling again - even more than before - and my experience was the complete opposite. Rejection after rejection - just few hookups with not-so-attractive girls and that was it. A lot of heartbreak.
On the opposite side - my countrywomen seem to be much more receptive to my approaches than before, getting attentions and dating a level of women that I didn't consider possible before.
I wonder... how could be at working in this? I always thought that it could be more natural to be the opposite.
My fundamentals have, I think, improved in the years - and I also learned some game - but somehow the abroad game got more difficult than the home one.
(Could it be that traveling a lot gave me more of a "global / international vibe" - so I look more exotic in my country, and less exotic for internationals??)
---
On preselection not working:
I am generally treated very very well by waitresses, female strangers and people in general - find very easy to connect and get favours pretty naturally.
However, when I was with my very attractive gf (she's so far one of the hottest girls I know - and honestly I was pretty lucky initially, I don't feel I was at her league at all) it looks like the preselection of being with her didn't exist - actually acted the opposite.
She's very attractive phisically, we went out very often and every time it looked like the female waitresses and clerks were annoyed at me - ignoring me, or treating me actually badly, much more than I ever experienced going out alone. It also looked like girls in general weren't giving me out signals or IOIs - that they give sometimes when I'm out alone or with a male friend.
A similar experience happened when I was dating other very attractive girls. People seemed to give weird looks, were less talkative and sometimes rude.
Sometimes I guess they are thinking I may not be of their league - although my fundamentals are pretty ok I'd say, not so different of other men who date highly attractive girls - and this happened in the same way at different stages of my life - when I had very different looks - both when I was quite shabby and when I improved my looks dramatically. So... I don't know what to think
What could be the reason? I have always read about the power of preselection, the "harem effect", and that having being chosen by an attractive girl should rise the interest in other women - but I seem to perceive almost the opposite.
Also, with my ex-gf, her closest best female friends, when we hang out with them (few times) were EXTREMELY rude toward me - like almost at an harassment level (one of her even send me a full apology the day after realizing how bad she had treated me). I read somewhere that it is a sort of common pattern when dating a really attractive girl, but I can't understand the causes.
How could that be?
a. They were indeed just highly shitty people and ended up, by chance, meeting them
b. I had a huge preselection in their eyes and they were actually shit-testing the hell out of me
c. They were convinced that her friend deserved better and was shitting on me for that reason
I think all of them may have a grain of truth, but is there one (or another reason) that may sound more likely?
.. so the small fry get angry around you