Lover/Provider test: what does it look like?

[Marty]

I am sure many here have read Alek's latest great article, What are Beautiful Women's Expectations in Dating?

I was particularly enlightened by one of the final passages:

There is another element that needs to be taken into consideration: she needs to find out whether you are a lover or a provider.

The problem here is that she can’t ask you directly, as that would be simply silly and awkward. This means that she has to figure that out by being indirect – by checking; by testing whether you are a provider or a lover. Women will therefore test you in order to find this out. But this is probably nothing new to you.

She will test you by making you believe she wants a provider. If you then start behaving like one and display all your provider traits you will fail to come across as a lover. If you are congruent and confident about yourself that you are a great lover, a lover women really want, you will pass the test and women will love you for being one.

What is interesting here is that women test us to find out whether we are providers or not by communicating that she wants a provider. If we do not qualify for her test, we are not providers and we are directly put in the lover category – in other words, we pass the test by not qualifying.

I was thinking that this could be illustrated very well by an example, and wondering whether anyone among the more experienced readership would like to write a little tableau—perhaps 10-12 lines of dialog—encapsulating this concept. That way, it will be easier for us to recognize it when we see it.

I'm grateful for your input.

 

[Nova]

in my opinion what plays a much larger role as to how a girl will access your character and role to her is how you present yourself and the actions you take. oftentimes a girl doesn't have to probe indirectly or directly much to evaluate what role a man may play to her because you show her yourself.

but sure there are certain questions that a girl may ask or things she may do which you have to handle correctly or risk entering provider territory. things like:

asking you what you do for a living - if you reply here to her question that you are managing director of xx company and are looking to work your way up the ladder to the top this instantly saps from your lover potential and adds points to your provider. instead you want to answer slightly indirectly and non descriptive, or as Chase i believe mentions he does and tell her you are not currently working or don't have a proper job at the moment.

asking you where you live and what your plans are for the future - if you reply anything that makes you seem career focused, stable, available and secure then you are doing it all wrong

but most importantly stay away from the following kind of things

paying for her
moving slowllllllllly (as in missing escalation windows)
being too available
talking about certain 'boy-friendly' topics
being too matter fact via you relationship status
setting the wrong frames (arguably the most important) (no matter how sexy you look, or how much of this or that you do if you sit there talking to her about how you don't agree with casual sex and how you find women who wait much more exciting, shes going to be very hesitant to do anything with you quickly)

instead you want to be disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend whilst actively presenting her with 'lover' characteristics and promoting scarcity - leaving her and you with pretty much fuck all else to do other than... fuck. of course for her to want to do that though you have to be desirable and good at setting the correct frames and over coming her potential objections to quick sex.