What's new

LR/FU: Lemons into Lemonade 4th date with 2nd Tinder girl

JRob

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
71
Okay, so here's the back story: I had my 3rd date with the 2nd lady that I met on Tinder. I went to a restaurant and she suggested that we go somewhere to talk more. I took her to a bar/arcade. We chatted there a bit then some more outside. I kissed her on the cheek and she was like that's it? I said "Well, I wonder what your place looks like..I should really see that soon...like now!" She said "Yes, let's do that". So I followed her to her place. She went to clean up her bedroom, and came back down. Then said "Now how about a real kiss", and kissed her. She pushed me back. I said let me try again making out trying to elsewhere. She literally shoved me out of the apartment.

All caught up, good, so I had my 4th date with this girl. I had a trip and she agreed to see me before I disappear for a week. We went to a restaurant and then back to her place to hang out and watch a movie. We chatted a bit more, she laid on me, I started making out, and we went up to her bed early during the movie. Finally, after the 4th date we moved our relationship towards a sexually one (or so I thought). She texted bunches afterwards letting me know that she kept thinking about me.

The Aftermath: When I made it back from my trip she said that she wanted to see me. I met this girl at her place, but she wanted to talk. I brought a movie we actually watched the whole movie. And when I tried to make out I was rebuffed. Basically, she didn't know if I was into her and asked if I was trying to have her as a F*CK buddy. I said that I hadn't even considered that and that I'm just living in the present and trying to enjoy her company. She also explained that she had a good time last time, and was kind of concerned about liking it. I told her we don't have to do anything. Anyway, we made out and eventually sex twice in two places in the apartment. I'm going to meet her again, but don't want to run into an LTR. I also got progress with two other girls. One wants me to call the same day as my next date (that's rough). I quit texting two other girls so I'm staying constant with 4 not 6 that I communicate with. How do you guys do it? Especially, when they demand time and a call. I think I'm missing something. I am genuinely a busy guy, but I guess I compromised too much.
 

HellAtlantic

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 1, 2015
Messages
301
That's weird, why did she throw u out of her apt the 3rd date after you were making out in her place and she cleaned up her bedroom? I would've thought you were gonna bang.
 

lao che

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Apr 21, 2013
Messages
492
going to restaurants, and again to restaurants - you've moved way too slow with this girl (but i understand that by the third date it seemed as if you were about to bang).

I'm going to meet her again, but don't want to run into an LTR.

once a week or less. and never meet for a date. meet at her place/your place and always fuck. you can meet outside then lead to your place. but don't make it datey. and don't see her more than once a week!!! always let her come to you. don't instigate matters yourself.


I also got progress with two other girls. One wants me to call the same day as my next date (that's rough).

do what you want, man. call, don't call. it's up to you. don't be afraid of putting your foot down.

I quit texting two other girls so I'm staying constant with 4 not 6 that I communicate with. How do you guys do it? Especially, when they demand time and a call. I think I'm missing something. I am genuinely a busy guy, but I guess I compromised too much.


yes, you are allowing yourself to be compromised. "they DEMAND time and a call"? dude, if a girl demands something from you - freeze her out. show her who's boss. punish/reward. sounds harsh but you gotta be the man here.

anyway, good job! four on the go. balls deep man! haha

keep on keepin on
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Sound advice by lao che.

First of all, you're getting some sex out of Tinder, congratulations, that makes a very nice start.

Here I have a few comments.

What is your frame?
On one hand you give her the boyfriend frame by going on many restaurant dates and moving slowly (and most likely, she roped you into this frame, because girls do this). On the other hand, you don't want to be roped into an LTR, and she senses it, given the fuckbudy drama she gave you. But then again you comply to her drama and her frame by telling her that you didn't even think this way.

So, overall you're very incongruent and she's confused.

First you need to be very clear what you want. Is it a BF/GF relationship? Or a more casual relationship? Or a one time only? Then you need to display the frame appropriate to what you want. In particular, if you don't want an LTR, or not immediately at least, you should avoid the "many dates" template. If you want a more casual relation, you will be much better off by moving faster...

Have a frame consistent to what you want, and stick to it.

Who was in control of this interaction?
I would bet it's mostly her. You had sex on the fourth date, when she let you have it. You were mostly dating on her terms (my guess). If she feels she can control the interaction, she will lose some attraction for you, and you will run into problems at some point.

Instead, maintain a stronger frame. You want sex to happen the first, or at most the second date. You lead and push everything in this direction. She wants to delay sex to later, but you make it happen sooner anyway. You dodge her BF/GF frame and impose your frame. You get the things you want the way you want... And now you're the one in control, she's the one dating you on your terms. She feels your dominance and will like you more for it. This is what girls call a "real man".

Regarding texting the other girls
You have room for the 6 girls, and even more. Have as much girls as possible on texting at any point in time. You won't have time for all of them, but you maintain them in the loop, and keep them on their toes, by texting them a little once in a while. You're a busy man. No time to accommodate their demands. They will start chasing you.

Cheers,
Seppuku
 
Top