Deg: Oh dear. Things have reached a pretty parlous state. You really had to nip this sort of behaviour in the bud, because it is hard to recover from here.
That's even assuming you'd want to recover from here. If you had sufficient abundance, would you really put up with this shit?? I mean I understand that this kind of thing crept up on you and you probably had a good relationship in the initial stages, otherwise you wouldn't have entered an LTR. But don't you think you may be clinging to the past a little? If you stick with the relationship past the point where both parties are still enjoying it, then that's called codependence. Note "co" in codependence, the problem is at its worst when both parties are codependent, and her exceptionally needy behaviour when you try to get space is a red flag.
Anyway, one of the principles of seduction is, you can never turn the clock back... but you can ALWAYS start again with a new girl and do things right next time. Let me give you a few examples where it is hard to undo what is done.
(i) You set a precedent that Thursday nights are date nights, then one Thursday you are busy with work or you want to go drinking with your friends. She will complain bitterly because she sees this as a backward step for your relationship.
(ii) You allow her to move in with you, but you want some space so you ask her to move out for a while. She will complain bitterly, again she sees this as a backward step for your relationship, and frankly she knows it will never progress from here, so you're essentially asking to break up with her, even if you don't phrase it that way.
(iii) You're at work and the boss asks you to stay late. You say "sure, fine" and stay late and finish the important job for the next day. The following week it happens again, and pretty soon you're always putting out fires for your boss. One day you get sick of it and rudely tell your boss you're busy, boss is upset and you get fired. Whereas your colleague (whom your boss asked in the first place before asking you) said "nah I have to get home to my wife, she's expecting me at 18:00 and then I have to read to the kids and put them to bed" and doesn't get fired because he set correct precedent in the first place.
(iv) You're drinking with friends and someone makes a joke about your weight. You get red in the face and mumble "ohh err yeah whatever"... everyone knows you're sensitive about your weight and starts to tease you a lot. Whereas if you'd said "haha, right back at ya bigbum" to whoever it was, correct frame has been set and nobody will tease you in future. Problem is that after the "ohh err yeah whatever" response, if next time you handle it correctly, it doesn't do any good because everyone just thinks "ohh he's sensitive about his weight but he's handling it really bravely, haha, wonder how long that will last" and redoubles their efforts to get you to crack.
Now anyway, let's have a look at some of the issues you are having.
Hey guys , so I have been dating this girl for a little over a year now and I am running into some problems. My girlfriend wants to skip foreplay and jump right into sex where she gets on top and rocks back and forth to some fantasy story I tell her till she finishes and then she goes straight to sleep and if I want to finish she tells me to just hurry up and finish or do it as she sleeps.
So she like orders you to tell her a fantasy story of a specific genre, like in order to get off she requires you to pretend you're a pizza delivery boy delivering the pizza and an "extra delivery"? This is called a compliance test, what happens is that women will give you orders, starting quite small like "can you get my sunglasses" as you're heading out the door... and if you comply then the next compliance test will be bigger, "hey I left my briefcase at uni, pick it up for me on your way home"... and pretty soon she'll be asking for ridiculous things. The most powerful word you can say to a woman is "NO". I don't think you've done this.
Now about the other matters, skipping foreplay is easy to deal with, you just continue the foreplay, and if she doesn't cooperate you don't put it in her, simple. You make her invest a little to get you hard and ready, basically. Otherwise she doesn't get sex. As to the not letting you finish, I must say I felt angry when reading this, because she's blatantly disrespecting you, however it's really your fault for allowing her to disrespect you. If my girlfriend did this, I would slap her face. (I don't advocate violence in a relationship, but I have deliberately set a frame of bondage play, in order to have some options for maintaining discipline).
What you basically need to do, to deal with these kinds of problems, is set a frame that she doesn't get to choose when/if you have sex or how long it lasts. She will obviously test you by either refusing sex, or trying to end sex early, and it is CRITICALLY important how you handle it the first time it happens. Firstly, you don't act upset, you just act bored or treat it like it's a joke and continue exactly what you were doing (escalating / finishing the sex or whatever). Secondly, you PERSIST PERSIST PERSIST. Backoff, rinse, repeat, but you DO NOT let her leave the bed and begin relaxing like sex is over. Pull her back in and continue on.
Just accept that, like when you agreed to stay late to help your boss put out fires, what you do THE FIRST TIME establishes what will happen from then on. And for me, this kind of behaviour is so unpalatable that I WILL NOT LET HER DO IT THE FIRST TIME OR EVER. If it becomes a battle of wills I will make her leave. I will then not call her for at least 10 days, maybe ever. What I will NOT DO is let her end sex, or refuse me sex, and then continue the relationship as normal. If you read my journal for the last 6 months you can read all about my relationship management efforts with my current girlfriend, and how I deal with these issues.
The other kind of sex we have is where she will skip foreplay and rushes to sex where after like 2 or 3 minutes of me on top she will say can you hurry up and finish and she will things other times like hurry and finish I actually want to do things today.
If she disrespected me like this I would push her off and say "you might as well leave now then". Then I'd get out my laptop and start doing some work or similar. Then I would refuse to have sex with her for at least 10 days. I wouldn't tell her why I was doing this, I'd just smile and say I was busy, and if she rubbed her tits against me and so on, I'd just calmly push her off and continue with whatever I was doing. Another option would be, next time you have sex, get her all excited so she's just about to come, and then stop. It will ruin her orgasm for sure, she'll have to build up again. Smile at her and say "can't you just hurry up and finish?".
Whenever I try something new or be dominant or tease her she's is like stop I'm losing my horniness lets just hurry up, so I have no time to try new things and when I do like adapted missionary or anything she says the same thing.
Testing you: You're obviously trying something new, so she guesses you might be underconfident about it, and criticizes it to see if you can maintain your frame. In such cases just trust what you read on GC and continue doing it until successful. If she thinks she knows better, it may develop into a battle of wills. Do NOT let her win. If you decide for instance you're going to lick her clit like GC recommends in the article on oral sex, and she stops you after a few minutes, you MUST commit to the clit. If it REALLY develops into a battle of wills then again, extreme measures may be called for like above, such as telling her she may as well go.
Also, she has a few hangups like she doesn't like having her nipples touched because it bothers her and she doesn't like being fingered because she has a bad experience of someone shoving their fingers in her. She doesn't like to give or receive oral and it's making it hard for me to mix things up.
Testing you: She'll invent hangups to see if you comply with her demands that you do or don't do certain things. You must do what YOU want to do, and if that involves touching her nipples or shoving your fingers in her, just go ahead and do it. If she creates a drama then she's not the right partner for you. But basically women are turned on by a guy who TURNS HIMSELF ON ACCORDING TO HIS OWN PREFERENCE. They must have leadership in bed, or they can't get wet. Any appearance to the contrary is because of women's tests and your allowing her to establish a precedent which shouldn't be set. Also, bear in mind that her hangups are HER hangups, not yours. If for instance she got raped... then TREAT HER LIKE ANY OTHER WOMAN, AGAIN IT'S HER PROBLEM NOT YOURS.
Also I used to be usually very dominant in bed and I could convince her to go down on me for example but I feel like some fear or something is blocking me.
The problem is you're losing confidence, being criticized and dominated over a long period will do that to you. Like a kind of Stockholm syndrome. Women, in particular cluster B women, will strongly attack your confidence by criticizing everything you do, because it makes you more compliant and easier to handle. (I survived at 6 year abusive relationship with a cluster B spouse and this was something she did routinely, I've also experienced most of the things in your post). Also you haven't read enough seduction material or you would have diagnosed your own problems, I recommend to read Franco Seduction "Manual of Seduction", and obviously you must read everything on GirlsChase, as radeng put it you should read articles until your eyes bleed. Also Chase's ebook is good.
Sorry for the long post. My two questions are how do I make sex better for both of us and make her more open or able to relax more.
I think you are asking the wrong questions here, the questions you should be asking are "is it worth continuing this relationship?" and "how to I set correct precedent in future?". Some other questions to ask are "is she cluster B and/or codependent?" and "do I have codependence issues I need to correct?"
And my second question is what do I do if she doesn't obey my commands during sex or in a relationship and still be seen as a strong man for example if I ask her to go down on men and she refuses or she refuses sex in general how do I deal with that?
I think I addressed this above. But if I could stress a few things it's (1) introduce some physical play and dominance early, such as spanking or tying her up and making her address you as "Master", it makes things much easier later, and (2) you cannot absolutely FORCE her to comply, if she physically resists you or uses the safe word, STOP, but you MUST DO EVERYTHING SHORT OF THAT -- NEVER GIVE UP, persist like hell, and give her consequences for non-compliance.
Thank you so much for listening everyone
It's a real pleasure to be able to help someone in need, or try to... coming from the viewpoint of a more experienced seducer it's hard to believe you could be tolerating this kind of thing, but at the same time I owe most of my knowledge to GirlsChase and to the hours I've spent putting GirlsChase advice into practice, when we first come to GirlsChase we're usually in much the same situation as you are now, or at least I was. And lots of other guys have similar stories to tell.
Ray
PS. Please give
this article a read, it may light up some lightbulbs for you. Or it might not, I don't know enough about your situation. Maybe you have a good relationship with just a few specifically sexual or dominance/leadership issues that need sorting out. Maybe you just failed some test and the tests got harder. But usually, this level of disrespect is a big indicator of deeper problems.
