Ltr frame and sex woes

[Deg]

Hey guys , so I have been dating this girl for a little over a year now and I am running into some problems. My girlfriend wants to skip foreplay and jump right into sex where she gets on top and rocks back and forth to some fantasy story I tell her till she finishes and then she goes straight to sleep and if I want to finish she tells me to just hurry up and finish or do it as she sleeps. The other kind of sex we have is where she will skip foreplay and rushes to sex where after like 2 or 3 minutes of me on top she will say can you hurry up and finish and she will things other times like hurry and finish I actually want to do things today. Whenever I try something new or be dominant or tease her she's is like stop I'm losing my horniness lets just hurry up, so I have no time to try new things and when I do like adapted missionary or anything she says the same thing. Also, she has a few hangups like she doesn't like having her nipples touched because it bothers her and she doesn't like being fingered because she has a bad experience of someone shoving their fingers in her. She doesn't like to give or receive oral and it's making it hard for me to mix things up. Also I used to be usually very dominant in bed and I could convince her to go down on me for example but I feel like some fear or something is blocking me. Sorry for the long post. My two questions are how do I make sex better for both of us and make her more open or able to relax more. And my second question is what do I do if she doesn't obey my commands during sex or in a relationship and still be seen as a strong man for example if I ask her to go down on men and she refuses or she refuses sex in general how do I deal with that? Thank you so much for listening everyone


also i forgot to mention, I have made sure not to engage in an needy behavior that is obvious and she is very very needy always wanting me over and spending time if a day passes without us speaking she cries and freaks out, also i could totally leave her and find another girl in the sense that i have an abundance mentality. I am writing this post to see if there is anything i can improve or fix
Deg

 

[Danny]

hey man I am having a very similar problem here too where there is some fear or something holding me back from being more commanding or dominant with my girlfriend which is crazy because I already have her in a way. Like I feel like I don't iniate sex as often to avoid rejection or try new things because of that and I am also wondering how to get past that fear of being rejected by your girlfriend or if you do get rejected how that affects her perception of you as strong man like how do you get rejected from your girlfriend and still be a strong man in her eyes or what if she rejects you multiple times or doesn't follow commands or orders in sex or just in general like what do you do?

 

[BarryS1]

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year and beginning to understand what’s conductive towards more passionate and frequent sex.

There’s a few factors in balance here. Deg, you mentioned avoiding neediness - frame control is important for upholding respect in the relationship. I’ll also throw in avoiding harsh behavior that Chase talks about causing drama. With those in line, I would address resistance to sex/new things (moody behavior) by 1) asking what’s wrong and 2) leaving if she is not being co-operative with your emotional support (like Franco suggests - I can’t find the post).

I think the resistance comes from escalating when she’s in a mood counterproductive to sex or being dominated. What type of mood it is and how she got into it is another story. I think of it like a trap, whenever you hit some resistance and DON’T ask why, but keep plowing on and on and on - she’ll make a tally mark against you. Say you’ve been missing the problem with her repeatedly, that’s multiple marks AND resentment developing towards you. I think THAT’S one of the biggest impacts of her seeing you as a dominant partner.

What can we do about it? That depends on how often we see our girlfriends. In the beginning of the relationship or when dating, I encountered this FAR less than now because we are in face-to-face contact more. Increasing the contact increases the likelihood of encountering her in moods counterproductive to sex or being dominated (even if you understand drama and have frame control). If you are around her, do your best at attending to her emotional needs affecting your connection, avoiding problems that do not affect you, and avoiding effort if she's not being co-operative.

I’ve been there having my advances rejected repeatedly in the same night or me giving up after she stubbornly won’t tell me what’s wrong. It’s very frustrating. The ability of asking what’s wrong during a problem/moodswing and the ability of walking away during periods of uncooperativeness have really helped. Being more accurate in distinguishing these moments and acting accordingly have increased the amount of passion and frequency of sex. I’ve actually kept a log of the results and there’s been month over month improvement. Otherwise, it can feel like work instead of really being connected to you!