A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi all,
New to the board but have been a fan of girlschase articles and know enough that the following situation is something Chase recommends never getting into, but nevertheless......
I appreciate any help you can give me,
I have a problem with a girl that I have been seeing (we're not exclusive ) since July 2012. We met in a night club (drunkenly) and it has always been a couple of months between our meetings due to the fact that we live in different areas. First night we just kissed then I met her a month or so later on a night out and ended up going back to her place, no sex but other stuff. Then I saw her again a couple of months after that and we ended sleeping together. Saw her again a month after that and then finally two months later she drove 3 hours to come and stay with me at my parents house for the weekend. Between these meetings we generally just texted once or twice a week, I always had an aim to meet up so made the plans and did the inviting and then waited until we met in person. One thing I had noticed is that she sends far more texts in the few days after our meeting and then it gradually tapers off when we haven't seen each other for a bit...
Things then got complicated, I moved to China for what was meant to be a year, straight after she spent the weekend with me in December. We exchanged emails weekly and skyped every couple of weeks (met her parents numerous times on skype) and I decided to invite her to visit me. I offered to pay half her travel costs but she said she couldn't let me do that for her and would fund it herself and in late March she stayed with me for almost 2 weeks. We had a fantastic time and did some traveling. She dropped certain hints like asking if I'd been seeing anyone else (said I had been on a few dates and slept with a local girl) and this clearly made her jealous and insecure. I assured her that things with this other girl were not serious however. She told me that throughout our time together she had done 'other stuff' with guys but was not seeing anyone regularly or sleeping with anyone else. At various times during the trip the issue of us being bf/gf was raised by people around us. At the end of the trip someone asked if we were bf and gf and she moved her hand from side to side in an unsure manner. During the trip we seemed to effectively be bf/gf, holding hands , said she really liked me etc and there is no doubt we have chemistry.
So she returned back to the UK and it is at this point that I became a bit of a pussy as I'd caught feelings, I said she should come over to work in China (something she was initially excited about but she ultimately decided that she couldn't come due to her job). Instead of keeping interaction like it had been before I decided to tell her how I felt and I spoke to her on skype and said she was special to me, that I really liked her, that we should start seeing each other officially and that I would be returning back to the UK soon so we could be in the same area (I also told her we should be fb offical, sad I know ha ha....). She agreed that we should be in a relationship but declined the fb thing as she didn't want that to define the relationship. She also mentioned that she was somewhat 'scared' of pressure. Ultimately a few days after this she contacted me and said that I should return back to the UK for me not for her and that she didn't want the pressure on her shoulders in case things didn't work between us, especially due to the fact we were already long distance when in the same country. She also said it would be best if we left things until I returned and spent more time with her and met her parents. The ultimate message though was that she would be very glad to have me nearer to her and that things might blossom if we spent more time together. I have resolved to return to he UK anyway to continue my studies and will be living in the same city as her when I return (even if things do not work between us).
We then stepped up communication to skype twice a week and she messaged me daily. Our interactions were warm and friendly and I didn't bring up any discussions about our relationship or feelings etc and kept things casual and fun. At the start she was contacting me far more but after a month there has been a shift and it seems that I'm the one who does the contacting. She no longer messages every night and even ignored a couple of my messages. We have also started to skype less and she occasionally rearranges them due to being tired, sick etc although she always gives an alternative day or time and she is as warm as ever when we do skype (makes references to what we'll do together when I return). But I cannot help but notice there has been a slight withdrawal the past couple of weeks and she also changed her fb relationship status to single when since I've known her it's been hidden. I'm not sure what is going on here but I haven't said anything. She still has a picture of us together on her facebook and when we last skyped it was the same as always. I'm realistic and I have no doubts she has other guys after her and that she may be dating. We had also arranged to spend a week at her house when I returned but when I recently tried to confirm that she had the time off she said she wasn't able to get it off and suggested the week after. It seemed a bit weird that I had to draw that info out of her and I basically just get the impression that I have been pushed to the side a little, yet I have no doubt that when I return I can re-ignite things.
Obviously I really like this girl and would like to have something meaningful and exclusive with her and I must say I am emotionally invested, we get on very well and she is a good, intelligent down to earth girl who has kept her commitments to me and messed me around very little. It will be 1.5 months from now before I see her in the flesh so how would you advise me to interact with her up until that point? Should I make a concrete date that I will stay with her and then cut down contact until that time so I can create some mystery? I am also unsure about what her intentions are towards me and whether she just saw me as a casual dalliance that would never be anything more.
Sorry for the essay and just tell me if there are any details I should clear up,
THANKS!!
New to the board but have been a fan of girlschase articles and know enough that the following situation is something Chase recommends never getting into, but nevertheless......
I appreciate any help you can give me,
I have a problem with a girl that I have been seeing (we're not exclusive ) since July 2012. We met in a night club (drunkenly) and it has always been a couple of months between our meetings due to the fact that we live in different areas. First night we just kissed then I met her a month or so later on a night out and ended up going back to her place, no sex but other stuff. Then I saw her again a couple of months after that and we ended sleeping together. Saw her again a month after that and then finally two months later she drove 3 hours to come and stay with me at my parents house for the weekend. Between these meetings we generally just texted once or twice a week, I always had an aim to meet up so made the plans and did the inviting and then waited until we met in person. One thing I had noticed is that she sends far more texts in the few days after our meeting and then it gradually tapers off when we haven't seen each other for a bit...
Things then got complicated, I moved to China for what was meant to be a year, straight after she spent the weekend with me in December. We exchanged emails weekly and skyped every couple of weeks (met her parents numerous times on skype) and I decided to invite her to visit me. I offered to pay half her travel costs but she said she couldn't let me do that for her and would fund it herself and in late March she stayed with me for almost 2 weeks. We had a fantastic time and did some traveling. She dropped certain hints like asking if I'd been seeing anyone else (said I had been on a few dates and slept with a local girl) and this clearly made her jealous and insecure. I assured her that things with this other girl were not serious however. She told me that throughout our time together she had done 'other stuff' with guys but was not seeing anyone regularly or sleeping with anyone else. At various times during the trip the issue of us being bf/gf was raised by people around us. At the end of the trip someone asked if we were bf and gf and she moved her hand from side to side in an unsure manner. During the trip we seemed to effectively be bf/gf, holding hands , said she really liked me etc and there is no doubt we have chemistry.
So she returned back to the UK and it is at this point that I became a bit of a pussy as I'd caught feelings, I said she should come over to work in China (something she was initially excited about but she ultimately decided that she couldn't come due to her job). Instead of keeping interaction like it had been before I decided to tell her how I felt and I spoke to her on skype and said she was special to me, that I really liked her, that we should start seeing each other officially and that I would be returning back to the UK soon so we could be in the same area (I also told her we should be fb offical, sad I know ha ha....). She agreed that we should be in a relationship but declined the fb thing as she didn't want that to define the relationship. She also mentioned that she was somewhat 'scared' of pressure. Ultimately a few days after this she contacted me and said that I should return back to the UK for me not for her and that she didn't want the pressure on her shoulders in case things didn't work between us, especially due to the fact we were already long distance when in the same country. She also said it would be best if we left things until I returned and spent more time with her and met her parents. The ultimate message though was that she would be very glad to have me nearer to her and that things might blossom if we spent more time together. I have resolved to return to he UK anyway to continue my studies and will be living in the same city as her when I return (even if things do not work between us).
We then stepped up communication to skype twice a week and she messaged me daily. Our interactions were warm and friendly and I didn't bring up any discussions about our relationship or feelings etc and kept things casual and fun. At the start she was contacting me far more but after a month there has been a shift and it seems that I'm the one who does the contacting. She no longer messages every night and even ignored a couple of my messages. We have also started to skype less and she occasionally rearranges them due to being tired, sick etc although she always gives an alternative day or time and she is as warm as ever when we do skype (makes references to what we'll do together when I return). But I cannot help but notice there has been a slight withdrawal the past couple of weeks and she also changed her fb relationship status to single when since I've known her it's been hidden. I'm not sure what is going on here but I haven't said anything. She still has a picture of us together on her facebook and when we last skyped it was the same as always. I'm realistic and I have no doubts she has other guys after her and that she may be dating. We had also arranged to spend a week at her house when I returned but when I recently tried to confirm that she had the time off she said she wasn't able to get it off and suggested the week after. It seemed a bit weird that I had to draw that info out of her and I basically just get the impression that I have been pushed to the side a little, yet I have no doubt that when I return I can re-ignite things.
Obviously I really like this girl and would like to have something meaningful and exclusive with her and I must say I am emotionally invested, we get on very well and she is a good, intelligent down to earth girl who has kept her commitments to me and messed me around very little. It will be 1.5 months from now before I see her in the flesh so how would you advise me to interact with her up until that point? Should I make a concrete date that I will stay with her and then cut down contact until that time so I can create some mystery? I am also unsure about what her intentions are towards me and whether she just saw me as a casual dalliance that would never be anything more.
Sorry for the essay and just tell me if there are any details I should clear up,
THANKS!!
