Making her feel special vs. Keeping the Power Dynamic in your favor

[Suave]

I've been having issues with understanding the concept behind "Making her feel special" because it seems like I'm constantly trying to be really nice to her and treating her like she's on a pedestal.

I mean, you are giving her importance right? You're kinda going out of your way to make her feel special right? Now, I need a line between what differentiates chasing and shifting the power dynamic in her favor from this?

 

[Drck]

"I'm constantly trying to be really nice to her and treating her like she's on a pedestal".

That's what most guys do, perhaps hence the 'nice guy' concept. The problem is that 9 out of 10 guys treat her this way, so how is she suppose to feel special?

One day he buys her lunch, next day he buys her tickets to movies, the next day he pays for whole trip. He always does things for her. Then he marries her, buys her a ring, house, cars,... He always smiles at her, never gets mad or upset. She's bored with guys who have this attitude, she doesn't feel special at all no matter how many nice things you do for her... She simply doesn't FEEL anything with this guy, she got used to the niceness-ness, and there are no other emotions...

So stop being nice to her and any other girls. She may have a pretty face and nice body, but she is just a person. If some girl was constantly nice to you, and constantly doing nice things for you, constantly smile at you - would you appreciate her? Maybe first 2 weeks, then you would get bored. Week later you would get quite annoyed with her, and another week you would get depressed because she is so boring with her niceness-ness. Another week and you want to run away, very very far from her... If you were so fortunate and marry her, a years later you would start drinking because you couldn't stand it, you would want to forget your boring life. How is it possible, she is so nice and so sweet - but I just can't stand it?

Now imagine a girl that has a very good vibes with you when you meet her, you are in seventh heaven. You feel so important because she pays all her attention only to you. But second day she doesn't answer your messages. You get all anxious, all worry... You sweat and you bite your fingers because you can't stand it. What happened to this hot girl? You call her her another four more times just to make sure she's got your message. You leave your phone numbers, emails, fax number and FB link, just in case she misses one - but nothing, still no answer... Your life just collapsed, there are not tomorrows...

Then she calls you two days later and maybe invites you out... Sorry, I didn't feel good, she says and giggles. You are in seventh heaven again, your emotions skyrocket, your heart beats in excitement. Nothing happened, you say, I was just really worried about you. So you go see her again and she is all excited to see you, she makes you feel really great about yourself... you feel like a hero who could save the whole world, all she has to say is: Do it for me my superman! ...

But then, another day later, you pretend to walk into her randomly and she acts as if she doesn't know you at all, she just looks through you as if you were nothing... What date? she's looking at you as if you were a weirdo. I don't remember you, you are just another guy I was flirting with, there were like 40 annoying guys like that just this week... So you emotions drop below zero, you are all freezing, feeling miserable about yourself, you are insignificant again... But three days later she is hot again, all over you, she calls you for a date, buys you a coffee and apologizes with giggles: Sorry, I had a terrible day. She then tells you how special you are - just to show you the next week what a bitch she is...

And you are becoming desperate to get this girl because there is just something about her... the more you know her the more you want to be with her, she is such a cute bitch...

True, she could be a psycho, but it also could be a plain hot/cold game. She is rocking your world, she is rocking your emotions: up and down, hot and cold, close and far, left and right - and after a while you forget everything except her...

Girls are even more sensitive than guys, perhaps that is the reason why Nice Guys don't get many chances, if any at all... They are just too boring with all the niceness-ness, there are just no emotions involved...

So you want to rock her emotions. One day you do something nice for her, and the other day do nothing, when she asks you to do something you say NO. You make her feel great one day, and then you go cold, distant, you don't call back. You piss her off one day, then you bring her flowers. One day you take her to comedy center so she laughs her ass off, and the next time for some drama movies, make sure that she cries for a while. One day you take her on a roller coaster so she pies in her pants with fear and excitement, and another day you take fishing, and you fish and fish til she gets bored... You piss her off one day, you make you hate you - and the next day you make compassionate love with her...

You simply make her FEEL, and the more she feels while around you, the more she feels special...

No need to go overboard at all, the above is of course exaggerated, and you also want to remain emotionally stable yourself... If she calls you a prick one time, and the next time she tells you that you are a great lover, you know that you are doing just fine....

 

[Suave]

"I'm constantly trying to be really nice to her and treating her like she's on a pedestal".

That's what most guys do, perhaps hence the 'nice guy' concept. The problem is that 9 out of 10 guys treat her this way, so how is she suppose to feel special?

One day he buys her lunch, next day he buys her tickets to movies, the next day he pays for whole trip. He always does things for her. Then he marries her, buys her a ring, house, cars,... He always smiles at her, never gets mad or upset. She's bored with guys who have this attitude, she doesn't feel special at all no matter how many nice things you do for her... She simply doesn't FEEL anything with this guy, she got used to the niceness-ness, and there are no other emotions...

So stop being nice to her and any other girls. She may have a pretty face and nice body, but she is just a person. If some girl was constantly nice to you, and constantly doing nice things for you, constantly smile at you - would you appreciate her? Maybe first 2 weeks, then you would get bored. Week later you would get quite annoyed with her, and another week you would get depressed because she is so boring with her niceness-ness. Another week and you want to run away, very very far from her... If you were so fortunate and marry her, a years later you would start drinking because you couldn't stand it, you would want to forget your boring life. How is it possible, she is so nice and so sweet - but I just can't stand it?

Now imagine a girl that has a very good vibes with you when you meet her, you are in seventh heaven. You feel so important because she pays all her attention only to you. But second day she doesn't answer your messages. You get all anxious, all worry... You sweat and you bite your fingers because you can't stand it. What happened to this hot girl? You call her her another four more times just to make sure she's got your message. You leave your phone numbers, emails, fax number and FB link, just in case she misses one - but nothing, still no answer... Your life just collapsed, there are not tomorrows...

Then she calls you two days later and maybe invites you out... Sorry, I didn't feel good, she says and giggles. You are in seventh heaven again, your emotions skyrocket, your heart beats in excitement. Nothing happened, you say, I was just really worried about you. So you go see her again and she is all excited to see you, she makes you feel really great about yourself... you feel like a hero who could save the whole world, all she has to say is: Do it for me my superman! ...

But then, another day later, you pretend to walk into her randomly and she acts as if she doesn't know you at all, she just looks through you as if you were nothing... What date? she's looking at you as if you were a weirdo. I don't remember you, you are just another guy I was flirting with, there were like 40 annoying guys like that just this week... So you emotions drop below zero, you are all freezing, feeling miserable about yourself, you are insignificant again... But three days later she is hot again, all over you, she calls you for a date, buys you a coffee and apologizes with giggles: Sorry, I had a terrible day. She then tells you how special you are - just to show you the next week what a bitch she is...

And you are becoming desperate to get this girl because there is just something about her... the more you know her the more you want to be with her, she is such a cute bitch...

True, she could be a psycho, but it also could be a plain hot/cold game. She is rocking your world, she is rocking your emotions: up and down, hot and cold, close and far, left and right - and after a while you forget everything except her...

Girls are even more sensitive than guys, perhaps that is the reason why Nice Guys don't get many chances, if any at all... They are just too boring with all the niceness-ness, there are just no emotions involved...

So you want to rock her emotions. One day you do something nice for her, and the other day do nothing, when she asks you to do something you say NO. You make her feel great one day, and then you go cold, distant, you don't call back. You piss her off one day, then you bring her flowers. One day you take her to comedy center so she laughs her ass off, and the next time for some drama movies, make sure that she cries for a while. One day you take her on a roller coaster so she pies in her pants with fear and excitement, and another day you take fishing, and you fish and fish til she gets bored... You piss her off one day, you make you hate you - and the next day you make compassionate love with her...

You simply make her FEEL, and the more she feels while around you, the more she feels special...

No need to go overboard at all, the above is of course exaggerated, and you also want to remain emotionally stable yourself... If she calls you a prick one time, and the next time she tells you that you are a great lover, you know that you are doing just fine....

Dude, do you have any idea how much sense you just made! (Yeah, of course you do)

I mean, seriously, I've been really confused with the whole concept of making her feel special for weeks by now and this post did clear a lot of that up.

It also makes so much sense from the "Nice Jerk" point of view as well.

Thanks bro. Will remember this probably throughout my journey of seduction.

 

[Dylweed]

Drck, thats ridiculous, i agree someone pretending to be nice would be horrible annoying. Someone who's just genuinly happy all the time though who gives validation when you deserve it and doesn't need any herself, thats a good girl right there. It just sounds like youre recommending playing some super fake game thats completely unnecessary. If you genuinly like fucking with girls like that, you do it because it's fun to you in a kind of sick way, then go ahead, but if youre doing it as some technique thats retarded.

I think what the op here is talking about is he's wondering how much validation to give a girl. You give too much and she's bored and annoyed, you don't give enough and she feels rejected and will reject you. You got to maintain a balance of it. I've heard someone compare it to fishing, you got to keep the line tension just right, too lose or too tight and the line breaks.

The way to do it right is to become a man who doesn't need validation from girls anymore because he's so secure with himself. Then when he gives validation to a girl, they love it because they can tell he doesn't need them. He also wouldn't give too much validation because doing that would just seem ridiculous.

 

[D_Smooth1900]

I agree with Dylweed, I think using such measures to keep a girl around is evil and manipulative. Although we are seducers we practice techniques few would consider moral, we manipulate our targets into doing our will. For example the technique drck shared with us. Its a good way to keep a girl you really like from going anywhere but it's also vile and mnipulative. But in all honesty if any one of us was to try it im almost more than certain that it'll work.

 

[Drck]

First of all, I clearly wrote that this is exaggerated, there is no need to go overboard. Girls want to FEEL, experience different emotions, and if you as a guy can do it it is not manipulation. If you can't do it (make her feel) she will most likely dump you.

We could actually argue whether the whole seduction is manipulation or not, because you always do and learn things to sleep with girls. So just out of curiosity, is it a manipulation to work on your fundamentals - so you can attract girls and sleep with them? Is it a manipulation to invite a girl for a date, so you can eventually get laid? Is is manipulation to learn a good conversation so you can vibe with girls, and sleep with them? Is it a manipulation to learn how to be leading the girl to the bed? To have good plan and logistics? Is it a manipulation to make the girl feel different emotions so you can sleep with her and both of you enjoy it at the same time?

Secondly, hot and cold, push and pull, playing hard to get (whatever you want to call it) is a primitive and old game, girls do it without even thinking about it. If you ever met a girl, had a great time with her, felt great attraction and vibes, then she pretended that she doesn't know you the second day, or she doesn't text you for hours while you know that she is glued to that phone 24/7 - well, that's exactly what I'm talking about... Very primitive yet powerful game, she wraps the guy around with feelings, and he is unable to resist whatever the demands are because he's afraid to lose her...

Thirdly, I was explaining a question the way I understand what was Suave asking about. If you guys read any of my previous comments you must know that I'm against any manipulations, tricks or fakes...

BTW, the fish line was mine. Not really mine, it goes back to R. Jeffries from years ago. If you guys studied the older stuff as well you'd be familiar with both, fish line as well as hot and cold...

 

[Dylweed]

Thats true man when i worked at a restaurant last year there was a girl who worked there who would be super rude to me, calling me slow and just acting like i was shit, i never took it seriously though and then one day she told me i was hot, i was like, why are you telling me this? she said she had to let me know and that she loved me and she blew me a kiss. Then i saw her later that day and she blew me a kiss again and right after that i asked this one dude a question and she insulted me for asking the question like i was super dumb lol she was only 17 and she was a real natural pro at flirting lol

 

[Drck]

Except you are describing inexperienced girl who you don't care about at all. Once you meet a girl that is much smoother and you feel a huge attraction towards her, the story might be little bit different.

How would you describe genuine man?

 

[Suave]

I think Drck is right with the solution as long as you don't overdo it. Although it might still work, It's gonna involve a lot of thinking abd logical reasoning and would be totally unnatural.

That's the problem, I guess, being unnatural, it seems like seduction has taken over your life and now you forget why you started it in the first place.

As long as you don't swing to the extremes though, it should be fine, the girl's gonna enjoy the emotions and you, the relationship.

Well, that's my takeaway anyway.

 

[Richard]

First and foremost, you have to understand that you can make a girl feel special (without being nice) while still keeping the power dynamic.

You ever have a boss or General Manager ( basically anybody who can fuck with your job or life) pay a compliment to you on something you've done or completed? How does it feel for you? You feel special yet also understand that the person who said it is still in power. Basically they're delivering compliments from up above instead of down below.

The problem guys have with women is that they're usually delivering compliments from down below instead of up above (or neutral ground at the very least).

Anyway, the way you make her feel special while keeping the power is rewarding her for something she does that impresses you or that you absolutely love in women. This could be in the form of a compliment and in some cases rewarding via compliance (as in, she asks you a question and you dodge it. But, she says something you really like so you comply and answer that earlier question).

It's not hard to do both at the same time, you've just got to be aware of the windows when they arrive.

EDIT: As you develop yourself and start to view yourself as the dominant and sexy male then every compliment you pay will make her feel special but you will almost always be winning in the power dynamic.

 

[Drck]

Assuming that we are also considering long term relationship, we also have to consider long term and short term appreciations. Paying compliments is good, they bring those emotional spikes, but there always have to be some reason. In long term, you can't giver her too many compliments, they would just become casual, rather you should reserve them for special occasions when she did something that overall bring benefit to your relationship.

Another things, remember anniversaries. You don't always have to buy something expensive for her, it might be a better idea if you hand pick some unusual gift that fits her, perhaps even write a personal note in simple card.

Take her to unusual places. Most guys usually want to stay home and play games. Girls usually want to experience different things - take her to a museum, hiking, go to the zoo, exhibition, car show, sex show, whatever comes to your mind...

Surprise her, be spontaneous. Find something unusual to do, bring her flowers one day for for no reason (except the fact that you love her).

Remember details. Tell her: Remember the color of your shirt you were describing 8 months ago? This looks exactly like that (point at some thing). She will notice, girls remember lots of details, if not all of them. Or repeat some unusual words or word combination that you remember her saying a while ago, weeks or months. Write them down if you can't remember, then bring them up months later. She will note it, you will be surprised that you remembers She will know that you are paying attention to her, that you remember, and that will make her feel special.

You can test girls. One day I said some unusual words, trying to be funny. Nothing, I thought she overheard it, no reactions at all. Whatever. Some six months later, we were having fun, and she looked at me and repeated exactly those words. I was like wow, this girl remembers everything, she remember what I said months earlier. It just makes you feel better if you know the other person remembers...

Most guys don't pay any attention to details. She says: remember the color of my nails when we went to the ice cream place year ago? They look exactly like that ice cream (points to it). And he, with fear in his eyes says: What place are you talking about? We were having ice cream before? He has no clue, he does't remember anything that they did together, he doesn't remember what they talked about, where they went, never mind what clothes or nail color she had at that time...

Know what she likes and what's important to her. She may like for example some writer, she already read couple of books from him. So maybe she'll get a book with special comment from you for her birthday, or even better: read it yourself and then discuss the story and ideas from that book. It's obviously important to her because there is something interesting in it, so if you show that it's also important to you she will feel special.

Say that you like something unusual, maybe taking photos of nature, perhaps of butterflies. It's even your secret because you don't want people think that you are a faggot. Most people see your pictures and they say: wow, that's nice, and they walk away with awkward smile, they just don't give a damn about your weird hobby. Not the girl that you like. She wants to know details, when was this, why, what's the exact name, how do you do it so professionally, and when she can join you to see you how you do it. She likes what you like, you feel special, and you like her even more...

There is of course more, but keep it simple: listen to what she says, remember at least some details, and if you think something is more important to her, amplify it, then come back to it weeks/months later. If she likes it, you like it too, and you want to know more about it. This way she knows that you noticed and that you care.

I wouldn't want people think that this is some sort of manipulation, some sort of trick that will trick her against her will to sleep with you. Those are simply social skills, you vibe with the person on multiple levels, you sort of deep dive her entire life, you share, you discover what she likes - and you make her feel good about it... There is nothing malicious in making the girl feeling good and special, liking her and having a desire to sleep with her... You want to be a lover, thus you shall behave like one...