Hey guys,
so this is my first field report. I think it’s quite an interesting interaction and probably more typical for beginners or early intermediates. Hope you have some useful suggestions where to tweak my game to improve the results!
Background
I moved to a new town to study abroad and signed up for tinder there, quickly setting up a date with a girl on it that seemed quite eager to meet up. However, I have a bit of a logistical problem because I live in a shared student flat in a not that nice area quite far away from the centre. But since all the nice bars etc. are situated in the centre, there’s hardly an alternative to commuting to the centre to meet up without demanding a huge amount of investment from the girl’s side right off the batch by asking her to come the long way to my place.
The Interaction
We thus met in a nice bar in the centre and had quite a good vibe. We had a nice talk, I used deep diving and got to know her pretty well. She seemed very comfortable and excited around me, giving different signs of interest like playing with her hair a lot etc. After like 1,5 hours we finished our beers and I asked her if she wanted to get another one. She was hesitating, seeming wiling to move on to somewhere else. Since I had checked her logistics earlier, I found out that she lived close by in a shared student flat (with her own room), so I just took the opportunity to initiate a move to her place by saying I’d be a bit hungry so why not get a little food and go to her place to enjoy it in peace there. She agreed and then we went on to search for food.
However, when we found a nice deli, she said “hmm, I just moved to this new place, I don’t know if can just bring a guy home already.” I didn’t really respond to this right now, but just said “oh let’s go into there and get something to eat!”. So we went inside and I got myself a sandwich. Then I tried again and said “okay, so should we just head over to your place and eat it there and then maybe watch a movie or something?”. She responded “hmm.. I don’t know”, while we were walking out of the store and down the street.
Then I was like: “well we could also go to my place, but it’s quite far and we’d have to take then train..” and she didn’t really respond, thinking about it for a second. Then she answered: “yeah you’re right, I think it’s a bit far”. We stopped and I suggested “okay, so what do we do then… should we just eat the food here at the deli for now?”, so we went back there and had the sandwich in the deli. There, the vibe was a bit awkward at first, feeling like the momentum kind of got lost. But I think I’m quite a good conversationalist by now and thus got us quickly back into a nice interaction.
After the food was finished, we went out to the square again, thinking about what to do next. I then tried it in a joking manner “so you think there’s absolutely no way you can bring a guy over to your place? come on..?!
” and she was “no.. maybe we should just grab another beer, but I don’t really know the other bars around here.” Feeling like I’d get nowhere with this discussion and start to look to pushy by asking again, I agreed and suggested another pub.
So we had another beer there and after it was finished it was rather late already. I had the feeling it would be quite awkward to bring up the “go home together”-idea again and thus just made her give me her phone number. The interaction in the second bar was good and flirty and I touched her occasionally. I might have tried to go for a kiss (we were sitting close), but I feel quite conscious about PDAs and the people in this country feel the same way it seems to me – you never see people kissing in public or even just holding hands. Thus, we left the bar after the phone number trade and ended up walking towards the train and when we parted I decided to finally go for the kiss, but it was a bit hasty and just quite short. Although she definitely did not resist it, she didn’t seem comfortable to kiss me passionately and long there in public. We then quickly parted ways on a bit of a strange feeling. However, when I asked for her number, we agreed to maybe meet next week. I am pretty sure that she likes me and would meet up again.
Analysis
So in hindsight, I am quite sure that if logistics were better, I could have definitely taken her home and probably slept with her, since the girls here are pretty sexually liberated in general.
I also feel like if I would have handled her objections better in the first place, it might have worked but I kind of lack the experience in these situations since I’m rather new in the game after a long relationship. The last point where I think I made a mistake was the rather hasty kiss at the end, which just reflected my decreasing confidence due to the somehow weird way things were going at some crucial points along the way.
Finally, I might not have positioned myself as enough of a sexy man.. although I think I don’t have a bad vibe in this direction in general according to what several hook-ups or make-outs of mine have told me recently. I generally don’t feel comfortable using chase frames and teasing/flirting a lot because I have a more laid-back smooth style and these tools very quite unnatural in combination with my style.
So, my main questions is, do you guys have any comments on what you would have done/said in the crucial moments to get better results?
Follow-Up
Tried to get back into contact the next week and she didn’t respond. Maybe I waited a bit too long (5 days), but I suspect that I just ruined it with the failed push home and the awkward ending. You know, turning from a prospective lover into “someone she nearly made a big mistake with” in hindsight.
Best, pearce
so this is my first field report. I think it’s quite an interesting interaction and probably more typical for beginners or early intermediates. Hope you have some useful suggestions where to tweak my game to improve the results!
Background
I moved to a new town to study abroad and signed up for tinder there, quickly setting up a date with a girl on it that seemed quite eager to meet up. However, I have a bit of a logistical problem because I live in a shared student flat in a not that nice area quite far away from the centre. But since all the nice bars etc. are situated in the centre, there’s hardly an alternative to commuting to the centre to meet up without demanding a huge amount of investment from the girl’s side right off the batch by asking her to come the long way to my place.
The Interaction
We thus met in a nice bar in the centre and had quite a good vibe. We had a nice talk, I used deep diving and got to know her pretty well. She seemed very comfortable and excited around me, giving different signs of interest like playing with her hair a lot etc. After like 1,5 hours we finished our beers and I asked her if she wanted to get another one. She was hesitating, seeming wiling to move on to somewhere else. Since I had checked her logistics earlier, I found out that she lived close by in a shared student flat (with her own room), so I just took the opportunity to initiate a move to her place by saying I’d be a bit hungry so why not get a little food and go to her place to enjoy it in peace there. She agreed and then we went on to search for food.
However, when we found a nice deli, she said “hmm, I just moved to this new place, I don’t know if can just bring a guy home already.” I didn’t really respond to this right now, but just said “oh let’s go into there and get something to eat!”. So we went inside and I got myself a sandwich. Then I tried again and said “okay, so should we just head over to your place and eat it there and then maybe watch a movie or something?”. She responded “hmm.. I don’t know”, while we were walking out of the store and down the street.
Then I was like: “well we could also go to my place, but it’s quite far and we’d have to take then train..” and she didn’t really respond, thinking about it for a second. Then she answered: “yeah you’re right, I think it’s a bit far”. We stopped and I suggested “okay, so what do we do then… should we just eat the food here at the deli for now?”, so we went back there and had the sandwich in the deli. There, the vibe was a bit awkward at first, feeling like the momentum kind of got lost. But I think I’m quite a good conversationalist by now and thus got us quickly back into a nice interaction.
After the food was finished, we went out to the square again, thinking about what to do next. I then tried it in a joking manner “so you think there’s absolutely no way you can bring a guy over to your place? come on..?!
” and she was “no.. maybe we should just grab another beer, but I don’t really know the other bars around here.” Feeling like I’d get nowhere with this discussion and start to look to pushy by asking again, I agreed and suggested another pub. So we had another beer there and after it was finished it was rather late already. I had the feeling it would be quite awkward to bring up the “go home together”-idea again and thus just made her give me her phone number. The interaction in the second bar was good and flirty and I touched her occasionally. I might have tried to go for a kiss (we were sitting close), but I feel quite conscious about PDAs and the people in this country feel the same way it seems to me – you never see people kissing in public or even just holding hands. Thus, we left the bar after the phone number trade and ended up walking towards the train and when we parted I decided to finally go for the kiss, but it was a bit hasty and just quite short. Although she definitely did not resist it, she didn’t seem comfortable to kiss me passionately and long there in public. We then quickly parted ways on a bit of a strange feeling. However, when I asked for her number, we agreed to maybe meet next week. I am pretty sure that she likes me and would meet up again.
Analysis
So in hindsight, I am quite sure that if logistics were better, I could have definitely taken her home and probably slept with her, since the girls here are pretty sexually liberated in general.
I also feel like if I would have handled her objections better in the first place, it might have worked but I kind of lack the experience in these situations since I’m rather new in the game after a long relationship. The last point where I think I made a mistake was the rather hasty kiss at the end, which just reflected my decreasing confidence due to the somehow weird way things were going at some crucial points along the way.
Finally, I might not have positioned myself as enough of a sexy man.. although I think I don’t have a bad vibe in this direction in general according to what several hook-ups or make-outs of mine have told me recently. I generally don’t feel comfortable using chase frames and teasing/flirting a lot because I have a more laid-back smooth style and these tools very quite unnatural in combination with my style.
So, my main questions is, do you guys have any comments on what you would have done/said in the crucial moments to get better results?
Follow-Up
Tried to get back into contact the next week and she didn’t respond. Maybe I waited a bit too long (5 days), but I suspect that I just ruined it with the failed push home and the awkward ending. You know, turning from a prospective lover into “someone she nearly made a big mistake with” in hindsight.
Best, pearce
