- Joined
- Jun 28, 2021
- Messages
- 413
I was with a wing at our favorite's tapas bar. Usual recap from previous night and chit-chat about life and chicks. I told him that before he arrived I had spotted nice bimbo type brunette which I want to approach. I pointed towards her and once he saw her he just smirked. "I had a fling with her in the past", he said. He didn't lay her even thought she was at his place but there was some intimacy involved.
We talked a bit more and I asked him to approach her and her friend together.
She was pretty receptive and outgoing from the get go, and no awkwardness even thought my wing brought up the failed attempt from the past. We stayed at this bar chatting for about 2 hours. During that time just a regular conversation about life, travel and funny cats videos. There was also a recurring conversational thread about politics which I didn't get involved in and tried to redirect into something more productive. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy as she really like this topic and was very enthusiastic to share all her 'great' polical ideas and opinions.
During the convo I found out that she lives near to my place. Not the same neighboorhood as she has to drive around the lake, but still only 5 mins drive from my place. She also told me that she has to go back home in about an hour because her mother is running some online business and she had to help her with some marketing setup or some shit. Weird time for that as it was Friday night but whatever.
I don't recall exactly, but either I told her that I will be going back home soon and I can give her a lift or she asked me if I will be going home. Anyway, we both agreed that we will be driving back together in my car. The game plan was to use the drive time for deep dive and if we connect, I would say "Hey, I enjoy the convo and the vibe is cool, why not going for a drink to my place and I will drive you back home later on?".
She didn't want to go home straight from the bar, she wanted to stay for another drink. I said cool, let's go to a different bar nearby. At that time her friend had already left as she had to go home because of her child, so it was her, me, my wing and another 2 dudes. They kept talking politics which I tried to avoid. I was actually not much engaged in the group conversation for about an hour. I just sit there and kept watching as the other dudes keep burning their chances with her by being boring and serious. Even thought the other dudes did most of group talking I knew game is on as she chose to sit next to me, kept reengaging me, and allowed sporadic touch on her arms or thighs without any resistance. I was also not very concerned about isolating her as the deal to drive back together was pretty much sealed.
After we finished our drinks, I put my hand on her thigh and said to her hear "Time to go.". It was a pretty authorative move and felt like a long term boyfriend would signal to his girlfriend that he wants to back home. She didn't reply immediately, but collected her thoughts, and said to the group: "Allright, guys. I'm really enjoying the conversation and wish I could stay longer but I need to help my mother with her marketing gig."
I shook hands with the guys and led her towards the car.
I took the time in the car to go deep dive as planned, and invited her to my place as planned. She was hesitant at first, claiming that she just wants to be friends, because we live nearby, and also she has a boyfried for almost 10 years. Speaking of her boyfriend, she actually mentioned him once before during the conversation. I told her that 10 years it's pretty long time and that after that time the fire is usually gone.
I usually don't go for chicks with boyfriends but there were many signals that it's just a title at this point. 1. The fling story from wing. 2. Provocative dress. 3, Going out to a bar with another chick and without her boyfriend repeatedly. Later during the night she told me that they both had other sexual partners, which confirmed my initial assumption that the boyfriend title is nothing to worry about.
Either way, she actually mentioned him in the car when I proposed to go to my place. She also mentioned that she thought that she thought about us as friends from the neighberhood. This gave me the signal that I didn't seed the pull correctly and didn't sexualize earlier. Thinking backwards I should have proposed a drive back + a drink at my place instead of just the drive. I'm pretty sure should would have said that she is okay with a drink but she wants to have it a bar. Which is cool. Then I would just say, yeah sure let's have a drink here. But the seed would have been planted. She would have known that I have sexual intention towards her.
Anyway, after some back and forth she actually agreed to go to my place for half an hour (stayed for 3 hours
At my place it was a bit weird at the beginning. It was clear that she was not ready for intimacy because she refused to sit with me on sofa. Instead she sit on a bar chair next to my kitchen-bar table. It was a very clear sign. I decided to not push for anything, just let her be a bit weird with the distance, and just engage in the conversation for now. The conversation was pretty good, she kept talking for most of the time. I knew that things are changing slightly after she started to bring some light sexual topics.
There was one specific sexual topic which brought my attention. She talked a lot about STDs. She said that her bestfriend works in a hospital and that she told her so many stories, and that she is very afraid of STDs. She told some of these stories which I heard before so it seemed like made-up, more like she wanted to discuss this topic, more than sharing actual stories. She also told me that she believes that 40% of people in our city have some STD
It's a ridiculous number but it made me realize that I think it was a major objection on her side. Once I realized that I reassured her that I always protect myself during sex, that I do medical tests regularly and that this number is way exaggerated, plus risk of transmission during protected sex is almost non-existent. It seems like it was a good answer because she never brought this topic again.
I had her at home, the vibe was good even if not sexual, she talked a lot and started to bring sexual topics, I thought there is a good chance to do something about that. I still had the problem of isolation to solve. During the convo, even thought her body language started turning towards me, she was still sitting alone in the kitchen.
I knew that I need to do something about it, the more time she spends siting the more solidifed the situation. I started moving her around the apartment, showed her my books, took her to the other room, to the terrace, etc. Unfortunately, every time we came back, she went back to sit at the same chair.
After we closed the STD topic, she kept coming back to the same topics she brought before. Telling me about her university times, all the music gigs she attented, what kind of businesses she did, and some other stories from her life. I realized that is adjusting her stories to fit some preferences which I expressed earlier, which was a good sign - she is seeking approval. And this is the part I think I might have failed at. I didn't qualify her enough.
Anyway, apart from the convo I put some music on and invited her to dance. She complied. We danced to different songs, and I started to close the physical distance. Initially, the dance were man-to-woman but not very sexual. Once I realized that this is the way to increase intimacy I started more and more intimate moves. She let me touch her pretty much everywhere during the dance. I started with hands, arms, thighs, then neck, pulled her hair. She even didn't resist when I was touching her titties, ass and pussy, although only when I didn't prolong the touch and intensity. After few rounds of push and pull, where in the push phase I would escalate and in the pull she would get back to talking, I managed to kiss her passionately even thought she refused few times. I thought that the the kiss was a major breakthrought, but not really. It didn't change much in terms of her resistance.
She told me pretty explicitly that if I push too much, she pulls away. I took this seriously, this is why I always pulled when faced resistance. Back in the days, it was enough for me to get into sex by repeating few rounds of these push-pull iterations, but I'm a bit rusty these days with escalations, so the physical escalation wasn't as effective as usual. I actually, find this situation has a positive angle. It became very clear to me that this resistance is unrelated to physical escalation and that it most likely should be handled with different technique, and can't be solved with better escalation.
After her resistance, she would bring up the 'friends' topic and started to talk about either platonic things we can do together or go back to one of her life stories.
Actually, this 'friends' topic really made me think. She proposed that we can meet for this and that, and do this and that. I'm thinking that this was another major objection, one which I unfortunately didn't handle well. Maybe I didn't qualify her and maybe she was afraid that I fuck and dump her. Or maybe I didn't solidify her self-esteem by giving approval/qualifing her enough.
Until the end of the night, It was one the three things:
1) me trying to escalate , move forward in small steps, pull back, rinse and repeat
2) her talking about her life and pushing 'friends' frame
3) her panicking that she has to go home because of her mother's marketing gig
At some point it got pretty late. I couldn't escalate further than kissing and touching her everywhere but with all clothes on. One thing I definitely should have tried at one point was light poco (put her hand inside my pants). Unfortunately, being rusty I only realized that afterwards.
Anyway, we exchanged numbers, I ordered her uber and she left late at night. She left in good mood leaving but obviously should have been better
We talked a bit more and I asked him to approach her and her friend together.
She was pretty receptive and outgoing from the get go, and no awkwardness even thought my wing brought up the failed attempt from the past. We stayed at this bar chatting for about 2 hours. During that time just a regular conversation about life, travel and funny cats videos. There was also a recurring conversational thread about politics which I didn't get involved in and tried to redirect into something more productive. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy as she really like this topic and was very enthusiastic to share all her 'great' polical ideas and opinions.
During the convo I found out that she lives near to my place. Not the same neighboorhood as she has to drive around the lake, but still only 5 mins drive from my place. She also told me that she has to go back home in about an hour because her mother is running some online business and she had to help her with some marketing setup or some shit. Weird time for that as it was Friday night but whatever.
I don't recall exactly, but either I told her that I will be going back home soon and I can give her a lift or she asked me if I will be going home. Anyway, we both agreed that we will be driving back together in my car. The game plan was to use the drive time for deep dive and if we connect, I would say "Hey, I enjoy the convo and the vibe is cool, why not going for a drink to my place and I will drive you back home later on?".
She didn't want to go home straight from the bar, she wanted to stay for another drink. I said cool, let's go to a different bar nearby. At that time her friend had already left as she had to go home because of her child, so it was her, me, my wing and another 2 dudes. They kept talking politics which I tried to avoid. I was actually not much engaged in the group conversation for about an hour. I just sit there and kept watching as the other dudes keep burning their chances with her by being boring and serious. Even thought the other dudes did most of group talking I knew game is on as she chose to sit next to me, kept reengaging me, and allowed sporadic touch on her arms or thighs without any resistance. I was also not very concerned about isolating her as the deal to drive back together was pretty much sealed.
After we finished our drinks, I put my hand on her thigh and said to her hear "Time to go.". It was a pretty authorative move and felt like a long term boyfriend would signal to his girlfriend that he wants to back home. She didn't reply immediately, but collected her thoughts, and said to the group: "Allright, guys. I'm really enjoying the conversation and wish I could stay longer but I need to help my mother with her marketing gig."
I shook hands with the guys and led her towards the car.
I took the time in the car to go deep dive as planned, and invited her to my place as planned. She was hesitant at first, claiming that she just wants to be friends, because we live nearby, and also she has a boyfried for almost 10 years. Speaking of her boyfriend, she actually mentioned him once before during the conversation. I told her that 10 years it's pretty long time and that after that time the fire is usually gone.
I usually don't go for chicks with boyfriends but there were many signals that it's just a title at this point. 1. The fling story from wing. 2. Provocative dress. 3, Going out to a bar with another chick and without her boyfriend repeatedly. Later during the night she told me that they both had other sexual partners, which confirmed my initial assumption that the boyfriend title is nothing to worry about.
Either way, she actually mentioned him in the car when I proposed to go to my place. She also mentioned that she thought that she thought about us as friends from the neighberhood. This gave me the signal that I didn't seed the pull correctly and didn't sexualize earlier. Thinking backwards I should have proposed a drive back + a drink at my place instead of just the drive. I'm pretty sure should would have said that she is okay with a drink but she wants to have it a bar. Which is cool. Then I would just say, yeah sure let's have a drink here. But the seed would have been planted. She would have known that I have sexual intention towards her.
Anyway, after some back and forth she actually agreed to go to my place for half an hour (stayed for 3 hours
At my place it was a bit weird at the beginning. It was clear that she was not ready for intimacy because she refused to sit with me on sofa. Instead she sit on a bar chair next to my kitchen-bar table. It was a very clear sign. I decided to not push for anything, just let her be a bit weird with the distance, and just engage in the conversation for now. The conversation was pretty good, she kept talking for most of the time. I knew that things are changing slightly after she started to bring some light sexual topics.
There was one specific sexual topic which brought my attention. She talked a lot about STDs. She said that her bestfriend works in a hospital and that she told her so many stories, and that she is very afraid of STDs. She told some of these stories which I heard before so it seemed like made-up, more like she wanted to discuss this topic, more than sharing actual stories. She also told me that she believes that 40% of people in our city have some STD
It's a ridiculous number but it made me realize that I think it was a major objection on her side. Once I realized that I reassured her that I always protect myself during sex, that I do medical tests regularly and that this number is way exaggerated, plus risk of transmission during protected sex is almost non-existent. It seems like it was a good answer because she never brought this topic again.
I had her at home, the vibe was good even if not sexual, she talked a lot and started to bring sexual topics, I thought there is a good chance to do something about that. I still had the problem of isolation to solve. During the convo, even thought her body language started turning towards me, she was still sitting alone in the kitchen.
I knew that I need to do something about it, the more time she spends siting the more solidifed the situation. I started moving her around the apartment, showed her my books, took her to the other room, to the terrace, etc. Unfortunately, every time we came back, she went back to sit at the same chair.
After we closed the STD topic, she kept coming back to the same topics she brought before. Telling me about her university times, all the music gigs she attented, what kind of businesses she did, and some other stories from her life. I realized that is adjusting her stories to fit some preferences which I expressed earlier, which was a good sign - she is seeking approval. And this is the part I think I might have failed at. I didn't qualify her enough.
Anyway, apart from the convo I put some music on and invited her to dance. She complied. We danced to different songs, and I started to close the physical distance. Initially, the dance were man-to-woman but not very sexual. Once I realized that this is the way to increase intimacy I started more and more intimate moves. She let me touch her pretty much everywhere during the dance. I started with hands, arms, thighs, then neck, pulled her hair. She even didn't resist when I was touching her titties, ass and pussy, although only when I didn't prolong the touch and intensity. After few rounds of push and pull, where in the push phase I would escalate and in the pull she would get back to talking, I managed to kiss her passionately even thought she refused few times. I thought that the the kiss was a major breakthrought, but not really. It didn't change much in terms of her resistance.
She told me pretty explicitly that if I push too much, she pulls away. I took this seriously, this is why I always pulled when faced resistance. Back in the days, it was enough for me to get into sex by repeating few rounds of these push-pull iterations, but I'm a bit rusty these days with escalations, so the physical escalation wasn't as effective as usual. I actually, find this situation has a positive angle. It became very clear to me that this resistance is unrelated to physical escalation and that it most likely should be handled with different technique, and can't be solved with better escalation.
After her resistance, she would bring up the 'friends' topic and started to talk about either platonic things we can do together or go back to one of her life stories.
Actually, this 'friends' topic really made me think. She proposed that we can meet for this and that, and do this and that. I'm thinking that this was another major objection, one which I unfortunately didn't handle well. Maybe I didn't qualify her and maybe she was afraid that I fuck and dump her. Or maybe I didn't solidify her self-esteem by giving approval/qualifing her enough.
Until the end of the night, It was one the three things:
1) me trying to escalate , move forward in small steps, pull back, rinse and repeat
2) her talking about her life and pushing 'friends' frame
3) her panicking that she has to go home because of her mother's marketing gig
At some point it got pretty late. I couldn't escalate further than kissing and touching her everywhere but with all clothes on. One thing I definitely should have tried at one point was light poco (put her hand inside my pants). Unfortunately, being rusty I only realized that afterwards.
Anyway, we exchanged numbers, I ordered her uber and she left late at night. She left in good mood leaving but obviously should have been better
