People
Me: Early 30s Asian male
Her: Early 30s Mediterranean
Background
It's been a bit slow for me this past month or so. Cold weather has made it very uncomfortable and logistically non-ideal for Cold Approaching. I've also been dealing with some sickness/injury, but I've recently got back into things.
The Meet
Went out on a late weekend afternoon for some Day Game, and this ended up being my first and only approach of the day. On a subway car I spotted an attractive girl reading a book, who happened to be getting off on the same stop as me. As we exited the subway, I automatically performed a few new tricks that have seemingly improved my results:
- When near an intersection, either open while waiting to the side of her, or wait to find out which direction she's turning, and then open her when there's a clear path that we're both going to be going straight for awhile. This avoids the awkwardness of opening, continue walking, and then awkwardly trying to follow whichever direction she's going in (or her using the direction change as an opportunity to exit the interaction)
- When doing a walking-to-the-side open, rather than directly turning to her and speaking (what I used to do), now I walk slightly in front of her, look away from her, then look 45 degrees towards her (which usually captures her attention and causes her to look at me), then pretend as if I just barely noticed her out of the corner of my eye, and turn my head fully towards her and open her.
- I used to say "Your outfit is really stylish" as my bread-butter opener. I've switched it up to "...Your...... outfit is quite stylish" I pause a bit after I say "Your" to give her some time to calibrate, and saying "quite" instead of "really" sounds a bit more sophisticated, and is also a sharper consonant so there's less of a chance she mishears me and asks me to repeat myself.
Anyway, doing all those things caused her to respond with a large smile. We chit chatted a bit about what we do, what we're up to today, I cold read her as European, and we talked about her Mediterranean country, and about travels there. She said she's on her way to an appointment, so I decided to take her number instead of going for an instant date. It was funny because towards the end of her conversation she took out her phone, as if she was expecting to exchange numbers.
Followup
She was pretty responsive over text, and using words like "I'd love to", or responding with heart emojis. We planned to meet up for coffee the following weekend afternoon.
First Date
I arrived at the coffee location, and she said she would be 15 minutes late. Funny I saw another cute Asian girl also waiting outside the coffee shop. I opened her and asked if she's also waiting for a late friend. We got into a nice chit-chat and she seemed interested in me, however she lives in Boston, and is only here for a weekend. I guess I could have gotten her number, and tried to get something going, but it was pretty low probability.
When the Mediterranean girl arrived, we went in, got coffee, and had a pretty good 1-2 hour conversation about history, books, etc. During it, she was sometimes touching my arm with her own, which was a strong indicator of interest. She had a birthday party to go to in a bit, so we just walked around for a bit before saying goodbye.
Second Date
She was pretty responsive to scheduling a second date, this time for drinks in the evening. We met for drinks at a local speakeasy type bar. We chatted for a good hour or two, largely similar vibe to the first date.
Bounce/Pull
After awhile, I signalled "shall we"? And we split the bill and headed out for a walk.
Being a bit uncalibrated--having not gone on a date in a month or so, I awkwardly asked if she wanted to use the bathroom in my apartment since I'm nearby (she couldn't use the bar one because it was occupied). She said "no thank you, maybe next time". It was definitely the awkwardness with which I asked that caused her to decide against it. Anyway, I brushed it off, and suggested we walk around the nearby mall, and use the restroom there, which she agreed to. During the walk, I tried to keep it casual and mentioned a few more things about my apartment, like my whiskey collection.
After 15-20 minutes in the mall, we exited and started walking towards my apartment. She commented "so I guess I'm walking you home then?". I replied "I guess so
maybe I can show you some of my whiskey before you head home for the night?". She said "sure".
Escalation
Back at my place, I made her some whiskey, put on some music, and actually chatted for a good hour or so without any physical escalation. We talked about business plans and markets (she works in consulting). At some point I kissed her (she received it eagerly). There was some LMR, which I was really chill about, and didn't push particularly hard through. To be honest, I was pretty tired, and I'd reached a point of non-neediness with sex recently, so I honestly could take it or leave it with her. At some point she went to the restroom, and when she came back, she sat down and said "I'm going to call and Uber and head home now". To which I replied "Okay, that sounds good, I'm pretty tired too." I think that surprised her a little bit, how non-needy I was with trying to have sex. And so she decided to stay for a bit longer. At some point I kissed her again, and then it was a straight shot to sex.
After Sex
I tried to be nice/warm with her, but I was pretty tired (and the sex was just okay). Pretty soon afterwards, she said "I'll leave you to sleep", and called an Uber, which I was relatively happy about.
Keys to the Lay
- not getting frazzled at her rejection of my first invite home
- not being needy with going for sex. It's ironic that not going straight for sex can sometimes be what gets you it.
- just generally having fun with the conversation (and in the background thinking of ways to move it forward)
Lessons/Sticking Points
- Not a particularly insightful lay report, but this was my first European/Mediterranean lay, which has been something I've struggled with as an Asian male.
- I also feel like recently my initial approach has gotten significantly better. I get warm/solid initial responses at least 80% of the time. I feel like I'm on the way towards unlocking a new plateau of Cold Approach consistency. I need to work more on staying in set, and finding better venues with more girls that I'm interested in.
Me: Early 30s Asian male
Her: Early 30s Mediterranean
Background
It's been a bit slow for me this past month or so. Cold weather has made it very uncomfortable and logistically non-ideal for Cold Approaching. I've also been dealing with some sickness/injury, but I've recently got back into things.
The Meet
Went out on a late weekend afternoon for some Day Game, and this ended up being my first and only approach of the day. On a subway car I spotted an attractive girl reading a book, who happened to be getting off on the same stop as me. As we exited the subway, I automatically performed a few new tricks that have seemingly improved my results:
- When near an intersection, either open while waiting to the side of her, or wait to find out which direction she's turning, and then open her when there's a clear path that we're both going to be going straight for awhile. This avoids the awkwardness of opening, continue walking, and then awkwardly trying to follow whichever direction she's going in (or her using the direction change as an opportunity to exit the interaction)
- When doing a walking-to-the-side open, rather than directly turning to her and speaking (what I used to do), now I walk slightly in front of her, look away from her, then look 45 degrees towards her (which usually captures her attention and causes her to look at me), then pretend as if I just barely noticed her out of the corner of my eye, and turn my head fully towards her and open her.
- I used to say "Your outfit is really stylish" as my bread-butter opener. I've switched it up to "...Your...... outfit is quite stylish" I pause a bit after I say "Your" to give her some time to calibrate, and saying "quite" instead of "really" sounds a bit more sophisticated, and is also a sharper consonant so there's less of a chance she mishears me and asks me to repeat myself.
Anyway, doing all those things caused her to respond with a large smile. We chit chatted a bit about what we do, what we're up to today, I cold read her as European, and we talked about her Mediterranean country, and about travels there. She said she's on her way to an appointment, so I decided to take her number instead of going for an instant date. It was funny because towards the end of her conversation she took out her phone, as if she was expecting to exchange numbers.
Followup
She was pretty responsive over text, and using words like "I'd love to", or responding with heart emojis. We planned to meet up for coffee the following weekend afternoon.
First Date
I arrived at the coffee location, and she said she would be 15 minutes late. Funny I saw another cute Asian girl also waiting outside the coffee shop. I opened her and asked if she's also waiting for a late friend. We got into a nice chit-chat and she seemed interested in me, however she lives in Boston, and is only here for a weekend. I guess I could have gotten her number, and tried to get something going, but it was pretty low probability.
When the Mediterranean girl arrived, we went in, got coffee, and had a pretty good 1-2 hour conversation about history, books, etc. During it, she was sometimes touching my arm with her own, which was a strong indicator of interest. She had a birthday party to go to in a bit, so we just walked around for a bit before saying goodbye.
Second Date
She was pretty responsive to scheduling a second date, this time for drinks in the evening. We met for drinks at a local speakeasy type bar. We chatted for a good hour or two, largely similar vibe to the first date.
Bounce/Pull
After awhile, I signalled "shall we"? And we split the bill and headed out for a walk.
Being a bit uncalibrated--having not gone on a date in a month or so, I awkwardly asked if she wanted to use the bathroom in my apartment since I'm nearby (she couldn't use the bar one because it was occupied). She said "no thank you, maybe next time". It was definitely the awkwardness with which I asked that caused her to decide against it. Anyway, I brushed it off, and suggested we walk around the nearby mall, and use the restroom there, which she agreed to. During the walk, I tried to keep it casual and mentioned a few more things about my apartment, like my whiskey collection.
After 15-20 minutes in the mall, we exited and started walking towards my apartment. She commented "so I guess I'm walking you home then?". I replied "I guess so
maybe I can show you some of my whiskey before you head home for the night?". She said "sure".Escalation
Back at my place, I made her some whiskey, put on some music, and actually chatted for a good hour or so without any physical escalation. We talked about business plans and markets (she works in consulting). At some point I kissed her (she received it eagerly). There was some LMR, which I was really chill about, and didn't push particularly hard through. To be honest, I was pretty tired, and I'd reached a point of non-neediness with sex recently, so I honestly could take it or leave it with her. At some point she went to the restroom, and when she came back, she sat down and said "I'm going to call and Uber and head home now". To which I replied "Okay, that sounds good, I'm pretty tired too." I think that surprised her a little bit, how non-needy I was with trying to have sex. And so she decided to stay for a bit longer. At some point I kissed her again, and then it was a straight shot to sex.
After Sex
I tried to be nice/warm with her, but I was pretty tired (and the sex was just okay). Pretty soon afterwards, she said "I'll leave you to sleep", and called an Uber, which I was relatively happy about.
Keys to the Lay
- not getting frazzled at her rejection of my first invite home
- not being needy with going for sex. It's ironic that not going straight for sex can sometimes be what gets you it.
- just generally having fun with the conversation (and in the background thinking of ways to move it forward)
Lessons/Sticking Points
- Not a particularly insightful lay report, but this was my first European/Mediterranean lay, which has been something I've struggled with as an Asian male.
- I also feel like recently my initial approach has gotten significantly better. I get warm/solid initial responses at least 80% of the time. I feel like I'm on the way towards unlocking a new plateau of Cold Approach consistency. I need to work more on staying in set, and finding better venues with more girls that I'm interested in.
