Mental barrier to sex talk

[Smith]

Hey guys,

I used to be afraid of getting sexual and physical with girls, but now although I'm comfortable with physical escalation to express my sexual intent, I still have a mental barrier when it comes to sex talk. And even though I can sleep with girls with little sex talk, I feel like it might be a good thing for me to work on so I can be more clear about my intent, especially with certain girls. Right now, I show my sexual intent through touch, eye contact and voice, but I feel like I can get my intent across better if I don't have this mental barrier to initiate sex talk so I can put myself more into the lover category.

I think my problem is that I have a mental barrier when it comes to initiating sex talk with a new girl I just met. I have no problem talking sexual with my gf or female friends. What I usually noticed is my body always started to tense up when I start sex talk and clearly I'm not 100% comfortable with it. It's frustrating because I know girls freaking love sex (I even had gfs who told me they love sex!) so I shouldn't be afraid to do sex talk. I feel like this is a subconscious thing. Maybe when I was young, the social conditioning of "sex is bad" is drilled so deep into me. I'm aware that sex talk needs to be calibrated like physical escalation, but sometimes I'm just a little nervous to even start talking sexual and have to constantly monitor my own body and taking deep breaths to not come across as nervous when I'm doing it. Sometimes thoughts like this come up. "what if she thinks it's weird?" or "We've only known each other for 20 mins. Is it ok to do sex talk". Can anyone please help me with this?

Cheers

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Smith,

I think it's like any anxiety out there: you force yourself to do it anyway, and the fear gradually lessens.

I'm not exactly sure what degree of sex talk you want to eventually reach, like, sexual chase frames or Alek Rolstad meta-analytical sex talk? To be honest, a lot of my sex frames are based on sexual humor and chase frames, I haven't taken the time yet to learning Alek's stuff on a deep level.

But here's my opinion: if you're doing daytime street game and you just met a girl, I'd refrain from the philosophical stuff - much better in night time, where you have more time to talk. An exception during the day might be if you took a girl on an instant date.

So I think to ease your anxiety, it'd be smart to start off with just sexual chase frames (i.e. "So why'd you move over here? Was it just for the cute men?") and then move up the totem pole to sex talk (i.e. "and what fetishes do you have?")

Hope that helps a bit

~Nick

 

[Smith]

Hey Nick,

I can do the chase frames and the sexual humour like "did you go to the beach to check out guys with 6 packs?" , but I think I have anxiety when it comes to escalating the sex talk like "I bet you're into a lot of the kinky stuff" or even "have you ever done any threesomes?" .. Etc. It just feels a little awkward to me for some reason, especially with a girl on a firs date and I want to move things forward. I found that with some girls, maybe because they're inexperience, using light sexual frames, touch and eye contact are not enough to get my sexual intent across..but I'm also scared they'll freak out if I escalate the sex talk. I've been practicing this the last couple of months and I still get the anxiety from now and then so it's quite frustrating! but oh well more practice I guess.

Cheers!

 

[Smith]

What is the mental movie in your head when you picture yourself saying to a girl "You have really great tits" in the middle of a conversation?

It depends on which girl I'm talking to. If she's a girl I already slept with or I know is obviously interested, I'm comfortable saying stuff like this. I have told girls I just met that they have really sexy legs but that's about as far as I could go right now, and the girls seem happy to receive those compliment.

But if it's a girl I haven't slept with or I'm not sure if she's interested, then the mental movie in my head is that I'm afraid she'll think I'm a perv and "reject" me haha

 

[To Need a Woman]

When talking to a woman, I might make a daring few hints towards sex, but I never feel the need to actually talk to her about the specifics of the actual act. I think that's very cheap and un-smooth, and wouldn't suit my personality. It also screams PUA. I've enough other things in my repertoire!

 

[Drck]

* I used to have mental barrier when it comes to talking sex, but now I am much more confident about talking sex anytime I want. There are many topics I feel comfortable to discuss in details with any girl, such as: A, B and C. I am working on topics D, E and F, and I feel more and more comfortable talking about these
* I am sexy MF thus talking sex is just natural to me, talking sex is easy
* I know she wants to talk about sex, she is cute, silly and sexy, thus talking sex with her is normal and it feels great
* She is obsessed with sex, all this sexy girl wants is to talk about sex constantly, she knows nothing else but talking sex! (nice twist, now you shift it on her, LOL!)
* She gets excited about talking sex, she just wants to talk and talk about sex, and I allow her to talk about sex as much as she wants (another nice twist)
* I relax first before I talk about sex, and then I am comfortable and relaxing while talking about sex (make sure you are relaxed enough first)
* I am a fucking man, thus I can talk about sex and fucking anytime I want, with whomever I want, regardless what they think or say. I don't need her approval to talk about sex, I just talk about it because I want to. My way of highway! (little bit arrogance, stubbornness, macho...)
* And push things couple of steps further, another good twist: I can't stop talking about sex constantly, I am really trying to focus on another good topics - but instead I just talk sex, sex and sex! (LOL!)

Anyway, just flood your brain with bunch ofdifferent sentences and give it some time..

 

[Lotus]

I am in the same boat as Smith... and i appreciate where this thread is going.

The girl I just started hooking up with has nipple rings and is getting a boobjob... at this point sex talk is cake and abundant because the comfort barrier has been broken. On the first date we talked about her nipple rings because I asked if she had any crazy stories.

But I think my struggle comes down to indentifying these windows and/or directing the conversation towards them? Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't and it feels out of my control.

Just last week I had to next a girl beacuse she got clingly and i believe this was due to me not getting sexual fast enough( we had sex on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th date but I still managed to hit the BF zone).