Mental Fortitude

[Marcellus]

Grit: "The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals."

I've always been fascinated with Athletes like Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. The Mental Strength they have to overcome all the adversities they have faced, to stay grounded and not lose sight of their goals and to just keep going on with their sporting lives during their ups and downs, I find it truly remarkable.

I've been wondering if anyone here can help me get to that level of Mental Strength? Where I don't lose focus, don't let all the glamour and fame get to my head. Don't let my emotions control my actions or allow the pressure to get to my head. This is mostly in a sporting sense but can also be applied to seduction I'm guessing.

Example: I was viewing a Soccer game yesterday and one of the players got tackled but the ref waved play on, the player proceeded to throw his hands into the air and sulk for about the next 5 minutes. He kind of went missing after that play, and I just knew from there that he was mentally weak to let such a little thing get to his head.

I know that in The Navy Seal's they practice the same scenario over and over again to get Habituated and lose their fear in case they are ever faced in that circumstance. But it's not like I can practice getting criticized week in week out and not letting it get into my head and affect my performances.

If anyone has any exercises/techniques and can help me develop my Mentral Strength, it would be much appreciated.
Marcellus

 

[Howell]

Grit: "The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals."
on
I've always been fascinated with Athletes like Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. The Mental Strength they have to overcome all the adversities they have faced, to stay grounded and not lose sight of their goals and to just keep going on with their sporting lives during their ups and downs, I find it truly remarkable.

I've been wondering if anyone here can help me get to that level of Mental Strength? Where I don't lose focus, don't let all the glamour and fame get to my head. Don't let my emotions control my actions or allow the pressure to get to my head. This is mostly in a sporting sense but can also be applied to seduction I'm guessing.

Example: I was viewing a Soccer game yesterday and one of the players got tackled but the ref waved play on, the player proceeded to throw his hands into the air and sulk for about the next 5 minutes. He kind of went missing after that play, and I just knew from there that he was mentally weak to let such a little thing get to his head.

I know that in The Navy Seal's they practice the same scenario over and over again to get Habituated and lose their fear in case they are ever faced in that circumstance. But it's not like I can practice getting criticized week in week out and not letting it get into my head and affect my performances.

If anyone has any exercises/techniques and can help me develop my Mentral Strength, it would be much appreciated.
Marcellus

Hi there --

The phenomenon you're talking about is what I'd like to call "concentration". Or "focus". It's a skill, and it is something that is learned.

The number one most important thing for this is CONTEXT. Sure, how we deal with that context matters, but you only have so much willpower. Being in a heightened state of concentration is much easier when you surround yourself with other people doing the same types of things you are trying to do. If you want to make movies, this is the value of film school. If you want to be a bodybuilder, this is the value of befriending other bodybuilders. You can do it on your own, but it's a lot harder to stay focused over a longer period of time when you're by yourself (at least when you're starting out). Accountability, learning new things -- all this and more comes from the relationships you have with other people (or bears, if you want to, for example, be as strong as a bear). A lot of PUA types want to put their own individual will above the collective will of their historical context, but objectively that's inaccurate -- remember: on a very deep level humans are herd animals, and we are generally only aware of the aspects of reality that have immediate, contextual relevance to our lives. We're like frogs -- who don't see anything that isn't moving.

Concentration is like a muscle. You've got to PRACTICE using this singular focus. No waffling back and forth between one task and another. Set aside an hour or two and work directly on just ONE goal for that period of time. If you're writing a book, schedule it in. Experiment with a schedule that isn't too rigid but still holds you accountable, and encourages the activities you want to be doing most. Then work to keep expanding the edges and deepening your concentration within the context of your schedule. This way, you can say "I'll worry about all these problems at this specific time, but right now, I'm working on this essay for the next hour, and nothing else matters."

The two other things that you're working with have to deal with your motivation. You've got two major emotions you're working with here. Fear, and Love.

Fear will probably be most useful for you right now. Fear of making nothing of yourself. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of death. Fear of being poor. Fear of being left behind. Etc. We've all got a lot to work with here, though most of us repress it. You need to take it out and dance with it. Use it. Maybe use it to become so aware that you fuck it to smithereens with your heightened awareness. Fear is one of the most powerful forces that will turn you into an artist, whether that's with a soccer ball or as a business manager.

I personally have tried giving up reacting to fear based motivations (obviously you have spontaneous jump reactions sometimes -- "Tiger? Run!", but civilization is the creation of a safe space to act conscientiously in); most of the time these days I'm outside of fear completely and focus almost exclusively on Love. This is where "follow your bliss" comes in. But it's not just follow it. It's do just that for spells at a time and really get with it.

When you were a kid, you probably were capable of focusing on things that interested you for a long period of time. Playing with cards, climbing trees, goofing off with your friends, throwing a ball, etc. The trick is to cultivate the attitude of the child in your everyday life towards things that most people experience as "work", i.e., things you feel obliged to do, but wouldn't want to do if you had your way. You can actually take this to the point where whether you're washing dishes or in a war zone, you remain unmoved and in bliss -- but at that point you're no longer really human -- that's what's called in the East "a stone Buddha". That's Theravada Buddhism in a nutshell, as most conceive of it these days. There's another type of Buddha that is in my opinion far greater -- a living Buddha; a Boddhisatva, as they're called. These people will cry, will dance, and will join a riot if they get swept up in one. They're completely indistinguishable from a normal person -- the only significant difference is how they conceive of themselves. Which is kind of a misleading way of saying it, because they don't conceive of themselves at all.

To experience life like it's one big art project -- your greatest work -- is where I think the greatest concentration comes from. Whether it's art for art's sake, you want to do what Whitman did and "sing a song of yourself", or you're afraid of being forgotten, is really secondary. What matters is that you muster the conviction to let go to what you really want, see past your excuses and neuroses, and relax into the single-minded concentration that is actually the complete opposite of foreign to you. Mindlessness. It's funny to talk about, because what we're talking about is fundamentally ineffable; opaque. So try not to confuse my words for the thing itself, okay?

Personally, pain and pleasure are not primary movers and shakers for me anymore -- my intentionality; the aboutness of my consciousness, is where I act from. Sometimes that's "I have to go to the bathroom", other times it's "I have decided it's my duty to work on this at 11 o clock each day this month, so let's get started." Steady effort (like a marathon) is essential, but every once in a while (the more frequent the better, imo) really pushing yourself to the edge and sprinting is great as well.

So to sum up:

Most people you admire have either a fire under their ass or where they're going seems really awesome. Usually a mix of both. Others have chosen to let that reality go and just play all the time -- but in a highly sophisticated way. The second group follow the law of least effort better, but the former requires no change of consciousness on your part. It's mostly an aesthetic choice and both ways are great. The worst thing you can do is clench yourself up and feel beholden to anxiety. Unfortunately, a lot of people feel that way these days, and never mature beyond that, even into old age.

In the end, what works for you works for you. Experiment with different goal structures (from abstract to concrete, from for the day to how you want to be remembered after you're dead. The hardest part is in between the two extremes, I find).

Good luck,

Howell

 

[pks391]

Always keep the big picture in mind.......see the lives of those people who got it hard........practice auto suggestion.....listen to power music and walk......use positive thought reinforcement as discussed in Chase's articles....practice meditation....don't overthink as it robs you of your mental strength.

 

[Rage]

Hey Marcellus,

I think that the first thing to be said on this topic is that it is gradual and it doesn’t get there or happen in a short period of time. It is done by committing to doing bit by bit of hard work many times a week as well as smart work and deliberately practicing over periods of many of years. Your goal has to be just to make progress over time, even a little bit of progress each day, but keep making progress and keep getting better.

As you keep getting better, you go further and further and your virtues and character increase and you become someone more virtuous and strong willed like these people over time.

As you get to the upper echelons of these skills it begins to get increasingly more difficult to go further and further.

Really incredibly difficult; but by then you are much better, wiser, smarter, talented, capable, and strong beyond what you’ve ever been before. And you are better and can see what you have to put in to get to the next levels.

You can work to do that then.

I think gaining this kind of mental strength can happen by taking up something really challenging that you want to become world class at. Often those things you pick end up being something that you were weak at and lacking at, and wanted to get better at, took up and then worked to get good and once good wanted to work to continue to progress and master (many guys went this route with pickup here).

Talent is overrated http://www.amazon.com/Talent-Overrated- ... 1591842948 teaches that people can essentially become one of the best at whichever skills they wish with the use of deliberate practice and lots of hard and smart work over time. Making progress over time even if little bit by a little bit can make you become great one day, truly one of the best at what you do.

If you take up something challenging and uncomfortable and difficult it forces you to lose yourself and break who you currently are in the pursuit of working towards becoming good at the skill. As your body strengthens and adapts your mind does so too, and over time you grow stronger and better.

Months and years down the road if you have been consistent with showing up routinely and progressing over time, you will find that you are a vastly different person than who you were at an earlier point and time. You might even look different, and will most definitely feel different, think different, and be someone much more.

You will have experience then, courage then, virtues then.

And will be even able to see most people and find the few others who have really put in the backbreaking work of mastering a skill or two and have earned and worked to develop those virtues as you have.

You can recognize people then that have fostered and put in the blood/sweat/tears to earn those virtues and compare them to other people who lack those virtues because they never put the work in to reach them or earn them.

These are some thoughts of mine on the topic; I think pickup’s something great to take up.

Strength training/lifting is awesome to take up as well and a great rite of passage to make you stronger and develop a stronger mind (as your body gets stronger your mind does too).

I know many of the guys are into martial arts on here and likely that is another awesome option as well (I really want to take up and learn a martial art; I haven’t done so to date).

Lastly here’s a great video on the topic of mental toughness by a powerlifter I follow

The vid comes with a couple book recommendations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1NZrL72D2k that I’ve yet to read but really want to (one of them is on the navy seals).

Cheers,

Rage

EDIT: For something immediately practical to you, I'd say figure out being brutally hoenst with yourself, the answers toa few questions.

What are you afraid of? What is something that is uncomfortable but that you could work to get better at/work to do, that would cause you to have ro work really ahrd to do so (but would leave you much better off in the future)? What holds you back and makes you want to be mentally strong in the first place?

THat last qeustion I know ends up being for me that I become strong to be able to fae the hardest things I must int he future; but a lot of the time it's that you begin at those hard things that are hard and tough and you fear FIRST

YOu begin at them first and then in working towards them you find you end up growing the most and achieving nice returns evenutally as well.

In that sense, you begin at what you are afraid of and is challenging. And dont have the mental toughness first, just the courage and audacity to start and show up.

And you get a tiny bit better little by little, and grow stronger gradually from there...

 

[Marcellus]

Thanks Guys, a lot of good advice here.

I guess my problem was that in the future my Expectations to perform at a high level from everyone else would be much higher and I just want to have the Mental Strength in the following years to not let it get to my head and affect my performances when it does happen. If I'm not living up to the expectations from myself and others.

Also I'm guessing the fear of being Mentally weak and not being able to play with the added pressure was bugging me as well!

Like how Kobe Bryant has no fear of taking the game winning shot, knowing that he may miss and they will lose the game. He still doesn't let it get to him and His Mental Toughness is just at another level like that.

Marcellus