"Midlife Crisis" as I'm getting older and realizing I'm not exceptional.

[sejinthejong]

This article really hit home.

As an Older Man, Do You Need Money to Date Younger Girls?

Younger women date exceptional older men. But does this mean an older man needs wealth to date younger? Not exactly – YET his occupation is KEY… A while back, I wrote an article entitled “What's It Take to Attract and Date Younger Women?” In this article, I stated that to date younger women as...

www.girlschase.com

"Instead, if you’re older and unexceptional, I’d focus myself on becoming exceptional."

I'm about to turn 34-35 and I'm having a midlife crisis.

I had a very abusive upbringing. I didn't really have a healthy family life or have one at all, I was socially stunted, and although I had girlfriends when I was young due to my looks, they quickly broke up with me when they got to know me.

When I turned 18, I went straight into the army and did about 5-6 years. During these times, I got to travel a lot and started coming out my shell. Long story short I recently graduated with a useless degree (although I went to a top 10 school in the U.S if that matters). I don't have much in savings (in fact I'm in debt). I'm working minimum wage jobs. etc. I'm probably under average for my age group.

* few good things I do have (or will have) going for me,
A. By the end of this year, I'll have around 60-70k in savings and won't have much debt (maybe few thousands)
B. I'm in decent shape and getting back to my previous peak.
C. I look young for my age.
D. I'm very well traveled. Been to around 20-30 countries.

I gave a lot of thought to my current situation.

My main focus has been the path to becoming exceptional. I realized if I don't become exceptional in some ways, it will forever bug me. Also, I'm not willing to settle down with a low quality girl. Therefore, I only have one path remaining.

So there's only path. Path to exceptionalism.

"The older a man gets, the more authority he must appear to have for women to find him equally or more attractive than a comparatively attractive younger man."

I thought about how I can become exceptional in my career. I wanted to pursue a medical career.

Medical Doctor - Pro: Doctor/Authority ~ Con: I will be 40+ when I'm done
Physician Assistant/Nurse Practitioner - Pro: I will be done around 37 ~ Con: I will not have authority as I will always be supervised by a MD (So loss of points in being exceptional?)

I also won't be in debt. This is due to having any school paid for by serving in the military.

My question is this. As I get older, I want do to my best to remain attractive to younger women (20s).

A. If I become a medical doctor after 40+ I'm afraid that I won't be 'exceptional' as everyone that I've talked to is telling me that it's quite late to pursue a career in medicine at 34-35. Another thing is that I'll probably be 'low value' while going through med school as everyone else will be in their early 20s.
B. This led me to exploring other options (such as Nurse/Nurse Practicioner/Physician Assistants). These only require 2 years of more education but mostly midlevels in medical care which needs supervision. (Hence losing points in exceptionalism/authority?)

I've also thought about starting a business or doing things like real estate, but not sure.

Any thoughts or inputs on people from 30s/40s having similar issues or been through this journey to becoming exceptionalism weigh on this.

 

[ulrich]

What do you want to do really?

Sounds like you think of going to medical school just because it will lead to success with women which is a half truth but sounds like a lot of work just to be “exceptional”… and Imput that in quotes because you would still be just one doctor (that is not thaaat impressive).

What do you really want to do?

You can be exceptional in many different fields. and have success with women too as a side activity.
Not sure if dumpling 4 years in something you don’t want to do, only to have women makes much sense.

What would you do if women were not a concern?

 

[funkyjam]

I agree with what @ulrich wrote, but if you're genuinely interested in becoming a MD, it may encourage you to know that someone I know started on that path after age 40.

 

[Will_V]

This article really hit home.

As an Older Man, Do You Need Money to Date Younger Girls?

Younger women date exceptional older men. But does this mean an older man needs wealth to date younger? Not exactly – YET his occupation is KEY… A while back, I wrote an article entitled “What's It Take to Attract and Date Younger Women?” In this article, I stated that to date younger women as...

www.girlschase.com

"Instead, if you’re older and unexceptional, I’d focus myself on becoming exceptional."

I'm about to turn 34-35 and I'm having a midlife crisis.

I had a very abusive upbringing. I didn't really have a healthy family life or have one at all, I was socially stunted, and although I had girlfriends when I was young due to my looks, they quickly broke up with me when they got to know me.

When I turned 18, I went straight into the army and did about 5-6 years. During these times, I got to travel a lot and started coming out my shell. Long story short I recently graduated with a useless degree (although I went to a top 10 school in the U.S if that matters). I don't have much in savings (in fact I'm in debt). I'm working minimum wage jobs. etc. I'm probably under average for my age group.

* few good things I do have (or will have) going for me,
A. By the end of this year, I'll have around 60-70k in savings and won't have much debt (maybe few thousands)
B. I'm in decent shape and getting back to my previous peak.
C. I look young for my age.
D. I'm very well traveled. Been to around 20-30 countries.

I gave a lot of thought to my current situation.

My main focus has been the path to becoming exceptional. I realized if I don't become exceptional in some ways, it will forever bug me. Also, I'm not willing to settle down with a low quality girl. Therefore, I only have one path remaining.

So there's only path. Path to exceptionalism.

"The older a man gets, the more authority he must appear to have for women to find him equally or more attractive than a comparatively attractive younger man."

I thought about how I can become exceptional in my career. I wanted to pursue a medical career.

Medical Doctor - Pro: Doctor/Authority ~ Con: I will be 40+ when I'm done
Physician Assistant/Nurse Practitioner - Pro: I will be done around 37 ~ Con: I will not have authority as I will always be supervised by a MD (So loss of points in being exceptional?)

I also won't be in debt. This is due to having any school paid for by serving in the military.

My question is this. As I get older, I want do to my best to remain attractive to younger women (20s).

A. If I become a medical doctor after 40+ I'm afraid that I won't be 'exceptional' as everyone that I've talked to is telling me that it's quite late to pursue a career in medicine at 34-35. Another thing is that I'll probably be 'low value' while going through med school as everyone else will be in their early 20s.
B. This led me to exploring other options (such as Nurse/Nurse Practicioner/Physician Assistants). These only require 2 years of more education but mostly midlevels in medical care which needs supervision. (Hence losing points in exceptionalism/authority?)

I've also thought about starting a business or doing things like real estate, but not sure.

Any thoughts or inputs on people from 30s/40s having similar issues or been through this journey to becoming exceptionalism weigh on this.

The problem with pursuing a career path now for the mere sake of having authority/being exceptional is that you will certainly have people in positions of authority, or at least peers, who are significantly younger than you, which will undermine your frame. Even as you move up, they will have moved further up.

At a certain point, it might not matter - as an MD you might have enough authority over nurses and whatnot that you feel sufficiently authoritative, and simply being an MD is an exceptional thing in the bigger picture. But if you don't end up seeing things that way it's going to be a hell of a price to pay to not feel how you want to feel.

I think it's important to separate two types of exceptionalism and understand exactly what the difference is between them. The first type is exceptionalism related to your ego (as in your concept of self), which that article described as encompassing your level of authority and the lack of authority above you, your agency at work, and your competence in a particular field. The second type of exceptionalism is appearing exceptional, which the article described as being charming, positive, in-shape, stylish, and with dominant body language. With the possible exception of body language, all those aspects are completely unconnected to your job or your position where you work.

If you simply want to appear exceptional to other people, the second type of exceptionalism is the most important, as long as you can disconnect your ego from your work and build it up in other ways - such as by developing your own concepts and ideas about the world around you, and developing interests and hobbies, which creates a stronger and more independent identity.

That said, in my opinion, doing this as you get older is very difficult. You will be challenged constantly, internally and externally, as to whether your identity holds up to reality, especially if you don't have a position of status in any career or field. What you are doing is broadcasting to everyone that normal concepts of status are irrelevant or meaningless, and you measure yourself according to other standards, and this of course invites pushback. And for good reason - society and social relations are bound up in typical social values, and outsiders will never change this in any general sense.

The way I look at your particular situation is like this: if you love medicine and becoming an MD, do it. You will never feel more satisfied than being at the end of the path that fulfills your potential, regardless of when you got there. Being an MD is way above average, and of course women and people in general whom you meet won't know (or probably be interested in) any further details than that. You're Mr.Doctor and that's all that matters. And as far as your own feeling of being exceptional - well since you don't have a time machine, how could you have done any better?

If however you simply want to remain independent and rule your own life, I would suggest starting a business and working on your internal identity outside of your field. I am in this position - I'm 35, I have a small business, I have complete autonomy, and I develop a lot of interests and skills outside of my field. Am I where I want to be? No. I don't have the money I want to have, I don't have the size of the business I want to have, and there are various things out of place. But as to my day to day life, I have precisely the structure that I want to have. Nobody tells me what to do, I am in a position of authority with customers and contracted help, and all the strategies, successes, and failures rest on my decisions.

Should I dump all of this for the sake of beginning a new career from the bottom rung? I thought about it quite recently, but there's no career path that I really want enough to go through all that. The way I think of myself is as an 'optimization engine', I can successfully improve any system in which I have enough information and autonomy to make decisions. So why not just continue creating businesses to deploy that capability on? Rather than risk being shuffled into a position or environment that doesn't suit me.

So at the end of the day, I believe the most important context for your decision is to determine if being an MD is what truly fulfills your potential and exercises your inherent capabilities to the fullest extent compared to anything else. If so, it's almost certainly going to make you happier in the long run compared to other choices.

 

[Loverboy]

Thanks for linking the article. Relevant topic for me as well as I'm in my early 30's, I'm leaving the age group of all those beautiful young girls.

I've changed career paths a few times already and I've taken multiple career breaks to travel the world. I've had to re-invent myself a few times and re-write a zigzaggy CV into something coherent for recruiters.

Based on my experience I'd say this: at this point in your life, your path of excellence is one where your past experiences have a meaningful contribution. You don't want to start from zero, and in fact you aren't starting from zero either. If you want to become a MD, leverage your military travel history and become a motherf*cking MD who knows all about tropical diseases and healing wounds in the middle of nowhere with no hospital 100 miles around.

Finding your path of excellence might take some self reflexion. Don't jump into meds just for the prestige and for the excellence. Find a path of excellence that you want to dive into headfirst, a topic in which you would be happy to work extra evening hours beyond the normal 9-5. Excellence is not a 40 hours/week job, it's a passion that turns into an obsession.

Note: with enough dedication, any path can lead you to excellence. If you have a natural orientation towards medicine, obviously MD comes with high prestige. But there could be another less prestigious career path that just fits you perfectly and where your excellence will shine the difference.

Note2: don't discard your life experience. With your years in the military and traveling I'm sure you have enough life stories to tell that could impress any young goofy girl looking for daddy-mentor life advice.

 

[Atlas IV]

Thanks for linking the article. Relevant topic for me as well as I'm in my early 30's, I'm leaving the age group of all those beautiful young girls.

I'm pretty sure this has been discussed before, but game is about fundamentals not age. In fact mid thirties is considered peak SMV - there are many guys on this forum in their forties and still laying hot girls in their twenties. I think the age thing is more psychological than physiological.

 

[ulrich]

There are plenty of 50 years old laying women in their 20s-30s.

30 is not the age where you start decaying…. it is just the age where it starts becoming blatantly obvious if you got your shit together or if you have just been “winging it” all your life.

 

[POB]

I'm 44 and date 20ish chicks.
Skills is almost 50 and do the same.
Plenty of guys here in that same situation.

Carrer wise, NO traditional carreer is worth pursuing after a certain age.
You are better off starting a new businness with the skills you already have.

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

This article really hit home.

As an Older Man, Do You Need Money to Date Younger Girls?

Younger women date exceptional older men. But does this mean an older man needs wealth to date younger? Not exactly – YET his occupation is KEY… A while back, I wrote an article entitled “What's It Take to Attract and Date Younger Women?” In this article, I stated that to date younger women as...

www.girlschase.com

"Instead, if you’re older and unexceptional, I’d focus myself on becoming exceptional."

I'm about to turn 34-35 and I'm having a midlife crisis.

I had a very abusive upbringing. I didn't really have a healthy family life or have one at all, I was socially stunted, and although I had girlfriends when I was young due to my looks, they quickly broke up with me when they got to know me.

When I turned 18, I went straight into the army and did about 5-6 years. During these times, I got to travel a lot and started coming out my shell. Long story short I recently graduated with a useless degree (although I went to a top 10 school in the U.S if that matters). I don't have much in savings (in fact I'm in debt). I'm working minimum wage jobs. etc. I'm probably under average for my age group.

* few good things I do have (or will have) going for me,
A. By the end of this year, I'll have around 60-70k in savings and won't have much debt (maybe few thousands)
B. I'm in decent shape and getting back to my previous peak.
C. I look young for my age.
D. I'm very well traveled. Been to around 20-30 countries.

I gave a lot of thought to my current situation.

My main focus has been the path to becoming exceptional. I realized if I don't become exceptional in some ways, it will forever bug me. Also, I'm not willing to settle down with a low quality girl. Therefore, I only have one path remaining.

So there's only path. Path to exceptionalism.

"The older a man gets, the more authority he must appear to have for women to find him equally or more attractive than a comparatively attractive younger man."

I thought about how I can become exceptional in my career. I wanted to pursue a medical career.

Medical Doctor - Pro: Doctor/Authority ~ Con: I will be 40+ when I'm done
Physician Assistant/Nurse Practitioner - Pro: I will be done around 37 ~ Con: I will not have authority as I will always be supervised by a MD (So loss of points in being exceptional?)

I also won't be in debt. This is due to having any school paid for by serving in the military.

My question is this. As I get older, I want do to my best to remain attractive to younger women (20s).

A. If I become a medical doctor after 40+ I'm afraid that I won't be 'exceptional' as everyone that I've talked to is telling me that it's quite late to pursue a career in medicine at 34-35. Another thing is that I'll probably be 'low value' while going through med school as everyone else will be in their early 20s.
B. This led me to exploring other options (such as Nurse/Nurse Practicioner/Physician Assistants). These only require 2 years of more education but mostly midlevels in medical care which needs supervision. (Hence losing points in exceptionalism/authority?)

I've also thought about starting a business or doing things like real estate, but not sure.

Any thoughts or inputs on people from 30s/40s having similar issues or been through this journey to becoming exceptionalism weigh on this.

Hahahahaha, I’ve had the exact opposite experience. I should go take a picture of my garden or some of my art at home.

I pretty much date what I would dare say are some pretty good looking well put together women. And quite commonly I call them trash for not being rich and for being the third or second string dumped girl to some rich guy. If there is any philosophy I’ve started to live by it’s do less. Which is why I laugh at your situation because you are the polar opposite.

Im already up there mind you in wealth, so I can’t relate to the career progression path you seem to be on about. I’ll point out one thing though, that if you put yourself in the rat race even more if it’s because you want to go out with gorgeous women you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Probably because you grew up messed up nobody ever told you that it’s all right and awesome to be mediocre. I go play video games and I play them on easy mode, I paint pictures and a lot of the time they suck ass, I garden and sometimes my plants die. You’ll learn as you do things that exceptionalism is escapism with a couple added letters in the mix.

The women I go out with I look down upon quite often because even though I’m mediocre, I’m living a way better life by such a long shot that I’m like a 3d weight standing on a 2d piece of paper. My recommendation would be to go take some cooking classes in the winter and find a job where you can go fuck around during the day.

Cheers
MuSt0

 

[ulrich]

if you put yourself in the rat race even more if it’s because you want to go out with gorgeous women you are shooting yourself in the foot.

This needs to be printed, framed in gold and billboarded.

 

[sejinthejong]

Note2: don't discard your life experience. With your years in the military and traveling I'm sure you have enough life stories to tell that could impress any young goofy girl looking for daddy-mentor life advice.

Thanks, I was a medic in the army so it does connect.

If however you simply want to remain independent and rule your own life, I would suggest starting a business and working on your internal identity outside of your field. I am in this position - I'm 35, I have a small business, I have complete autonomy, and I develop a lot of interests and skills outside of my field. Am I where I want to be? No. I don't have the money I want to have, I don't have the size of the business I want to have, and there are various things out of place. But as to my day to day life, I have precisely the structure that I want to have. Nobody tells me what to do, I am in a position of authority with customers and contracted help, and all the strategies, successes, and failures rest on my decisions.

I thought about this. Just having an automated business that I can work on the side while attending med school. Thanks for the suggestion.

Probably because you grew up messed up nobody ever told you that it’s all right and awesome to be mediocre. I go play video games and I play them on easy mode, I paint pictures and a lot of the time they suck ass, I garden and sometimes my plants die. You’ll learn as you do things that exceptionalism is escapism with a couple added letters in the mix.

This sounds like some coping rationalization for staying average. I guess this philosophy works for some people, doesn't really resonate with me. I guess I should note that I do have million+ USD in crypto right now but it's automated and don't plan on touching it for a long time. I don't really consider it as my 'savings' (and technically not real money until I sell) but something for retirement when I'm old (70+).

On top of that, I could technically be 'retired' as the article suggests but I tried that for about a year before I called it quits. It drove me nuts having nothing to do. I realized I need something to do and pursue something meaningful in life.

Overall, thanks to everyone who replied. I feel my answer is somewhat of a hybrid structure. I need outside identities (i.e business owner) that I can balance where I'm in charge while pursuing medicine.

Cheers

 

[Will_V]

Thanks, I was a medic in the army so it does connect.


I thought about this. Just having an automated business that I can work on the side while attending med school. Thanks for the suggestion.



This sounds like some coping rationalization for staying average. I guess this philosophy works for some people, doesn't really resonate with me. I guess I should note that I do have million+ USD in crypto right now but it's automated and don't plan on touching it for a long time. I don't really consider it as my 'savings' (and technically not real money until I sell) but something for retirement when I'm old (70+).

On top of that, I could technically be 'retired' as the article suggests but I tried that for about a year before I called it quits. It drove me nuts having nothing to do. I realized I need something to do and pursue something meaningful in life.

Overall, thanks to everyone who replied. I feel my answer is somewhat of a hybrid structure. I need outside identities (i.e business owner) that I can balance where I'm in charge while pursuing medicine.

Cheers

Don't forget that you don't have to be just the typical doctor.

You can join an organization such as Médecins Sans Frontières if you want a very unordinary doctor's life. And I can hardly imagine something more exciting for women than meeting a suntanned doctor who's trekking around the world saving people's lives in all sorts of difficult and dangerous places.

Especially if you are already financially well off, you can afford to trade off money for more meaningful and exceptional choices. And you may also find that these paths give you more autonomy and local authority as well.