Most respected people are in monogamous long term relationships

[lux7]

I was thinking that somehow the most respected and taken seriously people in most societies seem to be monogamous that don't sleep around, don't put girls high in their priorities and that often have solid families and/relationships around them.

Presidents:
Compare:
Merkel/(most)US presidents: all in monogamous relationships with their "beautiful" families. All respected individual people listen to.
VS
Berlusconi , sleeping around, a joke to most European counterparties;
Gheddafi: moving around with an army of amazons to entertain him, considered an idiot the whole world over (friend of Berlusconi, maybe not by accident)


BUSINESS PEOPLE
Warren Buffet: married a 60YO woman that her ex wife introduced to him, all 3 were good friends and possibly only had these 2 women;
Ben Bernanke, current president of the FED, one long term wife two children;
Alan Greenspan , former FED president, 2 wifes, certainly not the kind of guy you'd imagine sleeping around.
Henry Paulson: former CEO of Goldman Sachs and Secretary of the Treasury during the financial crisis, one long term wife.

These are some of the most respected people whom you could hear talking.
It's hard to think of any highly respected person who places women (plural) high in his list, sleeps around and moves on frequently with relationships.

Of course if you think hard there'll be a few, but disproportionately the people that command the most respect and that are hold in the highest regards seem to have solid, long term relationship lives and don't bed hop even when they could do so very easily (because of fame, money etc.)




I think there are several reasons for it, but I'd like to hear your opinion.

 

[Marty]

Lucifer,

What this shows is the notorious hypocrisy of socially-accorded "respect".

It has always been more "respectable" to have a few discreet affairs, to which one and all turn a blind eye, than to express one's sexuality openly and seek divorce, or engage in a sexually emancipated and frowned-upon lifestyle. Social pressure from his family, her family, and all their friends and associates, ensures the status quo is maintained: see Chase's recent podcast for an excellent discussion of this.

Jack Kennedy had whores stay overnight in the White House, did you know that? Not to mention Clinton, whose dalliances are within living memory for many of us here. My own respect for the man was only enhanced... and despite all the unkind things envious men said about Monica Lewinsky back then in the '90s, I'd gladly have taken Clinton's place in those fun and games if it had been offered me. And I'm not even a big fellatio fan.

Berlusconi is being prosecuted for sleeping with a young woman who gave her consent freely, willingly, competently and without prejudice. At the same time, in the Middle East and South Asia, girls much younger are married off without their opinion even being asked to men whom they barely know, and no one in those conservative societies utters a peep. Think about that for a second.

"Respect" is not all it seems.

-Marty

 

[Franco]

lucifer,

BUSINESS PEOPLE
Warren Buffet: married a 60YO woman that her ex wife introduced to him, all 3 were good friends and possibly only had these 2 women;
Ben Bernanke, current president of the FED, one long term wife two children;
Alan Greenspan , former FED president, 2 wifes, certainly not the kind of guy you'd imagine sleeping around.
Henry Paulson: former CEO of Goldman Sachs and Secretary of the Treasury during the financial crisis, one long term wife.

These are some of the most respected people whom you could hear talking.
It's hard to think of any highly respected person who places women (plural) high in his list, sleeps around and moves on frequently with relationships.

When you use the word "respected," you are referring to very public figures who do not live private lives. As Marty was touching on, it's socially beneficial to these individuals to not live a bachelor lifestyle simply because their life is constantly under the microscope by the public, which is part of the reason I would never, ever want to become a huge public figure whose career depends enormously on his public image.

Many of these men would be under severe scrutiny if they were to "sleep around," and this is simply because of what social norms have been established in this Western society. As a matter of fact, many of these Western public figures probably wish their lives weren't so publicized so they could live more promiscuous lifestyles. Marty already pointed out several examples of "respected" men who slept around under the table.

Now, that's not to say that you shouldn't settle down with any one girl at any point if that's what you want to do. But I just wanted to point out that the choice should be yours, and you can command as much respect as you need to from people regardless of the lifestyle you live if you know how to carry yourself while maintaining respect for the feelings of others.

- Franco

 

[lux7]

You can say that some of them are locked in unhappy marriages because of social norms, and that's possbly true for some of them.
But that's only the "negative view": you could shrug off players the same way by saying they're all looking for short term reliefs to their unhappy lives. And it might be true for some, but that's not the whole thing.

You can actually think that their successful relationships are "respect enhancers" because they tell more about their qualities that are inherent to people able to have long lasting relationships:

1. He was able to screen all the girls around to find the right one of his liking, similar to him with whom he had great chances to stay for the longer run.
Someone who would support him in his other life achievements rather than hampering him (they say behind a great man there's always a great woman, but maybe behind a great woman there's again a great man who found her )

2. He was able to get her.
And make her happy enough to stick around even while he was so busy doing his things (and a solid drama free relationship certainly was pivotal for him having success);

3. He was able to make that relationship last for a long time, keeping dramas and short term whims at bay and making it through the hard times while still being happy together.
It says a lot about how well adjusted a person is to keep a relationship for a long time: I know some people that need someone close by and are always in relationships but just can't manage to keep them.


And of course it's not just the relationship that made those men successful, it's just who they are, and the people reaching the highest peaks are also the ones more likely to start and manage a long terms happy relationships.

 

[trashKENNUT]

lucifer7,

Really depends on individuals. Cristiano Ronaldo is not one. Donald Trump likes to date around, just that he marries women. and divorce and marries again. So "Respect" as Franco mention, is something you command. Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas once mention in her interview she likes to sleep around during her past, (i assume ongoing to "Superstar" phase.)

and also, they are so busy.

Zac

 

[Knightrain]

Respect is completely subjective, I for one do not respect anyone on that list, I actually has a nice laugh when I saw Ben Bernanke on there. (I'm still laughing)



The reason for this phenomena though is probably because being monogamous has no downsides as far as public image is concerned, while promiscuity does. Many people dislike promiscuity.

 

[lux7]

Respect is completely subjective, true.

BUT if people that respect Bernanke are 70% PhDs and the guy can take pride of having contributed heavily to avoid a second great depression while people respecting Ronaldo -mentioned before- are 70% football fanatics and teenagers (my nephew included), that tells you something.

Also, If you think about it, it would be almost obvious that people in highly respected position tend to be in relationship with women who are supportive and add value rather than being in fleeting relationships who suck the wind out of them...

 

[Nuncle]

I think Chase (very tangenitally!) touched on this in his article about dating "crazy" girls.

In that article he made a distinction between crazy girls, who are always questioning everything, trying to work life out, always seeking information through new experiences etc. and non crazy girls who already know what they want and how they want to play things and just make their way sedately through life. He made the point that early PUA was centred around LA nightclubs, which contained a high proportion of crazy party girls, hence all the openers to draw them in like "who lies more?" and so on. He maintained that such questions would just bore and puzzle the non-crazy girls - they already have everything worked out as far as they are concerned.

I think you can apply the same distinction to the Bernankes versus the Ted Kennedys/Anthony Weiners of this world. Some people thrive on sticking to a very narrow framework and proceeding within that framework, others are constantly seeking new information and trying to work life out.

Its just a different survival strategy.

 

[Thedoctor]

Lucifer

In the two examples listed (Presidents and Business People), I think it has more to do with stability than anything else. Nothing creates more stability in a person's life (hypothetically anyway) than the "married with kids" lifestyle. This lifestyle, in most cases, forces a person to stay in one place and be financially responsible. Think of it this way:

Who would you rather have running a Fortune Five Hundred company that you had several million dollars invested in:

-a guy who is never in the same country longer than a month and constantly meets new people and has new interests/hobbies
or
-a guy that has lived in the same place for the last twenty years, is married and has three children.

The first guy probably wouldn't be around to take care of emergencies when they arose. He's not around the constantly monitor the inner dealings of his multi-billion dollar business that you have all your money invested in. For these reasons, the second guy seems like less of a risk. It's not to say that this is even true. Maybe the travelling seducer will do an amazing job running the business and the married guy bankrupts it. But since the second is perceived as less of a risk, that's why you'll find a lot of prominent men, including Presidents, engaging in a "safer" lifestyle.

-Doc