- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 798
Hey guys,
So the topic of moving cities has come up lately... I wanted to get the ball rolling on peoples tips or ideas on doing thi and how to make it in your new city, both in terms of dating and lifestyle. This isn't a complete list, just sharing some of my experiences and hope people can add to it.
Also, I'm not writing this to turn anyone off the idea of moving. It was one of the greatest things I've ever done for myself... but I try to look at things realistically in hindsight. So of course there's things that went great and things I could have done with knowing beforehand.
1. The grass isn't always greener.
First thing is to get the idea of "Oh, If I was only in <some other city> instead of <my own city> it would be so much better." Life somewhere else is just *different*. In Ireland, it feels like it rains 24/7. "If I went somewhere where it didn't rain so I much, I could DAYGAME all the time". But not once did I consider that in Boston, it snows and everyone hibernates for 3 months a year, and the summer is just so hot and sweaty and humid all you want to do is sit infront of your AC unit in your apartment.
It's just one example... it could be about, women, dating, food, culture, weather. Just realize every place has it's positives and negatives, somewhere new will be different, better in some aspects, chellenging in others.
2. Be comfortable going solo.
In terms of Pickup. You need to be comfortable with the idea of going solo. You won't have a big social circle, so you need to be able to go it alone to make new friends and meet new women. If you can't do this, start practicing now.
3. Don't shit where you eat.
Sorry to be blunt...
Befriend some girls... actually, a LOT of girls. Don't try to hookup with every woman you meet in any social group you enter. It's important to build friends and connections too, so while PUA's will tell you "Hookup with her, then hookup with her friends and then they'll introduce you to more girls you'll hook up with"... does it REALLY work that way? Or do you just burn more bridges by hooking up with the first girl than you do by just befriending them?
4. Be open to everyone you meet.
Sounds simple right? Well you'll be used to your own friends back home and their way of life. The bigger the culture shift, the more you've got to realize you are not on your home turf. Hang with people you never thought you would, get to know them. If they REALLY aren't your type of person, there's no obligation to be BFF's with them. But I surprised myself with this one. At the beginning I got frustrated because I didn't talk or act like the new people around me, I didn't understand how they acted. I acclimatized and decided to learn from them, whether it was learn about a new sport or have someone explain arts, films, politics or anything I knew nothing about before, it opened me up as a person and opened me up to meeting more people.
5. Make lots of acquaintances, but a few real friends.
It's difficult to make truly lasting life long friendships later in life. Don't meet 1 or 2 people and settle at that. They will come and go. Meet LOTS of people... be friendly with all of them and bring the REALLY cool ones closer to you... but do befriend everyone.
An important point here is, befriend woman you are not attracted to also. A lot of guys dismiss this immediately. Don't. These girls have friends, guys and girlfriends and just like anyone else can open up your social circle.
6. Learn to cut ties.
When you begin to meet a lot of people, you'll meet SOME who are just not who you want to socialize with. Some are leeches, some are draining, some are show-boats and over-compensaters, some, you just don't click with. Don't be afraid to cut them loose, you're building a big social circle, if one doesn't work out, move on.
7. Join everything.
On forums like these, it's easy to get sucked into the idea of gaming 24/7. Just "regular people stuff" too. I found Meetup was lacking in people I'd actually socialize with, lots of those needy and leechy people without social skills, but it got me out of the house and seeing new places when I was new. Co-ed sports leagues are great too. Hot girls are few and far between but it's very social and you can shoot the shit with guys you meet easily. Maybe volunteer, or join a class or a club. Don't dismiss the "normal" advice. You probably won't be swarming with "10's" from doing this but it's simple to build a little social circle from scratch.
8. Make the first move.
Don't confuse this with "Being a leader" or what I see more often the interpreted "Be an arogant prick of a leader while showing severe insecurity".
I say this because I see lots of guys trying to be the "leader" of groups and over-compensating which comes off as an arrogant and annoying personality, telling people what to do, dominating conversations, etc... Let other people flourish, don't over-shadow them. But DO make the first move.
People in the Northeast are often called "cold". I disagree. They will never be the first to ask me to go for a beer, but if I ask them, they'll smile and gladly accept. Others are just as shy and insecure as we ourselves feel. Don't try to tag along with others plans or leech off them. Be the one to make a plan and invite people along. They'll appreciate it a lot more.
This goes hand in hand with GIVING value to people. People who GET value from you are much more likely to want to be a friend than those who see you as TAKING value from them... just don't let people use you. Give on your own terms, and selflessly, don't let anyone use you.
9. Ratios
Be honest. I have a friend who swears Boston sucks for meeting women and that in NYC the female:male ratio is 5:1.... yes, 5 single women for every single man. If there is a place on earth, that is true, why are we all not moving there!?!?
What I mean is... if you heard City X has lots of "hot girls". Does it really? A bigger city will most definitely have more hot girls, it will also have more ugly girls. That just makes sense right? The ratio doesn't change. Also, even though there's more hot girls, there's WAY more competition for those hot girls. It does not get easier my friend.
10. Why are you moving?
This one to me is very important. What are you trying to achieve? For me, yes, I wanted to meet hotter women, what guy doesn't? But it was part of a lifestyle and career move I had been planning all through university. The career and lifestyle I wanted did not exist in my home town.
If you move... is it all about PUA? What will you do? Where will you live? Where will you work? Can you afford this?
When you move, make sure it's about a LIFESTYLE you want, so that includes, career, money, hobbies, interests, even the weather or the type of sports you like. Seriously... dont make it ALL about PUA.
11. Have a plan for Homesickness
.... because at some point, you WILL be miserable. Sorry that sounds harsh. But maybe a few weeks or a few months after your move there will be a moment when you come home to your apartment and it will just hit you. Maybe a hard day at work. Maybe you got hit with some bills you didn't know you'd get when you moved. Maybe you've been gaming day and night and still haven't landed that dream girl.
It happens.... what will you do?
This one is the tough part. Because you feel you've done all the hard work, you've already moved and settled in. But some of the above is hitting home. Life is not 100% Awesome in every way, like you convinced yourself it would.
You've got to realize, every place has it's ups and downs. You WILL feel lost or down or confused at some point. This is where you need grit. You need to keep going, keep improving, keep a level head and figure out your next steps or goals. This one will be tough, but expect it to come and have a plan of action. When you feel homesick, what will your response be?
Ok guys, that's the first chapter. I'm really interested to hear others ideas or experiences. I'm sure others here have similar experiences and can add a lot.
So the topic of moving cities has come up lately... I wanted to get the ball rolling on peoples tips or ideas on doing thi and how to make it in your new city, both in terms of dating and lifestyle. This isn't a complete list, just sharing some of my experiences and hope people can add to it.
Also, I'm not writing this to turn anyone off the idea of moving. It was one of the greatest things I've ever done for myself... but I try to look at things realistically in hindsight. So of course there's things that went great and things I could have done with knowing beforehand.
1. The grass isn't always greener.
First thing is to get the idea of "Oh, If I was only in <some other city> instead of <my own city> it would be so much better." Life somewhere else is just *different*. In Ireland, it feels like it rains 24/7. "If I went somewhere where it didn't rain so I much, I could DAYGAME all the time". But not once did I consider that in Boston, it snows and everyone hibernates for 3 months a year, and the summer is just so hot and sweaty and humid all you want to do is sit infront of your AC unit in your apartment.
It's just one example... it could be about, women, dating, food, culture, weather. Just realize every place has it's positives and negatives, somewhere new will be different, better in some aspects, chellenging in others.
2. Be comfortable going solo.
In terms of Pickup. You need to be comfortable with the idea of going solo. You won't have a big social circle, so you need to be able to go it alone to make new friends and meet new women. If you can't do this, start practicing now.
3. Don't shit where you eat.
Sorry to be blunt...
Befriend some girls... actually, a LOT of girls. Don't try to hookup with every woman you meet in any social group you enter. It's important to build friends and connections too, so while PUA's will tell you "Hookup with her, then hookup with her friends and then they'll introduce you to more girls you'll hook up with"... does it REALLY work that way? Or do you just burn more bridges by hooking up with the first girl than you do by just befriending them?
4. Be open to everyone you meet.
Sounds simple right? Well you'll be used to your own friends back home and their way of life. The bigger the culture shift, the more you've got to realize you are not on your home turf. Hang with people you never thought you would, get to know them. If they REALLY aren't your type of person, there's no obligation to be BFF's with them. But I surprised myself with this one. At the beginning I got frustrated because I didn't talk or act like the new people around me, I didn't understand how they acted. I acclimatized and decided to learn from them, whether it was learn about a new sport or have someone explain arts, films, politics or anything I knew nothing about before, it opened me up as a person and opened me up to meeting more people.
5. Make lots of acquaintances, but a few real friends.
It's difficult to make truly lasting life long friendships later in life. Don't meet 1 or 2 people and settle at that. They will come and go. Meet LOTS of people... be friendly with all of them and bring the REALLY cool ones closer to you... but do befriend everyone.
An important point here is, befriend woman you are not attracted to also. A lot of guys dismiss this immediately. Don't. These girls have friends, guys and girlfriends and just like anyone else can open up your social circle.
6. Learn to cut ties.
When you begin to meet a lot of people, you'll meet SOME who are just not who you want to socialize with. Some are leeches, some are draining, some are show-boats and over-compensaters, some, you just don't click with. Don't be afraid to cut them loose, you're building a big social circle, if one doesn't work out, move on.
7. Join everything.
On forums like these, it's easy to get sucked into the idea of gaming 24/7. Just "regular people stuff" too. I found Meetup was lacking in people I'd actually socialize with, lots of those needy and leechy people without social skills, but it got me out of the house and seeing new places when I was new. Co-ed sports leagues are great too. Hot girls are few and far between but it's very social and you can shoot the shit with guys you meet easily. Maybe volunteer, or join a class or a club. Don't dismiss the "normal" advice. You probably won't be swarming with "10's" from doing this but it's simple to build a little social circle from scratch.
8. Make the first move.
Don't confuse this with "Being a leader" or what I see more often the interpreted "Be an arogant prick of a leader while showing severe insecurity".
I say this because I see lots of guys trying to be the "leader" of groups and over-compensating which comes off as an arrogant and annoying personality, telling people what to do, dominating conversations, etc... Let other people flourish, don't over-shadow them. But DO make the first move.
People in the Northeast are often called "cold". I disagree. They will never be the first to ask me to go for a beer, but if I ask them, they'll smile and gladly accept. Others are just as shy and insecure as we ourselves feel. Don't try to tag along with others plans or leech off them. Be the one to make a plan and invite people along. They'll appreciate it a lot more.
This goes hand in hand with GIVING value to people. People who GET value from you are much more likely to want to be a friend than those who see you as TAKING value from them... just don't let people use you. Give on your own terms, and selflessly, don't let anyone use you.
9. Ratios
Be honest. I have a friend who swears Boston sucks for meeting women and that in NYC the female:male ratio is 5:1.... yes, 5 single women for every single man. If there is a place on earth, that is true, why are we all not moving there!?!?
What I mean is... if you heard City X has lots of "hot girls". Does it really? A bigger city will most definitely have more hot girls, it will also have more ugly girls. That just makes sense right? The ratio doesn't change. Also, even though there's more hot girls, there's WAY more competition for those hot girls. It does not get easier my friend.
10. Why are you moving?
This one to me is very important. What are you trying to achieve? For me, yes, I wanted to meet hotter women, what guy doesn't? But it was part of a lifestyle and career move I had been planning all through university. The career and lifestyle I wanted did not exist in my home town.
If you move... is it all about PUA? What will you do? Where will you live? Where will you work? Can you afford this?
When you move, make sure it's about a LIFESTYLE you want, so that includes, career, money, hobbies, interests, even the weather or the type of sports you like. Seriously... dont make it ALL about PUA.
11. Have a plan for Homesickness
.... because at some point, you WILL be miserable. Sorry that sounds harsh. But maybe a few weeks or a few months after your move there will be a moment when you come home to your apartment and it will just hit you. Maybe a hard day at work. Maybe you got hit with some bills you didn't know you'd get when you moved. Maybe you've been gaming day and night and still haven't landed that dream girl.
It happens.... what will you do?
This one is the tough part. Because you feel you've done all the hard work, you've already moved and settled in. But some of the above is hitting home. Life is not 100% Awesome in every way, like you convinced yourself it would.
You've got to realize, every place has it's ups and downs. You WILL feel lost or down or confused at some point. This is where you need grit. You need to keep going, keep improving, keep a level head and figure out your next steps or goals. This one will be tough, but expect it to come and have a plan of action. When you feel homesick, what will your response be?
Ok guys, that's the first chapter. I'm really interested to hear others ideas or experiences. I'm sure others here have similar experiences and can add a lot.
