Moving fast can cause some problems too...

[girlsfollow]

While I totally agree that the best advice for beginners is to move as fast as possible, I think if you are getting more advanced there can be some limits to this. For instance I am quite a dominant person as it is and if I put all of my determination behind pushing for the close this can lead to girls feeling like they have gone too quickly...I think it was called buyers remorse in the old days. I have an example of this here:

I met up with a girl - the first night she wanted it but we couldnt due to period - then the second time she had cooled down and didn't want to - but I pushed through her resistance and we did it anyway - now she feels like I've basically forced her to have sex and therefore can't trust being alone with me anymore - she says she said she didn't want to and I still "did it to her".

I countered by saying we both liked each other and she was on my bed - what did she expect me to do - and she was free to leave at any time..

Anyway now I can tell from her body language that she feels very awkward around me - she wont let me touch her and she won't loosen up - she says its all because I pushed for sex too hard and should have let it develop naturally....

This is all despite me acting like a total gentleman after sex both times - bought her breakfast and made her dinner - this is why its not classic BR - otherwise this should have fixed that - I think I genuinely should have waited for her to want it again rather than persisting...

whats the answer? -as before, I'm not texting her first and was planning to just hang out and not touch her and let nervous tension build...I think thats all I can do

 

[Nova]

Sounds like you pushed through her resistance with a
Bulldozer, ie with brute force. Which is never the way to do it.

It needs to smooth, she needs to want you to persist.

Moving fast is really just about moving as fast as you CAN. You still
Need to install a level of comfort etc etc. It's not about moving fast for the sake of moving fast. It's just a case of picking up on signals and using them to advance rather than sitting around talking like most guys do.

 

[Chase]

Moving fast is really just about moving as fast as you CAN. You still
Need to install a level of comfort etc etc. It's not about moving fast for the sake of moving fast. It's just a case of picking up on signals and using them to advance rather than sitting around talking like most guys do.

Nailed it. Said it better and simpler than I could have.

Chase

 

[girlsfollow]

Moving fast is really just about moving as fast as you CAN. You still
Need to install a level of comfort etc etc. It's not about moving fast for the sake of moving fast. It's just a case of picking up on signals and using them to advance rather than sitting around talking like most guys do.

Nailed it. Said it better and simpler than I could have.

Chase

Yes Nothing to add this is of course the correct way - but this girl is especially difficult since the first time she clammed up and refused any contact etc - It was either this - or nothing... - maybe in this case nothing would have been better - just letting things develop more gradually...

 

[Estate]

Totally agree with Nova here....

You sounded like you were trying to be overly dominant and not respectful, caring or understanding.
The line you used sounds like something I've heard in other PUA circles and really don't feel it actually works on most girls, it's a turn off.

You can ACT strong and dominant without being overly forceful with your words.

 

[girlsfollow]

Totally agree with Nova here....

You sounded like you were trying to be overly dominant and not respectful, caring or understanding.
The line you used sounds like something I've heard in other PUA circles and really don't feel it actually works on most girls, it's a turn off.

You can ACT strong and dominant without being overly forceful with your words.

The line you are referring to wasn't what I said to her during the escalation (although it was obviously true) but was afterwards. My point with this was that if you are a very persuasive dominant person its possible to push girls past their comfort zone and that can lead to problems - so more focus should be on building tension than persistence in these cases...

 

[Chase]

GF-

My point with this was that if you are a very persuasive dominant person its possible to push girls past their comfort zone and that can lead to problems - so more focus should be on building tension than persistence in these cases...

This is a good observation.

The flip side of it is, if you're persuasive enough that you're consistently pushing people past their comfort zones, the complementary skill you want to get good at is properly rewarding people for complying and making them feel comfortable and safe and like they've done something good and correct.

The main issue it sounds like you're running into here is ego depletion, which requires some rebuilding of positive emotions before you're able to push forward hard again. See this article on the main site dealing with that:

Ego Depletion (and Keeping Women Around)

Chase