I've been approaching girls and up until I last updated my journal, I've been getting blown out by girls left and right. This has never happened to me in my life before so no matter how much I've read and tried to internalise GC's message that getting rejected is not a big deal and pick up is a numbers game, you can imagine how I felt.
Here's how my yesterday went
Before the Approach
I woke and did some meditation. It helps. I walk to the bus stop. In the mornings like this before I arrive school, I don't always have an idea if I'll be in the state that day or if I'll have no social momentum at all. After getting off the first bus and going into the second, I realise there's no cute girl to talk to. Damn! I love bus pick up. As I get to school, I head for the campus shuttle. I check around to see if there's any pretty girl but there's none. I think I need to lower my standards more at least just to build momentum I should talk to any girl around. As long as she doesn't look like a troll. I head for class. After the first class I chill a bit and talk to my friends (guys and girls). I flirt here and there and decide to hit the streets (campus streets, lol). The thing about campus is that there are just so many hot girls everywhere talking, chatting with friends, walking fast, standing, etc. And I get selective in the girls I go talk to or I over think it and she's gone. Instead of "OK I'm interested in that girl. Let me run to catch up with her and say hi". After walking around I sight a girl afar off and standing alone looking around. I took this as a sign of openness to be approached. Boy was I wrong.
First Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I saw you from afar and I just had to tell you I really like your shoes. It looks nice on you
Her: what? (looking somewhat distressingly distracted)
Me: I repeat myself (I shouldn't be doing that)
She: Oh thanks
Me: So what's your name
She: I said thank you (she has a really distressed look. she's obviously in a bad mood. Silly me!)
Me: Oh. You look like you're in a bad mood. Bye
I continue walking around and I meet up with a friend of mine. He's a law student. We head to his faculty to get some toast. As I stand waiting for my order, I tell him I'd rather sit. I sit beside a pretty girl. Instead of just saying hi and taking off from there, I begin to over think and guess what. I chickened out. After leaving that place we head to a garden (of sorts, at least that's what it's called - love garden) close to my faculty. A lot of people sit here to chill. My friend says he wants to meet someone and he'll be back. I sit between two girls. I've been trying to read girls and know those open to approach. But so far I think I suck at it coz I decided to talk to the one at my left. The one on the right was playing with her phone with a lively attitude, while the one on my left was just looking around, calmly.
Second Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I like your cap (she has a faze cap on)
She: thanks
Me: there's an inscription on it (I try reading it. I had to touch and tip the cap downward to read it)
It's nice (a second of silence)
I'm Mystique what's your name (I extend my hand)
Her: I'm her (she indicates she can't shake me. I now realize she's sick. She keeps on using tissue paper on her nose. She's got a runny nose and possibly cold. I do not give up)
Me: oh. You seem sick
Her: yea
Me: you got catarrh
Her: yes (silence ensues again. Kinda awkward. Henceforth, rapport seems to become forced)
Me: Are you waiting for someone
Her: No I'm waiting for a class (after she answers each question, she waits less than a second and puts her head down, most times looking at her phone)
Me: OK. what time is that
Her: (tells me the time. it's some hours later)
Me: that's still far
Her: nods
Me: what department if I may ask
Her: (tells me her department)
At a point, the girl at my right asks her if she has a pen. She gives her one. Do you guys think that was her seeking my attention. I should have opened the one at my right not left. I try to deep dive her but she doesn't seem hooked and it looks like she's talking to me out of politeness. I can't really say for sure coz she's ill. At a point she asks what I'm doing here and I say waiting for my friend. Was this her sign of telling me to beat it or was she investing in the conversation? I can't say. After another silence, I excuse myself, still sitting, and call my friend. He's already close. As he stands in front of me he gives me a sign that says "have you talked to her". lol. After talking, we decide to leave. I tell her "goodbye and get well soon"
At this point I'm already feeling somewhat discouraged. I go chill with my friends and as I arrived I see one of them cat calling a girl and the rest seem to be into it. "Instead of you to go talk to the girl you're doing this none sense". My friends are surprised at my outburst. lol. I walk around a bit more and sit at an open park to see if I'll sight a girl to talk to. I sight some girls from afar but I had no strength to run up to them. The weather was terribly hot (think African sun). As I sit, a girl walks past me briefly making eye contact with me. I follow up, walking behind her. I hesitate a bit and somehow I knew she could sense that I was behind her. I wait till she crosses the road before I open her
Third Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I saw you walk past me and I couldn't just let you go without telling you I really like your dress
Her: what? (she doesn't look really receptive)
Me: You know your dress. The prints are really nice
Her: oh...thanks (all this while she's walking and I walk with her)
Me: so what's your name
Her: my name is her (I was thinking of stretching out my hand and introducing myself but at that moment it would have been awkward. She was walking fast and looking ahead not at me. I didn't even tell her my name. Fuck!)
Me: OK. So tell me, is your name "her" peculiar to a particular state from your region ( no, it's not a dumb question. It's a Nigerian thing)
Her: no it's not
Me: so you don't have specific states that bear that name
Her: no
Me: where are you headed to
Her: I'm headed to blah blah.
Me: So you're going to take a shuttle
Her: yea
Me: I guess we can talk for a few minutes then
Her: we're talking (said in a slightly rude manner. it's obvious that she misread my statement to mean that she should wait so we could talk before she goes. At this point I knew the conversation was going nowhere but I still forge ahead)
Me: yea, that's what I meant. We have some time to talk before you enter a shuttle (some silence ensues. Kinda awkward for me. In front of us already is the shuttle queue) I bid her goodbye. I walk back for the next class and after that I'm pretty much exhausted. I still decide to walk rather than taking a shuttle so I could talk to some girls. Alas! It was to no avail.
Lessons Learnt
1. I need to stop over thinking (or even thinking) whether to approach a girl or not. Or how to approach her. It should be, I see a cute girl and immediately I walk towards her and open
2. I shouldn't take rejections to heart. Gotta grow a tough skin
3. I need to be more comfortable in my skin
4. I need to approach earlier into the day. The longer it takes, the harder it becomes.
What do you guys think? I need your feedbacks.
PS: you can check out my journal: Memoirs of Mystique
Here's how my yesterday went
Before the Approach
I woke and did some meditation. It helps. I walk to the bus stop. In the mornings like this before I arrive school, I don't always have an idea if I'll be in the state that day or if I'll have no social momentum at all. After getting off the first bus and going into the second, I realise there's no cute girl to talk to. Damn! I love bus pick up. As I get to school, I head for the campus shuttle. I check around to see if there's any pretty girl but there's none. I think I need to lower my standards more at least just to build momentum I should talk to any girl around. As long as she doesn't look like a troll. I head for class. After the first class I chill a bit and talk to my friends (guys and girls). I flirt here and there and decide to hit the streets (campus streets, lol). The thing about campus is that there are just so many hot girls everywhere talking, chatting with friends, walking fast, standing, etc. And I get selective in the girls I go talk to or I over think it and she's gone. Instead of "OK I'm interested in that girl. Let me run to catch up with her and say hi". After walking around I sight a girl afar off and standing alone looking around. I took this as a sign of openness to be approached. Boy was I wrong.
First Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I saw you from afar and I just had to tell you I really like your shoes. It looks nice on you
Her: what? (looking somewhat distressingly distracted)
Me: I repeat myself (I shouldn't be doing that)
She: Oh thanks
Me: So what's your name
She: I said thank you (she has a really distressed look. she's obviously in a bad mood. Silly me!)
Me: Oh. You look like you're in a bad mood. Bye
I continue walking around and I meet up with a friend of mine. He's a law student. We head to his faculty to get some toast. As I stand waiting for my order, I tell him I'd rather sit. I sit beside a pretty girl. Instead of just saying hi and taking off from there, I begin to over think and guess what. I chickened out. After leaving that place we head to a garden (of sorts, at least that's what it's called - love garden) close to my faculty. A lot of people sit here to chill. My friend says he wants to meet someone and he'll be back. I sit between two girls. I've been trying to read girls and know those open to approach. But so far I think I suck at it coz I decided to talk to the one at my left. The one on the right was playing with her phone with a lively attitude, while the one on my left was just looking around, calmly.
Second Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I like your cap (she has a faze cap on)
She: thanks
Me: there's an inscription on it (I try reading it. I had to touch and tip the cap downward to read it)
It's nice (a second of silence)
I'm Mystique what's your name (I extend my hand)
Her: I'm her (she indicates she can't shake me. I now realize she's sick. She keeps on using tissue paper on her nose. She's got a runny nose and possibly cold. I do not give up)
Me: oh. You seem sick
Her: yea
Me: you got catarrh
Her: yes (silence ensues again. Kinda awkward. Henceforth, rapport seems to become forced)
Me: Are you waiting for someone
Her: No I'm waiting for a class (after she answers each question, she waits less than a second and puts her head down, most times looking at her phone)
Me: OK. what time is that
Her: (tells me the time. it's some hours later)
Me: that's still far
Her: nods
Me: what department if I may ask
Her: (tells me her department)
At a point, the girl at my right asks her if she has a pen. She gives her one. Do you guys think that was her seeking my attention. I should have opened the one at my right not left. I try to deep dive her but she doesn't seem hooked and it looks like she's talking to me out of politeness. I can't really say for sure coz she's ill. At a point she asks what I'm doing here and I say waiting for my friend. Was this her sign of telling me to beat it or was she investing in the conversation? I can't say. After another silence, I excuse myself, still sitting, and call my friend. He's already close. As he stands in front of me he gives me a sign that says "have you talked to her". lol. After talking, we decide to leave. I tell her "goodbye and get well soon"
At this point I'm already feeling somewhat discouraged. I go chill with my friends and as I arrived I see one of them cat calling a girl and the rest seem to be into it. "Instead of you to go talk to the girl you're doing this none sense". My friends are surprised at my outburst. lol. I walk around a bit more and sit at an open park to see if I'll sight a girl to talk to. I sight some girls from afar but I had no strength to run up to them. The weather was terribly hot (think African sun). As I sit, a girl walks past me briefly making eye contact with me. I follow up, walking behind her. I hesitate a bit and somehow I knew she could sense that I was behind her. I wait till she crosses the road before I open her
Third Approach
Me: hello
Her: hi
Me: I saw you walk past me and I couldn't just let you go without telling you I really like your dress
Her: what? (she doesn't look really receptive)
Me: You know your dress. The prints are really nice
Her: oh...thanks (all this while she's walking and I walk with her)
Me: so what's your name
Her: my name is her (I was thinking of stretching out my hand and introducing myself but at that moment it would have been awkward. She was walking fast and looking ahead not at me. I didn't even tell her my name. Fuck!)
Me: OK. So tell me, is your name "her" peculiar to a particular state from your region ( no, it's not a dumb question. It's a Nigerian thing)
Her: no it's not
Me: so you don't have specific states that bear that name
Her: no
Me: where are you headed to
Her: I'm headed to blah blah.
Me: So you're going to take a shuttle
Her: yea
Me: I guess we can talk for a few minutes then
Her: we're talking (said in a slightly rude manner. it's obvious that she misread my statement to mean that she should wait so we could talk before she goes. At this point I knew the conversation was going nowhere but I still forge ahead)
Me: yea, that's what I meant. We have some time to talk before you enter a shuttle (some silence ensues. Kinda awkward for me. In front of us already is the shuttle queue) I bid her goodbye. I walk back for the next class and after that I'm pretty much exhausted. I still decide to walk rather than taking a shuttle so I could talk to some girls. Alas! It was to no avail.
Lessons Learnt
1. I need to stop over thinking (or even thinking) whether to approach a girl or not. Or how to approach her. It should be, I see a cute girl and immediately I walk towards her and open
2. I shouldn't take rejections to heart. Gotta grow a tough skin
3. I need to be more comfortable in my skin
4. I need to approach earlier into the day. The longer it takes, the harder it becomes.
What do you guys think? I need your feedbacks.
PS: you can check out my journal: Memoirs of Mystique
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