- Joined
- Jan 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,107
Ok, figured since its been about a year since I read my first GC article (I didn't start posting on the forums till months later), I figured now would be a good time to do some reflecting on my progress. And while I'm at it, I might as well give you guys some background about myself since I never did that:
Background:
High School: Throughout High school, I suffered through clinical depression/anxiety. I had super low self-esteem. I was seeing therapists, doctors, taking drugs/medication etc. In terms of picking up women...well, that seemed like some sort of dream. I had no idea what to do/how to do it. I had so little confidence in my abilities with women, that I barley even tried. I felt like it was pointless because there's no possible way that I would ever get anywhere. Additionally, I has ridiculously high standards. Throughout my entire High School Career, there were only two girls....that's right, TWO which I would have been with (both of which were into me...and I knew it. lol). I always grouped the rest as being dumb/retarded, sluts, nerds, ugly and so fourth. To this day, I'm not sure if I actually believed that, or if it was just a form of auto-rejection.
To make matters worse, I bought in the notion of "the one" and "soulmates" and so fourth. And I actually believed one of those two girls was her. I had already decided I would do whatever it takes to become her BF and maybe even marry her (all while knowing very little about her!). Obviously, with my crippling depression and anxiety issues, this never actually happened. This only added to my depression and sense of worthlessness. There were times when I seriously considered suicide.
Ironically enough, despite all this, a lot of desirable girls had crushes on me. ...Including this "dream girl" of mine. In fact, I heard her say it out of her own mouth (I overheard it accidently). Like, I 100% knew for sure that she was into me. All I had to do was talk to her (In a social circle setting!), and it would have been pretty easy from there. And even when I DIDN'T do that, her friend decided to help me out. Her friend found me, took me by the arm, and dragged me to her at one of our homecoming dances. And I bowed out of the interaction because I felt waay too anxious.
To illustrate just how low my self-esttem was, here's another story: I distinctly remember a pretty popular girl (who is now in one of the top sororities in the US), asking me out. For some reason, I felt that this was some sort of prank. So I said no. Thinking back, I honestly probably crushed her. She stepped out of her role of being "the popular girl" in front of her friends, and I shot her down....lol. There were also 6 or 7 girls that I now know had serious crushes on me. And I'm sure there were many more who I didn't even notice. ...I just didn't see it/refused to believe it at the time.
As a side note: I'm not sure why girls in HS liked me at all. I was a seriously fucked up kid. Maybe its because I was VERY fit. And I'm naturally good looking anyways? And I played Football and Wrestled. ...I can't really think of any other reasons. lol
Community College: My final year of High school and the year after (and I'll group in the year after because not much changed since then), was spent in community college. At this point, the change in lifestyle finally more or less cured me of my depression (I was still very low confidence/self-esteem...just not as bad). Also, I ran into my first PUA material ever...David DeAngelo. His stuff opened my eyes. I remember after reading his book, this was literally the CHANGED THE WAY I SAW LIFE, THE WORLD AND THE WAY I THOUGHT. ...Don't get me wrong, it would still be years till I got a first date. But at least I felt like on a hypothetical level, I finally understood something about what was going on.
I tried his stuff a few times. I actually managed to get the phone number of a 24 yr old from my Philosophy class. But as soon as she found out that I'm 19, she lost interest. :/ I also made my first online dating account. Unfortunetely, I couldn't really find any dates at the time. My pictures which I thought were "good" or "decent" actually pretty much sucked in the grand scheme of things. Additionally, I did a few clumsy approaches around my campus and talked to a few girls in my class. But I never really pulled the trigger. So I remained dateless.
The summer of 2014, I started talking to a girl online. She was really hot, and she had somethings about her which I liked. But in hindsight, she was nothing spectacular. But at the time, I didn't see that. I started investing in her A LOT. I spent 30-60 mins a day writing to her for about a month (I was in Bulgaria, so I couldn't actually see her in person). We eventually even made plans to see each other IRL. But for whatever reason, she flaked on me when I got home. I started chasing her HARD. She didn't reply to my texts. My depression started coming back, I couldn't think about anything except her. ...That's right, I was depressed over a girl I talked to online who I hadnt even met.
Four year college/Yearly Reflection: This is where I'll start my reflection because I moved to my first four year college and started reading GC at about the same time.
In the Fall of 2014, I moved away from my parents for the first time. I went to my first four year college. I was also still very depressed over this girl I talked to online. This is when I read my first GC article ever...the one about getting over "that one special girl". When Chase explained how he was Chasing a girl for eight years, this immediately led me to question wtf I was doing. Cause if I didn't stop, I honestly could end up doing the same thing. Anyways, throughout this first year...I had a lot of firsts:
My first kiss, first time I had sex, my first date (all of which happened on the same night).
My first FWB relationship
My first party ("rager"),
my 21st birthday,
first time living away from my parents,
my first time getting punched in the face,
first time making a group of friends outside the four or five people I hung out with since I was five.
I met my first true "relationship quality" girl. Sadly...it was my second first date ever, so I was VERY unprepared. She's actually the only girl who I still think about/would continue investing in her if I thought there was a chance of us getting together.
Additionally, I've finally become intermediate/advanced at Online game. I redid my Tinder profile, learned how to be humorous online in a way which is attractive. I've gone on 35-50 dates since then.
My confidence around women has also increase exponentially. I'm now doing stuff with women which I couldn't have even comprehended the mechanics/theory of a year ago.
Such as: Directly insulting them and causing a spike in attraction.
Telling them (without being apologetic) what to do (i.e. compliance demands)
Attemping to Escalate in Public
Not giving a shit whether or not any specific girls want to see me ever again
Creating attraction in girls who I'd consider 10/10s.
Going on a date with a girl who has a BF.
Approaching groups of women at bars/clubs
Making out with girls within a minute of meeting them (although I must admit, alcohol has played a role in this).
Needless to say, I feel that I've made great progress with my life. I owe much of this to GC writers and everyone who's posted/helped me get better.
Having said that, I still have quite a few sticking points/goals:
1. Consistently going out to do Day game- Not sure how realistic that is for me. I'm going back to school in less than a month. And there are no Day game Spots at my school other than the campus itself. Which is relatively small.
2. Consistently going out to do Night game- I do Night Game, but only when I'm out with friends. Its difficult for me to go out specifically to meet women. I've posted threads on this one and #1. Still implementing the feedback. Hoping to get results soon.
3. Completely getting over Approach Anxiety (I've made progress, but I still have enough of it that it messes with my interactions)
4. Coming up with a solid date process (my logistics are still usually pretty bad).
5. Recognizing Escalation Windows- I'm really not sure what they look like and how to act on them.
6. Related to #5- When/how to pull. I still sometimes chicken out. Other times, they'll just say no.
7. Overcoming/preventing LMR. So far, I've only had sex with girls who were completely bought into me before I even touched her clothes
8. Meditate on a daily basis- Helps with clearing my head/AA/lots of other things.
9. Do self-hypnosis every day- Similar to #8. t
10. Learn how to consistently create habits- This would help with resolving a lot of these sticking points.
11. Get over PA- I've had several instances of severe PA.
12. Learn how to be a good lover- I haven't had any consistant sex partners (I only saw that girl I was FWB with once a week And the whole relationship was about a month long). So I feel like I'm still pretty bad at it.
13. Find and seduce a relationship quality girl- I've never been in a committed relationship before. I'm looking to finally find one. I feel like it would be a very beneficial experience for me to have.
14. Getting second dates- I've never had a second date. Still always have sex on the first, or she disappears forever.
15. Continue to have Standards, regardless of how hot she is- If a girl is truly a "10/10" in terms of looks, I sometimes still lose my composure and throw out any form of qualifying her out the window. I distinctly remember telling a girl who had NOTHING going for her...she had no ambitions, no real job, no hobbies (other than partying), no personality NOT TO BRING FRIENDS when I went on a date with her. Despite that, she brought a group of like, 15 people. Even so, I continued to chase her for a good week or two. I hope to avoid making this mistake again.
16. Learn how to network/make friends/do social circle game.
The last thing I want to mention is that I similar to #15, girls with strong fundamentals (i.e. ones who are "sexy") and are able to create investment in me (via negative or positive emotions...doesn't matter) often stand out in my mind just as much as any relationship quality girl. Its sad really. For some reason, just cause she has nice make up, knows how to hide her undesirable features, she manages to cause me to ruminate about her a lot. Even if she has nothing to offer me other than her "fake looks". I'd really like to get rid of this quality too.
Background:
High School: Throughout High school, I suffered through clinical depression/anxiety. I had super low self-esteem. I was seeing therapists, doctors, taking drugs/medication etc. In terms of picking up women...well, that seemed like some sort of dream. I had no idea what to do/how to do it. I had so little confidence in my abilities with women, that I barley even tried. I felt like it was pointless because there's no possible way that I would ever get anywhere. Additionally, I has ridiculously high standards. Throughout my entire High School Career, there were only two girls....that's right, TWO which I would have been with (both of which were into me...and I knew it. lol). I always grouped the rest as being dumb/retarded, sluts, nerds, ugly and so fourth. To this day, I'm not sure if I actually believed that, or if it was just a form of auto-rejection.
To make matters worse, I bought in the notion of "the one" and "soulmates" and so fourth. And I actually believed one of those two girls was her. I had already decided I would do whatever it takes to become her BF and maybe even marry her (all while knowing very little about her!). Obviously, with my crippling depression and anxiety issues, this never actually happened. This only added to my depression and sense of worthlessness. There were times when I seriously considered suicide.
Ironically enough, despite all this, a lot of desirable girls had crushes on me. ...Including this "dream girl" of mine. In fact, I heard her say it out of her own mouth (I overheard it accidently). Like, I 100% knew for sure that she was into me. All I had to do was talk to her (In a social circle setting!), and it would have been pretty easy from there. And even when I DIDN'T do that, her friend decided to help me out. Her friend found me, took me by the arm, and dragged me to her at one of our homecoming dances. And I bowed out of the interaction because I felt waay too anxious.
To illustrate just how low my self-esttem was, here's another story: I distinctly remember a pretty popular girl (who is now in one of the top sororities in the US), asking me out. For some reason, I felt that this was some sort of prank. So I said no. Thinking back, I honestly probably crushed her. She stepped out of her role of being "the popular girl" in front of her friends, and I shot her down....lol. There were also 6 or 7 girls that I now know had serious crushes on me. And I'm sure there were many more who I didn't even notice. ...I just didn't see it/refused to believe it at the time.
As a side note: I'm not sure why girls in HS liked me at all. I was a seriously fucked up kid. Maybe its because I was VERY fit. And I'm naturally good looking anyways? And I played Football and Wrestled. ...I can't really think of any other reasons. lol
Community College: My final year of High school and the year after (and I'll group in the year after because not much changed since then), was spent in community college. At this point, the change in lifestyle finally more or less cured me of my depression (I was still very low confidence/self-esteem...just not as bad). Also, I ran into my first PUA material ever...David DeAngelo. His stuff opened my eyes. I remember after reading his book, this was literally the CHANGED THE WAY I SAW LIFE, THE WORLD AND THE WAY I THOUGHT. ...Don't get me wrong, it would still be years till I got a first date. But at least I felt like on a hypothetical level, I finally understood something about what was going on.
I tried his stuff a few times. I actually managed to get the phone number of a 24 yr old from my Philosophy class. But as soon as she found out that I'm 19, she lost interest. :/ I also made my first online dating account. Unfortunetely, I couldn't really find any dates at the time. My pictures which I thought were "good" or "decent" actually pretty much sucked in the grand scheme of things. Additionally, I did a few clumsy approaches around my campus and talked to a few girls in my class. But I never really pulled the trigger. So I remained dateless.
The summer of 2014, I started talking to a girl online. She was really hot, and she had somethings about her which I liked. But in hindsight, she was nothing spectacular. But at the time, I didn't see that. I started investing in her A LOT. I spent 30-60 mins a day writing to her for about a month (I was in Bulgaria, so I couldn't actually see her in person). We eventually even made plans to see each other IRL. But for whatever reason, she flaked on me when I got home. I started chasing her HARD. She didn't reply to my texts. My depression started coming back, I couldn't think about anything except her. ...That's right, I was depressed over a girl I talked to online who I hadnt even met.
Four year college/Yearly Reflection: This is where I'll start my reflection because I moved to my first four year college and started reading GC at about the same time.
In the Fall of 2014, I moved away from my parents for the first time. I went to my first four year college. I was also still very depressed over this girl I talked to online. This is when I read my first GC article ever...the one about getting over "that one special girl". When Chase explained how he was Chasing a girl for eight years, this immediately led me to question wtf I was doing. Cause if I didn't stop, I honestly could end up doing the same thing. Anyways, throughout this first year...I had a lot of firsts:
My first kiss, first time I had sex, my first date (all of which happened on the same night).
My first FWB relationship
My first party ("rager"),
my 21st birthday,
first time living away from my parents,
my first time getting punched in the face,
first time making a group of friends outside the four or five people I hung out with since I was five.
I met my first true "relationship quality" girl. Sadly...it was my second first date ever, so I was VERY unprepared. She's actually the only girl who I still think about/would continue investing in her if I thought there was a chance of us getting together.
Additionally, I've finally become intermediate/advanced at Online game. I redid my Tinder profile, learned how to be humorous online in a way which is attractive. I've gone on 35-50 dates since then.
My confidence around women has also increase exponentially. I'm now doing stuff with women which I couldn't have even comprehended the mechanics/theory of a year ago.
Such as: Directly insulting them and causing a spike in attraction.
Telling them (without being apologetic) what to do (i.e. compliance demands)
Attemping to Escalate in Public
Not giving a shit whether or not any specific girls want to see me ever again
Creating attraction in girls who I'd consider 10/10s.
Going on a date with a girl who has a BF.
Approaching groups of women at bars/clubs
Making out with girls within a minute of meeting them (although I must admit, alcohol has played a role in this).
Needless to say, I feel that I've made great progress with my life. I owe much of this to GC writers and everyone who's posted/helped me get better.
Having said that, I still have quite a few sticking points/goals:
1. Consistently going out to do Day game- Not sure how realistic that is for me. I'm going back to school in less than a month. And there are no Day game Spots at my school other than the campus itself. Which is relatively small.
2. Consistently going out to do Night game- I do Night Game, but only when I'm out with friends. Its difficult for me to go out specifically to meet women. I've posted threads on this one and #1. Still implementing the feedback. Hoping to get results soon.
3. Completely getting over Approach Anxiety (I've made progress, but I still have enough of it that it messes with my interactions)
4. Coming up with a solid date process (my logistics are still usually pretty bad).
5. Recognizing Escalation Windows- I'm really not sure what they look like and how to act on them.
6. Related to #5- When/how to pull. I still sometimes chicken out. Other times, they'll just say no.
7. Overcoming/preventing LMR. So far, I've only had sex with girls who were completely bought into me before I even touched her clothes
8. Meditate on a daily basis- Helps with clearing my head/AA/lots of other things.
9. Do self-hypnosis every day- Similar to #8. t
10. Learn how to consistently create habits- This would help with resolving a lot of these sticking points.
11. Get over PA- I've had several instances of severe PA.
12. Learn how to be a good lover- I haven't had any consistant sex partners (I only saw that girl I was FWB with once a week And the whole relationship was about a month long). So I feel like I'm still pretty bad at it.
13. Find and seduce a relationship quality girl- I've never been in a committed relationship before. I'm looking to finally find one. I feel like it would be a very beneficial experience for me to have.
14. Getting second dates- I've never had a second date. Still always have sex on the first, or she disappears forever.
15. Continue to have Standards, regardless of how hot she is- If a girl is truly a "10/10" in terms of looks, I sometimes still lose my composure and throw out any form of qualifying her out the window. I distinctly remember telling a girl who had NOTHING going for her...she had no ambitions, no real job, no hobbies (other than partying), no personality NOT TO BRING FRIENDS when I went on a date with her. Despite that, she brought a group of like, 15 people. Even so, I continued to chase her for a good week or two. I hope to avoid making this mistake again.
16. Learn how to network/make friends/do social circle game.
The last thing I want to mention is that I similar to #15, girls with strong fundamentals (i.e. ones who are "sexy") and are able to create investment in me (via negative or positive emotions...doesn't matter) often stand out in my mind just as much as any relationship quality girl. Its sad really. For some reason, just cause she has nice make up, knows how to hide her undesirable features, she manages to cause me to ruminate about her a lot. Even if she has nothing to offer me other than her "fake looks". I'd really like to get rid of this quality too.
