Break Ups My breakup - the full story

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
637
Don't listen to that guy

The whole Beta & Alpha thing gets taken out of context a lot.

Especially in your situation, showing hints of vulnerability and that you actually care can make the girl feel more comfortable investing into you. Extra important if the girl feels like you are out of her league or may be struggling with self esteem issues within your relationship

When a weak chump is vulnerable it makes the woman feel disgusted. But when a stud is vulnerable it makes the woman feel like maybe she has a chance at winning his heart

It's all about calibration and each situation is different
Yeah I knew a lot of what he said was BS
 

bikerdaddy

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
3
I am not BS-ing and I thought what I said made absolute sense without me explaining it too much. But I think people don't get it.

So here it goes.

I texted my girlfriend after it happened to tell her what happened. She told me she didn’t like it (in a jokey way) and that I should start wearing the *funny unattractive piece of clothing we’d discussed before” more often.

First lesson. This is wrong. You shouldn't have texted her.

"Oh, she is my girlfriend. She should know details about my life". NO!

Don't talk to your girlfriend about other girls again. Most girls cant stomach it and for you to mention it, it's even worse. If they find out from elsewhere, lie or joke about it like the following scenario:

Scenario:

Girl: You were hanging out with those girls, weren't you?
You: Ofcourse, i love them. [Pause for a second]. Just kidding

A few rounds of this and she'll let go!

This did not go down as I expected. She did not see it like I did. She felt like it was a betrayal, that I was essentially going on a date. I said that wasn’t true at all as there were two of them. She didn’t agree. This argument went on for hours. I didn’t back down. She didn’t back down. I was even surprised at myself how strongly I felt about wanting to meet them. I guess I knew what it was like to approach someone and have them not give you anything and how demoralizing that was. I wanted to meet them because I genuinely wanted to encourage them to keep doing it (especially as no women do this ever).

Women do not understand logic.

"I wanted to meet them because i genuinely wanted to encourage them...yada yada"

Good luck explaining that to a woman. You do not argue with women. Period! And yours went on for hours.
She told me that she didn't feel comfortable around me, that the reason she didn't want to meet friends is that she didn't feel I was her rock she could come back to if it got overwhelming.

Exactly. This is her telling you that you became beta!

The distance wasn't the issue. But when the girls thing came up, which shouldn't have come up if you didn't mention it in the first place, but then you did and she shit-tested you hard, you fell into her frame by arguing about it.

Instead you should've joked about it.

E.g.
"Oh yeah i loved those girls. I am kidding"
"Of course I'll go hang out with them. I am kidding"
etc etc

A few rounds of this and she would've melted. And you wouldn't have had the need to rub it in her face that i am going to meet those girls. And you could've gone and everything would've been smooth!

Edit: More on the argument/shit-test thing. She wanted to know where she stood with you, so she brought up the whole argument. And you fell for it by keeping your side and ofcourse she kept her side. The weak pussy way out would have been: "I wont see those girls". And the other problematic way would've been to reason with her, which you did. Women want the alpha with fractional beta traits (i.e. security). So if you joked about it like I wrote above, saying that you'll see those girls but add that you're just kidding and messing around with her, she would've gotten the picture. She wants the alpha but also wants security. But you stood your ground like that and she saw nothing going forward with you and so she turned cold. Hope this further explains the problem.
 
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