- Joined
- Apr 20, 2024
- Messages
- 188
Just wanted to write in here about a dilemma I feel I've been facing for some time, to see if any others share these thoughts.
The truth is I've always held up an idealistic view of settling down with the right woman and having kids and a happy family. It is something I didn't have growing up, so it's something I've always aspired to. I offer this as a context and evidence that I don't necessarily see myself as a player for life, or someone addicted to the game.
My dilemma is that despite this view - I always seem to back away at the first sign of commitment or serious interest from a woman. What has inspired me to write this post is a recent interaction which has been replicated in near identical fashion many times over the last few years.
I met a girl recently. This one from a dating app, which i downloaded because I've had zero time to DG for like 2 months. Went on a date with this girl - absolutely loved it. Had the best time. We drank, danced, kissed etc. No first night lay, which I was secretly pleased about because I thought she had potential and I didn't want to ruin it by putting her in the ONS category.
Second date - equally as good. Drinks again. No lay because I had to be up at 5.30am the next day and cut the date short.
The next day - she comes over to mine. Stays over, we slept together multiple times. She stays over, and clearly signals how much she is into me.
Almost like clockwork - my interest levels completely disappear. I'm not doing this deliberately, but suddenly I have no interest in texting her. My desire to sleep with her has disappeared. And I went from ignoring other girls texts for 10 days to restarting conversations and thinking about lining up other dates.
And the crazy thing is, on paper this girl has it all. She is funny, educated, smart, hot. Really likes me. A lot going for her. But something is just not there for me.
The thing is, if I was 25 I would just think "who cares, I'm enjoying myself and playing the field". But I'm getting into my late 30s and I do genuinely think I want to settle down at some point. But every part of my physiology tells me not to with this girl.
And this is very much a pattern. I would say of the last 50 women I've slept with, I've only slept with maybe 10 of them more than once. And maybe 5 more than 3 times. I just instantly seem to lose all interest after the chase is done.
Like right now, I have an unopened message on my phone from this girl saying "i've noticed a shift in your comms ..." and this is so typical. I seem to end up in this same pattern time after time.
I'd be keen to hear from others if they have experienced similar dilemmas / thoughts.
In terms of a solution - I honestly think my only option is to keep gaming and pushing the boundaries of how good a women I can get (and how good a man I can become) until I find someone where I have no mixed feelings about.
I spoke with my friend, who I'm very close with, about it. And he said something he had said to me before. He said that based on his reading of me, I'll never be happy until I feel like I have someone out of my league. So I need to accept that and just keep going until i achieve that.
The truth is I've always held up an idealistic view of settling down with the right woman and having kids and a happy family. It is something I didn't have growing up, so it's something I've always aspired to. I offer this as a context and evidence that I don't necessarily see myself as a player for life, or someone addicted to the game.
My dilemma is that despite this view - I always seem to back away at the first sign of commitment or serious interest from a woman. What has inspired me to write this post is a recent interaction which has been replicated in near identical fashion many times over the last few years.
I met a girl recently. This one from a dating app, which i downloaded because I've had zero time to DG for like 2 months. Went on a date with this girl - absolutely loved it. Had the best time. We drank, danced, kissed etc. No first night lay, which I was secretly pleased about because I thought she had potential and I didn't want to ruin it by putting her in the ONS category.
Second date - equally as good. Drinks again. No lay because I had to be up at 5.30am the next day and cut the date short.
The next day - she comes over to mine. Stays over, we slept together multiple times. She stays over, and clearly signals how much she is into me.
Almost like clockwork - my interest levels completely disappear. I'm not doing this deliberately, but suddenly I have no interest in texting her. My desire to sleep with her has disappeared. And I went from ignoring other girls texts for 10 days to restarting conversations and thinking about lining up other dates.
And the crazy thing is, on paper this girl has it all. She is funny, educated, smart, hot. Really likes me. A lot going for her. But something is just not there for me.
The thing is, if I was 25 I would just think "who cares, I'm enjoying myself and playing the field". But I'm getting into my late 30s and I do genuinely think I want to settle down at some point. But every part of my physiology tells me not to with this girl.
And this is very much a pattern. I would say of the last 50 women I've slept with, I've only slept with maybe 10 of them more than once. And maybe 5 more than 3 times. I just instantly seem to lose all interest after the chase is done.
Like right now, I have an unopened message on my phone from this girl saying "i've noticed a shift in your comms ..." and this is so typical. I seem to end up in this same pattern time after time.
I'd be keen to hear from others if they have experienced similar dilemmas / thoughts.
In terms of a solution - I honestly think my only option is to keep gaming and pushing the boundaries of how good a women I can get (and how good a man I can become) until I find someone where I have no mixed feelings about.
I spoke with my friend, who I'm very close with, about it. And he said something he had said to me before. He said that based on his reading of me, I'll never be happy until I feel like I have someone out of my league. So I need to accept that and just keep going until i achieve that.
