- Joined
- Feb 7, 2016
- Messages
- 4
Hello, Gents!
Quick Background:
I'm 39, about 2.5 years removed from a 12-year LTR. Since being single again and moving back to my hometown, I've spent most of my energy and focus on resetting my life - finding decent paying work, saving money, getting my own place, dependable transport, etc. During this time I managed to land a couple FB's, nothing overly exciting, but enough to satisfy the urge. However, also during this 2.5-year time period, I did happen to attract a couple fine ladies who showed undeniable interest in me. The problem is I didn't close either one of them and it left me highly frustrated.
The latest failure happened fairly recently. There's no doubt in my mind she wanted to have sex, but it just never happened. I couldn't understand why. She said she was attracted, but didn't feel the spark. It made no sense, because she requested nudes, verbally expressed interest in being FB's. In the past, I would have closed, without much effort even, so I was left dumbfounded and disappointed.
I decided enough was enough and began reading up on PUA, how to attract women, etc. It was a big eye-opener for me. As I read about the fundamentals and structure of seduction, I began retro-analyzing my experience with women, found gaping flaws in my game, more firmly grasped the dynamics at play in previous conquests, and, ultimately, deduce my qualities and deficiencies as a man.
For starters, being raised with my sister by my single mother all of my childhood instilled advantages and disadvantages.
Having been surrounded so dominantly by females all those years made it easy for me to talk to woman and appeal to their emotional side. Not all women are the same, some are quite looney, but in general, normal well-balanced women have no problem opening up to me. The lack of a leading male as a child, though, led to deficiency in alpha male traits, and me being fairly passive regarding seduction. I've never really felt the need to be aggressive with women, or understood how to be. Another way to see it is I never really put much though into the differences in male and female roles regarding courtship. I just figured if the spark is there, it's there, without believing I, as a male, had any particular role to play or power to utilize. I'm sorry to go all psycho-analytical like this, but I believe it drives to the core at what I need to improve in my game.
Looking back, I can see now and honestly accept that many of the women I landed in my life were of low value. I just never really looked at it that way. Yes, I was attracted to them, but it seemed more like settling than hopping into a new adventure. My life up until now has seriously lacked that thrilling joy ride, which is one of the reasons I ended my LTR to begin with.
After reading up on PUA material, I can better understand the experience I had with this most recent pickup failure with an HB8.
There were IOI's - I noticed them and acted, but didn't think in literal terms of IOI, just that she was interested.
There were shit tests - This one makes me laugh, because at the time I was thinking "what the hell is happening right now?" haha. I think I handled it well, because she began to chase a little harder afterward.
There was a bitch shield - Again, same thing. "What is happening?" The closer I seemed got to closing, the stronger her bitch shield became.
She flaked - This is where I began to lose my power (or 'frame', now that I know). In person she said I could call at any time, but she'd never answer the phone. She said she wanted to go out with me, but never followed through on any of my offers. I couldn't understand it and doubled my effort, when in retrospect I should have taken a step back. I began to worry I was losing her. Mistake!
I can't help but wonder what might have happened had I gained this knowledge sooner. Overall, I'm comfortable knowing I'm attractive enough to get attention and go for an open. My main weakness is in stimulating and maintaining arousal. I'm not so sure where things would have actually went with this girl. Red flags were firing off that she might just be enjoying my attention, but I'm pretty sure I could have f-closed her.
I'm sharing this post in appreciation for this site, those who contribute to it, and the wealth of knowledge stored here. Thank you. Personally, I decided 2.5 years ago that I wasn't going to begin actively dating until I felt I was ready, and I still think I'm not quite there. I'm still working on myself, figuring out what path I'm going to take, one that hopefully makes me feel complete. What I described above just kind of happened. In the meantime I'll keep reading, and maybe when the time comes, offer my experiences and analysis on my conquests and failures.
Thanks, again!
D
Quick Background:
I'm 39, about 2.5 years removed from a 12-year LTR. Since being single again and moving back to my hometown, I've spent most of my energy and focus on resetting my life - finding decent paying work, saving money, getting my own place, dependable transport, etc. During this time I managed to land a couple FB's, nothing overly exciting, but enough to satisfy the urge. However, also during this 2.5-year time period, I did happen to attract a couple fine ladies who showed undeniable interest in me. The problem is I didn't close either one of them and it left me highly frustrated.
The latest failure happened fairly recently. There's no doubt in my mind she wanted to have sex, but it just never happened. I couldn't understand why. She said she was attracted, but didn't feel the spark. It made no sense, because she requested nudes, verbally expressed interest in being FB's. In the past, I would have closed, without much effort even, so I was left dumbfounded and disappointed.
I decided enough was enough and began reading up on PUA, how to attract women, etc. It was a big eye-opener for me. As I read about the fundamentals and structure of seduction, I began retro-analyzing my experience with women, found gaping flaws in my game, more firmly grasped the dynamics at play in previous conquests, and, ultimately, deduce my qualities and deficiencies as a man.
For starters, being raised with my sister by my single mother all of my childhood instilled advantages and disadvantages.
Having been surrounded so dominantly by females all those years made it easy for me to talk to woman and appeal to their emotional side. Not all women are the same, some are quite looney, but in general, normal well-balanced women have no problem opening up to me. The lack of a leading male as a child, though, led to deficiency in alpha male traits, and me being fairly passive regarding seduction. I've never really felt the need to be aggressive with women, or understood how to be. Another way to see it is I never really put much though into the differences in male and female roles regarding courtship. I just figured if the spark is there, it's there, without believing I, as a male, had any particular role to play or power to utilize. I'm sorry to go all psycho-analytical like this, but I believe it drives to the core at what I need to improve in my game.
Looking back, I can see now and honestly accept that many of the women I landed in my life were of low value. I just never really looked at it that way. Yes, I was attracted to them, but it seemed more like settling than hopping into a new adventure. My life up until now has seriously lacked that thrilling joy ride, which is one of the reasons I ended my LTR to begin with.
After reading up on PUA material, I can better understand the experience I had with this most recent pickup failure with an HB8.
There were IOI's - I noticed them and acted, but didn't think in literal terms of IOI, just that she was interested.
There were shit tests - This one makes me laugh, because at the time I was thinking "what the hell is happening right now?" haha. I think I handled it well, because she began to chase a little harder afterward.
There was a bitch shield - Again, same thing. "What is happening?" The closer I seemed got to closing, the stronger her bitch shield became.
She flaked - This is where I began to lose my power (or 'frame', now that I know). In person she said I could call at any time, but she'd never answer the phone. She said she wanted to go out with me, but never followed through on any of my offers. I couldn't understand it and doubled my effort, when in retrospect I should have taken a step back. I began to worry I was losing her. Mistake!
I can't help but wonder what might have happened had I gained this knowledge sooner. Overall, I'm comfortable knowing I'm attractive enough to get attention and go for an open. My main weakness is in stimulating and maintaining arousal. I'm not so sure where things would have actually went with this girl. Red flags were firing off that she might just be enjoying my attention, but I'm pretty sure I could have f-closed her.
I'm sharing this post in appreciation for this site, those who contribute to it, and the wealth of knowledge stored here. Thank you. Personally, I decided 2.5 years ago that I wasn't going to begin actively dating until I felt I was ready, and I still think I'm not quite there. I'm still working on myself, figuring out what path I'm going to take, one that hopefully makes me feel complete. What I described above just kind of happened. In the meantime I'll keep reading, and maybe when the time comes, offer my experiences and analysis on my conquests and failures.
Thanks, again!
D
