My first post here, ending a relationship with a 9.5

[Congruence]

I'm a lurker, and decided to change this with this post.

What brought me to this site was the numerous issues in my current relationship which I was unaware of how to deal with. Usually I date and have relationships that last about a year with 7's, they are super happy to be with me, communication is easy, making decisions is easy, I have control more or less. I got lucky and slept with a 9.5 and a relationship began to form, with many nights filled with passionate sex, fucking, and love making, as well as conversations about life and discussion on various topics until sunrise. I found what I really liked in a girl; a conversationalist with a beautiful body, a head turner that I can stay up all night taking to.

Within a few months it hit me how high of a caliber girl I am dating. I never saw her as a 9.5 because I don't put girls on a pedestal, however this girl has desperate men, super rich men, attractive men, and "friends" willing to take her out and pay for her dinner. I can even spot strangers on numerous occasions snapping a picture of her when she's not looking at the subway or at the gym. I began to wonder what she is doing with me; is it because I'm the only guy to give her freedom and I never show jealous and I don't chase? Perhaps. Or is because I made her feel comfortable enough to explore her sexual side, her coming from a conservative sexual lifestyle to me introducing various exhilarating sexual activities which she all loved.

Long story short, issues arise in her behavior, while I remain the same type of calm guy I always was. I present to her the team concept of a relationship, that we can be epitome of a perfect relationship, we can work together, we can discuss and not fight. However when I want to communicate things to improve the relationship and address some issues, she pulls away, not a team play.

A few months later I'm on google and I come across this site and start reading. A lot of stuff I knew, and lots of stuff I didn't know but started to completely agree with, and then finally I came across a post which is 100% similar to my situation, something that I never experienced before with a girl:

The problem I've faced is that I've ended up liking certain girls a great deal, but they have turned out to be selfish, cold, domineering, and narcissistic. But they were not that way in the beginning! They were quite charming and submissive and appealing to my emotions...which is why I selected them in the first place.

But unfortunately I've consistently suffered from the 1-year drop. Their charm fades, they become comfortable, and and then the real selfish, arrogant, dramatic, neurotic sides come out. I'm pretty much the same guy all the time...until faced with disrespect. In the beginning they were much more influenced by my words and my power and complied with what I wanted. But after the 1-year drop, they become more dominant, more readily resistant to my power, and instead do whatever they wanted, whenever, without any regard to my emotions. Hence arguments. I've tried everything, and no amount of logic or trying to frame things as "we're a team" works or changes the situation. They just don't care and instead they try to justify their rude behavior instead of showing empathy toward me and understanding why their rude behavior makes me mad and why I cannot tolerate it. They want to get their way, and they could give a fuck less about what they say or do to try and get under my skin. Being calm and ignoring doesn't help because I'm left wondering how this woman could have the audacity to act this way, to me of all people?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/respect-relationship-where-it-comes-where-it-goes

At first I blamed her, girls are just crazy, or she is just emotional and not logical, but I've been getting hit with the biggest test and I've been failing it multiple times: respect. In her own little way, she must have loved me so much to be giving me such a hard time. I am finally able to realize its me, not her. Now I'm on a huge journey for self development.

If there's interest, I can continue....

 

[Poli]

I find this interesting. If you want you can continue.

 

[Congruence]

Hey Poli, glad someone took interest as I'm not a good writer. I took a quick look at one of your posts, looks like you've been around models. Although the girl mentioned is not a model, she been proposition a number of times for this career. I know models are some of the most insecure people, a little blemish makes them not want to leave the house. Get this, 1.5 hour makeup and hair routine before we go to the gym together, lol.

After reading https://www.girlschase.com/content/datin ... ical-women as well as the comments, I have begun to evaluate narcissistic qualities in her (and I won't be surprised if I recall her admitting the N word herself). Now that I think about it, I don't mind a bit of N, as Chase said, these girls will push you to grow, and keep you on the tip of your toes, however I do need this to be balanced with empathy, which is on the opposite spectrum. I don't feel us as a team, and I don't feel her "bonding with me" like an emphatic person such as myself would bond with her.

Lets look at some of the things discussed in the article that apply

So, someone who's narcissistic will look for romantic partners who are:
1.Very positive (uplifting) people
2. Very self-oriented people (who offer less emotional intimacy)
3. Not very caring people (who offer more emotional intimacy)

I'm 1 and 2, I'm not sure what 3 means exactly, I do care a lot about others but this is balanced with caring about my own self worth, needs and wants.

instead of taking care of you when you're sick, they start hammering you and testing you hard, because they see it as a sign of weakness

I was sick and experienced this myself with her, and made me think ...(unaware about the above quote and article), if I had a child with her is this how horrible of a mother she will be, or does it only apply to her lover?

How do I differentiate between losing respect to a girl and a girl's narcissism coming out later in the relationship? Can a narcissist girl ever respect her partner or only themselves?
I have done tons of reading on sociopaths and experience with one in real life, and would never want one in a relationship as they have no conscious at all and can be 100% full of lies, but this is my first time experience with a female N.

A couple other quotes from comments that apply 100%:

she exhibited the following:
-Incredibly sexy/attractive and knew it
-Loved to be the center of attention - had fake breasts and liked flaunting them
-Cold and aloof at times
-Did things on her own time
-Not much reciprocation for things I did for her
-Very few girlfriends and had a lot of guy "orbiters" around her at all times

The sex is hot, she has a number of guys orbiting her/ asking her out at any one time and does her own thing and never thinks it's rude that you aren't included i.e. Does NOT feel that she has to explain this behaviour to you or anyone else
- They will rarely, if ever, let themselves be held accountable for their actions or acknowledge a failing. This is closely aligned with, they will never answer your questions directly. Questions are met with silence and disdain or are casually deflected.

After another instance of passive behavior from her (I've read articles here on passive behavior and my inquisition to her behavior is met with silence or being ignored), I have decided to next her. Not sure if this was the appropriate action to take, but what's done is done. I figure this will create some direction. Following day, it was our 1 year anniversary and a touching picture was sent from her to me over phone, which I read and didn't reply. I was expect a "What's wrong" or a follow up message "is everything okay", but it also doesn't surprise me that now over two weeks in not another peep from her.

So is this now a game of chicken, who will break the silence first? Who will chase who? Before I nexted her I created some rules for myself:
1) Up to 45 days of next
2) I am comfortable with not having her in my life, and won't regret this decision, and will not chase her

Funny that 2-3 days into the next and not having have heard from her, I started reading all those how to get your GF back articles, but now that I'm back to social life, gym, pickup, I'm more and more confident with the decisions and not outcome dependent.

I like to analysis all because I see it as a learning experience. I am 10x times stronger now then one year ago. Although its highly unlikely for me to date a a girl as aesthetically pleasing and sexy as her in the near future, it provides great motivation to reaching that point where I create abundance of them in my life.

I also would not mind having her in my life as long as I am self aware of my own emotions and the limit of this relationship. I have seen some positive changes in her (her apologizing twice compared to zero), but there is still way to many communication issues as she is non rational, that prevent a future with her.

 

[Poli]

Hey Poli, glad someone took interest as I'm not a good writer. I took a quick look at one of your posts, looks like you've been around models. Although the girl mentioned is not a model, she been proposition a number of times for this career. I know models are some of the most insecure people, a little blemish makes them not want to leave the house. Get this, 1.5 hour makeup and hair routine before we go to the gym together, lol.

After reading https://www.girlschase.com/content/datin ... ical-women as well as the comments, I have begun to evaluate narcissistic qualities in her (and I won't be surprised if I recall her admitting the N word herself). Now that I think about it, I don't mind a bit of N, as Chase said, these girls will push you to grow, and keep you on the tip of your toes, however I do need this to be balanced with empathy, which is on the opposite spectrum. I don't feel us as a team, and I don't feel her "bonding with me" like an emphatic person such as myself would bond with her.

Lets look at some of the things discussed in the article that apply

So, someone who's narcissistic will look for romantic partners who are:
1.Very positive (uplifting) people
2. Very self-oriented people (who offer less emotional intimacy)
3. Not very caring people (who offer more emotional intimacy)

I'm 1 and 2, I'm not sure what 3 means exactly, I do care a lot about others but this is balanced with caring about my own self worth, needs and wants.

instead of taking care of you when you're sick, they start hammering you and testing you hard, because they see it as a sign of weakness

I was sick and experienced this myself with her, and made me think ...(unaware about the above quote and article), if I had a child with her is this how horrible of a mother she will be, or does it only apply to her lover?

How do I differentiate between losing respect to a girl and a girl's narcissism coming out later in the relationship? Can a narcissist girl ever respect her partner or only themselves?
I have done tons of reading on sociopaths and experience with one in real life, and would never want one in a relationship as they have no conscious at all and can be 100% full of lies, but this is my first time experience with a female N.

A couple other quotes from comments that apply 100%:

she exhibited the following:
-Incredibly sexy/attractive and knew it
-Loved to be the center of attention - had fake breasts and liked flaunting them
-Cold and aloof at times
-Did things on her own time
-Not much reciprocation for things I did for her
-Very few girlfriends and had a lot of guy "orbiters" around her at all times

The sex is hot, she has a number of guys orbiting her/ asking her out at any one time and does her own thing and never thinks it's rude that you aren't included i.e. Does NOT feel that she has to explain this behaviour to you or anyone else
- They will rarely, if ever, let themselves be held accountable for their actions or acknowledge a failing. This is closely aligned with, they will never answer your questions directly. Questions are met with silence and disdain or are casually deflected.

After another instance of passive behavior from her (I've read articles here on passive behavior and my inquisition to her behavior is met with silence or being ignored), I have decided to next her. Not sure if this was the appropriate action to take, but what's done is done. I figure this will create some direction. Following day, it was our 1 year anniversary and a touching picture was sent from her to me over phone, which I read and didn't reply. I was expect a "What's wrong" or a follow up message "is everything okay", but it also doesn't surprise me that now over two weeks in not another peep from her.

So is this now a game of chicken, who will break the silence first? Who will chase who? Before I nexted her I created some rules for myself:
1) Up to 45 days of next
2) I am comfortable with not having her in my life, and won't regret this decision, and will not chase her

Funny that 2-3 days into the next and not having have heard from her, I started reading all those how to get your GF back articles, but now that I'm back to social life, gym, pickup, I'm more and more confident with the decisions and not outcome dependent.

I like to analysis all because I see it as a learning experience. I am 10x times stronger now then one year ago. Although its highly unlikely for me to date a a girl as aesthetically pleasing and sexy as her in the near future, it provides great motivation to reaching that point where I create abundance of them in my life.

I also would not mind having her in my life as long as I am self aware of my own emotions and the limit of this relationship. I have seen some positive changes in her (her apologizing twice compared to zero), but there is still way to many communication issues as she is non rational, that prevent a future with her.

Hey Congruence, Apologies for not responding sooner Ive been busy lately. I just wrote a pretty detailed response but unfortunately it got deleted as I was about to hit "post" so I will give a quick response now and let me know if you really want a bit more of a response.

I want to be upfront in that yes I have had several opportunities with models and model quality however my fundamentals still struggle just enough for me to collapses as I fight these slightly different beasts. To keep it simple I classify them as the women PUAs, they will dominate you with their game and fundamentals if you allow them. I think you made a solid decision bro by nexting, Yea she may be a high quality women but remember that no women is worth your well being physically and mentally, force yourself to move on if you have to by taking on new adventures. I've just recently stared an online thats looking very solid growth wise even in less than a month of being active to focus on other things than these type of women I've encountered.

 

[Lotus]

Congruence,

I just wanted to chime in and say you did the right thing nesting her, which you seem to be aware of. That's good. From your posts I can see you value more the physical beauty in a relationship. That girl wont ever be that. Continue on doing you. You seem to be open to getting back with her because you felt lucky to have a girl of her "quality". I'd advise against it. You nexted her for a reason, so stick to your guns.

Don't look at yourself as luck to get a girl like her. Think of it as a learning experience to get girls better then her with the physical and emotional attributes you want. They are out there I assure you

Especially if you stick around here

-Lotus

 

[Congruence]

I am aware that there is no future with her, but until I reach absolute abundance, I won't mind having her in my life for sex and companionship. Therefore I plan an one point to shoot her a message. Right now I'm three weeks into the 45 days next but perhaps will extend it longer as I'm just happy with my current situation at the moment and approaching new girls.

Is there such thing as a too long of a next, or the longer the better as it creates more mystery? If i decide to initiate contact should I just pretend like nothing happened? Example: Let's say I next her for 2-3 years, will a "Hey, how's your day" give her an emotional spike after a long time of not communication?

Or say I next her for just a couple months (reduce chances of her starting a new relationship with someone else), perhaps addressing the situation of not talking will bring some comfort and then continue on like its not a big deal. "Hey, quite some time since we last spoke, hope life's been treating you excellent... let me know what's new with you! (Taken from "DO be nonchalant" https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... -text-back)