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- Oct 9, 2012
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I just replied to @hater58's post about a girl who ignored him on approach, whose friend liked him, and later found him and told him to re-approach the girl who'd ignored him, claiming she was shy and liked him. However, the re-approach went as well as the first (i.e., she ignored him).
He says:
My comment:
In my experience the friend saying "She likes you, you should go talk to her" doesn't always go great if you just take that at face value and go right in, for three reasons:
For a while when the friend says this, I would ask the friend, "Oh cool. Well what do you think I should say or do to get her opening up? What works with her?" Then usually you get some advice, but it is bad advice (like much of the advice girls will give you!), so you try it, and it still doesn't work.
So what I ultimately shifted to was when I'd get friends coming up doing this "You should talk to my friend, she likes you" thing after I had already talked to the girl and it had gone nowhere was this:
You want to really stress:
In my experience, what will happen a lot of the time is the girl will pop up near you (sometimes on her own; sometimes dragged over by the friend), still acting super reserved, but at that point you at least know she likes you enough to walk across the room and stand there (albeit in her aloof, reserved way), so you just plow forward with her. Do the talking, ask for small bits of compliance, escalate to bigger bits, get her moving around with you.
So long as she's compliant enough to move around, you just treat her like a rag doll that walks, either until she starts to open up on her own, or until you lay the rag doll (and there are some of these girls who have essentially super shy personalities, and every guy thinks she's rejecting them when really she just has no ability to interact with someone she hasn't already known for six months).
This also screens out the girls who aren't actually interested, but whose friends mistakenly assume they are. They just won't come hover near you later.
If you're worried about "Well she's shy, if her friend says she has to approach, what if she won't!" -- either she will, or the friend will drag her over, if she likes you, and if you sold the friend enough on that you do like the girl and will be very warm to her however she needs to approach next, since you did once already and it didn't go anywhere.
What you're doing here is to seduce the friend into doing the work for you, so she will get your girl to come over.
Since your girl is difficult/reserved/closed off in general, it typically works better when someone she trusts gets her to make a move to convey her interest, rather than you having to go back over and try to pull more teeth!
Chase
He says:
My comment:
In my experience the friend saying "She likes you, you should go talk to her" doesn't always go great if you just take that at face value and go right in, for three reasons:
- Sometimes the friend is assuming, but is not actually correct
- Sometimes the girl you're approaching plays extra hard to get because she thinks "Well, Josie told him I like him, so now he REALLY has to win me over!"
- Sometimes the girl you're approaching responds best to certain kinds of transitions in, and you didn't hit the right note the first time, and won't hit it the second time
For a while when the friend says this, I would ask the friend, "Oh cool. Well what do you think I should say or do to get her opening up? What works with her?" Then usually you get some advice, but it is bad advice (like much of the advice girls will give you!), so you try it, and it still doesn't work.
So what I ultimately shifted to was when I'd get friends coming up doing this "You should talk to my friend, she likes you" thing after I had already talked to the girl and it had gone nowhere was this:
"Oh, thank you so much, that is really sweet of you to try to put us together. You know, I really like your friend, she is so cute and she seems like a really nice person. I bet she's a lot of fun once you get past that exterior too. I'd love to talk to her, but you know, I already talked to her once, and it was like talking to a wall. I don't want to go over there and talk to a wall again. What I'd love is if she came over here and was cool. And if she did, I'd be so warm to her and make her feel super welcome. And we'd have a great chat and laugh a lot and have a really good time. But she will have to come over here, because she was the one who was all reserved last time."
You want to really stress:
- How fond you are of the girl (without overdoing it)
- And that you sure she's an awesome person and would like to know her
- Then that she needs to come over to talk to you
- Because last time you made the effort and she didn't give you much back
- And that if she does you will be so warm to her and make sure she has a lot of fun talking to you, but she must make the effort
In my experience, what will happen a lot of the time is the girl will pop up near you (sometimes on her own; sometimes dragged over by the friend), still acting super reserved, but at that point you at least know she likes you enough to walk across the room and stand there (albeit in her aloof, reserved way), so you just plow forward with her. Do the talking, ask for small bits of compliance, escalate to bigger bits, get her moving around with you.
So long as she's compliant enough to move around, you just treat her like a rag doll that walks, either until she starts to open up on her own, or until you lay the rag doll (and there are some of these girls who have essentially super shy personalities, and every guy thinks she's rejecting them when really she just has no ability to interact with someone she hasn't already known for six months).
This also screens out the girls who aren't actually interested, but whose friends mistakenly assume they are. They just won't come hover near you later.
If you're worried about "Well she's shy, if her friend says she has to approach, what if she won't!" -- either she will, or the friend will drag her over, if she likes you, and if you sold the friend enough on that you do like the girl and will be very warm to her however she needs to approach next, since you did once already and it didn't go anywhere.
What you're doing here is to seduce the friend into doing the work for you, so she will get your girl to come over.
Since your girl is difficult/reserved/closed off in general, it typically works better when someone she trusts gets her to make a move to convey her interest, rather than you having to go back over and try to pull more teeth!
Chase
