My Own Reality Check

[Zoro]

Not even sure I can articulate what's going on but I'm all sorts of mixed up lately.
And I am far from putting in the work to improve with women needed to see results.

But I feel I have priorities to work out. I'm broke, living with my parents and lacking a social circle I can relate to.
Also think I'm suffering from seasonal depression from 6 months of winter weather (it snowed here in Buffalo last week. When it's sunny out, I tend to be more able to perform in general. The one sunny-warm day we had, I came alive, met some awesome people and had a milestone moment; cold approached a girl whom I had a date with later in the week).

Im moving to South Florida to escape the harsh winters, enjoy the ocean, be close to family and have a fresh start.
I'm pretty ambitious and want to travel to get more life experiences under my belt. I feel I have spent a long time having people tell the way things are, but I have noticed I often have very different experiences, even doing things people claim are pretty much impossible/unrealistic. So I'll be focusing on raising money for trips and getting off my parents back. I'm expecting traveling and the beautiful weather of my home base, to inspire me and boost my overall passion for life, maybe even get creative juices for career/business projects. I also have a knack for attracting and picking up opportunities (I tend to grab more opportunities when I'm feeling good). There are also a ton more little things that I am excited about.

And my current situation? I'm a fan of walking and exploring and a health nut to put this all into perspective. I dislike driving and I find myself driving far every day to get some decent food, go to school, work, and/or hang out with people. I could eat the food close by not quite up to my standards, (I do this from time to time anyway) but good food is very important to me. Or I could work more to live in the "cool" part of the city close to the food and action. But the cool part is not my cup of tea, it's small, and has way less variety and stuff to do than other cities' "cool" spots. And still there are winters and the lack of ambition or whatever weird vibe it is that I am getting.

So I guess my question is (still figuring out what exactly my issue is, so figuring out the appropriate question is a bit hard), how much am I holding myself back vs how much is my situation holding me back? I'm a pretty emotional guy so living in a city that I actually like is important to me. Right now I'm feeling like a shell of my former self.

I know if I move and am holding onto limiting beliefs, I'll have similar issues wherever I am.

 

[Drck]

I'm broke, living with my parents and lacking a social circle I can relate to. Also think I'm suffering from seasonal depression...


>>>> I would start right there. Fix your life, it is much easier if you are young(er) and full of energy. Getting off your parents back is a big step, and it is a good step.

It seems (based on your text) that you are somewhere in between being a boy and being a man. Being a boy is easy, you have mature people taking care of you, you have (hopefully) safe and loving environment to return to, you have a food on the table ready for you, maybe couple of times per week. You have most of the stuff for free, and if you fall somebody is always there for you, to pick you up, to save you...

You have it all, yet you want to fly away, you want to create your own situations, you own life... And you should.

Being a man is much more difficult though, at least till you get used to it. You are out there, on your own, and many times it is a jungle out there. There is nobody to rely on except yourself. You got to pay your bills or you end up on the street, which means you got to have some income. You got to think twice, three times about everything because every mistake will cost you money and time. Many times it is not what you want, it is what you can afford. Many times it is not about what kind of job you should have or deserve - you have to grab what is available, you have to compete, you have to use your best skills just to have fair chance... You also have to be responsible for yourself - unless you want to be a real bum, LOL

Being on your own is much better though, you do what you want, you do it your way and nobody tells you otherwise. There is just something about the energy of being your own man. You just stop following all the shoulds and musts that other people impose on you, especially your own family, and you do it your way.

Do it, create your own situation, create your own life... Good Luck

 

[Zoro]

Drck,

I am man-boy at the moment. I think you are right and now that I think about it, a lot of my conflict comes from bad habits that are basically enabled by being comfortable and dependent on the old folks.

I'm moving with family down to Florida but I have recently been taking more and more financial responsibility for myself. I think that continuing to take more responsibility while I am here is the way to go. Even though I'm moving with family, I'll be progressively taking more of my life into my own hands.

Thanks, I've been overlooking the importance of being independent, which is actually the root cause of my poor logistics and situation.

 

[Lotus]

Hey J,

I completely agree the moving out aspect, as I did it 5 months ago. Drck's advice I can resonate with, I just want to add to:

There is just something about the energy of being your own man. You just stop following all the should and musts that other people impose on you, especially your own family, and you do it your way.

Making your own decisions for you and no one else is one of the greatest feelings you can have after moving out from your families thumb. When I lived at home I constantly felt conscious and unconscious pressure from my mom to make decisions short and long term. Every decision processed though my brain is: how would this affect her? Living under her roof I felt obliged to consider her desires because I was 23 living in her house.

When that extra process is gone it removes a lot of stress and you find it easier to accept blame for your own shortcomings rather then the situation your in.

 

[Zoro]

Every decision processed though my brain is: how would this affect her? Living under her roof I felt obliged to consider her desires because I was 23 living in her house.

This rings very true for me.

I'm definitely starting to see that this is a vital part of being a man that I have yet to grasp. Looking forward to this!