My scariest most brutal rejection. Learning points?

[Bruhhh]

Hi all,

Just had one of my worst experiences in game. Like most bad experiences it is also a bit funny, so learn from my pain.

I walk into a dancy bar a bit late in the night. Stone cold sober. I am super far behind the candence of the night and shoved way in my head. I can’t bring myself to approach a single set.

I loiter on at the bar and I can’t even bring myself to order a water. At this point I recall a technique from Julien. Just treat the first few sets like Practice. Destroy your ego and self image so you can let loose. Ok.

I turn around to the table behind me where there are three blondes. I say to them with a. Smile. I need you guys to reject me as brutally as possible. I need you guys to blow me off in the worst way possible.

The girl On the right goes you’re a sick fuck you need help!

I was like whoah that’s pretty harsh! These girls are fun. She’s like I’m either going to throw this drink at you or kick you in the leg.

One of the other girls joins in. At this point I am like kind of laughing at how over the top it is but I’m like whoah this is getting harsher than even I expected.

I go the middle one who seems to be breaking character a bit and maybe smiling and say, what about you are you too nice to join in with them? She’s like they speak for me.

Then the girl on the right, fhe more dominant one actually kicks me in the leg!

I back up immediately and realize oh my god, they weren’t joking. They are legitimately freaked out and yelling amongst themselves.

I move several feet away and I turn back and try to say im sorry, I thought you guys were joking but it doesn’t register.

I’m super freaked out.

I think I have a few lessons from this terrible horrible no good bad set.

1. don’t ask girls to reject you, even as a joke, even as self amusement. It puts a terrible frame.
2. Even if you are pretty advanced and calibrated, even if you are sober, think twice when a girl is actually scowling at you. Most girls are not professional actors and if they are jokingly breaking rapport, will still smile
3. In particular, I feel like LA and NYC girls will do nuclear shit tests but in Midwest cities, girls don’t play those kinds of mind games. If they are telling you to fuck off, they mean it!
4. Don’t come up with lines, when you do this, you lose the ability to calibrate in moment. If I just said hi, ironically, there’s no way they’d reject me in such a brutal manner.
5. Be careful with blow off or blow out. These are common terms in game but it’s possible in hind sight people may think uou are referring to something sexual? Especially in a loud environment.

When I saw them later they were dancing and having fun. I couldn’t bring myself to apologize to them because of the risk I would freak them out. Even though they might have forgotten most of it. What bothers me most about brutal rejections Is that it means you’ve scared the girls. I hate that. I want all girls to have a good time even if they reject me. It really messes with me when I bring that kind of negativity to the environment.

this basically ruined my night and I was anxious and unable to escalate for the rest of the night.

 

[Ambiance]

Wow, those girls were pitiless!

Sucks that the interaction ruined your night, but I think you will look back on it with a chuckle the further in the past it gets. It's silly, ridiculous stuff like this that polishes your calibration beyond others' as they simply wouldn't put themselves through such a spectacle. Asking girls to reject you takes balls.

Props to you for being a good sport about it, and their loss for scaring away a man of such bravado. I like your takeaways too. Hope your next outing goes better.

 

[Chase]

Sucks that the interaction ruined your night, but I think you will look back on it with a chuckle the further in the past it gets. It's silly, ridiculous stuff like this that polishes your calibration beyond others' as they simply wouldn't put themselves through such a spectacle. Asking girls to reject you takes balls.

Oh yeah. This is the kind of ridiculous insanity that makes being a beginner unintentionally hilarious in retrospect. You look back on this stuff later and are like, "Lol, I actually did that, and that really happened."

Not that crazy stuff stops happening later on... it just takes on a different flavor


@Bruhhh (fitting name),

I turn around to the table behind me where there are three blondes. I say to them with a. Smile. I need you guys to reject me as brutally as possible. I need you guys to blow me off in the worst way possible.

The girl On the right goes you’re a sick fuck you need help!

I was like whoah that’s pretty harsh! These girls are fun. She’s like I’m either going to throw this drink at you or kick you in the leg.

One of the other girls joins in. At this point I am like kind of laughing at how over the top it is but I’m like whoah this is getting harsher than even I expected.

I go the middle one who seems to be breaking character a bit and maybe smiling and say, what about you are you too nice to join in with them? She’s like they speak for me.

Then the girl on the right, fhe more dominant one actually kicks me in the leg!

I back up immediately and realize oh my god, they weren’t joking. They are legitimately freaked out and yelling amongst themselves.

I move several feet away and I turn back and try to say im sorry, I thought you guys were joking but it doesn’t register.

First one probably was joking. The one that kicked you sounds like she just took it a bit too far. She was probably NOT the dominant one / alpha female... the alpha could've been the first (who set the standard) or the second (who abstained). One who follows along and amplifies what an earlier group member does is not the leader. She probably heard the other girl, saw the first girl getting hyped up, and wanted to go one over.

If I had to guess, the shouting was probably them telling her she took it too far and they were just messing around.

Anyway, you can't go apologizing at that point, because they were just doing what you asked. I would've just thanked them: "Thanks guys, you were awesome!" with a big grin / thumb up and gone on my way.

But yeah, the "go get rejections" approach when I have seen it is usually go up and do something wacky with the intention of getting rejected... not outright tell girls to reject you as HARSH as possible. That's probably something Julien's doing with students with high AA, then after the harsh rejection he can talk to them again and say, "All right, see? That wasn't that bad! They didn't bite your head off! Now let's try a real approach." You didn't have a coach with you there though... some things are better not tried unassisted.

Here are a couple of alternate methods to get yourself going without telling girls to outright kick your ass:

Tactics Tuesdays: The Warm-Up Approach

In straightforward parlance, a ‘warm-up approach’ is an approach you make to get your social gears lubricated for a day or night meeting new women. The warm-up approach is a simple concept to get one’s head around, but a lot of men still don’t use it. It’s one of the best tools out there though...

www.girlschase.com

Pickup Practice

If you have a little trouble approaching (or sticking with it after the first few approaches), just switch yourself over to “pickup practice mode.” There are three different 'going out modes' a guy can be in when he might meet girls: Just hanging out mode Make something happen mode Pickup...

www.girlschase.com

Our whole section on approach anxiety is packed with gems too, of course:

Approach Anxiety | Girls Chase

www.girlschase.com

Just chalk this one up as one of many adventures to come (the rest will almost certainly be a lot more fun / involve a lot less kicking and humiliation, at least), and keep getting out there!

Chase

 

[Bruhhh]

Appreciate the nice words guys @Chase a few clarifications.

I am 99% sure there was no joking. They were really tense and serious.

The one that kicked me was definitely the alpha and the one who talked first —not the one joining in.

I think what happened is that she thought I said blow me off as in blowjob!!

that explains the reaction perfectly. There’s that 1% chance they were great actors and giving me exactly what I asked for.
In any case, this is not a Julien exercise it’s one i invested from my own sick head! I thought I could handle it and I’d be able to calibrate off of it but I couldn’t.

Generally people do something wacky and harmless but in this case it maybe almost got me kicked out.

In general, I’m gonna try being less “gamey” and just be a calibrated attractive dude. I think I am coming across uncalibrated and hiding anxiety behind shock tactics.

 

[Skills]

Hi all,

Just had one of my worst experiences in game. Like most bad experiences it is also a bit funny, so learn from my pain.

I walk into a dancy bar a bit late in the night. Stone cold sober. I am super far behind the candence of the night and shoved way in my head. I can’t bring myself to approach a single set.

I loiter on at the bar and I can’t even bring myself to order a water. At this point I recall a technique from Julien. Just treat the first few sets like Practice. Destroy your ego and self image so you can let loose. Ok.

I turn around to the table behind me where there are three blondes. I say to them with a. Smile. I need you guys to reject me as brutally as possible. I need you guys to blow me off in the worst way possible.

The girl On the right goes you’re a sick fuck you need help!

I was like whoah that’s pretty harsh! These girls are fun. She’s like I’m either going to throw this drink at you or kick you in the leg.

One of the other girls joins in. At this point I am like kind of laughing at how over the top it is but I’m like whoah this is getting harsher than even I expected.

I go the middle one who seems to be breaking character a bit and maybe smiling and say, what about you are you too nice to join in with them? She’s like they speak for me.

Then the girl on the right, fhe more dominant one actually kicks me in the leg!

I back up immediately and realize oh my god, they weren’t joking. They are legitimately freaked out and yelling amongst themselves.

I move several feet away and I turn back and try to say im sorry, I thought you guys were joking but it doesn’t register.

I’m super freaked out.

I think I have a few lessons from this terrible horrible no good bad set.

1. don’t ask girls to reject you, even as a joke, even as self amusement. It puts a terrible frame.
2. Even if you are pretty advanced and calibrated, even if you are sober, think twice when a girl is actually scowling at you. Most girls are not professional actors and if they are jokingly breaking rapport, will still smile
3. In particular, I feel like LA and NYC girls will do nuclear shit tests but in Midwest cities, girls don’t play those kinds of mind games. If they are telling you to fuck off, they mean it!
4. Don’t come up with lines, when you do this, you lose the ability to calibrate in moment. If I just said hi, ironically, there’s no way they’d reject me in such a brutal manner.
5. Be careful with blow off or blow out. These are common terms in game but it’s possible in hind sight people may think uou are referring to something sexual? Especially in a loud environment.

When I saw them later they were dancing and having fun. I couldn’t bring myself to apologize to them because of the risk I would freak them out. Even though they might have forgotten most of it. What bothers me most about brutal rejections Is that it means you’ve scared the girls. I hate that. I want all girls to have a good time even if they reject me. It really messes with me when I bring that kind of negativity to the environment.

this basically ruined my night and I was anxious and unable to escalate for the rest of the night.

Well this was brutal to read and unnecesary... i have a different take, i totally blame this on your lack of planning... your being cold and sober, is normal even i after so many years every weekend going out happens...the night has a rythem and you went to the club towards the end were people were in a totally head space already warmed up and enjoying the night and your request probably kill the good vibe instead of contributing....try going to clubs much earlier no later than 1 hour post opening unless you club hop...during the 1st 1 to 2 hours take it like it does not count... use better openers "how is your night going' 'what are you guys celebrating" "who is the bride" "who is the birthday girl" "when does the club get going" "do you guys know where the after party is"....also learn club dynamics...

Introduction to club dynamics, behavior and environment (bonus the skills anthem) - The Skills Method

Knowing club dynamics will make your game much more efficient which will translate into more lays with less effort.

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[StrayDog]

..try going to clubs much earlier no later than 1 hour post opening unless you club hop...during the 1st 1 to 2 hours take it like it does not count...

yeah, more experienced guys might be able to pull off the whole just show up on the scene cold thing/later in the eve thing. But even then its important to warm up a bit/ show up at least a little bit before the night peaks. That way you are a still a step ahead of the wave as it crests.

also @Bruhhh something that helps me warm up for night game is actually doing a few day game style approaches before hand just to get some social momentum going I can piggyback on. like grabbing dinner at a whole foods hot bar, and making an approach or two while I'm there. Chatting up the cashier. That sort of thing. So even if I hit the club a bit cold later on. I still have made a few approaches earlier to break the ice.

 

[Bruhhh]

Well this was brutal to read and unnecesary... i have a different take, i totally blame this on your lack of planning... your being cold and sober, is normal even i after so many years every weekend going out happens...the night has a rythem and you went to the club towards the end were people were in a totally head space already warmed up and enjoying the night and your request probably kill the good vibe instead of contributing....try going to clubs much earlier no later than 1 hour post opening unless you club hop...during the 1st 1 to 2 hours take it like it does not count... use better openers "how is your night going' 'what are you guys celebrating" "who is the bride" "who is the birthday girl" "when does the club get going" "do you guys know where the after party is"....also learn club dynamics...

Introduction to club dynamics, behavior and environment (bonus the skills anthem) - The Skills Method

Knowing club dynamics will make your game much more efficient which will translate into more lays with less effort.

www.theskillsmethod.com

I get that you are trying to be helpful, but this comment misses on a lot of the big picture. The reality is you are always going to find yourself in situations where you are out of state, you're not feeling great etc, and real players are made in those kinds of situations. The questions here is not why i didn't get to the club earlier on this one off instance (the answer if you're curious is travel. europe 2am = chicago 12am).

I don't think anyone's given a good explanation for why such an insane reaction from the girls. Unless they mistook it sexually (either for blow job or that I have a rejection fetish?). Or maybe they were genuinely just followign directions. Just a super weird interaction. Honestly, if the girls were really in on it, I'm really glad it happened for educational value. It's a reference experience. It was so trippy bc it totally made me question reality.

 

[Skills]

I don't think anyone's given a good explanation for why such an insane reaction from the girls.

Cause what you did is extremely weird, creepy and outside social norms..... And again it did not contribute to the energy and vibe of what they had but brought it down... Don't blame it on the girls reactions, blame it on your uncalibrated weird outside the norm opener.....

 

[StrayDog]

Cause what you did is extremely weird, creepy and outside social norms..... And again it did not contribute to the energy and vibe of what they had but brought it down... Don't blame it on the girls reactions, blame it on your uncalibrated weird outside the norm opener.....

@Bruhhh Yeah, seems pretty simple. How can you really build positive forward momentum after imploring women to respond negatively towards you? Even if it is joking around you have basically set a negative frame from the get go. You asked them to treat you like a creep and they did. Did you go in with a strategy in mind of how you were going to pivot the interaction into a positive direction after setting things up in such a counter intuitive manner?

Maybe if your vibe is high you might pull something like this off. But even then there are a million better opening strategies.

Terrible opener, that is all. Not sure what you are hoping to uncover here. Personally I would just scrap it and move on to more productive strategies.

 

[Chase]

@Bruhhh,

I don't think anyone's given a good explanation for why such an insane reaction from the girls.

Well, assuming it was sincere (you said 99% it was), then picture this...

You are chilling at a table in a bar with a couple of your boys, shooting the breeze, pounding back brewskis.

You notice a girl at the bar by herself. She looks a bit shy. It's a little unusual to see people at the bar totally by themselves, but you don't pay too much attention, just sort of note it down mentally.

A few minutes later though, she suddenly pops up at your table. "Hey guys," she says, "this is a little random, but I need you to just reject me as brutally as you can. Okay? Just don't hold any punches. Lay it on thick."

Let's say she isn't super super hot... she is just sort of a normal, average chick... maybe a little cuter than average... well, this behavior is pretty darn weird, right?

Someone who's cool will probably just refrain and ignore the person.

Many people go to clubs to pose and look haughty and act bitchy (guys and girls alike) though, and if you give them that chance they will use you to status jockey.

Archive: Ultimate Social Calibration: Stop Climbing the Social Ladder

I just read a fascinating article today that brings scientific research to bear on the topic of an old post I made that went on to be featured on some popular dating and seduction websites. The content still resonates and is still relevant today, and so I've reposted again here for you to see...

www.girlschase.com

If they were status jockey type chicks, then at that point you're a lamb walking into a den of wolves and daring them to devour you with something like this:

"Hey, gonna give you a free chance to dump all over me in public and make yourself feel/look higher status as girls rejecting some guy. Would you girls like to take it?"

Some people are really nice... very charitable people... they will be looking out for you and not want to hurt you...

But not everyone is a kind, thoughtful, charitable person who will resist temptation and easy status boosts when you dangle it right in their faces.

Nightlife is a dog-eat-dog world until you get the hang of all the status games going on in it. The first however many months going to nightlife can be the biggest emotional roller coaster ride... No other social education in the world like it though.

Eventually you come out on top and reach the point where it is very, very hard for anyone to get one over on you, unless they have actual position power in the venue (i.e., staff or ties to staff, etc.).

The hardest part of learning something new is always at the beginning.

Chase

 

[Bruhhh]

Appreciate it guys. Some really nice thoughts.

respondingby one.

@Skills not blaming anyone. I’m grateful for the experience. Is it creepy? I don’t think the words are creepy the vibe is what makes something creepy. And in this case, what happened is that I created a situation where there was simply no easy way to calibrate, because any negative reaction could be taken as a positive. I probably won’t do it again, but never say never.

@StrayDog agree with everything here. Absolutely. It wasn’t a strategy. It was literally a case of in the moment get out of your head do SOMETHING. Lesson learned. As a result of this experieI am in general using less canned openers now. The only opener I need now is “hi” because I am pretty decent at just saying what comes into my head.

@Chase thanks for the resources man. If those girls enjoyed it good for them. One day I will be able to perfectly tell the difference between that kind of insane shit test and genuinely being scared (I think a lot of club rats and strippers start to develop these kinds of shit test bc they’re so emotionally numb). I am going to err on the side of they’re actually scared for now just to avoid freaking some innocent girl out.