My Second Post For the Ebook

[Anonymous]

The main point of this is to ask for ideas.... just remember that no matter what I discuss I am looking for a way to change. Please suggest anything that will point me towards changing into what I want to be.

Okay here's the deal, I am in my mid twenties, I never had a girlfriend, I have few friends, the only people I choose to hang with are "less" or more messed up than me so that I can't get emotionally hurt. Anxiety, hopelessness, and anger are my primary reactions to any social thing, not just meeting girls. Basically I am a sad person because of my fear of men and women, I have been described as EE-ore (the depressed donkey) from Winnie the Pooh; you know the guy who's always complaining. In all sincerity I have a serious problem and my social life needs to change. If any of you guys know the term "inner game", that's my main problem I think. My life has included periods, years, where I was beaten up verbally in school, told I was the fat kid. I'm afraid of socializing on all levels (men, women, boys, girls, old folks). I'm literally at square one with my inner game, and I know my fears are stopping me from experiencing the people I want. I've been dying emotionally because i'm alone when I should be making moves and friends. It's also ruined 3 jobs for me, the fear and anxiety of being "weird" makes me fight every person I meet , hurt before they can hurt me motto. I'm just looking for the program that's going to help change my social skills and beliefs. I need something very rudimentary but also challenging. I need very specific and complete programs; that don't leave out anything. I'm asking here for any direction to find that. Please also ask me some questions if it could help to know what I need to do. Thanks.

 

[Franco]

Hi IDontRemember,

I'm not the expert here as I've only really been "depressed" at one point in my life, and it only lasted about 5 to 6 months... and then I found this website!

Chase has been in a similar situation before, and he has this article that he wrote that might help change the way you see things: How to Overcome Depression

Many of the other articles on here provide amazing insight on personal growth and establishing yourself as a quality guy, so you might want to do some digging around. The next section of blogs that I would check out is in the Emotions section.

Hopefully some of these articles here can give you what you are looking for. I know this website has changed my life in more ways than one.

Best of luck to you, sir!

Regards,
Franco

 

[Ross]

Read the articles Franco listed above. Also, just a few pointers on your outlook on life that I recognized that you can start off working on.

I've been dying emotionally because i'm alone when I should be making moves and friends.

Being alone doesn't define you, and don't let others. What you should be doing isn't always the thing to do. I'm supposed to get married when I'm 28, have a nice house, pay my taxes, have kids, and live a boring life where I have to spend the majority of my glory years searching for a wife and then dealing with children. Figure out what you want to do, and don't let others pressure you into becoming something that you don't want to be.

I'm just looking for the program that's going to help change my social skills and beliefs.

No such thing exists. No one can bring you out of depression; you have to do that. There is no "get out of depression" program, or no one would be depressed. Depression comes from the inside, and you have to force it out. The article on how to overcome depression provides you with exercises to do that, but remember that you must defeat this depression, and you can defeat it.

 

[Chase]

Hey IDR,

I'm just looking for the program that's going to help change my social skills and beliefs. I need something very rudimentary but also challenging. I need very specific and complete programs; that don't leave out anything. I'm asking here for any direction to find that. Please also ask me some questions if it could help to know what I need to do. Thanks.

One of the problems I've always had with "inner game" was that when I first got acquainted with the pickup community, it was this HUGE thing where all these guys were talking about "inner game, inner game" as if it was some kind of religious belief, and I noticed that the vast majority of them sucked with women. Like, instead of going out and working on practical stuff, they figured it'd be better if they could sit in their rooms tucked away somewhere and will themselves to confidence. Apparently, it never worked because these guys stayed stagnant with women as long as I can remember.

I'm a big believe in simply deciding to start taking action, then taking action, and letting your inner beliefs auto-correct as you go. You DO need mindfulness of the thoughts and emotions running through your head, and there are some really cool things you can do with your brain when you start playing around with it. But most inner game stuff is just pump up; it gets you really excited when you read it, but it doesn't actually do anything. For something to work, you've got to be able to apply it in your real life, and most inner game stuff you just can't.

I'd recommend taking a gander at the Newbie Assignment and starting a journal in the Journals Board like Nino and Stef and a few other guys have and using that to get yourself going out there and making some headway. It's an easy way to push yourself outside your comfort zone, and at least for the first few days, you won't find it too challenging. And it's structured such that by the time you get to the harder stuff, you'll have some momentum built up under you already.

Anyway, check it out. Your internals won't correct until your externals do.

Chase

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the responses.