My self esteem is tied up with winning awards

[James D]

Hey guys,

I'm having a bit of a problem here and would appreciate some help.

Since 3 years, I have turned myself into a high achiever in school and I have enjoyed competing and coming out on top in every field.
I reached such a level where I was the best in sports, chess, all academic subjects and ruled the whole award ceremony.
I receive praise and respect like no other.

Now something has changed. I don't compete to have a blast and a really good time but to seek attention. Now I have the fear that if I do not succeed or win, people
will despise me and I will lose all the respect and status I had. I don't compete with the same ferocity anymore but I play safe, timidly.

My curse is that I have never failed and now I panic when I see failure and this panic renders the possibility of failure higher. Above all, I feel like I'm fighting for my self esteem which will diminish if I do not win.

Please help me out

JD

 

[Mr.Rob]

Go face your fear and lose. All the greatest athletes to ever play sports do it all the time. You cant have win without loss.

 

[James D]

Go face your fear and lose. All the greatest athletes to ever play sports do it all the time. You cant have win without loss.

Mr.Rob,

Do you mean lose on purpose?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Well dont throw the game but go in with the intention to get your ass kicked to face your fear. Maybe you still win but eventually you wont.

Go in with expectation and intent of getting your ass beat but put up the best fight you can. Make sure you face opponnents that are better than you.

If long term trophy collection is your goal than getting beat by better opponnents to increase your skillset on the short term is the answer.

You have a short term strategy. If long term success is what you desire you must lose in the short term to expose and increase your weak point.

 

[Dr. Manhattan]

No disrespect, Mr. Rob. I think that's horrible advice.

OP,

I would advise you come to terms with this aspect of yourself, embrace it, but simply undo its definition of you.

Like my father told me my whole childhood, "I'm crazy as hell and you don't see that stopping me from doing what I do. The reason you can't change is that you continuously deny yourself of your quirks. I do everything I need to do in order to be balanced and stable, but I never forget that the only reason I'm stable is that I handle all quirks beforehand."

Your self-esteem being tied up to winning awards sounds like a fucking GREAT problem to have... Maybe, use your award-winning fetish to win life big?

Some people need physical achievements in their face to experience the rush of the feel-good the body produces. Some people need crack. See where I'm at here?

My vice is:
I have a desperate need to win, and so I can become cold and callous in order to do so.
How do I fix it, I play a certain video game I enjoy that fulfills my very primal and organic need to win and dominate. Believe me... I need to dominate.

Anyway, good luck.

Doc M

 

[Mr.Rob]

Dr. Manhattan I see what your saying that OP needs to embrace his dark side but at the moment his darkside is what's holding him back.

I agree OP should fuel his egotism of winning awards. My point however:

If long term trophy collection is your goal than getting beat by better opponnents to increase your skillset on the short term is the answer.

This is undeniable truth if you want to become the best athlete or salesman or boxer or chess player. Greatness is achieved only by having your weak points exposed and building back to destroy your adversaries in the future (and thus become competent to beat near anyone you come across... thereby increasing your trophy collection in the longterm.)

Look at the greatest athlete's of all time have done just this including Arnold Schwarzennegger, Tiger Woods, Muhammad Ali, Peyton Manning, the list goes on.

Its solid advice

 

[Dr. Manhattan]

I didn't see your second post!

It's all coming together now

Yeah, if you want to get better at something once you're already good, play with the big league and get tossed around a bit.

I'll make a habit of reading all the posts.

OP, combine both our advices to become a transformer.

Doc

 

[Cacc]

I'm doing mma. I deliberately go against people who have a year or two experience more than me. I lose a lot. But learn faster.

 

[James D]

Mr.Rob and Doc,

Thanks for the great insights. Both advices are fantastic.

Just one thing- I'm not OP! Stop calling me that! PLEASE RESPECT THE VIRTUAL NAME!

XD

James D