OK so I messed up.
Background:
I was going out with the girl of my dreams and all was amazing. We had talked marriage through and also selling our two houses and buying a large family house together. I am 36 she is 37. She has an 11 year old son who is awesome and we all get on great.
She is divorced (due to domestic violence) and has also being engaged recently to a millionaire. She is a school teacher and works very hard and loves to keep her house immaculate. She is can be a very kind and loving person and she does think very highly of herself.
She also needs self gratification and attention i.e. the need to feel wanted and loved...who doesn't right?!
OK so background over now lets get to the point.
We started going out in November last year and it was like we had both just met our sole mate; every part of our relationship was amazing. I pretty much spent most of time at her house as she has a son and he needs to go to school nearby. As she was super busy I supported her as much as I could by doing plenty of cooking, all the man jobs (fixing cars, bikes, diy etc) and even the odd bit of cleaning. She thought the sun shone out of my arse and I was the best boyfriend in the world...she even bought me a mug with just that on it.
However, in January I got a text from a girl I had slept with 13 years ago who said she couldn't have kids....guess what she lied. The next day I got a call from the Child Support Agency demanding money and all that shite. It destroyed me! I had gone from having the life I had dreamt of to my worst nightmare...I quickly went into a very depressed state and then ended up with adrenal fatigue (which is a very bad run down state where you are totally F***ked).
She wasn't over moon but was extremely understanding never the less and we carried on as planned. My health declined and I loss all libido and we couldn't really have sex for a couple of months. I was just about getting fixed up and we were having sex again when I got given some medication to help speed my metabolism up and I reacted badly it took down my central nervous system and gave me an irregular heart beat etc...plus more depression.
She was still extremely understanding and we started to by a house together. The stress of this on top of everything else that had happened this year was too much and I started to loose focus. I became negative about our relationship and started to pick up on her faults and criticise her. Yes I was a twat!
Don't get me wrong even in my state we still had some good times, we went away mountain biking together and I still did all that I could to be there and help her. But my depressive state ended up transferring to her.
See called it a day 2 weeks before we were due to move into our house together. About three weeks after that I had recovered after plenty of rest and I was super keen to get back to where we were. During this period she went downhill and I was too caught up in sorting my own health out I didn't address her needs (well she had dumped me) She said that was a surprise for her and she didn't know that getting back together after a rest was ever an option. We were still texting a few times a day at that point. We would meet up and although she wouldn't commit but she was still very affectionate. Hugs, little kisses and holding hands.
There has been a lot of heart ache since then we have stayed friends and met up a fair bit. I have done a lot for her and her son showing how much I care for them both, fixing her car, computer, house, cooking dinner etc. She hasn't done much fro me but then never did due to being so busy at work. She has struggled with what to do massively. She says she can't commit due to the barrier that is between us from me hurting her - basically she is scared it is going to happen again in the future. She still loves me loads though.
Even before we had split up she went on a date with a guy (she doesn't know I know) and she is protective over her phone when we meet. He is obviously a rebound if anything is even going on. She is using him to make her feel needed and wanted again he is slowly taking over my man role in her life, in that he is the one she now consults on man related stuff (yes I have access to her emails).
I went round hers on Thursday as she was late back from work. I cooked her dinner and did some baking with her son, we had a lovely evening together and she was even a bit affectionate later on (maybe due to the wine I plied her with) and we said that we loved each other, hugs and friend kisses.
On Saturday I asked her how she was and she was in a bad place contemplating how shit her life was and didn't know where she was going. I went over to hers and although she wasn't that accommodating she asked me to stay and help her with the xmas tree. Since then there has been no contact either way (3 days) I thought she should have some space. I am selling some of her stuff for her on ebay so she will have to contact me at some point soon.
So my question is what to do next? I want her back as she is the love of my life. She obviously has strong feelings for me even if they are corrupted by what happened. She still trusts me just, although not with her emotions and she knows I am a good guy. I still have a house key etc..
How do I regain her trust and get her back?
What should I do about the other guy? He lives an hour away and she only has three nights a week without her son so even if they are seeing each other it won't be that full on. Should I bring him up? She knows I saw a text arrive from him the other day so I know his name. Plus I am a research so I probably actually know more about him than she does. (Yes I am a stalker)
She is indecisive at the moment and even though she is not committing her language always leaves it open by using word like:
'I think' or 'I am not sure I can over this barrier I may do with time, but you shouldn't wait for me'
To me these statements all appear to be tests of my commitment to her. She still lets me do lots for her and she doesn't want to fully break ties i.e. 'Get lost' or 'I don't ever want to see you again!'
Any help on how to play / deal with this one would be appreciated...its a difficult one for me to workout as I am deep in it! I don't want to be a door mat at teh same time I don't want to be a cunt...but you guys know best so please advise!
I also am talking secretly with her son and have some thoughtful xmas presents lined up from him to her...she will know they are from me.
She is not on facebook and we don't share friends and we wouldn't be frequenting the same places as we live 20 miles apart.
Background:
I was going out with the girl of my dreams and all was amazing. We had talked marriage through and also selling our two houses and buying a large family house together. I am 36 she is 37. She has an 11 year old son who is awesome and we all get on great.
She is divorced (due to domestic violence) and has also being engaged recently to a millionaire. She is a school teacher and works very hard and loves to keep her house immaculate. She is can be a very kind and loving person and she does think very highly of herself.
She also needs self gratification and attention i.e. the need to feel wanted and loved...who doesn't right?!
OK so background over now lets get to the point.
We started going out in November last year and it was like we had both just met our sole mate; every part of our relationship was amazing. I pretty much spent most of time at her house as she has a son and he needs to go to school nearby. As she was super busy I supported her as much as I could by doing plenty of cooking, all the man jobs (fixing cars, bikes, diy etc) and even the odd bit of cleaning. She thought the sun shone out of my arse and I was the best boyfriend in the world...she even bought me a mug with just that on it.
However, in January I got a text from a girl I had slept with 13 years ago who said she couldn't have kids....guess what she lied. The next day I got a call from the Child Support Agency demanding money and all that shite. It destroyed me! I had gone from having the life I had dreamt of to my worst nightmare...I quickly went into a very depressed state and then ended up with adrenal fatigue (which is a very bad run down state where you are totally F***ked).
She wasn't over moon but was extremely understanding never the less and we carried on as planned. My health declined and I loss all libido and we couldn't really have sex for a couple of months. I was just about getting fixed up and we were having sex again when I got given some medication to help speed my metabolism up and I reacted badly it took down my central nervous system and gave me an irregular heart beat etc...plus more depression.
She was still extremely understanding and we started to by a house together. The stress of this on top of everything else that had happened this year was too much and I started to loose focus. I became negative about our relationship and started to pick up on her faults and criticise her. Yes I was a twat!
Don't get me wrong even in my state we still had some good times, we went away mountain biking together and I still did all that I could to be there and help her. But my depressive state ended up transferring to her.
See called it a day 2 weeks before we were due to move into our house together. About three weeks after that I had recovered after plenty of rest and I was super keen to get back to where we were. During this period she went downhill and I was too caught up in sorting my own health out I didn't address her needs (well she had dumped me) She said that was a surprise for her and she didn't know that getting back together after a rest was ever an option. We were still texting a few times a day at that point. We would meet up and although she wouldn't commit but she was still very affectionate. Hugs, little kisses and holding hands.
There has been a lot of heart ache since then we have stayed friends and met up a fair bit. I have done a lot for her and her son showing how much I care for them both, fixing her car, computer, house, cooking dinner etc. She hasn't done much fro me but then never did due to being so busy at work. She has struggled with what to do massively. She says she can't commit due to the barrier that is between us from me hurting her - basically she is scared it is going to happen again in the future. She still loves me loads though.
Even before we had split up she went on a date with a guy (she doesn't know I know) and she is protective over her phone when we meet. He is obviously a rebound if anything is even going on. She is using him to make her feel needed and wanted again he is slowly taking over my man role in her life, in that he is the one she now consults on man related stuff (yes I have access to her emails).
I went round hers on Thursday as she was late back from work. I cooked her dinner and did some baking with her son, we had a lovely evening together and she was even a bit affectionate later on (maybe due to the wine I plied her with) and we said that we loved each other, hugs and friend kisses.
On Saturday I asked her how she was and she was in a bad place contemplating how shit her life was and didn't know where she was going. I went over to hers and although she wasn't that accommodating she asked me to stay and help her with the xmas tree. Since then there has been no contact either way (3 days) I thought she should have some space. I am selling some of her stuff for her on ebay so she will have to contact me at some point soon.
So my question is what to do next? I want her back as she is the love of my life. She obviously has strong feelings for me even if they are corrupted by what happened. She still trusts me just, although not with her emotions and she knows I am a good guy. I still have a house key etc..
How do I regain her trust and get her back?
What should I do about the other guy? He lives an hour away and she only has three nights a week without her son so even if they are seeing each other it won't be that full on. Should I bring him up? She knows I saw a text arrive from him the other day so I know his name. Plus I am a research so I probably actually know more about him than she does. (Yes I am a stalker)
She is indecisive at the moment and even though she is not committing her language always leaves it open by using word like:
'I think' or 'I am not sure I can over this barrier I may do with time, but you shouldn't wait for me'
To me these statements all appear to be tests of my commitment to her. She still lets me do lots for her and she doesn't want to fully break ties i.e. 'Get lost' or 'I don't ever want to see you again!'
Any help on how to play / deal with this one would be appreciated...its a difficult one for me to workout as I am deep in it! I don't want to be a door mat at teh same time I don't want to be a cunt...but you guys know best so please advise!
I also am talking secretly with her son and have some thoughtful xmas presents lined up from him to her...she will know they are from me.
She is not on facebook and we don't share friends and we wouldn't be frequenting the same places as we live 20 miles apart.
put some good emotions in her head.